Momof3 is right. First of all, I think the jerk did just what he wanted to do and that was to yank your chain. He knows the best way to get your attention is thru the children.You must pull yourself together here and set down and put your own plan of attack in place.
First let me say this, from working with attys all of my working years been thru a couple of divorces myself, the 1st one did involve children. It is extremely, extremely difficult to prove a parent unfit. It just not as simple as it seems, having cancer is not in the realm of being an unfit mother. He has the definition of unfit incorrect. Children are awarded to their mothers at a much higher rate than they are to a father. Mothers can offer and do more than the average male when it comes to a child. Women are nuturers, men are not. Sorry guys.
You definetly need to consult with an atty to discuss your rights. Each state has their own set of rules they go by, find out. It would be good money spent well.
Since you do have cancer, I wonder how he would like for a judge to order him to pay you temporary maintenance, in addition to child support. By the way, is he paying you anything for the children. Make a list of any item he buys or pays for concerning the children. Keep a log of your expenses with the children.
Why is he only working a few hours a week? And he thinks he can get custody. He is pushing all the right buttons with you my friend and knows it. Now you know it, do something about it. Do not take any of this laying down.
Taking the children every weekend is unreasonable. Its not your problem he says he is broke all the time. No judge wants to hear about him taking and staying shacked up with his girlfriend for the weekend with his children there, remind him of that.
Please get thicker skinned when it comes to dealing with AH. Getting yourself all worked up and stressed out will not help you physicaly at all, I imagine right now you are wound up tighter than dicks hat band and in alot of pain from those muscles. He is not worth it.
Do not let him threaten you or may you feel threatened in any way. If I can think of anything else I will post it-but you don't have to worry about a thing concerning your kids. Hugs, Susie
Dear Rehab Nurse,
The forum members above have just posted some excellent advice. What a great team they are! Now more than ever you need to calm down. If you allow yourself to become angry and end up having an emotional meltdown where you do or say things that you will regret in the future, you will be feeding directly into his hands and end up proving some misguided statement he is probably making about you. I went through a divorce when my daughter was 3. Like your husband, mine seemed to have a problem remembering where his wedding ring was all the time. Once we were divorced, he went through a string of very young women. My daughter is now finishing a graduate degree and is extremely well adjusted. She not only survived his antics she is well adjusted and can look back a laugh at some of his crazy behavior.
You have to remember that he is their father. He will also be a part of both their and your lives for years to come. As much as we would like to erase their name from our children’s birth certificates, they are their fathers. I am sure with good legal counsel you will be able to gain custody. In looking back at everything I went though, I think it is very important to remember that the disagreement is between you and the soon to be ex-husband. Do not make the mistake of placing your children in the middle of this battle ground. As much as I hated my ex-husband for the humiliation he put me through and how he basically drained my bank accounts, I forced him to make an agreement with me. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but in the long run it was the best. I told him that I would never run him down or make negative comments about him or his life style in front of the children and ask that he show the same respect for me. . No matter how much you dislike like him right now, the two of you did decide to bring children into the world and both have responsibilities as parents. I hated sharing holidays and vacations, but the hard cold fact is that you will be for the next 18 years. You will also be sharing school activities, sports, achievements, etc. My ex was hardly the model for parent of the year, but he was still the father. You are going to find out over time that no matter how bitter you are and no matter what thoughtless things that they do, children will seek out both parents. I never pointed out my ex’s faults or short comings to my children. I would just say you know you father. As long as they are safe with him and not in harm’s way, the court is going to mandate some type of visitation. After all safety issues are addressed, your children will have more respect for you in the end. My prayers are with you and your children. Always take the high road and do the right thing.
Dx: Rare progressive neurodegenerative disease called Multiple System Atrophy (brain rot, autonomic system failure, neuropathic pain and a whole lot more). Added improvements: Intrathecal pump and a spinal cord stimulator..
Medications: Sinemet, Requip, Klonopin, Baclofen, Provigil, Lyrica, Fentanyl patches, Lidoderm patches, Dilaudid, Fentora and Zofran