When friends disapoint...

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FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/21/2008 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Ive been really lucky in my life that my friends and family have supported me so much and never made me feel ashamed of my crohns.  Everyone always wants to help me get better, until I ask them to put their money where there mouth is.
 
I have done fundraising for the CCFA for the past 4 years and I always raise a lot of money.  I love doing it and it makes me feel proactive.  I am always amazed at the random people that contribute significant amounts of money to the cause.  It makes me feel so loved.
 
But this year I decided to make an "event" on facebook inviting my friends to donate.  In order to make the event disappeer they have to chose whether they accept or decline.  So, this way I pretty much know which of my friends are going to donate.  Three of my close friends chose "decline."  On facebook I invited over 200 people to donate and said that just $5 from each will help me raise over $1000.  My goal is $1200.  Is it too much to ask a friend that gets designer coffee every day to give me $5!!!  I have already raised almost $500 in less than a week so I am thrilled with that.  But, I am actually hurt that some of the people I care about the most don't want to participate.
 
One in particular did his own fundraiser last summer and I donated a significant amount.  Is it asking too much to return the favor?
 
I knew you all would understand... I just needed a short vent.  Three of my mother in laws friends donated $100 each. Granted they are mostly well to do.  But it is hard when she is gushing how great her friends are and I am sitting there thinking yeah, I have great aquintences donating but my "friends" couldn't be bothered.


26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 

Post Edited (FitzyK23) : 4/21/2008 9:49:01 PM (GMT-6)


yogaprof
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Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1665
   Posted 4/21/2008 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry for your disappointment, but I have to speak for the other side. there are more and more of these types of events to donate to, and we all only have so much to give to causes. I like to chose where my money goes and tend to not give to people who are running for causes. gas is through the roof, food is expensive...you can't fault people for not giving money whenever they are asked. let your friends love you in the way they can.
48 y/o woman.  Diagnosed 4/06 after colonscopy, SBFT, CT-scan all showed crohns. 3 months later, after pred and remicade, all tests showed no crohns. December '06 had adhesions cut through a laparoscopy. Now taking Glycolax, Ultra Fiber Plus, Florastor, and DHEA. Have become gluten-free diet per naturopath's tests.


pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 4/21/2008 9:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand you're disapointed but I wouldn't hold a grudge over it, nothing worse than $$$ in any way shape or form comming between friendships, it's why friends should never borrow from each other, it's one thing for a friend to offer to lend (or help out financially in any way, including your situation with donations) it's another for them to offer.

How much a person has, or what they prefer to spend $ on has nothing to do with making donations, it's simply a personal choice and if you feel close to these friends then I say let it go and don't be offended...we never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

:)
My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it!  LOL  :)


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 4/22/2008 1:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy, I have been thinking about you today, and my gut feeling :-) is that they might have behaved differently if the fundraising was for you personally rather than an organisation like the CCFA. F'r instance, if you, Fitzy, needed money to pay for urgent medical treatment, your friends would probably be most generous, but they may not feel the need to support you in your desire to support an amorphous organisation like the CCFA. The CCFA doesn't affect them personally; they may not see its relevance to their lives.

Hope this makes sense. I'm not expressing myself well today.

I.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


belleenstein
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1010
   Posted 4/22/2008 3:43 AM (GMT -7)   
It's called a donation for a reason.
Belleenstein:

30+ years living with Crohn's.


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/22/2008 5:22 AM (GMT -7)   
You never know what is going on in someone's life, and perhaps they have just made a huge donation to another cause. For example I did refuse to donate to several causes because I blew my charity $ this year on ovarian cancer research. Perhaps they just have charity fatigue...honestly I get asked weekly to donate for some cause and I am just tired of being asked. But of course I do not buy 5 dollar coffee's ...
Forum Co-moderator
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants)
Praise in public, chew in private.
Make sure your suffering has meaning....
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 4/22/2008 5:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you should be proud your Mom's friends donated and appreciate those that can and not worry about those that don't ,they may have there own personal donations to give to . Some give in memory of a cause. lol gail

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/22/2008 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok... I agree... I wrote my post late at night, was feeling a bit emotional and stressed at the time... Navy - you hit the nail on the head. I was more upset because of the other things I see them blow their money on (mostly coffee and booze) ... I would never pressure anyone to donate I just wanted them to want to donate as girly as that sounds. And Ivy - you are right. I was taking it personally because I was thinking here is a way you can actually help me when to them donating to the big organization doesn't seem like donating to me. We all have our limits and I shouldn't judge anyone for their choice. But I can still be happy about all the others that donated.

Ivy -thanks for thinking of me!
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


Sarita
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2486
   Posted 4/22/2008 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy, is your e-mail address listed on here? I want to e-mail you! :)
Co-moderator - IBS Forum

Please always remember to consult your medical professional regarding your medical questions; this forum is intended to provide patient-to-patient support. Although some of us have healthcare backgrounds, we cannot diagnose or treat patients on the board.


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/22/2008 2:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes it is!
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


Crohn'snme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 734
   Posted 4/22/2008 7:09 PM (GMT -7)   
KUDOS to you!! How very awesome of you! Don't dwell on the the ones that don't give, dwell on the ones that do!!! Your raising money for a great cause and you continue to do it year after years. Peoples lives get busy and they have their reasons, doesn't mean they aren't your friends. Plus, with over 200 contacts, you obviously must be a fun person to be around. Let it go and enjoy your fundraising. Judging doesn't help. You only want donations from those who want to give! So continue your path, I'm so impressed and want to say THANK-YOU for doing this for all of us!!! HUGS
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