Having a baby with someone who is not affected, but their mother is

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Bellybuttongirls
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/23/2009 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   
HI, I am new to this forum.  I am not educated with this subject so I am turning to you with questions. Please forgive me if I should offend anyone, it's not meant to.   I am 38 with 2 children from a previous marriage. I have been dating someone  seriously whose mother has Chrone's disease and is very sick. He has grown up watching her deteriorate and it breaks his heart that she has always been in pain.  He does not have Chrone's disease.  I am not sure if it just might be dormant in him.  We have discussed having children.  I am fine either way, but I know deep in his  heart he would love to have his own child.    Although I am concerned about my age, we are also very concerned about the chances of our child having the disease.   He is torn because he doesn't want to watch his child be sick like his mother. He feels that he would be selfish to knowingly bring a possibly sick child into the world. I don't know how i feel about it because i already have my own children. Of course i don't want to see my child sick, what parent does   I see my sister with a child with cancer and it is heartbreaking.  I think you are taking a risk no matter if there is a history of anything. 
  
How could we find out what the chances would be of having a child with the disease?  Does it skip generations?
Thank you all!
Kristy

Julia Hill
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 543
   Posted 2/23/2009 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome! They do not know what causes crohn's disease, I wish they did. In some families it seems to be genetic, but in others such as mine I am the only one, thank goodness! When I was diagnosed 29 years ago, we had never heard of crohn's disease.

All the best.

Julia

Bellybuttongirls
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/23/2009 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Julia.

elexis
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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/23/2009 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   
You are totally right! You are taking a chance but like the other poster it can just happen and you don't know why. there could just one person in the family w/ it or For me it's seems to be genetic. I too felt the same way I didn't want to knowingly bring a child into the picture when I have a non-curable disease. But, then again I could have a child that has no problems whatsoever, It's a chance. It may sound selfish but I don't want to end my life because of "what ifs"! Theirs a cure in the future, even see able for me, so I know if any of my children had this disease it would be nothing but a common cold for them! It's a chance and all things are, but it's up to you to make it. Good Luck!
Dx w/ Crohn's Disease May 2000
Medication: Imuran 150 Mg, Asacol 400MG
Dx w/ Hypothyroid 2001
Medication: Levoxyl 88MCG
Small Bowel Resection November 2008


nruth
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 2/23/2009 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I seem to be the only person in my family that has been affected by it. No family history of it at all.

Bellybuttongirls
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/23/2009 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your responses. I see the hurt in my boyfriend's eyes because he desperately wants to have a child. I told him that we shoud just put it in God's hands. That is about all i can say to him. I already have 2 children so i feel that if i say no, he would still be with me, but will regret it forever. 

karendee
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Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1642
   Posted 2/23/2009 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   

I am very glad I never know I had this disease before I had my 2 boys. They are awesome!!! Neither has the disease. It may happen it may not.

Each time you have a child you will never know if they will be healthy or not. it is always a gamble, we do our best to give them the best start possible and hope they are healthy.

I say go for it.... you won't regret it.

If my Mom had known the risks and still had me I would not be angry. We have recently realized my Grandma on my Dad's side probably had Crohn's. She still took the chance and my sister does not have the disease.

 

good luck!

Karen


 ...

Karen (Karendee)

Diagnosed w/ Crohn’s Disease  March 2007 Started Humira June 2008 (have been on other cd meds)

Diagnosed w/  Fibromyalgia May 2007 on Soma and Lyrica

 

 


Jordan59
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 2/23/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
You also should be comforted by the fact that many, many Crohn's patients don't have nearly as rough a time as your boyfriend's Mother. I've coped with a mild/moderate case of Crohn's from Junior High until I turned 48 (and went diagnosed until I was 38). I took a slight turn for the worse at 48, but the meds are working thus far. Sure it has been a bummer at times, but I am coping and enjoying life.

The genetic cause has not been proven. From what I've read the most common correlation is between siblings, not parent/son, and they can't rule out environmental causes for this correlation.

I say go for it. Good luck!

Stef17
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Date Joined Feb 2003
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   Posted 2/23/2009 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you are right - you should just put it in God's hands. There's no guarantee that your child will not have Crohn's disease, but there's no guarantee that any child born to anyone will not have some challenge in life to deal with. I read somewhere once that the chances of a child born to a parent with crohn's inheriting it are about 30%. Sorry I can't cite the source. So, if it's a grandparent? Maybe even less. I have 3 kids and they are healthy. I do not know what the future will bring for them, but it's not going to stop me from teaching them to live a full and happy life - no matter what challenges they face.

Kaycie
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 449
   Posted 2/23/2009 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
According to my doc who is considered one of the elite GI's (according to GIs that is), he has reitterated to me multiple times that there is some VERY SMALL genetic link. Nothing to worry about. They have been perfectly fine with me conceiving and having children, but I was the FIRST one in my very large extended family to be dx with this DD.

You should be fine. Everything is a risk... cystic fibrosis, multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy.. the list of severe diseases and disorders goes on and on and on... But Crohn's is right up there with the "risk" and even genetically speaking, it's still very minimal.

I know the "agony" of having to decide if it's worth the risk because I did NOT want my daughter's to suffer the way I have. I want them to live fulfilling lives... but I realized the risk of them inheriting it is small, and just like everything else, they have a 98%+ chance of being perfectly healthy and normal.

My girls were remicade babies as well. My firstborn died of a VERY rare anomaly (even rarer them most things - Cloaca is up there with mermaid syndrome in rarity). My other daughter is a happy 18.5 month old toddler who wears her mommy out!


I say go for it! And GL! :)
Kaycie - Age: 26
Crohn's - Dx Nov 05
Failed Remicade, moving onto a Clinical Trial called ABT-874 - Tentative start date - 10/2/08 - 10/16/08  - Infusion, every 4 weeks.
IVF #1 (In-Vitro Fertilization) - Failed
IVF #2 - IVIg, Heparin, Baby Aspirin - TWIN GIRLS!!!
Reagan Dawn - 8/2/07 - Lived 1 hour 27 minutes due to Cloaca, NOT affiliated with my Crohn's
Addison Maria - 8/2/07 - 13 months old


Roni
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Date Joined May 2003
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   Posted 2/23/2009 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
There is a genetic factor to crohn's. They have found genes that predispose people to crohn's disease.

However, many people have the genes for crohn's but do not develop crohn's, so research suggests that something (probably environmental) has to trigger the crohn's disease. So even if you have a child with the gene for crohns, it does not necessarily mean the child will get crohns.

There is tonnes of info on the net about the genetic factors and crohns. Do a google to find more info.

Post Edited (Roni) : 2/23/2009 11:50:18 AM (GMT-7)


pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 2/23/2009 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
It's estimated by researcher that if one parent has an IBD (UC or CD) there is a -10 to -15 fold increased risk that their offspring will also get an IBD...it is a small risk, there is no way of knowing for sure...keep in mind though, there are many hereditary diseases, no one is really safe from not getting something at some point in there lives, it would be rare these days that someone at some point not have some health issue(s) in their life time.

I didn't even get crohn's until just over a yr after I had my first baby...my mom has UC (another type of IBD) and she didn't get it until after I got CD so she was already in her mid 60's when she got sick (I was in my early 20's when I got sick), I'm also the youngest of 6 and none of my other siblings have IBD to date so those are pretty good odds as well.

:)
My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)


inflamed
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Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1340
   Posted 2/23/2009 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I just had my first child. It was not an issue for me at all. I am the only person in the family who has it. But my husband is suspected of having CD too (we met and we were both healthy; go figure). The research I was given said the risk of the disease when one parent has it is only slightly higher than the general population. The risk is more concrete, but still small, when both parents have it.

A researcher at a recent Crohn's conference pointed out that a very large percentage of the population has genes that are known to be related to Crohn's but most of these people do not develop the disease. That is because genetic susceptibility is only one part of the disease, there must also be some sort of trigger.
Hoping to stay in remission after the birth of a healthy baby girl. On Pentasa during my pregnancy, went med-free 2 months to nurse (stupid), but back on Pentasa and still nursing.


spookyh
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1342
   Posted 2/23/2009 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Personally, I would never have my own child for a couple reasons. One, I don't want to pass on my genes. I've had very difficult times with crohn's and an anxiety/panic disorder that started in my teens. I wouldn't want to risk my child going through what I have, and would be devastated if I passed it on to them. Two, I don't have the energy to raise a child anyway. I can barely manage taking care of myself and a pet.

I'm not married though, so it's a very easy choice for me to remain childless.

EDIT: Intestinal problems run in my family: crohn's, diverticulitis, celiacs, colitis, irritable bowel

LMills
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 2/23/2009 12:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I wouldn't have children because I refuse to pass on these genes if that is indeed how I came about this disease. No one else in my family has it but do have a host of other AI problems like arthritis.
I also was born with what looks to be anonychia on the left foot so my child would possibly be born without fingernails and/or missing the top joint.

It's always your decision. I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to environmental practices so of course I would object to perpetuating this, but it isn't my choice when it comes to others. All I know is that there are so many children out there without parents that could benefit from the love we have to give.
20 years old, Diagnosed with moderate to severe Crohn's and Colitis in May of 2008.
Currently taking:
Prednisone 5 mg, pentasa 2 pills 4x a day, bentyl as needed, omeprazole in the morning, prenatal multivitamin, humira every other week, and good probiotics.
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy most likely the result of severe Crohn's inflammation in July of 2008.
Attempting a diet without refined sugars, high fat content, bleached or bromated flour, most dairy, red meat, and avoiding anything spicy like the plague. Also refuse to eat anything with trans fat or high fructose/corn syrup.
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."


spookyh
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1342
   Posted 2/23/2009 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
That's what I figure LMills. I know some people who adopted their babies from Vietnam (quite an easy process), so if I ever got well enough to want a child, I'd adopt one. I don't feel a need to have my own flesh and blood, so step-children would be fine too.

However, I don't feel a strong maternal instinct for children (although it does come out for animals, for some reason). I never cared much for any of my nieces/nephews/cousins except for when they were newborns (my niece was really adorable when she was just a baby) and then again when they get to be 11 or 12. They're mostly just pains in the butts in the years in between. My mom says it's different when it's your own kids though.

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 2/23/2009 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 18 years old. I went on to have 3 beautiful and healthy daughters. None of them got the disease. I am also the youngest of 5 children and the only one in my family who has it. I say go for it!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Jordan59
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 2/23/2009 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
You also should be comforted by the fact that many, many Crohn's patients don't have nearly as rough a time as your boyfriend's Mother. I've coped with a mild/moderate case of Crohn's from Junior High until I turned 48 (and went diagnosed until I was 38). I took a slight turn for the worse at 48, but the meds are working thus far. Sure it has been a bummer at times, but I am coping and enjoying life.

The genetic cause has not been proven. From what I've read the most common correlation is between siblings, not parent/son, and they can't rule out environmental causes for this correlation.

I say go for it. Good luck!

pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 2/23/2009 1:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Actually, genetic cause has been proven since they've found many (at least 30) genes that are associated specifically with crohn's disease...and according to Dr. Kevin Rioux at the University of Alberta the more common correlation is between parent to offspring not between siblings...the environmental triggers go hand in hand with IBD, one may be predisposed to getting an IBD (genetics) but it still a matter of it being triggered and for crohn's, smoking is one KNOWN environmental trigger and that includes second-hand smoke...that doesn't necessarily mean it's a trigger for every CDer but it is one known trigger for sure according to research.

For many CDers (IBDers) that say they are the only ones in their families that have it, doesn't mean that somewhere from past relatives it didn't exsist and that for present relatives that it won't...like I said, my mom didn't get sick with her UC until she was in her mid 60's and that was AFTER I got sick with my CD, so with me getting sick with an IBD before my mom did certainly proves that it can hit anyone's family members at anytime....none of my other siblings have an IBD to date but that doesn't mean they won't or can't necessarily develop it at some point so long as they're genetically predisposed to it. I'm not saying everyone's (including my own) family members are predisposed to getting it, just saying there is that chance.

:)
My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)


indigosunrise
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 497
   Posted 2/23/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   

I agree to leave it in God's hands.

I have a son who I love with all of my heart.  I was diagnosed years after having him and I would not trade having him for the world.  I hope and pray he does not get Crohn's, but there are also so many other things that can happen in this world...you just never know.

As of right now, I am the only person in my family to have Crohn's. 

IF I ever found the right man (IF being the key word here, I have *horrible* luck with men) I would consider having another child, God willing. 

I wish you and your boyfriend the very best! 


MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/23/2009 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Do what you feel is best.
Is there a risk...yes. But there is risk in everything in life. I think you need to evaluate this from all angles.
Weigh the risk against the benefit...everything from crohns to advance maternal age (35+) (this concerns me too, because I am getting older as well)
Do not let people freak you out.
In all honesty it is probably best that you do your own research.

As for me I would rather be alive and have this disease, then to be a fear of my late parents.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


spookyh
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1342
   Posted 2/23/2009 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel a bit different MMMNAVY. I think my parents were crazy to have kids when my dad was so very sick (he almost died when I was 4).

A. He could (and did) pass it on, and I've never been well enough to finish high school at a regular school (had to do independent study), start college on time (I was 3 years late), finish college, have a relationship, live on my own, have a job, etc. etc. At 34 years old, who knows if any of that will ever happen. I have an incredibly dull life living in a retirement community with them. Sure, some of the old people are very nice, but it's depressing to hardly ever see anyone under the age of 60 (and most of them are more in the 70+ range.

B. I was a very stressed out child because of my dad's crohn's, which caused me to suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and stomach aches from about the age of 5 on. I hated being left alone with dad (my mom worked, he stayed at home), and would usually hide somewhere until my mom or brother came home. The worst was when my brother would take off with his friends and tell me, "Take care of dad." I remember one time that he was so sick he needed an ambulance, but I didn't know how to call for help, or how to call long distance to my grandparents (my brother was visiting with them). Luckily, I knew my mom's work number and she was able to call for help. It couldn't have been more than an hour for help to arrive, but it felt like decades. And yes, I hid (behind a trunk that was under a pool table was a favorite spot).

Which is exactly why I will never have a child of my own. But everyone is different. My brother (who doesn't have crohn's) dealt with it better than I did. I don't recall him being high-strung like me. He has 3 kids, so hopefully none of them have inherited the crohn's gene.

MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/23/2009 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Let's face it in today's world putting a minor child (especially one so young they do not know how to call for help) in a caretaking role is neglect, and therefore could be considered illegal.
 
_____________________________________________________
I should also give caveats here. I have no known family history. I did not get really sick until my midtwenties after breaking my back while in the service.  I had a bit of a sensitive stomach sometimes, but it could have been Navy chow...LOL
I was an athlete in high school and college.  Had a blast.  Now just trying to find a way to be of service to my fellow human beings in another way.
I do not have children yet, but I sure as heck am going to try when I find the right one.


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/23/2009 8:43:20 PM (GMT-7)


spookyh
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1342
   Posted 2/23/2009 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I doubt it's illegal, unless maybe the parent is mentally incapacitated or something. I've often heard stories on the news about how a young child saves the life of their sick parent by calling 911. I found several stories now by doing a google search. Here's one where a 4 year old saved his diabetic mom:

http://blog.mlive.com/grpress/2008/02/boy_4_saves_moms_life_with_911.html

When I was a kid, I don't think they hammered the 911 thing into you like they do nowadays.

But I don't like the pressure it puts on a kid when someone tells them to take care of a parent. For instance, my aunt (a single mom) has battled with breast cancer, and more recently kidney cancer. Everybody always told the kids, "Take care of your mom." One of her kids is rather anxious and high strung anyway, and I don't think she needed to hear that she should be responsible for caring for a sick adult.

MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/23/2009 8:24 PM (GMT -7)   
If a parent is physical incapacitated by illness/injury to the point that they are unable to competently care for a child then it is neglect. This occured when I was working with the PD. They were made to send the child to daycare, instead of leaving them at home with a parent who was unable to care for that child.  This has also come up when military members are recovering from service injuries. 
Big difference in between a primary caretaking role and a one time incident (such as the 911 stories you are talking about). Do you understand what I mean by that? Perhaps I am not articulating the difference well.


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/23/2009 8:38:37 PM (GMT-7)

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