concerned about sex

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dragonfly137927
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2527
   Posted 4/6/2008 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all
 
Most of you know what i have been through recently.  Sum it up 4 surgeries in 11 months each surgery had a complication and each time the CD came back within a month and I had tests prior to surgeries to rule out wherelse the CD may be hiding on me.
 
My husband and I have not had sex since January 2007 and we were just married Oct 1 2005.  We are thinking next weekend (since he was too nervous before with the fistula on my belly, then the one before I had a drain for an abscess, ostomy bag and wound vac on my belly.  I am all healed up and the last surgery was january 11.
 
I am pretty pain free typically in the morning so we know that would be a better time but I fear the urge of having to run to the bathroom in the middle of it or suddenly being in intense pain.  We had to move in with my grandfather back in November my nana passed away and I had no income and even with my SSDI which recently got approved we couldnt afford a place of our own.  In order for me to go to the loo I have 12 stairs to run down and if that 1 is occupied I have 12 more stairs to go down...all of us know how hard it is to hold D to get to the loo nevermind throwing stairs in the mix then add that you have nothing on and must get something on quick...bathrobe is white  bad color I should have a brown one lol
 
If all goes well I hope that we get the okay from my GI to start a family sometime soon the soonest the okay would come would be mid summer.  I also look like a jigsaw puzzle 4 CD surgeries, gall bladder removed the old fashioned way, and inguinal hernia operation in 87.  He is sqeemish with medical stuff to begin with and even the scar since it is newish bugs him to see it.
Dx with Crohn's 1987, symptoms as early as 1984.
Temp iliostomy February 2007, reversed June 2007, Ovarian cysts, migraines, allergies (incl food allergies) , oral allergy syndrome (diff than true food allergies), Asthma, Gall Bladder removed 1999, Inguenal hernia 1987
 
 
 


sjkly
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2113
   Posted 4/6/2008 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
My suggestion is that you go to a hotel for the weekend (somewhere inexpensive) You would have a bathroom close by, privacy and a little more time/less pressure. After the first time you will be a little less stressed about the whole thing.

chroniemomx2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 2346
   Posted 4/6/2008 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
That is a really good suggestion sjkly. If that isn't an option, then I would talk about it with your husband and tell him that if something happens, or I start to have pain, or I have to go the bathroom...then oh well, we will just try again. It is eventually going to happen one way or another, so try not to stress about it, and just relax and enjoy your time together. Even if it doesn't end up happening the first time at least you are that much closer to it happening the next time.

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/6/2008 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
If you are self conscious about your scars wear lingerie like a teddy or something.
 
edit:
(I had to change where to wear it was driving me nuts.)


26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 

Post Edited (FitzyK23) : 4/6/2008 10:32:40 PM (GMT-6)


ginger71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 722
   Posted 4/6/2008 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   
OK people, stop reading now if you are offended to read a TMI sex post, because here it comes.
 
We were married in Sept. 2005 and until about 8 months ago when we started trying for a baby, we went months without it. We did not even do it on our honeymoon because I had an abscess drained 6 days before we were married. From 9/2005 -7/2007 we probaly only had sex about 5 times. It was very sad not to be able to connect. So I know what you are going through.
 
Your husband loves you for who you are. You are so much more than your scars,anyway. Look how strong you were to come though everything ok! :-)   Easy for me to say,right? Well, I have had setons in for the past year and 1/2 and at 1st I was so self conscious about them and worried that my husband would be repulsed. He took everything very well and he was just happy to be gettin' some...... tongue It has actually brought us much closer together as a couple.
 
Maybe try some candlelight if the scars are bothering you. It's romantic and he won't see as much....I like the getaway and lingerie ideas,too.
 
It gets much easier and confortable after you go back to it the 1st time.....
 
Best,
Ginger
37 year old female. Dx'd and undx'd a few times. Was just redx'd again 04/2007.
History of rectal abscesses and fistulas (29 surgeries including abscess I & D, exploratory surgeries, 4 C-ton drains and 1 fistula plug) Have also had several self bursting abscesses.
1st Remicade infusion 6/5/07-still taking it.  Praying I'll get better soon so we can have a baby.
Ginger :)


Crohn'snme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 734
   Posted 4/6/2008 8:35 PM (GMT -7)   
What a wondeful husband. I like the lingerie idea. Just be honest with him and if you have problems, just let him know. If you could get away that would be nice too. Maybe a little workup to the event might take the stress out of the situation if you understand what I'm saying. You don't have to necessarily have sex. Just relax and be comfortable with each other. Best wishes to both of you and how brave of you to post this question. I'm sure we will all be in your situation at some time or another.

Matthew
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3932
   Posted 4/7/2008 6:03 PM (GMT -7)   
You know its nice to hear stories concerning spouses who actually support their partners with CD.
What wonderful people you two found!
If I could only find a girl like that..

Matthew

CrohnsDaddy
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 4/7/2008 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
And there are other things besides intercourse.... :))
Just trying to be a "Regular Member".
 
Entocort 9 mg/day, Pentasa 4 gm/day, started Humira 1/22/08, started 100 mg of Azasan (Imuran) 2/20/08. I'm convinced that Prednisone is the root of all evil, and primarily responsible for global warming.


ginger71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 722
   Posted 4/8/2008 5:04 AM (GMT -7)   
You will find a sweet girl,Matthew. The person who is right for you will show up one day. You will experience the happiness you deserve :-)
 
It took me many years to find "the one." (I didn't meet my husband until I was 32 and he was 30.)
 
Crohnsdaddy- We know this in my house...... LOL!
37 year old female. Dx'd and undx'd a few times. Was just redx'd again 04/2007.
History of rectal abscesses and fistulas (29 surgeries including abscess I & D, exploratory surgeries, 4 C-ton drains and 1 fistula plug) Have also had several self bursting abscesses.
1st Remicade infusion 6/5/07-still taking it.  Praying I'll get better soon so we can have a baby.
Ginger :)


justjenjen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 4/8/2008 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I really wouldn't worry about the bid D during intercourse. Even though there were times when my sex life was random at best, I never had to stop in the middle for that. Just go before, take pain meds if need be, and then relax and enjoy. That was always a concern for me too but it really truly never happened. Of course, there were plenty of times when my hubby and I couldn't do it at all....*sigh* I hope all goes well for you--you have been through enough!!!!

mcleaver1969
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 267
   Posted 4/8/2008 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
dragonfly,
I agree with some of the other members; sexy lingerie and soft candlelight will hide a multitude of "flaws" and make you both feel less self-conscious. I suggest reconnecting slowly with alot of touching, kissing, etc...then go crazy on each other :)
Good luck to you and your hubby!
"Difficult things take a long time,
impossible things a little longer. " ~Author Unknown
Marci, 38 years young, Rockledge, FL
Dx with Crohn's disease March 2006
Currently on bi-weekly Humira, daily 6mg Entocort, daily 2-3x 5mg hydrocodone (for pain), and daily 75mg Effexor,
plus 2x per day heavy iron supplements for anemia,
calcium supplement, daily multi-vitamin,
 


GeeBee
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 4/22/2008 2:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dragonfly

I know how you feel, my husband and I have not had sex for months and months mainly because I am so scared of gas (mine is absolutely foul) and D. No matter how we tried to do it, there was always a couple escaping and the terrible smell just put us both off. Even tho hubby is very supportive and understanding neither of us could continue, now I am just too scared to try anymore and i have no idea when things will get better sad

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/22/2008 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I am actually taking a sex therapy class for people with chronic illness and am interested in what people have found that works for them.
(snap bottom lingerie?)
Forum Co-moderator
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants)
Praise in public, chew in private.
Make sure your suffering has meaning....
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


justjenjen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 4/22/2008 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
MMMNAVY...I have often thought there should be teddies with snap-crotch closure!! Good for D and ostomies!! LOL

sr5599
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1202
   Posted 4/22/2008 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
There are such things... http://www.intimatemomentsapparel.com/women.html !! I've got it bookmarked in case the Tysabri fails and I go with the ostomy!
--39 year old female, dx as UC in '04 (1st symptoms in '03), switched to Crohn's in '05, 1 fistula, crohn's colitis, limited to large intestine
--rejected (reaction/didn't work): Asacol, AZA, 6-MP, MTX, Remicade, Humira, prednisone
--stuck on methylprednisolone, tried Prochymal in Phase III study (can't wait til it's approved!)
--started Tysabri 3/21/08
--single mom to 10-year-old girl


Pooie1981
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 274
   Posted 4/22/2008 2:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hahahaha sorry but these posts are great. :O) It is nice to know that there are such wonderful men <and women> out there that are understanding. I have to agree that there are more things than intercourse.. and sometimes these things can be better because they are most often forgotten about otherwise.

GEEBEE have you ever tried pineapple? It is suppose to be good for gas.. both to decrease it and to take some of the odor out of it. Just a thought.

I am currently going thru a Colitis flare and am getting married in 6 months. Personally, I am glad that my hubby-to-be has been able to experience all the embarrassing things that go along with having IBD before we get married. He hasn't run away "yet" so I think he is going to be one of those keepers. ;o)

Good luck everyone.
Ulcerative Colitis Diagnosed May 2004
Sulfasalazine 500MG 4 times per day
Prednisone 5MG 3 per day for next 10 days
Daily Vitamin for Women and Folic Acid


Pooie1981
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 274
   Posted 4/22/2008 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
.. sorry, also wanted to add that even tho I am flaring... I find that once I start to have actual intercourse <sometimes getting to that point hurts a bit> it is all good... I think the hormones kick in and you forget you are even sick. Afterwards I even feel well again for a bout an hour.. then the pains come back but still... I think it might be a healthy thing !!
Ulcerative Colitis Diagnosed May 2004
Sulfasalazine 500MG 4 times per day
Prednisone 5MG 3 per day for next 10 days
Daily Vitamin for Women and Folic Acid


wednesday77
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 390
   Posted 4/22/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
That sounds so wonderful they your husbands/wives are so supportive!  Question, where did you meet your husband/wife?  Did you tell them right away?  I tend to get very reclusive when I am sick since I just want to be alone to heal(except for my mom :).
 
I am always very interested in hearing how people found their love since I am still single. :(

justjenjen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 4/22/2008 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I met my hubby at a party. On our first date I had to lay down in the booth when we were eating out meal due to pain. Obviously, my illness was a bit hard to hide! Also, I was so anemic I looked like a walking dead person. Thankfully, he saw past all that and just saw me. :) I truly believe there is someone out there for everybody.

Crohn'snme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 734
   Posted 4/22/2008 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, I have been married 24 years. My husband is wonderful. Pretty much they will see it all anyway, so relax and go with the flow a bit. Mathew, you will meet someone, just be patient. I met my husband cruising way back when. We are connnected for life, even through all of this. Dragonfly, how are things going? Holding hands, sitting on his lap, cuddling are all wonderful things, so forget the big "S" and enjoy the easier things!

Marie-Claire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 4/22/2008 11:27 PM (GMT -7)   
To those of you who have supportive husbands.....tell them often what a blessing they are. Someone who really cares about you will put up with all sorts of things to make you happy and safe. all the above suggestions are great. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you and your husband can re-connect that way very very soon.
I've been divorced for 17 years now..... my girls went through so much trauma, that I didn't have time or the inclination for any kind of relationship. Getting my girls over their abuse was a full time job.....our family doctor knows all about it.....during my last pap examination, while she had the old speculum in there I said to her....By the way, there hasn't been any activity in there in over 17 years!!!!!!!!She laughed so hard , patients in the next examining room must have wondered what was going on in there that was so funny. So for you here that have understanding husbands....I say >>>GO FOR IT! Put your shyness away...take a valium if you have to....but for goodness sakes, make the most of what you have!( You know, before the hatch heals over LOL)
51 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.,RLS, arthritis
 
 


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/23/2008 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
So Dragonfly, so many people have offered great suggestions. How are things going?
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.


Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 4/23/2008 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Old Sniper has more scars than Carter has liver pills and my wife has had breast cancer surgery. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Sex or no sex we love each other. We just had our 37th anniversary so I dont think its infactuation. Most of all, we are best friends and when you are best friends you can get through anything. Dont be so concerned with what you cant do. Do what you can. Hugs are great. I dont miss an opportunity to hold my wife, touch her hand, look into her blue eyes or tell her that I love her. No matter what, ever minute is a blessing. Make the most of them, they go by so fast.
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


chroniemomx2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 2346
   Posted 4/23/2008 12:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Beautiful and well put Sniper!

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/23/2008 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Sniper very well said. I have too been blessed with a wonderful and supportive spouse. I am just happy to be in the same room as he is.

Stef I am sure your hubby loves you scars and all. So just open up and accept the love that is offered in whatever way you are both comfortable.
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.

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