New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

tsitodawg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 845
   Posted 9/4/2008 12:48 AM (GMT -7)   
.

Post Edited (tsitodawg) : 11/15/2011 3:12:35 AM (GMT-7)


belleenstein
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1010
   Posted 9/4/2008 5:48 AM (GMT -7)   
The internet is not the problem, but it is certainly aiding your sister's neurosis. Your sister has an emotional investment in being ill. It is rewarding her somehow, but it is pathetic.

No wonder you feel resentful. It's almost like she's standing at your gas tank siphoning off the emotional energy that you could probably use from time to time in your struggles with Crohn's disease. I'm sure your parents must feel torn too. How sad.

I suspect from time to time all of us with chronic illnesses become a bit obsessive about our symptoms and the internet can feed that. Right now I am doing some research on peripheral neuropahy because it has dawned on me that I have been waking up through the night with pins and needles sensations and pains in my arms and legs every night for months. Do I think I have it? If so, is it from a systemic or functional source. I'm not sure, but before I raise the issue with my GP and begin the inevitable barrage of tests, I want to know as much about it as I can. I want to be able to explain my symptoms in a meaningful way. The danger is if I begin to magnify or mould my symptom patterns to fit what I'm learning on the net. That's where a lot of people get in trouble I think. They become so invested in their story that they convince themselves and think their job is to try and convince their doctor.

You can't fix your sister, but if you can figure out what rewards she is getting from her behavior (attention?) maybe you can make it less rewarding for her to behave in this neurotic and, ultimately, dangerous fashion.
Belleenstein:

30+ years living with Crohn's.


sjs0018
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 9/4/2008 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel, this sound like my mom. I think my mom likes being sick to get attention. I don't even talk to my mom anymore. Which makes me sad sometimes since I do not get any support from her.

When I told her I had Crohn's the first thing she said was she has stomach problems and should go to the DR. She didn't even ask how I was. Now she only hears how I am from my dad, which my dad does not give her details, he knows how she is.

HabsHockeyFan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 3130
   Posted 9/4/2008 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
There are many folks out there like your sister. Some of us lose our filter that delineates information from reality. Some of us even lose it temoprarily. Others lose the filter and find it fits their other psychological needs. this is beyond what one person can fix for another on their own. I would say that you can try to fill her void/need in another way to wean her from the medical attention (positive attention for other actions and no attention for the medical causes). I just don't think that you can fill her needs on your own so don't take responsibility for her...just do a little on your part and save your own
Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions, B12 weekly, Pentasa [until I surrender to the bigger meds]
I'm riding on the escalator of life....


athensgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 9/4/2008 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   

I have to admit that I was going through the same situation like your sister for many years, I thought I was sick all the time, and the more I thought I was sick, the more the symptoms got worse.  When I received my diagnosis of Crohns, I started searching the internet, and guess what....I got so depressed because all I read about was horror stories, that finally I was severely depressed.  So I admitted to myself that I was facing phsycological problems and I decided to do therapy.  I discussed for hours with my phsicologist, and this was the best thing I could do for myself.

But believe me, I didn't pretend I was sick because I needed more attention from my loved ones, I was really torturing myself.

I think the first step for someone who suffers from this is to admitt that he really has a big problem (I mean mentally), and the second step is to ask for professional help.

Now, I feel alot better, still in fear of course for some things, but managing to put logic first of all.

Christina

 


athensgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 9/4/2008 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry, I forgot to mention one thing my therapist told me and I always try to remember:
 
"You see your illness (Crohns) as a huge rock which is going to hit you, whereas you should look at it like a small stone which you always have to carry in your pocket"
 
Christina

LondonRed
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 1184
   Posted 9/4/2008 7:55 AM (GMT -7)   
I have CD but with mild symptoms - I feel sicker than I am because of anxiety from what I have read on these forums happening to others. The internet is good for information and self help but bad in a way as it can lead you up the wrong path - e.g. did you know the vast majority of people with Chrohn's have mild to moderate symptoms and lead 100% normal lives?

You would not know that reading here. Just a thought and not meant to offend anybody.

Diagnosis Oct 07 and then Aug 08: 2 Patches of Mild Chrohn's Colitis (unconfirmed)
Medication: 4000mg Pentasa a day, 5mg Clipper Steroid (Beclometasone dipropionate)


aoccc
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 455
   Posted 9/4/2008 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
The toughest part of crohn's isn't even a part of the symptoms. Instead the hardest part is learning how to not care what others say about you. If you don't learn this you will add stress to an already stressful situation. I have noticed almost 25% of the posts are about what people say about you, worrying about pooping in public, etc. Once you master that, life is much easier.
SCD since 01, remission since 01, occasional Arby's breaks :)


belleenstein
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1010
   Posted 9/4/2008 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Athensgirl: Congratulations for taking the steps you needed to take to readjust your perspective.

But please don't be so hard on yourself -- learning to live with a chronic illness is tough. I liken the process to the journey you take when someone in your life dies. There are stages to go through and there is work each individual needs to do in order to adjust to the reality of living well with chronic illness. Yes you had dark days, but you have been transformed by your response to despair. Good for you! Your family is lucky that you had the strength to reach out for help, that you stayed actively with your despair. Now you have reached a place of acceptance and I bet you know yourself, and your strengths, far better than you ever did when all was rosy and you didn't have a care in the world.

There are gifts in adversity if we choose to open them.

All the best!
Belleenstein:

30+ years living with Crohn's.


LavenderBlue
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 9/4/2008 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
LondonRed-

I know what you mean. But we have to keep in mind that people who come here are often at their worst. They're flaring, their stressed, they need support. And because of that, we most likely don't reflect the actual CD population "statistics". People here ARE sicker. That's why they come here. And the point of the forum is to gain information, support those who need it, and vent. So you are always reading and receiving information from those who are in that mindset. If you were to start a forum called, "I have CD, but here are all the good things happening in my life," you would see a different story. Most of the people here are happy. They love life. It's just that they're really sick right now.

As for you, tsitodawg, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Having a sister with problems is no fun, I really can relate. And I wish she could be there to support you during this rough time. Hopefully one day she'll realize what's she missed and be there for you.

Cheers
lavender
 
diagnosed: Crohn's Aug 2005
 
other set-backs: Vasculitis Aug 2006, Sub-total Colectomy (10 inches of colon left) Feb 2007, Ogilivie's Syndrome Mar 2007, Pulmonary Embolism Sept 2007, Collapsed lung Oct 2007, Recto/Vaginal fistula Nov 2007
 
drugs: Imuran, Remicade, Prednisone, Fentanyl, Warfarin, Flagyl, Cipro, Celexa, Ferrous Gluconate, Acidopholous


RK
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 153
   Posted 9/4/2008 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   

I sympathize and empathize with everything that has been said already. However, as a psychpotherapist I also have to point out that Hypochondriasis is a real problem.....just like Crohns is a real problem. In fact, it's very common for people to self-diagnose themselves based on what they hear or read. That can be very dangerous and stressful. The best thing for mental health issues like hypochondriasis is support from loved ones, therapy, sometimes medication.

It's tough enough for us to have to deal with Crohns without having to be stressed out by someone else who doesn't technically have any physical ailments. I can definitely relate. I go through that with my mother (who is convinced she is dying of cancer anytime she isn't feeling well) and my best friend (who is convinced she is dying of ALS eventhough she doesn't have any symptoms). It's extemely stressful to have to deal with. But trying to convince them otherwise doesn't work.

And reading posts on the forum can be scary sometimes. It's important to keep in mind that everyone's case is different and keep things in perspective. Personally, I think this forum has been incredibly supportive......scary stories and all. :-) Just my thoughts on the issue.


32-year-old female diagnosed with CD in 2001.
Currently taking Pentasa 1g x 4 times daily. Started Remicade July 2008.


LavenderBlue
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 9/4/2008 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   
tsitodawg, could you email me? I have a question for you. my email is the colored envelope at the left.

Thanks
lavender
 
diagnosed: Crohn's Aug 2005
 
other set-backs: Vasculitis Aug 2006, Sub-total Colectomy (10 inches of colon left) Feb 2007, Ogilivie's Syndrome Mar 2007, Pulmonary Embolism Sept 2007, Collapsed lung Oct 2007, Recto/Vaginal fistula Nov 2007
 
drugs: Imuran, Remicade, Prednisone, Fentanyl, Warfarin, Flagyl, Cipro, Celexa, Ferrous Gluconate, Acidopholous


bentwistle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 330
   Posted 9/4/2008 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   
tsitodawg, I can just imagine how frustrating it must be to be painted with the same brush as your sister even though you're not trying to buck the system like she sounds like she is.
I had experienced a similar situation when I was injured at work and was treated like a malingering cheat. I became so depressed. I've always felt the most important thing about me is that I'm honest and loyal, and for some idiots to accuse me of trying to cheat the system just made my pain so much worse. It's bad enough to be sick -let alone have to justify it to others. My doctors and physiotherapists had only a limited role in final decisions made by caseworkers. Dealing with them put me into a depressive state. Long story short though...I won my case.
Don't let your sister's anticks affect your health...those who know you well, know your situation is competely different. Also, it sounds like your sister could use some phychological help. Maybe her "illnesses" are cries for help?

gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 9/4/2008 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I guess all I can say is you cannot live your Sister's life as she cannot live yours. Hope getting this off your chest has brought you some relief . Some people are doers and some aren't but sometimes a parent needs a little of both in there lives they are used to giving and perhaps enjoy having your Sister home and getting needed help is a blessing as well . lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,and still alive.lol gail


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 9/5/2008 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Happy B-Day!! Hope your flare is short and don't try so hard to hide what you are, you know flare is just part of the disease and we gotta take the good with the bad. As you took that with others. Sending lots of love your way and understanding. lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,and still alive.lol gail


LavenderBlue
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 9/6/2008 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Happy belated B-Day! I hope that your injections today go well. That's not a great way to spend a weekend!

Cheers
lavender
 
diagnosed: Crohn's Aug 2005
 
other set-backs: Vasculitis Aug 2006, Sub-total Colectomy (10 inches of colon left) Feb 2007, Ogilivie's Syndrome Mar 2007, Pulmonary Embolism Sept 2007, Collapsed lung Oct 2007, Recto/Vaginal fistula Nov 2007
 
drugs: Imuran, Remicade, Prednisone, Fentanyl, Warfarin, Flagyl, Cipro, Celexa, Ferrous Gluconate, Acidopholous


MAG102886
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 674
   Posted 9/6/2008 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   
tsi, I completely understand how you feel about your sister.  I had a similar experience with an ex boyfriend.  Any time something was wrong with me he had it too and 100 times worse. If my back was hurting, he had a pulled muscle. If I was having stomach problems, so was he. Its really frustrating, especially when your looking to talk to someone about how you feel, and just have someone sit there and listen but instead they turn it around into a pitty party for themselves.  My favorite is when he tried to tell me he had Crohns himself, but when I drilled him with questions on how he was diagnosed, what his meds were..so on and so forth, he wasnt able to answer, but he was soooo sure he had it.  Funny- he didnt mention having it until I told him I did. Fortunatly I was able to get rid of him and not have to deal with it anymore. I hope you feel better after venting, thats what we are here for =)
Dianogsed with Crohns at 16, 21 yrs old now.
Surgeries:1 Bowel Resection, Gallbladder Removed. Another Resection Scheduled for September.
Current Meds: Humira (weekly), 65mg Pred, Levbid, Nexium.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 5:45 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,006 posts in 301,165 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151301 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, BrisaMeadows.
288 Guest(s), 7 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
cupcakespinkgal, Fl Drifter, AngelsmamaDorseysdaughter, reminder, Stanislav, exqualls, SharonZ


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer