Question for men and women

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3042
   Posted 11/27/2008 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   
My question is how many people with Crohn's, male or female. Have gotten divorced or whom have been dating somebody for sometime and the healthy person decides to end the relationship because he or she could not handle the illiness

Hi, I am teddybearweiser, I am a male.
I was diagnosed with crohns disease when i was admitted to the hospital

in 1992, in Jan of 1993 I was back in the hospital for surgery for my crohns. I had part of my right colon resectioned with ilecolonstomy.

My GI doctor has me on Asacol, Dicyclomine,Imuran,Celebrex and Remicade. B-12 injection once a month.
Also diagnosed with Osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 11/27/2008 10:17 AM (GMT -6)   


I don't have personal experience on that issue, but if my opinion is of interest to you then here it is:  If somebody cannot handle the disease, that means he/she doesn't really love you.  Simple as that.  My husband is a very optimistic guy, he always sees (as we say here in Greece) the glass half full, and not half empty.  And this makes things easier for me, because it gives me strength to carry on.  And as we have discussed many times together, when a couple has a relationship or are married, no one really knows what will happen to whom. 

Everybody deserves to have somebody by his/her side, who really cares, and everybody should feel loved by somebody else.  This is a human right and I don't compromise with medium situations.   nono

Bottom line is, girls who dump you, should really understand, that whatever happens to you, can happen to them too.  What you give, you get.

Take care


Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3042
   Posted 11/27/2008 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes I am divorced 16 years. I am happy about it. In my opinion ppl are cruel when you any time of illiness. thats the reason I don't date any more. I keep my self busy with work and other things I have to do.
Hi, I am teddybearweiser, I am a male.
I was diagnosed with crohns disease when i was admitted to the hospital

in 1992, in Jan of 1993 I was back in the hospital for surgery for my crohns. I had part of my right colon resectioned with ilecolonstomy.

My GI doctor has me on Asacol, Dicyclomine,Imuran,Celebrex and Remicade. B-12 injection once a month.
Also diagnosed with Osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 11/27/2008 3:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Teddy Sometimes I feel it is us the ones with crohn's that have a hard time coping with relationships. Are you doing anything for Thanksgiving this year? lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,hemmies,and still gail

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1665
   Posted 11/27/2008 4:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I am a bit gentler about people and this topic. it is scary when you love someone who is sick. we all don't have the same coping skills. a person can "love" another, but just not be able to cope with serious stuff. it is nice to get older, as these things get easier. I was newly married when I got sick. I mostly took care of my hubby, even tho' I was sick. I didnt want the attention on me anyway. marriages last or don't for all sorts of reasons, but people who are strong and growing get thru all sorts of hardships...illness or not. I hope that made some sense. happy day. yp
49 y/o woman.  Diagnosed 4/06 after colonscopy, SBFT, CT-scan all showed crohns. 3 months later, after pred and remicade, all tests showed no crohns. December '06 had adhesions cut through a laparoscopy. Now taking Glycolax, Ultra Fiber Plus, Florastor, and DHEA. Have become gluten-free diet per naturopath's tests.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 497
   Posted 11/27/2008 5:21 PM (GMT -6)   

I agree with athensgirl.  Anything can happen to anyone at anytime. 

I am also divorced, but got divorced before I got sick.  Looking back, I honestly do not believe my marriage would have lasted through my illness anyways.

I am very sorry, Teddy--it sounds like you have had some cruel experiences.  I have not been in the dating scene since getting sick, but I know from when I was well, people were cruel then...I cannot imagine how cruel they can be when dating someone who is ill.

In some respects, I would prefer to date someone who IS sick with least there would hopefully be understanding on both sides.  Sometimes I tell myself that maybe I will meet someone when I am an old woman in a retirement home and that man will be old as well and not

Take care and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!

falling apart in Arkansas
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 11/27/2008 6:34 PM (GMT -6)   
I have had an experience with dating and my condition. I was devorced before the dx but dated a man a couple yrs later. I at first did not tell him in depth of my problem. But as we got closer and things were looking like we might be together a long time I opened up to him. A few months later had a flare and an accident (the big D) he did not handle it well. Could not understand why I could not control it. I tryed to explain to him, he later called things off. He said I had too much baggage with my health problems. that it would never work. I stoped dating at that time. Figured no one would want me and my medical problems. Now (5 yrs later) I have meet a man that excepts me for who I am and what I have to deal with. We live many miles away from each other and neither one of us able to move at this time. So we have a long distance relationship. But a yr now he is still there for me and understands my condition, he gives me lots of support. I never thought I would find someone, but I did and he is great. So there is tolerant people out there that can understands and excepts what we are going through.
Diagnoced with Crohn's in 1999.  Battling with it up and down ever since. Resection of my Terminal Ilium in 2000. Meds seem to change alot lately. But have been on predizone, endacort, pentasa, remicade, 6-mp, also do B-12 injection every month.( 2008 ) Well now they say I have IBS also, took me off pentasa, took away my B-12 injections, put me on Fiber.  Still take the 6-MP for the Chrons now taking 4 green pills a day for the IBS. Can it get anyworse If Chrons was not bad enough now I have IBS also............Having more troule with the IBS lately. Chrons seems to be in remission, so far........

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 11/27/2008 9:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Health issues cause major stress on relationships and marriage. My husband has been very ill with lyme for several years. We have had some really rough times. I have had some major meltdowns but never thought of leaving him. Then I was just diagnosed with crohn's in June and was hospitalized in early fall. He was pretty ill when I was in the hospital too. So we've both had a lot to deal with each other's issues and our own. We've been together for eighteen years and have three kids and I can't imagine being without him.
I can totally understand how someone could be scared of getting into a relationship with someone that has certain health issues. Then there's always the possibility that you marry someone that is totally healthy, is in an accident and can't even feed themselves, you never know what you are getting into, take the good with the bad. In sickness and in health.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 11/28/2008 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I started showing signs when I was 13, but was doing fine when I meet my husband at 15. We got married when I was 20 and then I was still doing well for the next 3 years until CD came and smacked me hard at 23. I basically left him to take care of our one year old and the house while I could do nothing for months. I've had times when I have been too sick to do much of anything, and then other times when I am supermom and superwife. We've been married for over 23 years now and we are still like newlyweds. I did ask him one time that if he had known before we got married that I had CD would he still have married me, and he said no, but it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. That is still the sweetest thing he has ever said to me. Totally honest, but I know that he is in it for the long haul no matter what. There are good ones out there, and bad ones out there, its just a matter of finding them.

CD 19 years offically, 29 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Symptoms constantly but all tests show only minor ulcerations. Currently having multiple episodes of gastritis with no known cause.

Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 11/28/2008 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I suppose I'm very lucky. I'm married and we're relatively happy. I won't say it isn't hard as hell to keep the relationship going sometimes but we work at it. He's a truly wonderful person. When I was sick for three months five years ago...and by that I mean I was in the hospital literally for three months altogether over a summer season, he slept in my room every day except for twice when he was sick and stayed at our apartment. He'd work hard 40 minutes away from the hospital and come to the hospital, shower, change, keep some time with me and then sleep on those fold out chair/futons. He didn't even mind that he'd get waken up every morning by twenty doctors, interns, residents, whatever would show up and stand around my bed every morning. When I'm weak, he helps me out. When he's sick, I'm able to do whatever I can to help him (and sometimes its really hard when I feel so awful). Truthfully, I don't think I would've ever survived those surgeries if I didn't have him. Example: Woke from Surgery #1 asking for my mom. Woke from Surgeries #2, 3, and 4 saying my husband's name.

Back fur surgeries #2 and 3, we weren't married. We lived together but weren't even engaged. He's a really amazing individual that I find myself lucky to have found and to have found me. I KNOW I'm a minority when it comes to happy relationships and chronic diseases. He understands when I tell him I contemplate suicide. I don't have to explain every single reason behind why...he understands why. He's a very special person...and I've never met anyone like him in my 27 years. When we did meet; we both felt as though we knew who the other person was (I didn't ask him that question, he mentioned it to me). We've been together in one form or another for 8 years, married for 4 (5 in April) and we both still enjoy spending time together doing nothing or talking like we were dating only 3 months.

Okay, I'm not telling you this to rub your nose in it. I'm telling you because I think that every person has a soul mate, a perfect partner out there for them. When my family doesn't understand that I look fine and feel like crap; he sees that I'm feeling awful and helps me to work and make it through. I will say this: Don't go looking for a relationship. Seems to be that when you stop looking for a mate, just make a list of what you really want in another person and keep that in mind...that's when it sort of shows up.

I'm so sorry that so many of us have been unable to find someone who is a strong enough person that they can understand and live with someone with diseases as hard as ours. I know there are strong individuals out there who could...I think the people who have hurt and left so many of us, were weak characters.

I feel extremely guilty for being so lucky as to have him. He's the only son who would ever pass on his name and the fact that we'll probably never be able to afford the fertility crap that would enable me to even be possible to have children hurts me so much more than he even notices. He would be happy to never have children and just spend all his time with me. He's wonderful with children (they gravitate to him, I kid you not) and animals become puppies/kitties around him. Its taken me a long time to come to acceptance that my basic biologic function as a woman...could never be shared with him. That we'd never have a child blending our genes into a tiny person. I've tried pushing him away and he pulls me back simply by being a rock. So really, all the problems in this relationship concerning guilt and anger and pain really do seem to come from me. From the loss of dreams I had for myself as a kid and accepting what will never occur.

I hope you all find someone in your lives who is like this. Even if its just a friend.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Currently trying to figure out hip and knee joint pain.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa (and much mental screaming)

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