Kitty - I really feel your pain. I know many many chronic pain people have to make a choice - to be honest - or to be left alone. I can't think of anyone I know - except the people here - who get what chronic pain is. Who understand how it can take over your life at times. People seem to better understand a tooth ache - a broken leg - a migraine - than living in pain every second of every hour of every day.
I can say I'm not "in" your situation. I have a very supportive husband - who tries his best to understand - our friends know and understand (the best they can) - and family. BUT none of them hear much of my pain. I keep most of it inside. I still remember when I way over did things trying to keep up with my mother-in-law and her husband - I was in pain and just kept pushing through - until finally - I went to the bathroom and cried - my husband had asked over and over - "are you okay" and I kept saying I was fine. Finally when I said I was in pain - his response was "Wow, you must be in bad shape if you admit it to me".
The one thing I can relate to is abuse. I may be jumping the gun here - but I'm sure this isn't the first time he's freaked out on you. This isn't the first time he's gone off the deep end and called you names. The thing is babe, your dad is verbally and emotionally abusing you. Thats the blunt way of putting it. Even if it's only a once a week, month, or year thing, it's still harmful. If your children hear that it's even worse. It causes them to start thinking thats the way life is - thats the role that "dads" play. Thats a "male role model". You say he's the only male figure they have, but if he's treating you like that wouldn't it better for them to grow up without one than with a bad influence?
Staying for them - is going to hurt them. Please no one jump me for the comparison - but it's like an abused wife staying with a husband who beats her - because he's never hit the children. Eventually - he WILL lash out at the children. People like him who cannot keep their emotions, rage, temper, and opinions in check are poison. It seeps in slowly - and you don't know until it's too late the damage that's been done.
From a person who was physically, emotionally, and verbally abused as a child, I tell you get out while you can. I've seen all to well what growing up around that can lead to... and believe me - even if he never says a word within hearing distance of your kids - I'm sure they know.
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"
"Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of, You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take; On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough, You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off, Then you Stand" From "Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Dx.: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Ulcerlative Colitis, Chronic Inflammation of the Colon, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1 w/pinched nerves, Degenerative Disc Disease, Chronic Costochondritis, Back Muscle Spasms, Asthma, Benign Tremmors (hands)