I don't have RA but I do have Crohn's/reactionary arthritis. I've had it in my hands which I found harder to deal with then when it was in my hips as you need hands for EVERYTHING couldn't carry cups of tea, couldn't wash my own hair, couldn't open mail etc etc.
I found wrist splints very helpful as it meant if my fingers weren't too bad I could pick things up as it makes you use arm strength rather than hand/wrist strength and took the pressure off. I found filling the sink with warm/hot water and placing my hands in it and slowly moving them around helped 'loosen' the joints up a bit and provided some pain relief - heat treatment was brilliant I found. I have these cura-heat wrist supports which you put a little heat pack in and they last for 8 hours and even though it won't take all the pain away it does ease it somewhat and makes movement a bit better. Unfortunately NSAIDs were what really took the pain away but its a horrible thing when you're like 'right which do I want hand pain or stomach pain' and I was terrified of causing long term bleeding internally. My doctor said a little NSAID gel on them should be OK as its external so I'd occasionally use a bit of that but again had the fear lol but I found that did help a little on the odd occasion where I'd had enough of the pain and just had to do something.
I'm afraid thats all I can think of to suggest, I hope you find some relief soon.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't know much about either RA or Lupus. I always thought Lupus was in the vital organs. I've never heard of it having to do with joints.
Any chance it could be a side effect of meds? I'm sorry I'm no help. Hope you get to the bottom of it.