I doubt I'll be able to convince you (as it took many years of learning on my behalf), but I tell you that once you learn to speak up for yourself your life is simpler, happy and much less stressful.
My husband is very outspoken and being married to him has taught me to speak up for myself. Honestly it started out as I'd rather speak up for myself than listen to him chew me out for letting people walk all over me. Over time, I realized that not speaking up was eating away at me internally.
Heh, kam's post gets my vote. It is similar to what I tell people (It is like having food poisoning AND the flu but they never go away) only much better in detail and would shut up pretty much anyone.
I haven't talked to my parents in years because of the punitive treatment they would give me for being sick. They had been really cruel about me being sick before when I had problems with migraines and vomiting. I called them up to tell them that I don't get sick anymore because it turns out I all of those problems were because of allergies. I was getting migraines all the time because almost every food I ate contained something I was allergic to (monosodium glutamate) and gave me migraines, and then they would give me Excedrin for my migraine, which contains Tylenol, and it turned out I am allergic to Tylenol and it makes me vomit myself into unconsciousness. I told them I don't get migraines now and I don't take anything that has Tylenol so I'm much better and......all they did was criticize me and make comments about how I was just sick for attention. I never called them again.
Last month they e-mailed me and said they were worried about me and missed me and didn't want me to reject them. I told them that I really love them but they were so mean to me before about being sick, and now I am even sicker than ever and will never get better. I told them they would probably be embarassed about my health and not want to talk to me, but if they could not criticize me or put me down for having an illness I would love to talk to them. They didn't reply because apparently that is too much to ask. I didn't mention poo or anything, just "sick and will never get better" and that's enough to earn not being spoken to.
Sure, they're my family, my parents even, but if they can't be decent to me I won't talk to them. If anyone has some jerk in their family who wants to humiliate them or criticize them or boss them around about their illness, let them know that you will not accept their inconsiderate treatment and lay out an acceptable way that you would like to be treated. If they will not treat you kindly, don't talk to them. It's much less stressful to ignore someone who wants to hurt you than it is to try and convince them to stop hurting you. Other people will see that you mean business and will either shape up or ride the Ignore Boat with the jerk people, which makes things easier too.
Good luck, I hope your mean relative stops being hurtful.
Thank you everyone for your replies!!
This is some great information! I will be seeing this individual this weekend and I intend to do something about it if he says something, which, I am sure he will, because to NOT say something isn't in his nature.
There is this story about “the spoon theory” I don’t have it but I am sure there is someone out there who might have it.
Believe me, it’s more than powerful, I might work on your family.
Post Edited By Moderator (ivy6) : 9/3/2008 5:17:48 PM (GMT-6)