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Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 4/27/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
nono I just don't get it ,my family is sick of how I am now I was the one who always did everything with them because their Dad has a disability to.He's getting better and I'm getting worse but, everyone thinks I'm making it up or something. My husband stays in bed all day no one thinks anything of it. Me though I have to be up and moving. I can't stay in bed, but if I just sit around they get upset. I have teenagers, and my married daughter,her husband, and two baby's moved in our house. I thought my oldest would grow up and help out ( I help you you help me ) type of thing but noooooo. She feels I don't do enough for her. I've told her there are so many times I hurt I just want to cry, and she still wants me to take care of her boys. She don't have any money because she blows it on crap. She thinks she should not have to do anything because I have 3 teenagers to pick up after her. And in turn they don't feel its right they should have to pick up after her. I have been under so much stress with all of this I have my days. I tried to go to mential health and they don't have a opening right now. Went to my GI doctor they asked how I was doing I said I still had 2-7 stools a day, the nurse asked me if I was flairing ,I asked whats that I haven't stopped yet. My doctor is kind of confused because I'm on humira to . I feel lick I'm losing it and I'm all alone. sad I do feel better when I read what people have to say here. I get on 4-8 times a day. I don't stay long read new post read the jokes, I feel like I somewhat fit in here. I told everyone how I felt and they all got so upset with me and my husband was so mad, because how dare I make everyone feel bad. So now my oldest isn't speaking to me, it really bothers me, but thin again at least I'm not fighting . I get so depreased with this crohn's crap at first I could make fun of it but it really is getting to me now. I'm so use to being in controll of my life and I have none now. I can't explain it to anyone because they don't care or they don't want to know. Its not a part of their life. They get mad at me because I'm always forgetting everything, they think I'm doing it on purpose. I don't know if its the drugs or just what. I hope to get into mential health this week.... sad I just needed to vent..



Ne Ne



49Female dx June o7 crohn's asacol 2x3 day, entocort 1x2 day, lotrel for HBP, omeprazole for stomach, potaseum, one a day crohn's & colitis therapy, calcium & vit D, lomotil for lose stools, tramodol for pain, humira.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/27/2008 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Ne NE
I totally do understand where you are coming from
I too was the Go getter and the doer of all things even with IV's hanging outta me and so sick from the cd I was down to 88 lbs at one time
I have siblings but they never bothered with Mom nor dad till after Mom passed away March 20 2006
I and my hubby and Daughter Cait looked after her..so did Dad til he got Alzheimer's and cancer as well ........He has been gone now since taken off mahines on the 17th of April........
I looked after him as well
NOW the siblings are so interested in what they can get of the material items
It literally makes me sick to my stomache
Okay sorry I am ranting......
No I dont find anyone that truly knows what we are going thru on a daily basis with the CD unless I come here and then I am understood ..........
It is hard for ppl to grasp that ya okay sometimes we DONT look sick but man walk in our shoes or sit on our keisters for the hours we do on potty ya know
I too am chronic D I go up to 7 9 times a day..........
My GI is stumped as I am on Opiates that would constipate an elephant but nothing has done the trick for me
I am eating alot smaller healthier foods due to suggesstions here and doing as much excercise as I possibly can.......

YOUR son just might be mad at you per say but is he perhaps mad at what this DD has done to his mom??
I had my Cait join here and talk to Sniper, VietVet, C2. Keah .Ides randynoguts ( she looked at his pics and read his story) ....just to name a few......IT did help with her as well as my hubby Howie
You might suggesst down the line they join and read some of the posts or just pop in as a guest and read some posts

THIS DD is really hard on a person as you know BUT dont let it get you down more than it does thats what it wants for you to be vulnerable and just waits to hit ya with more INHO.......
I sure hope I am making sense here....lol

STay with us and you will get thru this I swear you will/ this is the best place for caring support and understanding ..........Bar none........
Keep reading the posts too .........
There is also resources at the side to check out.........

I wish you all the best Ne Ne.........THinking of you ..

LYN

Sidenote** I would be telling your daughter as well to read the posts she needs to step up and help her mom ...plain and simple if she cannot spend her monies on a sitter and spends it unwisely then thats her problem .....NOT yours .As a mom I know thats a hard thing to do but TOUGH love has to come into this when you are dealing with Crohns or any other debilitating DD

I would if I were you ask the doc for something for your nerves.......Check out the a/p forum as well ppl there understand as well we have a few Crohnies in there...LYN

 

 


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 4/27/2008 8:05:43 AM (GMT-6)


Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 4/27/2008 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Pardon me but I dont understand. I dont have children. The good lord did not bless me with any, but I am told they are so cute , so you want kill them. My question is, why do so many people let their children walk on them. Even if I dont have any, I was one , and I would never have treated my mother or father this way. First because I respected them too much, and second because they would never have let me. I was TAUGHT not to be selfish. I think we all must learn this as we are not born with it. I was also taught how to do for myself. Best gift of all, because I really appreciate when someone does something for me now. I dont expect it and I know what cost them to do it. I hope your children get a clue and pitch in to help you but if they dont , I think you have the right to say" NO." Take care of yourself..
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/27/2008 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Same here Sniper I would never have done or said anything to disrespect either of my parents for sure.....Oh I was a lil tomboy and I got into my share of problems but I was also taught I HAD to deal with my consequenses of my actions this has helped me thru many a storm in my life best lesson I could have been taught along with NEVER surrender..........
Kids are not the same nowadys it seems...Very sad
I have been BLESSED with Cait she has been taught empathy ,and love for her fellow man,woman and child and she does not disrespect either Howie nor myself
She does so much around here for the 2 of us and did help with mom and dad til he was put on the machines..........
It is my son who has shown so much disrespect and disregard for the woman who brought him into the world and has helped him thru so many things money and relationship probs..BUT I have learned to say no this is why I have no contact with them.they know we will not help them anymore....

I truly wish kids would know it is not right to be this way to your parents............
Luvs
LYN

**They kids have plenty of ways to deal with parents my friend the have the "Childrens Helpline taught to them in low grade and told to call if they get spanked or slapped on the bottom .......

It is ILLEGAL to use corporal punishment here in Ontario and across Canada I believe........

I know I was given the switch a few times in my days .lol

I am not knocking the Child helpline.I believe it is a great thing if used for right reasons.not just beacuse you are ticked at parents .....or other authourity persons


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 4/27/2008 9:06:43 AM (GMT-6)


songstress
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 4/27/2008 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
ive been there and Im sorry they are doing this to u. People tell me its in my head too...that if I didnt focus on it the pain would go away...well I tell them...hey when I have a pain and I go to the bathroom and all that comes out is blood....THAT IS NOT IN MY HEAD....so dont tell me until u have been there

u have to understand that THEY will never understand..they havent walked in ur shoes and probably never will but it doesnt change the fact that your pain is real and ur illness is very real. ITs chronic and incurable. I wish I had better words but Im not the best at giving advice.

Hang in there!!!

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength

Diagnosed with severe Crohn's colitis in May 2005. I deal with daily arthritis ALL over my body, cystic acne, & fibromyaglia. Have taken Imuran, Remicade, TPN, Colozal, Entocort, Flagyl, PamineForte, Cipro, Dicyclomine, Prednisone, Asacol, Prevacid, and the list goes on. Currently on Remicade every 4wks, 20mg Pred, Asacol, 75mg Imuran, etc.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/27/2008 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
YOU did just great songstress
Support is truly needed and you have given your input and support

Way to go

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


aoccc
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 455
   Posted 4/27/2008 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
I can tell you are the type of caring person that will help family when they need help. So at the same time you have to learn what I learned a while ago. You have to tell them, I love you people but I could give a crap what you say about me. If I gotta go to the bathroom or sleep during the day, that's what I am gonna do, you people just worry about your own problems (and everyone has just as many as us Crohn's people do, ours our just more out there to notice). You gotta thicken your skin to have crohn's, i know you love them but there is a point where you quit worrying about their self inflicted problems and take care of the ones you didnt ask for. Everything will work out(always does), take care. :)

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/27/2008 9:47 AM (GMT -7)   
If I were you, I would stop flushing the toilet. They will figure out really soon that you have a serious disease and it is not all in your head.
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


FallColors
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1220
   Posted 4/27/2008 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
You are sick and they are thinking only of themselves. Intolerable. Kick them out of your house. Don't tolerate them walking all over you. And don't you feel guilty for one second. Get angry at them -- their actions are selfish and totally inconsiderate! Would you let your neighbor mooch like this? So what if they are "family". True family are those who care for each other.

Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 4/28/2008 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank You all for just letting me vent. I know I'm in pain and I know its real , I still have a real problem dealing with all of this and I know I need help. But the stress she puts on me is starting to get to me. Now shes not talking to me. She walks around me and talks to everyone but me. She is playing the little game that if I don't see you, you don't see me. And besides its my fault not hers. But I can't kick her out either, she has two baby's and on place to go. She has burnt a lot of bridges. And she has been with us for over 6months and still owes the last place there rent.......I just am glad I can come here and vent...... THANK YOUso much





Ne Ne

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/28/2008 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
NeNe I am currently in therapy because of my 28 year old daughter. Continually being verbally and emotionally abusive if things didn't go her way. The therapist has taught me that she is an adult and there are boundaries that she has crossed with me and are no longer acceptable. So your daughter doesn't talk to you, its her problem NOT yours. Its time for these adult children to grow up and respect their parents. Thats something I am just now learning. I don't speak to this daughter right now, by MY choice. When she finally figures out that no matter what, I am her mother, and I deserve respect, and apologizes for speaking to me and my husband the way she did, then maybe we can work on being a family again. But I will no longer tolerate such hatefulness. Maybe its time for you to help her remember who she is living with and whose house it is, and that this is the way it is and if she doesn't like it (money or not) show her the door. Don't let her belittle you or disrespect you or your home anymore. As I said there are boundaries between parents and children and they must respect those boundaries. We can't continue to enable them anymore, our health is the one that pays for it. Hope I helped a little.

God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.


mcleaver1969
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 267
   Posted 4/28/2008 8:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that is really crappy how your family is reacting to your disease...that's simply shocking to me. How can they get mad at you because you are ill??? Do they realize the absurdity of that? Obviously they don't care and they also don't care that their guilt trips, laziness and lack of empathy are only making your CD worse. You need to take care of YOU!
The appearance of a disease is swift as an arrow;
its disappearance slow, like a thread.  ~Chinese Proverb<!--DCMOO-->
Marci, 39 years young, Rockledge, FL
Dx with Crohn's disease March 2006
Currently on bi-weekly Humira, daily 6mg Entocort, daily 2-3x 5mg hydrocodone (for pain), and daily 75mg Effexor,
plus 2x per day heavy iron supplements for anemia,
calcium supplement, daily multi-vitamin,
 


Melissa H
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 4/28/2008 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you are having a hard time.  I often feel like my family doesn't "get it" either.  My kids are all young and they certainly don't understand it.  They want their mommy at 100% and I'm usually functioning at about 50%.  I have had to sit down with my husband several times and say "I can't do everything, I need your help"...and he helps.  But for some reason I have to make a point of asking each time (usually in tears and pain) before he understands just how hard it is every day. 
 
I also made myself a list of what's most important for me to do in our household because some days I just want to be in bed!!  And when I look around and my house is a mess and the laundry is piled up and the bills are all late, I stress myself out big time - which then makes my symptoms worse.  So, I am working on accepting that I'm not the super mom I want to be and then I look at that very short list I made and make sure it's done...and everything else can wait.  And, I'm trying to rely on my husband more often because he is capable of doing the laundry too.  So, maybe he doesn't fold the towels right - at least I'm not having to do them tongue
 
Blessings to you friend,
Mel
30 year old wifey and mom to 3 little girls, 2 dogs, and 2 ratties and working full-time outside of the home...nap anyone?
Suffered with symptoms for 12 years, dx Crohn's-Colitis 11/2007.  Taking Asacol, Omeprazol, Rowasa, Bentyl. Flaring off and on and trying to avoid steriods.  Visited a naturopath, got a vitamin B injection and have started taking NF Formula's "RF Plus" with every meal.

Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 4/28/2008 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Its so funny before I started with this crohn's thing I did do everything I worked, in retail I was a stocker, unloading trucks, I worked in clothes, so I was always moving racks around and shelves what ever needed.. And it was like one day I was sick and I lost my life, my job, and became what I am today..My kids don't get it, they have went through it with me but its so hard for me to understand it, I know they don't get it, all I'm doing is pooping....My husband is a disabled vet so thank God we have his money cause I can't work.... I can't think most of the time, I start something and for get almost as soon as I start...I use to take care of everything,house,bills,doctor app,kids stuff,shopping,everything my husband was just here. I've told him he has to step up and help he said fine but then he goes back to the old ways. And when something is wrong its my fault of course....I made the comment I couldn't make a phone call and my oldest jumped all over me... I think I had IBS for eight years or so, I'd have a bout and then go on my way,but this just don't seem to let up... My doctor and I don't see eye to eye and now I need a new one and can't find one where I live... Its very small area and they all stick up for each other...I know I'm losing it. And I can't say how I feel to my family.. I tried that and everyone was on me...It takes me all day to sweep the floor now, when I do the laundry its all day and the next day am still recovering from, but I get so much slack I can't take the fight... I have mydays I almost wish I could just run away but I have no where to go and no money to go with....haha..




Ne Ne

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/28/2008 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok Mom - it is time for some tough love. Here is what I would suggest. First, your daughter and her husband have to pay rent. If they can't afford it they will earn their keep. Create a list of what he and she need to do each week. If they refuse, give them one months notice and then eviction. One month is long enough to find a safe apartment. If you still think the babies are in danger, evict the parents and offer to watch them until they get settled in. (It sounds like you watch them anyway). If your son in law is no problem and your daughter is the rude one just evict her and let him stay and watch the babies while she finds a new place. It sounds heart wrenching but one night in her car might be a wake up call.

Your teenagers- they probably rely on your for things that aren't exactly necessities. You probably cook for them, drive them to friends houses, give them money for school events, etc. Make a chore list. If some get done, you continue cooking for them and driving for them. No fun money at all (including prom tickets lol) until the chores are ALL done. If none get done, don't cook for them! It seems harsh but as long as you have food in the house teenagers can cook. A few night of ham sandwhiches and they will be doing their chores.

Stomp your foot down and don't let them walk all over you. If you need help evicting your daughter you can speak to a social worker or your local police.

Good luck!
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 

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