Need my therapists and cheerleaders!!!

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FitzyK23
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Date Joined May 2005
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   Posted 6/20/2008 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
AKA - my healingwell family!!
 
So what I hate most about my crohns is feeling fine one minute and as soon as I am in a situation where it would be a big deal to take a bathroom break I immediatly get sick.  I know crohns is a 100% real disease but I just can't help but feel like when that happens it is in my head.
 
Up until a few days ago I had a more or less remission.  I never fully use the word remission because when I have to go I still have to go urgently.  I just go a lot less/formed and feel a lot better.  So a sort of remission.  Then, mid afternoon (when I always feel my best) my boss asks me to ride somewhere with him to pick up some evidence.  Ok this is like a 20 minute ride each way, no prob right? As soon as I get in the car I get nervous, sweaty, feel like I am panicking.  We get to the pick up place and I don't see a bathroom right away and don't want to make him wait.  So I hold it.  Back in the car.  He starts heading away from the office.  WHAT! He asks if I want to stop at a deli he likes for lunch! So he knows a lot about my crohns (also because I am close friends with his son).  So I am honest and say only if it has a bathroom, I need to find one soon.  I am a little embarassed because before we left he had to wait for me in the ladies room.  So he is totally great, says he will find one right away, and offers to emergency drive (he used to be in law enforcement).  Every crohnies dream right? I get to the deli, go, have a nice lunch, get back to the office.
 
Ok.  So I found out that we now have to drive 2 hours north of my house (3 hours from the office) to look over some discovery.  We will be leaving my house at 7 am.  I know that he is cool with my disease.  I know he doesn't mind stopping.  But I just am dreading that panicky feeling I will have as soon as I get in his car.  I could offer to drive but I have a crap mobile and he has a fancy SUV.  I could drive myself but that would make no sense because he has to drive by my house to get there and if I say why he will insist he is fine with everything.  It is also through some super country areas where I will go 30+ miles without an exit.  I am no stranger to the woods but I would be mortified to be dressed all professional and have to do that w/ my boss in the car.
 
I know I could decline from the project and say I can't and it would be allowed.  But I don't want to do this.  I want to conquer my mental block.  I have been feeling like crap the last few days (I think a probiotic test gone wrong) and I just pray that it is better by then.  I have chosen to go into law knowing full well about my crohns and knowing I have to conquer this.  I know I can never stop the flares from happening (then I would have the cure and be rich) but I need to stop the mental part.  The part where if I was home or in my office I would feel fine but put me where there is no bathroom and I am suddenly a garden hose.
 
My plan: Eat very light and sensible the night before.  Go to bed very early.  Take a xanax if I need to. Get up early.  Walk the dog till I have to poop.  Poop.  Poop again.  Maybe one more time.  Take an immodium or two and a xanax.  Make a smoothie or something fairly safe so I am not dizzy all day.  And just try to do this.  My husband gave me crap about taking the xanax because technically I wasn't prescribed it for this.  I was given a prescription for my severe fear of flying.  But it is only .25 and if I take one to sleep and one to avoid my in car panic attacks thats ok right?  I can't take any more than that because I need to be coherent and have my wits about me when we get to our destination.  Oh and MamaDove was kind enough to give me some info about what exits have bathrooms.  A friend also told me there are lots of convenient rest areas on the way.
 
So - if you have any other tips on how I can do this confidently please share them.  Otherwise, say prayers and send good thoughts that I will have a great trip.  I think if I can get a couple of these behind me I might start panicking less in these situations.
 
 

sjkly
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Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2113
   Posted 6/20/2008 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I was going to suggest xanax before seeing your plan. I would take it for this trip then I would mention to my doc that I needed to be able to take xanax for those situations. I can't see them giving you a problem with this esspecially if you are talking about one or two days a week.
I hope you do well with this trip. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Sj

indigosunrise
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 497
   Posted 6/20/2008 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hugs! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Getting to bed early and relaxing will help, I think. I have been told that stress can cause Crohn's to get worse and the Xanax as well as relaxing before the trip, just might help your stomach. When I can reduce my stress, it REALLY helps me out!

Best of luck and let us know how it goes!

MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 6/20/2008 7:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy,
I think your plan is a good idea. As long as the xanax does not make your crohns worse, it is a rx for anxiety.
Good Luck,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...-?
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


broomhilda
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1488
   Posted 6/20/2008 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you are on the right track too. I would tell the GI and ask for an Rx for the anxiety. I was freaked out last year this time about my son's wedding. I didn't take my Lexapro the night before because I planned to have one glass of wine at the wedding. The next morning I felt bloated...great I thought...It's gonna happen when I'm escorted down the aisle by my husband and I'm gonna ruin their wedding! Well, I woke up, drank a huge amount of water and took 2 imodium for breakfast. I had peanut butter nabs for brunch to keep the sugar levels stable, made it through the 11:00 wedding, ate 1 bite of wedding cake at the reception flushed down by six....you heard me six glasses of wine! I HAD A BLAST! You are so right the mental part is hard to get over....the wine obviously helped me since I never drink! The ironic ending, I didn't even flare the next day! You CAN do this with a little prep! I have full faith and confidence in you!
Dx'd Jan'06, 1st Resection 7/06, Humira, Imuran, B12 injections, Nexium, Lexapro, Glucosamine, Multi-Vitamin, Ultracet Secondary conditions: Psorasis, Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Lactose Intolerant, gallstones, peri-menopausal.


medchrt1
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Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 517
   Posted 6/20/2008 9:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I am truly struggling to provide an answer to your post. I ask you... do you really think your boss will sacrifice his position for your health?
Your priorities are out of order, health is before job. inasmuch you try to convince yurself the world revolves around your docket, it doesnt. If you enjoy your field, enjoy it, but bring a crossword puzzle to your meeting just in case :) gl

MamaDove
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 181
   Posted 6/21/2008 5:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Ohhhhhhhhh Fitzy...
 
It seems we have all been where you are...I used to have to travel from Long Island to Manhattan each day for important meetings with 'high people' (not people that were high,tehe).The anxiety kicked in every single night and then the morning of the meeting...Never failed...The traffic, the task of the prep for the meeting, the diet dilemmas when everyone else was going to the deli, diner or stopping at the hot dog man  for knishes...Each and every time I prepared myself for all the 'what ifs' UNTIL the day I thought WHAT IF I didn't THINK of all this crap and just did it, like when I was without the disease...
 
The first time I thought that day, it worked...It what makes me certain that for me, nerves play a big role if not the only role in my illness...
 
That is what I wish for you today...To be able to *think* of the way things used to be without having to be concerned of everything PLUS the disease...Now I know it isn't easy but if you, like I, realize that much of this we tend to bring about ourselves, you may be able to change it easier...Now I am not saying that this is in our heads or that we need to live 'with' our illness or any other cliches that we have all heard at one time or another, I am just sharing what worked for me...
 
Another example of this would be when I wanted to quit smoking so badly, I tried hypnotherapy even...Wouldn't do pills, gum or patches so that wasn't an option...Then I got to thinking how I DON'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT A CIGARETTE IN MY HAND... These buggers are controlling every fiber of my being...The more I realized that and thought about the controlling aspect the easier it was...I threw 2 cartons away and quit cold turkey of Feb. 14, 1993...I guess what I am *saying* is that it  IS a matter of how we perceive every thing around us...
 
When you asked me about bathroom stops along the way I was thinking 'hey, she is good, she is preparing herself for a full day and for nothing to stand in her way', however, it seems that too much prep turns into too much worry which we all know pre-empts an occurrence...I hope I have conveyed this the proper way...I wish you peaceful and relaxing thoughts in your mind so they carry into your gut and relieve all the concerns that come along with situations like these...You are a strong woman Fitzy...You continue to work hard and be put into situations such as these due to your job...There was a time when I had my own business due to all the complications of working away from home...That didn't last long tho and I was forced to stop altogether...I def know what you are going through and again, I will send you peaceful thoughts that your trip (and all trips from here on in) will be uneventful or as normal as they can be...Don't worry nono They say that is only wishing for things you don't want to happen...while it sounds so corny, it's also true...
 
So from me to you, fellow Maine-ah, have a safe and enjoyable trip up North and we will be here if you need us...Hope the exits I gave you were helpful, but then again I wasn't exactly sure if you were traveling on 95 the entire way...
 
Will be thinking of you...Don't forget to wave as you go by...Peace~MamaDove

FitzyK23
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Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 6/21/2008 7:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Medchrt- I guess I don't totally understand your reply. I don't see where my boss would be sacrificing his position. He would be making a couple bathroom stops on the way to an office where we are going to look over documents all day. So really, he would just be getting there a little later. There is no time we HAVE to be there by. He has nothing to lose by making a stop or two for me. And I know I am VERY blessed to be working for such accomodating people.

As far as priorities go - I know health comes first. I left a corrections job to go into law. 90% of my time I have total access to a bathroom whenever I want. This is a huge improvement from corrections. If you notice from my signature I am not yet a lawyer but a 3rd year law student. If I was in a major flare and thought this would hurt my health I wouldn't do it. But I realize that it is more anxiety than anything else, and that I want to conquer. If I would be healthy in my office but sick in a car that is not just crohns. And that is something I have to find control over. Not because my priorities are out of whack but because I want to live as normal of a life as one can with crohns, not homebound because I am afraid of the what ifs. I think if we give in to that anxiety we face the risk of developing more anxieties and further limiting what we feel we "can" do. I hope I don't offend anybody with my post. I recognize that there are many times we are just sick and it is beyond our control.

I fully believe I can respect my limitations, take care of my health, and have a career in law.

Texan with Crohn's
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 6/21/2008 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
FitzyK23 -

Sending tranquil thoughts your way. Xanax will help with the symptoms onset in the car. When in this situation, I place on right under the tongue for immediate panic stoppage. Sounds like you have a wonderful boss, so go with your plan and it will all work itself out. So you stop - :-) - no worries. He sounds like a good guy, so it will be okay.

Good thoughts... good thoughts... good thoughts to you.

-Leslie a/k/a Texan with Crohn's

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 6/21/2008 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy I think many of us suffer with the "anticipatory" anxiety. I would first thing in the morning take the Xanax. I do that when i am worried about having an attack of the "what ifs". I think you will do fine if you just do that. This disease sucks doesn't it.
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.


Marie-Claire
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Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 6/21/2008 9:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Fritzy, I totally understand the "panic" thing.... I 've resorted to xanax type meds before such trips, and immodium.
Before you know it this day will be behind you and it will be such a reliefl!
Wishing you good luck, good trip.... but more important still, a safe trip. Come back to us safe and sound. (I hate traveling).
Love and prayers
Mary
51 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.,RLS, arthritis
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/21/2008 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
medchrt1 said...
I am truly struggling to provide an answer to your post. I ask you... do you really think your boss will sacrifice his position for your health?
Your priorities are out of order, health is before job. inasmuch you try to convince yurself the world revolves around your docket, it doesnt. If you enjoy your field, enjoy it, but bring a crossword puzzle to your meeting just in case :) gl
I have to agree with Fitzy here as I don't get the drift of this post either. I do not think Fitzy's boss is going to be sacrificing anything and with some planned time for extra stops I think Fitzy will do wonderful. 
 
The premed for anxiety is a great plan and  you will do the best you can, people don't have to sacrifice their jobs in todays world as accomondations are made for people with diseases.
 
I was a boss for 26 years and my first duty was to my staff.  If the staff was happy and cared about,  they gave 100%.  They also had less stress.
 
Fitzy, you just stay in the moment and when the day gets here you do what you have to and your boss is your advocate, you are a good employee.  He wants you to succeed.
Approximately 1.4 million people in the USA have Crohns disease.  Our job is to support and advocate for Crohns.
 
I am your cheerleader, you go and get em tiger............ I am cheering for you.
 
Hugs
Kitt
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
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MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Perhaps there might be a bit of transference there, but the point is that we are cheering you on all the way Fitzy.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...-?
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


gachrons
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Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 6/22/2008 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fritzy If it were me I would ask the boss to meet me there and leave early that would give you the extra stops you need. Why stress when you don't have to . lol gail

Sniper
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Date Joined Feb 2004
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   Posted 6/22/2008 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I think the term all in your head is an odd term. It infers that there is a complete separation between mind and body. Truth is ,they are together. If you worry about something going wrong, thats stress, and stress is a real hard thing on the body. So one influences the other. Its a ,,what came first the chicken or the chicken poop question.
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


broomhilda
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1488
   Posted 6/22/2008 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Well said Fitzy on your reply! I feel the same way too! I am extra proud of you for recognizing the anxiety for what it is and approaching this fear head on! "Applause"!

When at all possible, I like to drive by myself to any appointments, just in case, that way I don't feel rushed if I have to stop. There is nothing worse than rushing yourself to finish your business, getting back in the car and having to stop again in 3 minutes. My boss knows there is always the possibility of me running a little late but I do try and compensate for this by allowing extra time. A three hour ride is a long time for me without stopping unless I am not flaring and I starve myself first. I, however, do not ask for a travel reimbursement for driving myself or having an extra night's stay at a hotel due to my preferences. I only ask to be reimbursed for the normal expenditures anyone else would have accrued.
Dx'd Jan'06, 1st Resection 7/06, Humira, Imuran, B12 injections, Nexium, Lexapro, Glucosamine, Multi-Vitamin, Ultracet Secondary conditions: Psorasis, Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Lactose Intolerant, gallstones, peri-menopausal.


FitzyK23
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Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone!

karendee
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Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1642
   Posted 6/23/2008 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   

Fitzy, Sounds like you have this under control now...

I just want to say relax stick to your plan and try to enjoy yourself! Don't let the CD stop you! I have clenched my butt cheeks so many times (I swear my butt cheeks are the strongest muscles in my body) and I try not to be nervous... And I hate pooping in public!!!

Good Luck!!

You can do it!! yeah

karen

 


 ...

Karen (Karendee)

Diagnosed w/ Crohn’s Disease  March 2007 On 150mg Azathioprine (generic Imuran), Pentasa, & Entocort (take zofran for nausea now)

Diagnosed w/  Fibromyalgia May 2007 also on Soma

Also on Prilosec 2x a day for reflux.

 


Sniper
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Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 6/23/2008 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Just one question,,,what do you mean by ,,,emergency drive ?????
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


kam#7
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 6/23/2008 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy -

I totally relate to your feelings of anxiety. I have spent most of my life living in "what ifs" and I can tell you that it is not a fun place. When I was getting diagnosed with Crohn's I thought I was bringing it all on myself and that somehow I just needed to figure out how to control it.

I have found Zoloft to "slow down" my racing thoughts on a daily basis. If I have to fly or do something else that brings on overwhelming anxiety, I take a weak valium. Also, I have learned deep breathing and similar exercises to do when I am in anticipation of walking thru something stressful. Let's face it, most of the anxiety is in the days and weeks leading up to something.

So, please know that you are not alone in your anxiety. I have dealt with horrible anxiety and stress and I know that your thoughts are not based on reality, they are based on fear which can feel VERY real on a daily basis.

You are in my prayers!
KAM

35 year old female - Diagnosed w/Crohn's 2002 - Surgery 2004

Currently taking: Pentasa, Entocort, Immodium, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Seroquel


MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 6/23/2008 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Sniper switch from 3 round burst to full auto. Emergency drive is one that will test the limits of your vehicle, just one of the fun perks of being a LEO. But then again I think you already know that and so here I am wondering what the joke is? I wonder if you can be charged with reckless driving if you don't have the bubble on? Granted that means that they would have to catch me...
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...-?
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


FitzyK23
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Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 6/23/2008 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Sniper - what Navy said... basically ignoring the laws while still driving as safe as possible. Going fast, passing other cars, taking short cuts through a parking lot to avoid a red light or if no one is coming going through the red light, etc. Not recommended except for true emergencies. The way you would drive if you really had to get someone to the hospital, etc.

MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 6/23/2008 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Is it just me or are most LEO's speed demons anyway?
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...-?
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 6/23/2008 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
YES!!! I hate being a passenger w/ my boss anyway. I can't imagine what his "emergency" driving counts as. AND after I did my first real call as a ride along w/ my husband I decided real quick that I was not a fan of it. Going 80 mph through the city center is terrifying as a passenger! I could care less that he had on lights and sirens. I was sure we were going to die. I am sure as a driver it is a lot less scary. The way those engines roar as they speed up too made me feel like we were going even fast than we were. I am sure he misses it but I certainly do NOT miss his speed driving!

MamaDove
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 181
   Posted 6/23/2008 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fitzy,
 
Wanted to say that I was checking on you and you appear to be doing better, I am glad!
 
CD cannot beat Fitzy, No way, no how... nono Now go away you lil bugger and leave Fitzy alone...Or MamaDove will kick your patooti tongue
 
Now please don't tell me you wrote that last post at work...the one about your boss...Big brother may just be watching ya know...tehe
 
Glad things are better for ya hon, take good care of you, Peace~MamaDove
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