Self esteem anc chronic pain

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Monty's Mom
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Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/8/2010 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
There are days that are really great, and days that are very compromising. Does anyone else have that eternally happy friend that instead of listening always has a hopeful response and spreads the joy that he/she knows you "will be miraculously healead?" Would anyone else like to punch that person in the face?
 
So I find myself searching for reasons to like myself. My self esteem before this was never good, but has continued to take sucker punches and sank to a new low with my diagnosis. I guess I always held on to that hope that there would be a cure when we found an answer to the question of what is wrong with me. So, now I search around inside myself and outside too for good things to help me feel better about myself, which at times feels like a never ending quest for the holy grail. Maybe I need a man running behind me banging coconuts together!
 
Sorry, silly moment completely dedicated to the older crowd! Does anyone else remember that movie? But I digress.  Yesterday, after a very long few days of kidney stone agony and just deciding putting off my life for it was no longer the way to go, I met my director with Mary Kay. She was full of compliments, which I expected and didn't believe completely. She asked me why I still strive to do anything if it causes so much pain? Why don't I just lay down and take care of myself and a few things for my family? I just spoke. I can find at least one thing about a woman that is beautiful, and show her how to enhance it. Before she knows it, she loves that one thing, and begins to see other things that are beautiful or special about herself. The next thing she may know, is that she is smiling more, feeling good about herself, and spreading her happiness to others. It is my goal to give that happiness to as many people as possible whether through a facial, a kind word on a bad day, or my help.
 
So today, having a bad one again, I laid here a bit and started to feel good about myself in spite of pain. Its not about making lots of money, or having the most of something, or even having pain gree days, self esteem is about feeling good about what you do. I love being a mother, wife, learning, and making other people feel special through church, Mary Kay, or just listening. Even if I never make any money, it will still feel great for trying. Who am I kidding, making money would be awesome, but I can still feel good if I dont!
 
So God bless you all today, and may you have good days even if they are not low pain days!
 
Mindy
 
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw


Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcriptionist I must say ureteral calculus!

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13471
   Posted 9/8/2010 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mindy, first off I loved the coconut comment, gave me a good laugh and I needed that today. You also have a good sense of humor I see, you didn't add that one to your list and should. You are beginning to get the picture of how to work around CP and it really is what you make it in many ways. CP is no different than any other chronic disease in many ways, you can let it destroy you or you can take control of the situation and arm yourself with as much ammunition to fight it that you can. Its hard living but you have many things going for you and that is a plus. You never know, your MK may just take off and be more successful than you thought. I know a few women that sold MK and it was hard work.

By the way the person you feel like punching in the face, mine is a family member, lol. Tune that person out when they start in about your cure. Take care.

Susie

Stac/Catz4
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 9/8/2010 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mindy,
Thank you. Thanks for saying everything I feel and keep inside so that I don't punch "that person" in the face! My "family of origin" told me that they wanted to see my MRI's and the doctor's report because I don't look sick! LOL!! One sister is a doctor married to a doctor, and one is a Nurse Practioner. It makes me feel so bad about myself that they would think I would be untruthful about something like this??? Seriously, I realized once again why I have spent years developing my very own family, including brother's and sister's who do not share my blood, but who do share my love.  I'm so glad you busted out with all that, it's nice to know someone else feels that way! Honesty, you are full to the brim with it and I really admire that in a person. The only thing that is difficult for me to understand is that you have low self esteem when you can....
 
"I can find at least one thing about a woman that is beautiful, and show her how to enhance it. Before she knows it, she loves that one thing, and begins to see other things that are beautiful or special about herself. The next thing she may know, is that she is smiling more, feeling good about herself, and spreading her happiness to others. It is my goal to give that happiness to as many people as possible whether through a facial, a kind word on a bad day, or my help."
 
It is evident by your post that what you said is very true! Now I would love for you to try and put the nah sayers aside, look at yourself in the mirror! Inside and out, you are one more lovely woman! Of course I've never seen you, it doesn't matter, the words you spoke from, "There are..." right down to the last word said it all.  I love laughing and you made me laugh today! Thank you! I hope you post all the time and I'll be right there to read every word.
 
Stace/Catz4
 
Stac/Catz4
DX’d-Syringomyelia C-1 to T-1, DDD, Diabetes Type II, Migraines, Chronic Muscle Spasms, IBS, Panic Disorder, ICC, Hypothyroidism, Bipolar Disorder, Fibromyalgia. Emergency surgery for ruptured bowel in '05 w/colostomy and takedown in '06. Frozen Shoulder and Torn Rotator Cuff in Left Shoulder. Surgery for shoulder recently, now in Physical Therapy.

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/9/2010 4:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Straydog, I am so glad I made you laugh! Monty Python never fails to make me laugh like an idiot, even on bad days! Maybe more on bad days....but I was afraid that no one would get the joke. I am glad we could share that.  Thank you for reminding me that I am beginning to get living with CP. Some days are better than others as you know, and on the not so good days I need reminders of the progress I have made. As for the person I would love to punch, we can now expand it to people. Officially now, there are two. And the love grows....
 
Stace,  I too have issues with my family of origin and built up a surrogate family around me of friends and my fiance's family. My sister has a chronic condition also that causes tremendous pain and my mother helps her constantly. I thought I would have a friend and someone to commiserate with, but she followed the same pattern we have always had. Apparently to her there is no way I can be in pain if I dont lay in my bed and do nothing all day. If I do anything for myself or family, then I am not sick or in pain. My mother understands that I have pain, but always seems to be around more for her than for me since she does much less than I do. At times it feels that I haven't had a choice about much in life, and when I needed my family the most, they were all with the sister and already too busy for me to bother with my problems. My soon to be sister-in-law is one of those who envies me because I have an excuse not to have to do anything anymore! Plus she is manipulating her mom to be in our wedding....but that is a whole different subject and I wont go there yet!
 
I have low self esteem because I can see the beauty in others, but not so well in myself. For a long time I had to be the best to get noticed, or else simply find my own way. A single mom making ends meet without help and still having family time and time to help others was my ideal. Now, I get more help than I give, and am still struggling finding my self esteem when I can live in such limited ways. For those of us taught that a woman's job was to care for every little aspect of your family's needs, any chronic condition can be devastating.
 
I will work on holding a mirror up to myself to see the things in myself that I find so easy to find in others. It helps when I have friends like both of you to help me see things more clearly.
Have blessed and low pain days!
Mindy

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 9/9/2010 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Mindy, I feel so for you. Self esteem was very difficult for me in my early life. It took my first husband (at 19) beating the crap out of me and then a second very destructive marriage to help me understand that I was worth so much more. I still suffer because of my weight.

The one thing that helped me more than any therapy and any med or any talk was taking a very brief and very hard instructor certification course. I was scared to death to speak in front of others when I started. Three weeks later, I was LOVING the experience. Something changed inside. I could stand in front of a group (unless I was on a stage....I hate standing on stages) and teach a class with the best of them and I was good. This felt so wonderful to me and now I feel I HAVE to teach my daughter to be proud of who she is no matter what. She is honestly beautiful and smart, but she has too much of her mother in her to be gifted in artistic ways. She can't clap to the beat, she can't play sports well because they require team coordination. She can run, however, faster than any person I know and she has her own sense of style that cannot be beat.

I compliment her every time I see something that she does well, be it kindness or simply doing well on a test. I never compliment what is not an asset because I don't want her to feel she is "perfect"....only that she is perfect to me in every way.

I think this is what you may be missing.....you are perfect to someone in every way. You have to see yourself from their eyes once in a while. They don't see an extra pound or two, a limp, a day when your hair could be styled a litle better (not that these apply to you)...they see you! They see the person they love and who loves them unconditionally! They see their mother, their friend, their child, their confidant. They see who we see and that is someone pretty special.
Retired Mom

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/9/2010 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
It may be wrong to punch someone in the face, but feeling that emotion is not wrong. Venting a frustration with a person is a normal part of life.

I completely agree underthebus that doctors and their billing practices stink, and that it is much worse when you are lost in the middle of it and cant find a way out. I am sorry that things are going this way for you now. You are not at fault. You didnt ask for any of this. Searching for answers and relief is not something you should beat yourself up for. I have been where you are too, and it stinks. You do many things right. You have helped me many days see things clearly! You are a beautiful woman who has been faced with a very difficult situation. Blaming yourself only hurts yourself, and I have done it many times too.

I will keep praying for you, underthebus. You mean so much to your family, myself, and many other people on this site I am sure of it. You are not nuts. Those people drive me crazy also. If they cant contribute to the situation and are only going to open their mouths to put me down, I would rather they not talk at all!

I hope things get better for you soon. You have been through a lot lately.

HUGS
Mindy
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw


Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcriptionist I must say ureteral calculus!

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 9/9/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Mindy...

Life's been so crazy for me that I haven't been able to post to you.... but I have read everything you've written.. and feel connected to much of what you've said, through my own personal experiences. You are a very wise woman and, I can tell you have a wonderful heart. I know that - for many of us - it's hard to see things within ourselves (but, yet, can see it in others for some reason)... but just from reading what you've written on the board, everyone can see your beauty (and humor!).

Not sure if all of that came out right... my mind is tired today... but I hope you got the meaning behind it ;)

--Tina
Main Health Issues: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibro; Chronic Pain (back issues, migraines, carpal tunnel, among other things); Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism and Hypoadrenalism; Mixed Sleep Apnea (on BiPap); Depression/Anxiety; Vitamin D Deficiency.

MAJOR surprise - Pregnant, w/ twin little girls (after six boys). Due Sept, 2010. Praying they are healthy. YES, you can have chronic pain AND have a successful pregnancy - not easy, but it can be done. :)

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/9/2010 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
underthebus, Tina, Stace, and Susie,
I just want to tell you ladies thank you. You have all made me cry (in a good way of course!) and touched my heart immeasurably. You all help me see the good in myself as well as all of you. I will keep this with me for the rest of my days.
 
Tina, Oh yeah I got the meaning behind it. You are going to be an amazing mother to your girls, since you are to your boys and most of us on here also. Thank you for the wise compliment, many days I feel the exact opposite. I am sure you do as well.
 
underthebus,
You can give me a great big hug whenever you want. I am glad I am helping others as much as they are helping me everyday! You truly are a gift. Try not to forget that!
 
Mindy

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 9/10/2010 4:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Girls, Girls, Girls!!! Jeeze> Y'all made me cry reading your posts! I only hope the best for all of you wonderful Ladies!
Anyone who knows me knows that Self Esteem is one of my biggest problems!! Not only do I feel like punching someone in the face, I feel like punching myself in the face more!!! I don't know why I hate myself so much but reading your posts helps lessen the pain!
God Bless The Ladies!!!!
Love All Y'all!!!
Thanks so much!!
Pete
When I was young & stupid I broke almost every bone in my body and I'm paying a heavy price now but I'm still here and so glad to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men, both are in the Navy. I'm so proud! My biggest health problem>> I'm a certified Luny~Tune!!

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/10/2010 4:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Ahh Pete, I didnt mean to make you cry. I dont understand why so many of us suffer this way and hate ourselves so much. Could it be part of mourning our past selves and not completely getting over wanting to do what we used to do?

I am glad the pain is lessened, and would take it away if I could.

big hugs
Mindy
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw


Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcriptionist I must say ureteral calculus!
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