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Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 10/29/2008 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
BRAIN-OK we need to take a trip ,,everyone ready ? GUT- ready. BLADDER- Ready. STOMACH- yea uhh OK. BRAIN, ok here we go ,driving down the highway. GUT - Hey,,,, I'm uncomfortable down here, I think our belts too tight. HANDS- well you didn't complain when I buckled it before we left, maybe if you didn't make all that gas. GUT- OH YEA, blame me, what about all that food you were craming down our throat last night ? BRAIN- OK calm down we have a long way to go. GUT- But I cant take this ,Im going to blow up. ANUS- Houston, we have a problem!!! BRAIN- OK ,,OK ,,we will find a restroom. EYES- Hey I'm looking. ANUS- Captian,, I can no stan na strain, if I cant hold together theyll be a toxic leak of mass proportion.. HANDS- Hey, I'm not putting my fingers in that crapp again, no way.BRAIN-stop complaining hands and help out. HANDS( mumble mumble ),How come I get all the crappy clean up jobs??? NOSE-What ?  you dont have to smell it. BLADDER- You guys are scarrin the pee out of me. BRAIN- But you said your were empty. BLADDER- dont blame me the kidney twins are dumping on me. RIGHT KIDNEY- Wha ???? LEFT KIDNEY- shut up bladder before I throw a stone at you. URETER,(in a high squeaky voice)- OHHH NOOO Mr Kidney,your going to be mean to me again. ANUS-Captain, wear commin apart dune herea. We have to  have a  wee break are I wont be resposable for the damage. BRAIN- Cant you release some pressure ? NOSE- OH BOY, here we go, and in a closed space too, thats all we need. STOMACH,,Oh , I suddenly feel queasy. NOSE- You dont know the half of it. Whew.EYES- My vision is blurry ,but,,ANUS-Who you callin a BUTT???EYES-,OH Boy, rest area 1 mile, hang on. BRAIN-We need more time how much can you give us anus ? ANUS- I'm doin the best that I can Captain but I'm only human. Best put it in warp drive. EYES- YEA RIGHT, the guy in front of us is driving so slow he can see the grass grow. OK theres the exit just a little longer. There, we made it. BRAIN- Feets, dont fail me now. Eyes- no not there no toilet paper there there that one.HANDS-zipper zipper @#%$ ZIPPER..... ANUS-AHHHHHHHH that was a close one Laddy, good thin you found this port in time.. BRAIN- Geeeez Only 150 miles to go. SIGH ..HAIR- and you wonder why I'm gray .....   eyes
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 10/29/2008 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Sniper you are the best!! That was hilarious!!
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 10/29/2008 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hope you get it all together Sniper. Chuckle lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,and still alive.lol gail


jenngrl81
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 208
   Posted 10/29/2008 2:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Holy crap! Seriously Sniper, you are hilarious, and I think I peed myself a lil bit.
Pentasa- 1000mg/2x 1/08; Percocet
Remicade 1st infusion 7/24/08
Ultram ER 200mg; Prilosec 40mg; Xanax-ANXIETY; Cymbalta 60mg
Entocort 9mg
Probiotic
Ferrous Sulfate 325mg/daily for anemia
Azathioprine 150mg
Currently on a Low-residue diet as of 11/26

I'm so tired, when will this get better?


TeacherBetsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 10/29/2008 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
GREAT JOB, SNIPER!

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 10/29/2008 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
:-) Thanks so much for that, Sniper! LOL :-)
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


SydneyJo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1354
   Posted 10/29/2008 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL, Sniper, you have a way with words :) Jo

Margie11
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 467
   Posted 10/29/2008 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Stay outta my head, gut, bladder,.....
Crohn's for life, symptoms included terrible joint and soft tissue pain, just met first cousin who suffers from Reactive Arthritis-explains sooo much. Great control on SCD (when I'm good) and I get by with a lotta help from my friends!
 
                                              Margie11


78SilvAnniv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 10/29/2008 8:49 PM (GMT -7)   
...and it is conversations like these that cause me to travel by vehicle with a bucket/lid and roll of TP.
GREAT story!
I have the ability of single-minded determination and accurate project focu....Hey, look, a cat!
 
Crohn's and UC are pretty darn crappy, but if you can't laugh at yourself, you'll cry. 
I'd much rather laugh.
2001 Dx'd with UC.  No remission.  5/2008 surgery, removal of 6" of left side colon.  Dx changed to Crohn's.  Remission for 8-9wks after surgery, symptoms returning after resuming 6MP.


Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 10/29/2008 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I will have to do another version of this but this time on pred...
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 10/30/2008 6:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I need to print this out for my husband. No matter when we leave the house, as soon as I get in the car, I gottta go........ He just doesn't get it.
Suzanne

CD 19 years offically, 29 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Symptoms constantly but all tests show only minor ulcerations. Currently having multiple episodes of gastritis with no known cause.


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....


78SilvAnniv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 10/30/2008 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Zanne said...
No matter when we leave the house, as soon as I get in the car, I gottta go.......

Me too!  I think it is something about the seat of the car.  Either the cold leather on my bumm or the tilt of the seat back or just knowing I'm leaving the safety of my home and toilet.  It almost NEVER fails!  When in a flare, I'll go out to start the car and then come in the house to the bathroom and by the time I'm out again, the car is warmed up.
Heidi

I have the ability of single-minded determination and accurate project focu....Hey, look, a cat!
 
Crohn's and UC are pretty darn crappy, but if you can't laugh at yourself, you'll cry. 
I'd much rather laugh.
2001 Dx'd with UC.  No remission.  5/2008 surgery, removal of 6" of left side colon.  Dx changed to Crohn's.  Remission for 8-9wks after surgery, symptoms returning after resuming 6MP.


Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 10/30/2008 7:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Geee, I thought more people would relate . Especially to the talking anus. You cant tell me that when you are stuck in traffic and you need to go real bad that you dont talk to yours. You know its true...
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


Veebo
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 10/30/2008 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the giggle sniper :)...when is the movie short coming out?

pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 10/30/2008 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
This is why I bought a van and put a port-o-potty in the back (took the very back bench seat out to have room back there...best thing I could have ever done.

:)
My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)


FamilyGuy
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 10/30/2008 8:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Talk about talking out of your....errr...butt. :-)

Thanks for the laugh James.
Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease and Depression forums
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


78SilvAnniv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 10/30/2008 9:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Sniper said...
Geee, I thought more people would relate . Especially to the talking anus. You cant tell me that when you are stuck in traffic and you need to go real bad that you dont talk to yours. You know its true...

I do.  I'd say it is more of an encouraging pep-talk;  "Hold it.  Hold it!  You can do it.  Come on now, we're almost there.  Hang on.  Hang on.  Hangonhangonhangonhangon... There!"  *sigh of relief*
I have the ability of single-minded determination and accurate project focu....Hey, look, a cat!
 
Crohn's and UC are pretty darn crappy, but if you can't laugh at yourself, you'll cry. 
I'd much rather laugh.
2001 Dx'd with UC.  No remission.  5/2008 surgery, removal of 6" of left side colon.  Dx changed to Crohn's.  Remission for 8-9wks after surgery, symptoms returning after resuming 6MP.


pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 10/30/2008 10:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I gave up talking to my butt, it never listened anyways, it's got a mind of it's own...I just do what it tells me to do now.

:)
My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)


randynoguts
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 6050
   Posted 10/31/2008 1:34 AM (GMT -7)   
i do talk to mine but itsa more mean than anything else... like.. if you fail me now theres no use for you! i get rid of you at my next surgery and sell you for calamari at a chinese restaraunt!
randynoguts 



     http://www.geocities.com/randynogutsweb/


Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 10/31/2008 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Not sure I want to eat calamari anymore...
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 10/31/2008 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sniper since I got the hemmies I 'am showing it who's the boss now. lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,hemmies,and still alive.lol gail


Margie11
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 467
   Posted 10/31/2008 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I mostly get accused of talkin outta mine! "They just never hear when I talk to...
Crohn's for life, symptoms included terrible joint and soft tissue pain, just met first cousin who suffers from Reactive Arthritis-explains sooo much. Great control on SCD (when I'm good) and I get by with a lotta help from my friends!
 
                                              Margie11


teddybearweiser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3042
   Posted 11/1/2008 2:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Really funny Sniper. Had me rolling in LOL!!!!!!!

teddybear
Hi, I am teddybearweiser, I am a male.
I was diagnosed with crohns disease when i was admitted to the hospital

in 1992, in Jan of 1993 I was back in the hospital for surgery for my crohns. I had part of my right colon resectioned with ilecolonstomy.

My GI doctor has me on Asacol, Dicyclomine,Imuran,Celebrex and Remicade. B-12 injection once a month.
Also diagnosed with Osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis


ImaKeeper
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 11/1/2008 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
That was so funny, thank you so much for sharing....If you ever feel creative again and want to write more please DO!!!!!!!
currently taking

pentasa, hyocosamine, zofran, acphix and started Remicade back in May
 
LIVE YOUR LIFE IN SUCH A WAY THAT WHEN YOUR FEET HIT THE FLOOR IN THE MORNING...SATAN SHUDDERS & SAYS: "OH SH$% ,SHE'S AWAKE!"


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/1/2008 5:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Sniper my friend
I confess
I talk to my Anus all the time
Especially when squeezing butt cheeks and saying we can get there
Oh please do let us GET THERE
 
Owweeeeee that smell ......cant ya smell that smell turn
........
And sing to it

WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS?????????

I love ya and your sense of humor

You are da best


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    

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