paranoid at work

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pippy32
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 5/7/2008 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I always feel like im not doing things right, that people are talking about my crohn's behind my back, that my works not good enough. I don't have much time off sick but i had to reduce my hours because of the crohn's and i often switch my hours around eg. tomorrow im working the afternoon instead of the morning so i can attend a meeting without too much stomach trouble (fingers crossed). I never feel good enough and am always trying to prove myself.
 
Does anyone ever feel like this?

Kittikatt
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 5/7/2008 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
YES, YES and YES...and I've only (myself) told 6 people in my office about my Crohn's. My boss and 5 friends who I felt like I could trust.

I also swore THOSE 6 people to secrecy (as it's none their job to divulge my personal health information to anyone else); however, I have this sneaking suspicion that one of them have told my secret to one or more people within my building. People are nosy and people love to gossip about other people...even when FRIENDS have asked them not to.

Lately I've been out of the office a lot b/c of my CD and for DR appts, etc. I've been mentally foggy and felt like I've not been concentrating on my job as well as I should.

And I hate being all "secretive" when OTHER people ask me how I'm doing (because it's obvious to anyone in my building that I've been sick lately). HOWEVER, with this kind of socially awkward disease, I just feel like it's best for MOST people not to know about it if they aren't friends.

For example, my boss has been AWESOME. He's come right out and said, "If you ever need to work from home, feel free to." He trusts me enough to stay at my house and do my job. BUT there are women within this office who would gossip until their face is blue if they found out I have worked from home and not taken sick leave on those days.

So that's why I don't just freely tell people about my Crohn's. I don't want to constantly feel like people are talking about me and my illness behind my back...although sometimes I STILL feel that way not knowing for sure if my FRIENDS have leaked my secret!

As you can see, I'M VERY PARANOID! :) So I definitely feel your paranoia.
Diagnosed in October, 2004 at age 33.
36/F/SC
Currently taking Colazal, Nexium, Ferrous Sulfate, One-A-Day multivitamin, Omega-3 Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Vitamin A
Secondary conditions: mouth ulcers, joint pain, extreme fatigue


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/7/2008 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
I have very supportive bosses and coworkers, but I still feel the way you do. I think its just something we Crohnies all live with. I think I cause myself more harm than anyone else can because I am always worrying that I am dissapointing someone. But they are always very supportive, its just me and my persistant worry.
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.


pippy32
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 5/7/2008 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Thankyou both, reassuring to know im not alone. Im sure 90% of it is in my head, i just wish i could not care what people think but like you nanners, im a born worrier and this DD does not help!

sr5599
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1202
   Posted 5/7/2008 9:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Boy, same here.  I am technically self-employed, but I have committed 30 hrs/week to my favorite client.  (So it's more like an employee again.)  I go into the office 2-3 times each week.  (Lucky!)  They know of my disease and are very supportive, but I am constantly feeling like a flake.  I do very good work and am conscientious about my hours.  Even through they understand, I feel horrid when I don't make it there until later -- like 10:45 or so.  I know I couldn't have done any better.  But...

Also, Monday I had to send an email to tell them I just cannot travel.  They've been requesting lately.  My anxiety levels go through the roof.  So, I finally said NO.  They replied it was ok, but now I feel like I am not pulling my weight.  Of course, I never said I would/could travel.  (I can't leave my 10 year old alone anyway!!!)  But I feel guilty!

 

 


--40 year old female, dx as UC in '04 (1st symptoms in '03), switched to Crohn's in '05, 1 fistula, crohn's colitis, limited to large intestine
--rejected (reaction/didn't work): Asacol, AZA, 6-MP, MTX, Remicade, Humira, prednisone
--stuck on methylprednisolone, tried Prochymal in Phase III study (can't wait til it's approved!)
--started Tysabri 3/21/08
--single mom to 10-year-old girl


pippy32
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 5/7/2008 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
sr5599, i hate situations like that. I know at the end of this month there is an evening of talks and a meal out, about 40 mins from my home. I just can't do it, it's not like it's part of my job description and it's unpaid, it's actually meant as more of a treat for eveyone. I'll have to speak to my boss and im sure he'll be fine about it but it'll stress me out loads and i'll feel so guilty.

I also worry that people think im making things up just to get out of things i don't fancy doing.

I probably come across as fine most of the time as im very good at hiding how im feeling plus some days i can go out for meals and things. I don't think people understand exactly how this disease works and i really dont feel comfortable discussing it. Can you imagine:

'i can't come to the works meal because im likely to get bloated to the point of explosion followed by really bad wind, possible diarreoah and my bowels will sound like there's an alien in there trying to get out-is it ok if i skip it!!'

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 5/7/2008 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Pippy - though you don't have to, would you feel more comfortable giving a little information but not gory details? Like, oh I'd love to join you for the dinner but I have a digestive disorder and really don't feel comfortable eating that far from home.  You don't have to mention bloody diarrhea but it gives them the idea you have a medical condition and that is why you are skipping out.  I know I have a ton MORE anxiety if I dont tell people about my crohns.  I worry more about what people make up in their imagination that is more embarassing than the actual disease.  I'd rather just say, this is what I have, sorry.
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


Lady G
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 321
   Posted 5/7/2008 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree too, I cut my hours after a huge flare and never went back to working heavy again and I know some people think I am just being lazy and trying not to do 'extra' and all that, when really I'm just looking out for my own well being. I don't divulge my disease to many people, but the Human Resources in my place knows and they are the only ones who really need to know. At times people I HAVE told about the crohns have heard others talking bad about me, if I call in sick for a day, and then they defend me, without saying why I was sick and thats nice, but still, I get it lots too, people talking bad cause they don't understand. I have been open with saying I have a disease, just not which one, so they SHOULD know I do have a REASON even if I'm not being specific...about two weeks ago one lady made a really crude comment to my face and I just ignored it and walked away, it hurts, but I also know they don't know and I just leave thier ignorance to themselves. (my job is one of those ones where the people talk WAY too much about business that isn't thiers and make stuff up and blow situations out of order so I'll never tell them whats wrong since they will say I am dying, contagious or something ignorant like that, I'd rather just keep it to myself then give them something to blow out of order)
27 year old, married. Diagnosed with Crohns at 17, suspected of having for at least a year or so before that.  Alot of Crohns in my family history.  No surgeries yet. Imuran treatment with Prednisone tapering at moment.  Possible Fistula.


Matthew
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3932
   Posted 5/7/2008 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Why I **DON'T** talk about this much at work. Even so, I sometimes feel this way.
Of course, I also get disgusted with the person who has a cold & calls in, leaving me with twice the work..

Matthew

broomhilda
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1488
   Posted 5/7/2008 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I get disgusted with the guy that calls in with a cold too! If they only really knew what we endure! I am too committed and loyal to call in a sick day even when I am sick. Pretty stupid, huh! I've been flaring this week and did take the day off yesterday just because I was in the bathroom 7-8 times the night before and was exhausted. I also wanted the day on a proper liquid diet so I could straighten myself out without prednisone. I still feel guilty!
Dx'd Jan'06, 1st Resection 7/06, Predinsone, Humira, Imuran, B12 injections, Nexium. Secondary conditions: Psorasis, Acne, Fatigue, Joint Pain, Lactose Intolerant, gallstones, fibroid cysts, peri-menopausal.


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 5/7/2008 7:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Maybe the people calling in with colds really had diarrhea but were too embarassed to say that. For all of you that don't tell your colleagues about your crohns what do you tell them when you call in sick? I guess we have no way of knowing the real reason anyone calls out.

That said, having to work in a profession with forced over time and minimum staffing, I got really annoyed with any call outs. Including a coworker who was at the time misdiagnosed with crohns. I felt if I could be there (and sick) he could be there. But, that was pretty silly of me because I have no way of knowing what he actually felt like inside. His sick could have been 10 times worse than my sick.
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


Crohn'snme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 734
   Posted 5/7/2008 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
The best thing I did for myself was figure out a way to work for myself.  I no longer have that pressure and now have flexibility.  It's tough.  We all judge each other and have opinions.  How do we really know how that person is feeling?  Being my own boss allows me to be the judge.  I never thought I could or would do it, but did.  Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself alot of slack.  This is a hard disease to deal with. Take care and hugs. 

pippy32
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 5/8/2008 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy, i have told my boss that i have crohn's but sometimes i dont think people really 'get it'. Im sure they think 'well, she was saying she went out for a meal with her friends last week but she's not well to do a works function-how convienient' when the truth is that my friends know about my conditions inside out and i can very easily say half way through a meal 'i have to go'!! I don't know, i just feel like people are judging me but, as my title says, im mostly just paranoid!

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 5/8/2008 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand. I just posted in another thread how I get frustrated that I can do things I want to do and rarely get sick but when someone else asks me to do something I get anxious and end up getting sick and miserable while there. I definitly think it is another mental aspect of the disease. I like control and I like to do things on my own terms, when I want to, where I want to, with the people I want to.
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


sjkly
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2113
   Posted 5/8/2008 5:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I take off less time that anyone else in my office (I have a part time schedule so I am only including time scheduled to work that I don't work) yet when my rhuemy decided she wanted to see me monthly and she only has office hours on a day I am scheduled to work I feel like I am going to be labled a slacker for missing one morning a month for these appointments. It is just me too my boss knows what is going on and she has no problems with it and just renewed my contract-but I feel like I should be there period.
Sj

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 5/8/2008 6:13 PM (GMT -7)   
It makes me wonder how people work when the office hours of most places is the same as our work schedule. I work full time in the summer and because I am only there 3 months I hate missing any work. But, I put off making a lot of appointments while I was in school. However, NONE of them are crohns related. So doesn't every body need to do this. My dog needs to get to the vet, I need to see the orhodontist, and I need a check up at the gyno. Oy.
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


Crohn'snme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 734
   Posted 5/8/2008 6:46 PM (GMT -7)   
It's horrible that we all have guilt about missing work because of being sick from this disease. People truly don't understand.

indigosunrise
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 497
   Posted 5/19/2008 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
One particular person I work with will call in sick 1-2 times a week, but has recently missed nearly an entire month. It aggravates and hurts me because I tell her what I go through with my health and there is no sympathy or even understanding on her part, but she expects everyone else to feel empathy for her. She will call in for anything ranging from diarrhea to migraines to depression--yes, she honestly has said she cannot come in due to having diarrhea. Do you know how many times I have been to work with diarrhea???

I think the thing that hurts the worst is that I really thought this person was a friend who would be there for me, or at least, believe me. I told her today that next month I have a doctor appointment I cannot miss (I was trying to hint that she really should have her butt to work), she acted like she didn't even care. I told her the things I am going through (passing blood, increased diarrhea, etc.) and she could have cared less. All she cared about was her problems and how to deal with them. I am sorry...I find it hard to continue to have sympathy for someone who cannot have sympathy or understanding for someone else.

On the other hand, most everyone else I work with, that knows I could have IBD, has been very kind and supportive. I guess it just hurts because I considered this person to be more of a friend than a coworker.

Thanks for letting me vent, anyhow.

gumby44
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4099
   Posted 5/19/2008 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I am self-employed and set my own hours and I STILL feel guilty! I am not as productive as I used to be, when I don't work, I don't get $, so I'm financially stressed, etc. I wake up each day and do the best I can...I know I'm not lazy, and I guess in the end I just try to trust myself and keep plodding along. I selectively tell people about my Crohn's, but I have been pleasantly suprised to see how supportive most people are. It's that obnoxious, un-empathetic minority that cause all the trouble!
49 yr. old female, diagnosed with Crohn's in small intestine and terminal ileum Sept-Oct. 2007. Also have IBS, and had Salmonella Dec. '07
currently taking Pentasa- 8 250mg pills per day, Cipro 1 week/month, Metamucil, probiotics


pippy32
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 5/20/2008 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Just to add to my work paranoia:there is a phantom pooer at work. The toilets are right next to our office and some one is having diarrheoa every day, it smells out the entire building and i just know that everyone thinks it's me!! The thing is, if i had D i'd use a toilet in another area of work so that my colleagues wouldn't smell/hear it!! I'm hoping it'll happen when im on my holidays next week so they'll know i'm not the culprit!

Melissa H
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 5/20/2008 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Pippy, you are too funny! Isn't funny the things we worry about?!? Sometimes when I'm leaving the restroom and someone else has stunk it up I have that thought "I hope they know it wasn't me!!" HAHA!
30 year old wifey and mom to 3 little girls, 2 dogs, and 2 ratties and working full-time outside of the home...and always ready for a nap.
Suffered with symptoms for 12 years, dx Crohn's-Colitis 11/2007. Taking Asacol, Omeprazol, Rowasa, Bentyl. Flaring off and on and trying to avoid steriods.  Taking RF Plus, Similase, Cortine, Pregnenalone, Vit B shots.  http://www.facebook.com/people/Melissa_Huffines/743171473


pippy32
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 5/21/2008 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I know, my husband was like "don't be so daft! Why don't you say something about the smell" but i can't as it could be one of my work mates and i don't want to offend anyone! Anyway, im off for 5 days now so fingers crossed they'll strike again while i'm away!

Irish Red
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 54
   Posted 5/21/2008 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I thought I would share in the guilt comments. I concur! I made the decision to tell my coworkers, but they don't really understand the disease. I don't think people do unless they have it. My husband tries to understand and at times I don't think he even gets it.

I also want to comment on the team sports. I have been a soccer player since I could walk . I am on two teams this year and there is a level of commitment to this as well.
Lately, I have disappointed my team and now I am at a cross roads on if I should explain or not. We play for fun so as this is not a competitive league but they expect me to be there as I would expect them. These are new “friends” and it is difficult to tell a TEAM of people. My stomach has always been known as a talker and they associated it with the fact that I could not eat before a game, which is true.

I wish people were more aware of this disease so all we had to say was. Look I have Crohn’s and that would explain everything. The reality is that it is tough, but we have to trust that people will understand.

Have you ever told someone you have Crohn’s and then they say they know someone who has it as well. It happens all the time to me. If we were more open about it then maybe people would start to understand it more. Easier said then done I know.

P.S. hope you find out who the phantom pooer is .. good luck

CD since 1988,

Cocktail of medications ( Remicade included) and have explored many herbal remedies.

Currently experiencing another flair up after 4 years of remission.

 

"Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your going to get inside" 

Everyone knows that quote... how true how true.


pippy32
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 5/21/2008 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Thankyou! I'll do my best to get to the bottom of it (excuse the pun!). I've only ever regretted telling one person about my crohn's and that is because whenever i see them i get a patronising "oh poor you, how are you feeling dear" ARGHHHH i hate that! Just talk to me normally!!

The truth is that NO-ONE can understand this disease even my husband and parents who have held my hand through it all can't possible realise what i go through everyday.

IrishRed, i think the next time you have to miss training or a game and if you're feeling brave you should confide in someone. My policy has always been to only tell someone new if it ever affects them and it's worked for me so far. The truth (usually a watered down version from me) is always better than an excuse xx

Glad Bag
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 5/21/2008 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I can relate to all....fortunately I have a understanding boss, my dad...

the rest of the people know what I have, but most don't know what Crohn's really is....a few know I have an ostomy....

as for the phantom in the office bathroom...i don't think people give it as much thought as you all believe....just my opinion though.

Finally, Irish Red, I totally relate to the sports team thing...I now play softball and had to miss three games of 12 due to my illness, it was kind of a bummer. The cool thing is i got to make some new friends anyway, they want me back next season, and I was able to tell one of the guys about my ostomy, all cause I felt comfortable after a while....

p.s: we took 2nd place in our league!
"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together!" - The Beatles

doesn't that just sound cool when you sing it?

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