Feeling like a weak chump !

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MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 9/11/2010 11:30 PM (GMT -7)   
  Hey all !  Having a hard time dealing with my situation , the healing is taking forever it seems , I've got no apetite at all , I'm nauseous most of the time and having great difficulty staying positive . Went to Jessica's apt today (Sat) had to negotiate stairs and hallways but ok it was nice for the most part , I've had a low grade fever 99.3 for awhile and I just feel lousey and coawardly .So hard to stay positive , I can't depend on anyone , I need to do this , seeing my brother I hope tomorrow , that always helps a lot .Jessica still being great , went shopping and bought whatever I wanted and was ready to make dinner too , but she scares me , I need to get my head right , only I can do this and I have to do it for me .I'm really wondering if I've got what it takes , I'm praying my incision just heals normally and I can move forward , gotta get it into my head that my life has changed and I must adapt , I really feel like a pitiful coward . Thanks Mikel   
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Staples out , a little redness , adjusting and hoping for the best .

flower123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 9/12/2010 3:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, Mikel, you do have what it takes! I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. You just had a big surgery though, so your body needs time to heal. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are going to get through this. I am praying for you. You are so wonderful and caring. You are going to come out of this stronger. Please know that I am thinking of you and rooting for you.



((((((((((((((((((((((((((SOFT, WARM HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/12/2010 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Mikel, better a chump than a lump, right? tongue smilewinkgrin

While I have rarely responded to your posts I have followed your saga and the way it looks to me you were given a miracle in that you got the surgery you were needing so bad and for so long and the last time I looked miracles were God's sole providence and He does not grant miracles to the undeserving. So if you follow that line of thought through He believes that you have what it takes to make it through this so that courage and power must be within you someplace. Now all you have to do is find it and use it.

You have already proven to everyone that you are a fighter. You have already overcome so much to get to this point, and we have faith that you will get through this as well.

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 9/12/2010 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
  Thanks Paula , things are lookin' and feelin' better in the light of day , I'm countin' my blessings , including knowing you baby sister . Your right Flower , I gotta take it slow , I'm like 3 weeks out from the surgery I need to stay patient and keep my head , thanks . Hey Jim , I'm glad  to hear from you man , you got it right too, I need to stay humble and thankful for even the shot at walking normal again , thanks man . Mikel 
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Staples out , a little redness , adjusting and hoping for the best .

left forum.
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 9/12/2010 7:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Mikel,

Don't be too hard on yourself! You have just had big surgery and will need time and patience to recover, and there is no doubt that you are going to recover and heal well after this.

Give yourself time and get plenty of rest, don't get frustrated at yourself if you feel like you can't do things you should be able to, you will get there, i have so much confidence in you and you are an inspiration to me!!

Thinking of you and praying for you,
Buttercup.
15 years old,
Chronic stomach pain with no diagnosis yet and lots of other things.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

damouthy1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 663
   Posted 9/12/2010 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Mikel, You are not a weak chump! You are one of the strongest, most caring men I have ever met. I know right now you aren't feeling very strong with everything going on, but honey you just went through some major surgery! Like I said before, getting a hip replaced is no easy thing and yet you still have the time and the energy to come on here and support all of us. That sure doesn't sound like a weak chump. Right now let your friends and family lend you a hand. You don't have to be superman and do it all by yourself all of the time. You would help anyone of us out if we were in the same situation. So please bro, quit being so hard on yourself. You are an amazing guy, don't ever forget that! Love ya lots!
Gentle Hugs,
Shannon

Fibromyalgia, Chronic daily headaches, Migraines, Possible Graves Disease, GERD, High blood pressure, Depression and Anxiety

Oxycontin, Lopressor, Lexapro, Omeprazole, Promethazine as needed for nausea, Ventolin inhaler and Vitamin D3

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 9/12/2010 8:49 AM (GMT -7)   

 

 Dear Michael,

    It is always so good to hear from you. *hugg* I hope you had a chance to get some rest last night. It sounds like you haven't slept much in the last few weeks. How are you doing this morning and what are your pain scale like when you wake up?

     Bleh! Not a coward. Not by a long shot. A coward would have given up a year ago. You dear friend are a fighter through and through. Don't believe me? Who else fight against a dozen surgeons to prove them wrong and show you are a good candidate for surgery? Need more proof? I really don't know anyone that will go out of their way to check up on their friends and support them through their pain.. Just 3 days out of surgery? Kind of thing that strong men with a heart of pure gold are made of. You my friend are most strong willed person I know. Though it doesn't seem like it during the hard times...  just take a deep breath and think of an entire week, instead of a single day. You can do this! I know you can!

     Now one question is pressing on my mind... WHY are you scared of Jessica? She is a guardian angel in my mind. I have never known someone to care so much about the people around her. She is someone special without a doubt. And she loves you very much. I do not know anyone who would go to such great lengths to care for someone, without love. Love, dear friend, you have a lot of.

     Try to keep your chin up. I know it is hard right now. My friend had her hip done and it was 9 weeks before she was comfortable and down to mild pain. When every thing was done she said her only regret was not frighting the doctors sooner to get it done.

     I do hope you have a slow day today. A day for just you to relax and not travel around. I can well imagine your body is worn out easily. You are ALWAYS in our prayers here.

  Lots of Love
 *warm huggs*
         dani



TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
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MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 9/12/2010 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
   Thanks Dear Buttercup , I'm so very happy you got checked out and saw the doctor , that lifted my spirits for sure , you are a sweetheart !!!   Hey Shannon , its great to hear from you !! I'm feeling better now , took a nice shower this morning and I'm gonna hang with my brother and watch football games !! So cool I haven't seen him in 2 weeks he was in Seattle seeing his girl , really lookinG forward to being with him !!! TThanks for checking on me , I love you too ! Sweet Dani girl what a treat to get any kind of communication from you , your a total angel . I guess I'm scared of caring to much about Jessica but I do count her as a huge blessing in my life , I really don't know how I would make it without her support , or yours my sweet friend , You guys are total GODDESSES , and I'm in awe of you , I feel so fortunate to have friends like you , I never knew I could be so blessed and fortunate . Lots and LOTS of LOVE !!!!!!!   YOUR BROTHER MIKEL !!! 
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Staples out , a little redness , adjusting and hoping for the best .

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 9/12/2010 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   

 

     Good morning Mikel!

    I know the feeling well.....but you can do this! Stay close to the board here....and we will get you through this just fine.

       Are you watching any Tv? Listing to music, with headphones? It may help, and of course if you want to chat just put out the word, and I'm sure there will be plenty of us meet you there. Again, you can email me if you like.

       You will turn a corner one of these days...and your sense of a good road will come back slowly but surley.

 

         SE


solar powered
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 9/12/2010 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Mikel. I am sorry that your mind is in kind of a fragile place right now. I think most of us here understand that place. I've got some issues with both my knees going on right now and it is messing with my mind. The pain and the what-if's is enough to make anyone a touch off their game, questioning everything. You can do this, it is just going to take time and effort through the pain. It may just about push you to the limit at times but you can do this. I understand it will be difficult but we are here to help keep you moving forward when the destination seems unclear and out of reach. We all have faith in you. Remember to keep breathing and let the healing come to you. I hope everyday for you is better and better, Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13455
   Posted 9/12/2010 10:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Mikel you know sometimes when people have surgery they have been known to get a little depresssed afterwards. This could be happening with you, perhaps you need to talk to your dr about this. It does seem that you are doing a lot so soon since surgery, going up stairs, wow, are you suppose to be doing that this soon? If you are not sure try to stay off of them until you ask your dr. Better to be safe than sorry. It will get better but sometimes recovery can be a bit of a bummer. Take care. Susie

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 9/12/2010 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Mikel,

I'd like to congratulate you on your surgery success and on the progress you make every day. You really have been an inspiration to me. I don't know many people who fight as hard as you have to get well.

I do not pretend to know anything at all about your relationship with your lady friend, but I do see something in your posts that screams "I'm scared to death to love somebody again". If this is what is holding you back, then speak to her about it and allow her to decide if she is ready for this relationship. If she is (and you do really love her), then you know what to do. Relationships are never easy, especially when you have to deal with chronic medical problems.

Often times people forget that we do not choose to love someone, we just do.....for good or bad...we love them. She knows you very well and has chosen to be your strength during this procedure. Perhaps you are stronger than you think!

All my best!
Retired Mom

MsBunky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 9/12/2010 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mikel,

I can't really add much more to what's been shared here already. You have gone through major surgery after a very long wait time to get there, complete with extra obstacles (i.e.: the cellulitis). These sorts of traumas affect us emotionally as well as physically, so what you're experiencing is completely normal. Just take each day as it comes and try to make it just the tiniest bet better than the day before.

I know you have what it takes to get through this but we are here to keep you motivated and energized. Hang in there...it's going to turn out fine.

hugs,
Pam
DX: Fibro, Severe Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain, Surgical Adhesions, IBS, IC-PBS, Carpal Tunnel (both wrists), FAI, Reynauds, Opthalmic Migraines, Drug Related Hot Flashes, Physically Unable to Vomit due to Nissen Surgery, Extremely tiny and scarred veins (hard start for IV's)

Meds: Oxycontin, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Cesamet, Flexeril, Clonidine plus Vitamin D + Multi daily

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 9/12/2010 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
  Thanks Michael , your right on , I think I had a moment of panic and didn't handle it well , your words definetly help , thanks my friend . Hey GeckoGirl its great to hear from you , your right of course , I'm sorry your knees are giving you a hard time , your right , what if's get me in trouble when I start thinking too much , I hope you feel better soon , we will make I know !Hey Straydog , thanks for checking in , yeah they had me going up and down stairs before I left the hospital , but your right I need to be careful , mostly I need to stop making up scenarios in my head about my future , its great hearing from you as always , thank again ! Hey Retired Mom , your very perceptive , I've been hurt and I'm scared , love is a risk but so beautiful , I'm trying to trust myself on this we are just friends now but closer spiritually and emotionally than when we were more than friends , I must remember what a blessing this is ! Thanks for the caring support Pam Girl , I do need to just slow down amd be patient and enjoy each day as the gift it is , thanks for helping me see that . I love you all so much , I'm so blessed , thank you family !!!  Mikel
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Staples out , a little redness , adjusting and hoping for the best .

Stac/Catz4
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 9/13/2010 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Brother man, I'm covering all the bases! Love the second time around with someone is kind of like surgery, you want it so it will make you feel better in the long  run, but once it's happened, you feel scared, in pain, and insecure. It takes what it takes to feel better.  PT is loves equivalent to mending and getting more secure within yourself! Oh, I'm good! I guess my next step is to write a best seller! LOL!! I love you loads,
...me
Stac/Catz4
DX’d-Syringomyelia C-1 to T-1, DDD, Diabetes Type II, Migraines, Chronic Muscle Spasms, IBS, Panic Disorder, ICC, Hypothyroidism, Bipolar Disorder, Fibromyalgia. Emergency surgery for ruptured bowel in '05 w/colostomy and takedown in '06. Frozen Shoulder and Torn Rotator Cuff in Left Shoulder. Surgery for shoulder recently, now in Physical Therapy.

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 9/13/2010 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Chump?? I think NOT!! If it takes one to know one then it must surely take one to know who isn't one also!! Since I'm the biggest chump around these parts I can clearly say> You ain't no chump Mikeyman!! Far from it!! You are one of the most caring dude in the Fam!! Always putting yourself last after everyone else's needs and there are some needy S.O.B's around> again > takes one to know one!!! No stop the sillyness and get well! We are going fishing next month and you need to be ready! Actually all you have to do is be able to ride in a car, then sit in a canoe, I'll do the rest!!
Now, gotta go> Zoom>wizz> boom> bang!! Later!
Love Ya Man> Big Manly Hugs zoomin atcha!!
Pete

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/13/2010 6:22 AM (GMT -7)   
You may be feeling down, but you are no chump. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Healing can be a slow process and you are lucky to be blessed with Jessica. She wants to help you, or she wouldnt be with you. I hope things get better for you quickly. You are too nice a man to be down and out for long emotionally. Let yourself relax if you can and work through all the after effects of surgery. We are all here for you!

Gentle hugs,

Mindy
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw


Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcriptionist I must say ureteral calculus!

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 9/13/2010 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
   Thanks Mindy , I thank God for my HW family, your caring support really helps me get my head back on straight , its so wonderful to have friends like you , I hope your doing ok Sweet Lady , thanks again Big Hugs to you !  HEY PETE !!!!!! So great to hear from you brother , you are a great example to me man , despite your pain you take on great challenges and overcome them !! I'm hoping and praying I'm in shape to go fishing with ya brother , riding in a car is cool , but a canoe ? Well we'll have to see how far along I am , canoe's are pretty low sitting and thats my achilles heel right now but I've got a month and I'm determined to do it , I know it'll be so great !!! Thanks Bro !!!  Hey Sweet Sis , , as always I so love hearing from you my special sister , you are fantastic !!! Your right about the second time around , me and Jessica are just friends now but it would be our 3rd time around  , I've no doubt I'd jump on it because she's wonderful , but I just want her to be happy , YES You should write a book Sweetheart , that'd be great , your insightful and caring and descripitive too !!! I've no doubt I'b be seeing my Sister on the Best-Seller list !!!  Love you all BIG TIME !!!!!!   Mikel  
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Staples out , a little redness , adjusting and hoping for the best .

krw135
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 186
   Posted 9/13/2010 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Mikel,

I have never really written you but I have kept up with all the stuff you have been thru...and I think you are one tough cookie without a doubt! I don't think of weak chump with anyone on here- especially you! You are always so positive and kind. I think its important to have people to "lean" on when you are not feeling your best. As long as you are thankful for others helping you and don't take advantage of it then I think its great!!! I bet Jessica feels "warm" inside being able to help you out. I know I enjoy it when I am able to help others! Hang in there- and Ill be praying for ya!
I am a 29 yo female, Dx with UC in 97, hospital stays monthly, tons of blood transfusion, bowel rest on TPN, prednisone, asacol, sulfa, imuran, VSP
99- multiple failed remicade treatments, more hospital stays
finally in 2001 had enough and had total colectomy (j-pouch) surgery, 1st step was good, then the reversal was not such a breeze, got peritinitis which was awful!!
the rest of 2001-2006 were amazing!
now having problems again- they are thinking Crohns.- have been on Humira with no luck

antbuggey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 594
   Posted 9/13/2010 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
My Dear Friend and Brother,

I am so sorry it took me so long to reply....I have been really sick. I am feeling better, as far as the cold goes! Hun, you are such an amazing man and much stronger then you give yourself credit for! And Chump???? I will have to reach across the miles and bop you one if you keep talking about my brother like that! Your later responses on this post tell me that you have stepped back and slowed down and decided to take it day by day! The one thing I did not see in your more recent posts is if you still have a fever... I am worried about that!! Let yourself heal....physically, mentally and emotionally!! There is nothing like love that starts as friendship....I know that there was a relationship before the friendship but.....you know what I mean! My husband and I were best friends and then realized we loved each other and we could not be happier or have a closer or healthier relationship! It will all work out the way it should! Worry about you and healing right now and know the she cares very much about you and just take it day by day! I love you, hun and I am sending healing hugs your way!

Take care of you!!
Love ya'
Beckey
Spinal Stenosis L3/L4, L4/L5 & L5/S1 with Nerve Impingement, Fibromyalgia, TMJ, GERD, Severe Depression, VERY Large Cyst Right Ovary causing mild twisting, Small Cysts Left Ovary & 3 Large Cysts Uterus and Possible RA

Medications - MS-Contin, Cymbalta, Famotidine and currently Prednisone

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 9/14/2010 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Thanks Krw , I really am glad to hear from you and count you as a friend , I'm feelin better now and I am progressing pretty well , I see the surgeon on thursday and I'm expecting to hear i'm doing well , thanks again ! Hey Sister Beckey , I'm so sorry your expierencing such pain Sweet girl you are one great lady , thanks for your caring words , I hope thats what happens with me and Jessica but I'm not expecting anything , just want to live an honest , real fullfilling life !! Love you lots !!! Mikel
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Staples out , a little redness , adjusting and hoping for the best .

solar powered
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 9/14/2010 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning Mikel. It is so good to hear you sounding more upbeat by the day. I hope that the surgeon is pleased with your progress also. Hang in there and take one step at a time. If you think that you hear something in the background, that's your HW family cheering you on. Go Mikel, go! Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 9/15/2010 1:54 AM (GMT -7)   
MIKEL..!

Forgive me for not being here sooner.... but SO glad to see how many wonderful people supported you through a low moment.

I'm still a bit delirious.... so I'm going to e-mail you in just a little bit. I'm sorry I was quiet for a few days... I was just so darn sick.

Anyway, you are doing such a great job and making so much progress... but don't forget you are still in recovery mode.... I think you are doing fabulous, Mikel... Remember that there are still going to be times where you ARE overwhelmed, and...during those times....continue to do exactly what you did - reach out and let others support you. But never, ever feel like a CHUMP! Never! Ok??? :)

Re: Jessica.... the others said it so much better than I could....we've got some amazingly wise people on here, don't we?? Just remember to be open and remember that you deserve EVERY wonderful thing that comes your way....

More later.... Night! --T
Main Health Issues: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibro; Chronic Pain (back issues, migraines, carpal tunnel, among other things); Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism and Hypoadrenalism; Mixed Sleep Apnea (on BiPap); Depression/Anxiety; Vitamin D Deficiency.

MAJOR surprise - Pregnant, w/ twin little girls (after six boys). Due Sept, 2010. Praying they are healthy. YES, you can have chronic pain AND have a successful pregnancy - not easy, but it can be done. :)
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