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Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 11/28/2008 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Ignore this. I'm just tired and angry and hurting so bad I'm trying to keep from crying. I'm on my period...day one and I hurt so bad. It never ends anymore. It goes to bad to worse to bad and that's about it. I'm so angry at my body. It makes me crazy so often and I do whatever I can not to be so crazy. Tired tired tired tired. Tired of waking up at night from muscle jerks so violent I kick my husband. Tired of the pain in my back. Tired of the pain in my hips. Tired of the pain in my arm. Tired of the pain PERIOD. Tired of picking through everything I eat. Tired of it and its only been ten months since the diagnosis. Ten months and I've spent every single one of those days hurting. I haven't had a single day where I didn't hurt somewhere or was so tired I had to flog myself out of bed. I'm tired of fighting off depression and everything else that goes along with this disease.

I never seem to not be tired, even if its just a touch. Its always there. I hate all the doctors and nurses and any of the other health care workers. All they do, it seems, is hurt me and send me away feeling stupid because I don't understand right off what it is they're saying. I'm tired of the health care system where no one wants to give me affordable insurance so I can have tests done to figure out what is physically wrong with me now.

I'm tired of trying to explain to my family (not husband) about this disease. They want me to find a second job and I can't figure out how that would even work. I can't drive with the turning of my head it hurts my arm, and I'm so tired I spend all my time conserving to work ONE job with only 16 hrs a week. How would I ever be able to DO that? I'm tired of being in debt. I'm angry that every penny I earn is gone as soon as I make it. I want to give in and quit my job and just be a slouch until I can remember what it felt like to spend one friggin' day without hurting so bad I'm fighting off suicide because dernit, this is not LIFE. This is barely existing.


And no, I'm not suicidal but I have my moments. Today its about the rage and desolation. And I'm done.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Currently trying to figure out hip and knee joint pain.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa (and much mental screaming)


LMills
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 11/28/2008 5:28 PM (GMT -7)   
It's difficult to ignore this when you're in so much pain..
I'm really, really sorry that you are. Is there nothing you can take to ease it?? What has your doctor said about it? From your signature your Crohn's sounds so severe :( There has to be something that can be done to make you better..
You'll be in my thoughts!!
20 years old, Diagnosed with moderate to severe Crohn's and Colitis in May of 2008.
Currently taking:
Prednisone(down to 10 mg), pentasa, bentyl as needed, prilosec, tandem plus, humira, and good probiotics
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy most likely the result of severe Crohn's inflammation in July of 2008.
http://weblog.xanga.com/harlequin_garret


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 11/29/2008 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Joie Seems some days are hard to get threw. You on B-12 ? It helps me with the tiredness when I get my shot .How are you now for fistula's and abcesses? I am hoping they are cleared up. We all have them days but you seem to have alot of them. Try telling your Dr. again about this and maybe a new one is in order if you don't get any help. There is also pain management clinic that might help work with your situation. lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,hemmies,and still alive.lol gail


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 11/29/2008 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Joie I am so sorry you are suffering so. This disease can really kick our butts sometimes. First off, depression is not uncommon with this disease, maybe asking the doc for something will help lift your spirits some. Who wouldn't be depressed with this darn illness. Also, I have had this dd for over 30 years, and want you to know that it is always hardest when first diagnosed. I believe in time when they find the right treatment for you, you will once again be able to enjoy life again. Sounds to me with your pain, and touch being painful, that you might be suffering with Fibromyalgia. Many of us suffer from it. You might ask for a referral to a Rheumatologist. I am a firm believer that all of us should have one on board. We not only suffer with Fibromyalgia, but also osteoarthritis or other types of anthralgias. I take B12 shots bi-weekly and they really help with my energy levels. You might want to also get your blood levels checked too, you could be anemic.

I will keep you in my prayers and sure hope you get feeling better soon.

(((BIG HUGS)))

Gail *Nanners*
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis. Currently my Crohns is in remission.


Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 12/3/2008 12:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone. Sorry I've been vacant but some weather knocked out the Internet connection. I appreciate all your thoughts and I have listened to your suggestions. However, I've come to the decision that I'm not going to be going to a doctor until I have insurance in Jan. Can't afford to. I am planning on going in January. It's on my list of things to do at the first of the year. I've been reading all the threads and I noticed that everyone's on the B12 shots. It's something I will ask about as soon as I can.

Thanks again.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Currently trying to figure out hip and knee joint pain.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa (and much mental screaming)

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