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quahog
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 535
   Posted 8/7/2007 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I was wondering just how many feel like their life is meaningless since developing chronic pain? What I mean by this is loss of determination, ambition, and anything else that determines who we are and how successful we are. I never finished my degree, never became successful and to hear others in my family speak I am a failure. With exception of one other brother my family has been very successful and wealthy. They have been holding the fact that I am not over my head. In fact it's so bad that I no longer have contact with any of them. I also don't speak with my mother very often and she never calls me. Last time I spoke with her she said she was embarrassed.

It does not matter that I suffer from chronic pain and am on disability. One of my other brothers is also on disability. He has similar issues but my mother believes him but not me. To her I am just copying my brother and my brother says the same thing. Needless to say I no longer speak to him. I guess the fact that I do not have a diagnosis is a thorn in my side. I have been tested for just about everything and all the tests come back negative. The funny thing is a recent bone scan showed inflammatory arthritis in my knees and back but no cause has been found.


As I sit here and type this I can help but feel like I am lazy and am only using the fact that I have pain as an excuse to not do anything. I would so love to get out and go back to school or work but even though I keep talking about it I never do. Such a wasted life.


This has been eating at me for along time now and I just don't know how to solve it.

I suppose no one will really respond to my post but I had to say something

Quahog

BigLucy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 8/7/2007 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I hear you, sounds like your going through an existential crisis. I'm not going to give you a pep-talk or the spirituality dogma b/c sometimes all people want is to be heard. Good luck.
Dx Ulcerative Colitis 1999; CP: Asacol x3 x3/day, Rowasa enema at bedtime, Proctofoam in a.m., Prilosec, Prozac, Endocet (as needed), multi vit, probiotic, fish oil caps x2/day, calcium 1200 mg./day, Prednisone (off/on, unfortunately).


AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 8/7/2007 9:12 PM (GMT -7)   
read about the Law of Atrraction, energy medicine, and Psych-k. I was in the same boat you are in just months ago, but through these things my life is changing everyday for the better. We don't have to live a life of pain. We deserve the best love and life have to offer, and you don't have to life with chronic pain forever. Once you are able to reach whatever issues you may have on a subconcious level, things can start to change. we can wish wish with all our might, consciously, but untill we get our subconcious, and Whole Brain (not just the left, or right side, but both working together) nothing will happen.
After years of meds, therapy, and frustration, I've found these things to be the only thing to work.
This is not an add, but simply a testamony to what has changed my life.
Think good things, like I AM WELL, not, I'm always going to be sick and tired. Attract positive things, people, situations with your thoughts, intent, and actions.
YOU ARE WELL!!
Best to you my friend,
Ang
DX-Migraines:Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome:
I am WELL!! 
Meds: ProzAC 40mg, Klonopin 1mg BID , Ambien 10mg
PRN- Imitrex INJ, Pherergan, Actiq 600mcg(fentanyl suckers) for migraine breakthrough pain
 NO MORE MEDS!!!! Doing engergy medicine
 
May God give you a reason to smile today, an extra reason to laugh, and bring joy to your soul.


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 8/7/2007 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Glen,

Sounds like it's time to give you a hug and some tough love my friend. First, who are you living your life for? Sounds like you're living it for the approval of others and not for you. I spent many years not living for ME but to please others. I wasted a lot of my life doing that and at the same time feeling sorry for myself. Time to chin up and decide what Glen wants. If others, including family, don't want to join you then let go. I had to. I'm not saying this is easy, but you'll find that you'll have your spirit back.

Sure we hurt but are you going to let that rule your life? Not me! And I hurt all of the time, take huge doses of meds, inject insulin several times a day and now am having more skin problems and might have to go to a wheat-free diet. Wanna hear me whine??!!?? I was pretty good at it last week but only to myself. No reason to run others off with my whining. I am NOT saying you whine...that was about ME! We have every reason to but I'm just not going to let this get me.

Glen, I don't want to see you go down this path. Have you gotten pain counseling? It's available for those of us who suffer chronic pain. Time to suck it up and go talk to someone who can help you. You are far to wonderful a person to let your life pass you by, especially at the hands of relatives. So come take my hand Glen (extending hand) and let's get living!!

Hugs,
Chutzie
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.
***************

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)


BigLucy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 8/8/2007 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
O.k. after being up most of the night--not doing so good right now myself--I thought of you and your current situation; I've changed my mind, I am going to give you advice---but I see Chutz has beatin me to the punch. If your not in any in-person support group or counseling now, I would highly recommend it. Sounds like your alone a lot of the time and that in itself can lead to distorted thinking. You need friends/support my friend. Life sucks sometimes--I totally get that--but you need to sit down w/someone/people and say it out loud and let them validate your feelings. We don't get to choose our family and sometimes we hold on to unrealistic expectations of what they can mean to us or do for us--I've found that if your not getting what you want out of someone, you have to go look for it somewhere else.

One of my favorite quotes is from Helen Keller: Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, amibition inspired, and success achieved.
Dx Ulcerative Colitis 1999; CP: Asacol x3 x3/day, Rowasa enema at bedtime, Proctofoam in a.m., Prilosec, Prozac, Endocet (as needed), multi vit, probiotic, fish oil caps x2/day, calcium 1200 mg./day, Prednisone (off/on, unfortunately).


2much
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 8/8/2007 10:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry you feel this way and that your family is adding to your pain. I have a sister that I finally realized that she was like a tumor in my life and she had to be removed - this wasn't related to my chronic pain but it did make my life easier once I did it!

I am lucky in the sense that my husband was in the car wreck with me and has gone through much of the same things so he really understands. We both soon figured out other people (no matter how much they care) don't want - or need - to hear about our pain and troubles every time we see them! I soon started saying "same oh, same oh"" when asked how I was doing and then in the same breath would ask about their children, their job, the weather, anything to move the conversation along. I also find that it helps me to talk about ANYTHING other than myself and more importantly, my pain.

I do agree my life has changed and it can be hard for all of us. My story is a bit different than yours as I have a graduate degree BUT I haven't worked out of the house, in close to two years, as I have yet to be released back by my Doctor. It does take a toll when you have been in a professional world for 12 years and then suddenly you are outside of it! You have to rethink a few things and see that your job or lack one is not who you are.

I remember the exact appointment where my Doctor finally labeled me with chronic pain - it was both horrible and wonderful! A horrible thing but wonderful to have it identified! I have hope to be able to get back to a full case load with 1/2 of the time back in the firm. It will just take more tweaking in the meds so that I can make it through day after day at a steady pace. I hope that it happens soon but I have to feel it will happen!

I hope you can find the strength to move forward, getting the proper meds to help and surrounding yourself with people that will bring you up, not down!

TexasJen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 649
   Posted 8/8/2007 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Aaaaaaawwwwww.... quahog, you're breaking my heart! What you are describing is Depression - that simple. It happens to most of us who deal with chronic pain and families and friends who don't understand what we're going through, and God willing never will. I did the same exact thing you did, and it was my pain pshychologist who got me out of that horrible funk, taught me a few things about myself and some methods of dealing with pain and life in pain. She's been invaluable during my fentanyl detox as well.

Counseling is a good thing, but in your case, accept no substitutes: go for a PhD Pain Psychologist. One reason I recommend such is that a pain shrink will be educated in opiate medications, their side effects, their uses and misuses, and will not label you a drug addict if you ever experience withdrawal symptoms. A pain specialist knows the difference between physical dependency and addiction. You want a shrink who will educate you - not one that you have to educate.

For now, just know that it WILL get better. :-)
Living in the Republic of Texas minus a gallbladder, a couple of cervical discs, appendix, uterus, and 18" of colon; but living with my wonderful husband, 2 dogs, 1 cockatiel, and 2 gold fish. 


quahog
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 535
   Posted 8/11/2007 2:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry for taking so long in responding. Anyways, THANK YOU very much for all your kind words and support. To be honest I didn't expect to get very many responses.

It has been a difficult week for me and I just can't figure out why. For the most part I have been feeling very well, my pain levels have been low and I've been good spirits.

Then it hits me. my pain levels are high again, I am irritable, dizzy, nauseous, and my vision is blurry.

I have noticed that my blood glucose levels are elevated as well and I wonder if that is the key to all this. Normally, my glucose runs at normal levels but I have been Dx'd as having Pre-diabetes, diabetes. I exercise religiously and take supplements, and Apple Cider Vinegar (Which helps lower my numbers a lot) but do not take any diabetes medications at least not yet.
My diet could be better but I do try. I know all too well what diabetes does to people and I do not wish that to happen to me.

I also have PN or a form of it that showed up once on an EMG/NCV test but only once and since then the burning, numbness and lessened but it does come back at times. I feel my glucose has something to do with this but my numbers when they are elevated are not that high. So many questions and even less answers.


I have in the past spoken with psychiatrists and pain psychologists but none of them were any help and I had a hard time with the stigma associated with this area of medicine.
but if things continue in this manner I may seek out their help once again but to be honest I want to do this myself.

Well I have rambled on long enough and I am starting to become dizzy so I will stop here. Thanks again for all your help. You really have made me feel better.

Glenn

Post Edited (quahog) : 8/11/2007 7:23:56 PM (GMT-6)


Robh22
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 8/11/2007 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
God do I understand what you are saying and feeling! My who life I wanted to be a cop. A New York City cop. That was my dream. Took the written test, got a 98% on it. And just before the physical.... the nerve damage in the neck.. that ruined everything. No way they would take me. So then I go to school and become a chef as I love to cook. Mistake. Between the pain in my neck and arm and then herniating my disc, forget it. I can't do much of anything. And I feel like a waste of life. I mean, I used to love to do things that I could do at a table, like build model cars or resin models of figures. No more. I have no desire to pick anything up. I'm not sure it will pass or not. But thats how I feel now..good for crap. sad

kttn251977
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 8/11/2007 9:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Quahog, I know there is nothing I can say that is going to help. I went through this just 2 weeks ago- crying hysterically, telling my family I am a burden. I am only 30 & I feel like my life is being robbed from me. I wonder that I will even be able to walk down the isle to get married. Kids are out of the question. It's such a personal thing to go through this. It hurts- no one can relate to the pain- physically & emotionally. Plus I have gained about 75 lbs from this and I am only 5'1..... disability for me would be near impossible because of my age & education. So I still work and sometimes with tears rolling down my face from the pain. Then, those weak days I feel terrible because you hear stories or know someone who is a lot worse off. Yet it is real. I had some things I went through this past week with some meds reacting against each other & my regular physician was shocked I wasn't on meds for depression from my PM. He put me on amitriptyline & zoloft... only a week on it & I feel so much better. My pain level was a constant 8 and is now about a 4-5. He also had a psychitrist drop in on me at the hospital- it felt good to get things out. I came from an abusive childhood & have always kept things to myself. I know that there is going to be a long road to healing myself mentally..... but I am glad I started that path. I am a strong believer in karma. I try to be good to other people. I have to think that my life isn't going to be meant to lie in bed and choke pills down the rest of my life. And yes, most of the hobbies I had I can't do anymore. But, I love the people in this forum- they are here. When those days I need to stay in check- just to talk to other people who are going through this. People who are on the same meds, or have tried them. They know how it feels. They know how it is to hurt, to be odd, alone. When I feel sad I get on here and type... someone will always answer. That gives me hope. All I can say to you is there are a lot of wonderful people on here who will always listen. Maybe talk to your dr about getting some type of therapy to help. Either way, I do wish you the absolute best.

bootsie@119
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/13/2007 11:25 PM (GMT -7)   
This is the first chat room I have ever been in, so I hope I am doing this right. I am replying to this post because it is so wonderful to hear that other people are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings that I have had for so long. I have chronic back pain, both from an accident and then from the " dreaded back surgery " that is supposed to make you free from " pain. " What a joke! If anyone notices, it is 1:00 in the morning now, I will be up until 3 o'clock or later. Can't sleep unless I take my antidepressant, one benedryl and 5mg of melatonin. This will knock me out, which is the only way I can sleep. I am not on any narcotic at the moment, just cymbalta and lyrica. That is why I replied, I take 60mg of cymbalta because my depression was so bad, that I would just stay in the house, in my chair, all day. I never wanted to go anywhere, do anything or visit with anyone. I never called my family or my friends, I had nothing to say that I had not said a thousand times before, I HURT AND I FEEL WORTHLESS. People who do not have constant pain have no clue to understanding your feelings.
They really don't want to hear it, I am sure that were things reversed I would probably feel the same way. I cannot even remember what it was like to feel good. This has been going on since 1995, I cannot work anymore because I cannot sit at a desk for any length of time. I was an excellent secretary, I loved my job, I was good at something and proud of myself. I used to read at least 4 books a week, I was an artist and loved my time I had to draw or paint. Now I cannot read a book for some reason, I think it is because you have to get in a comfortable position to read and that is something I have trouble accomplishing. So I can relate to everything you have written, I hated myself for not wanting my family around, most of the time I didn't even want my husband in the house with me. But......I saw an ad for cymbalta, and decided to ask my neurologist if I could take that, and then I asked for Lyrica, because I had researched that. Funny, but my neurologist had nothing to offer me, when I first came to him, but, to see pain management clinics for narcotics for pain. Been there, done that......they gave one pain pill and 300 mg of neurontin. Nothing. After years of trying to find a pain clinic that really tried to ease your pain, I finally gave up and decided I can't stand doctors anymore.
So, with this new guy, the neurologist, I just asked for the meds that I hoped would work, and he prescribed them for me. But, he went one step further, and prescribed 6400 mg of neurontin a day, and 60 mg of cymbalta. I do not hate anyone anymore, I actually walk around outside and work in the flower beds, I can bend a little bit more, I can sit a little straighter, and I am not screaming from nerve pain in my back anymore, I still hurt constantly, but the heavy dose of neurontin and the antidepressant seemed to work together to make life just a little bit better. I like myself again, and I actually read a book the other day.......So, please think about maybe what you feel like you need, or what you think might help you get past this low place in your life, and ask some doctor to let you try it, keep going until you find one who will listen to you.......this is usually very difficult, because I wonder if some of them even realize they are dealing with real live people. But keep looking and asking questions until you find something that helps you.....don't be afraid to ask. ,

kttn251977
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 8/15/2007 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bootsie- glad you are here now. It's a great place to be. What is wrong with your back? I have lower back problems too. What is neurontin? You mentioned it a few times? I'm new to the treating of the depression part. I am on antitryptiline (sp) and zoloft. (plus other things for pain) Nice meeting you. Shannon.

ZRI
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/11/2009 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I just read the meds & dosages written by Kttn 251977 and I became a bit concerned.  Kttn, you are either reading your medication bottles incorrectly or your doctor has you terribly misinformed.  I feel that since you are taking such a large amount of  meds, you should know what they are actually intended for.  I think you do understand what your Oxycontin, Oxycodone, Zanaflex, Restoril, Soma, Phenergan, Cymbalta, Lyrica and some of the others are used for.  However,  you are mistaken about some of your other meds.  Cymbalta is not a pain med.  It is an anti-depressant.  Amitriptyline is also an anti-depressant and not a pain killer.  The Abilify that you are taking  is used to enhance the effects of your other anti-depressants.
It is also important for you to know that while you are taking Amitriptyline, you need to have your heart checked at least twice a year.  This particular anti-depressant is known to cause heart problems.  That is why many doctors are now choosing other types of anti-depressants as an alternative to this very effective yet dangerous drug.
It sounds like you are having some serious health difficulties and my prayers go out to you!!!
Good Luck,
 
ZRI

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/11/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hog, I feel this way all the time, and have not worked through it yet to this date. I was a real go getter all through my youth, up till about 6 years ago, when this all started. It has been getting worse on a daily basis for me, and I'm having a terrible time dealing with it. I have not had time to read all the replys here, but will do so tonight when I settle in for bed. I hope you find some answers here, and for that fact I hope I find them too, and I want to live again, with some sort of mentality that I can live with. Have a great evening, and I will be watching here for the good reply's.

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 11/11/2009 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Glenn, have missed you...
Long time no see, you've been thru a lot this year to say the least, but don't think for one
minute that you are a failure...your family and us here will tell ya that...Have you talked about
these feelings with a psychologist??? You know you can rant away here anytime and I sure
Hope you can get a low pain day soon...will be thinking of you and send lots of prayers
and soft hugz...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Glenn))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hugz
and keep us posted more often...
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/11/2009 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
This thread is 2 years old, so I don't know if the people who wrote are still posting on these issues. Just a heads up.

ZRI - Welcome to the chronic pain forum of Healing Well. You may want to start a new thread and introduce yourself. One thing we have to be careful of is that while this is a great support group, we're not here to give medical advice. But sharing experiences that we may have had is fine.

FYI cymbalta is used for certain types of pain - mostly nerve-related, neuropathies, etc. It's also an anti-depressant, but I believe it's fda approved for nerve pain in addition to depression.

Again, welcome ZRI.

PaLady

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/11/2009 5:33 PM (GMT -7)   
     looky there! PaLady, I never thought to look at the posted date! Good eye! I'm learning! :)

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 11/11/2009 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks PALady for the heads up, I was just hopeing Glenn was back...
Glenn we miss ya and sure hope your doing okay...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Glenn)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I totally forget about reading the dates
Thanks
PALady...
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********

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