I just need to vent to my friends here at Healing Well.....

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Julie1014
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1245
   Posted 3/5/2009 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I just need to vent and let my feelings out.  I have my family and friends, but they have their own problems.  I know there are a lot of people that are worse off than me.  However, I am just having a "feel sorry for myself" day, and am crying a lot.  I've missed 3 days of work in a row, which means no money.
 
I am physically and mentally tired.
 
I am SO SICK of Crohn's.
 
I am sick of all of the meds.
 
I'm frustrated with the fatigue.
 
I'm frustrated with the way it dictates my life.
 
I'm tired of it's unpredictability.
 
I'm just tired of it all.
 
I always try to view the glass as half-full, but today just isn't the day.  I'm sorry if I'm being a downer.  No one needs to reply to this.  I just wanted to vent and get things off of my chest.  I know I've only had Crohn's for 3 years, and so many of you have had it for such a long time.  I'm sorry if I'm being a baby.  I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. cry
Diagnosed with Crohn's March 2006, Fibromyalgia November 2008
Asacol 3 times a day, Remicade 10mg/kg every 4 weeks, Prednisone 10 mg, Miralax,  Prevacid 30mg, Vit B12, Vitamin D, Slow-FE (Iron), Hydrocortisone enemas
Imuran stopped 9/8/08 (possible Pancreatitis)
Paxil 40mg daily (for Panic disorder)
Xanax .5mg as needed (for anxiety attacks)
 
 
 
 
 


yellowfin43
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 3/5/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know if this helps but as you said, some of us have had this DD a long time and we are still here encouraging those who are scared and frustrated. Just goes to show that there will be alot of good days to come for you. It has it's ups and downs. I've dealt with it long enough now that I know it will get better and to just try to endure the down times. Even after all this time and knowing what I know, I still get on here and vent. It helps to talk to those who have been where you are and truly understand the frustration of it all. Keep your chin up, don't fight it, and keep venting.

Crohns 30 years. Ileostomy for 15 years. Symptom free for 14 years until 6 months ago. Now on Remicade and iron. Feeling like a champ!
God Bless. Tony


Julie1014
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1245
   Posted 3/5/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Tony, thank you so much for your kind-hearted words. Sometimes it's comforting just to know that we're not alone! Blessings, Julie
Diagnosed with Crohn's March 2006, Fibromyalgia November 2008
Asacol 3 times a day, Remicade 10mg/kg every 4 weeks, Prednisone 10 mg, Miralax,  Prevacid 30mg, Vit B12, Vitamin D, Slow-FE (Iron), Hydrocortisone enemas
Imuran stopped 9/8/08 (possible Pancreatitis)
Paxil 40mg daily (for Panic disorder)
Xanax .5mg as needed (for anxiety attacks)
 
 
 
 
 


isergodur
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/5/2009 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Julie i totally agree with you there ..

I am so sick of all this, i have been having a really good month but i am so low in iron that i am passing out and i think i have a new flare in my small intestines...

But i am lucky don't need to worry about work because i don't have any :P hehe..

Good luck with your crohn's
24 year old female
Diagonsed with Crohns disease in December 2008..
Medication - Asacol, Remicade, Entocort


Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 3/5/2009 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm one of the ones who has had it for many years, and my Mom had it for my whole life, so I've lived with it for 44 years. There will be good days, weeks, months, years, and bad days, weeks, months, years. Sometimes it feels like we are holding on with the skin of our teeth, but hold on, because you never know when that good day will turn up. I'm with you. I'm having a bad day myself, but I know that if I just hold on long enough, the tide will turn.

Sending you hugs and best wishes for a turn around soon!
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 3/5/2009 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Julie I am another longtime Crohnie and I want to tell you that in my 33 years with this DD I have had more good days than bad. I hope that gives you some comfort. Hang in there honey, better days are ahead.

(((GIANT HUGS)))

Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/5/2009 2:22 PM (GMT -7)   
You've had Crohn's slightly longer than I have Julie (I was diagnosed in November 2006)... but I've been where you are... *Hugs* Try to keep your spirits up... I know this disease can be tough to deal with...
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


snohare
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2088
   Posted 3/5/2009 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah We're here to listen, Julie ! And we know that the first years are the hardest.
idea And here is a thought to cheer you up. Listening to you makes for a win/win situation all round.
You get it off your chest and feel better, because you aren't alone. The people who are in the same shoes as you get to find out they are not the only ones either. Those of us who are having better days are reminded to count our blessings, and get to give you guys hope, because we've been there already - and we are not there anymore. So you have actually helped to inspire us, even when you are feeling down, and ill, and feeling useless. Cool, huh ?
nono There's never any need to apologise for anything you feel you need to ask or say here about Crohn's Disease, because whatever you say, someone else is already thinking, and getting it out in the open does us all good.
Practical tips: Things will get better once you know better how to predict what is going to happen. You get a feel for how your symptoms are going, how much energy you will have, what works best for adapting to what is happening. Once you feel you are getting a handle on things, your stress levels will drop by a lot; it's the sheer apparent randomness that is so hard to take.
I have a list of things to do that I consider a triumph on bad days. It might just be a small thing like doing the dishes, or sending emails, but I always try to have a long term project that I can make some tiny amount of progress with even on the sort of day where everything else I planned on doing is doomed. That way, when I get to bed at night, I have that one triumph (or maybe several) that I can focus on and hold on to. Today I went to a website and ordered seeds for this year's gardening; on a better day I will plant them, and they can grow while I am ill. And each little shoot is a victory over this darned Disease !
You find something like that to be doing when you are ill, and the ability to focus it gives you will spillover into your healthy life in a very positive way... smilewinkgrin

Julie1014
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1245
   Posted 3/5/2009 3:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I am crying just reading this, but good tears! You are all such a blessing to me, and give such wonderful words of encouragement, feedback, tips, and advice..... I know when I come here on this website that I am never alone.....

Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful support network, but they don't always understand. Sometimes I feel like saying to them, "Imagine having the flu for 3 years," LOL!

One thing I've learned since visiting this BB..... (I visit This site and the Anxiety site) is that people with Crohn's and/or Anxiety Disorder are some of the most caring, compassionate individuals that I have ever known.

Blessings to you all, Julie:-)
Diagnosed with Crohn's March 2006, Fibromyalgia November 2008
Asacol 3 times a day, Remicade 10mg/kg every 4 weeks, Prednisone 10 mg, Miralax,  Prevacid 30mg, Vit B12, Vitamin D, Slow-FE (Iron), Hydrocortisone enemas
Imuran stopped 9/8/08 (possible Pancreatitis)
Paxil 40mg daily (for Panic disorder)
Xanax .5mg as needed (for anxiety attacks)
 
 
 
 
 


snohare
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2088
   Posted 3/5/2009 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
eyes Yes, there is nothing like a shared experience to draw people together, even if it is a bowel movement ! smilewinkgrin

LMills
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 3/5/2009 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Julie, I understand completely...I never thought I would ask 'why' in terms of how my life has worked out, but this disease has changed that recently. I'm so sorry you're feeling down today...they're some of the worst feelings..I hope you start feeling better soon. We're all here for you :)
20 years old, Diagnosed with moderate to severe Crohn's and Colitis in May of 2008.
Currently taking:
Prednisone 5 mg, pentasa 2 pills 4x a day, bentyl as needed, omeprazole in the morning, prenatal multivitamin, humira every other week, and good probiotics.
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy most likely the result of severe Crohn's inflammation in July of 2008.
Attempting a diet without refined sugars, high fat content, bleached or bromated flour, most dairy, red meat, and avoiding anything spicy like the plague. Also refuse to eat anything with trans fat or high fructose/corn syrup.
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."


Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/5/2009 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Julie,
All of us have those bad days. I personally feel that because of what we have to deal with, we're entitled to vent and feel bad about our situations sometimes. Sometimes it's hard to keep your head up and keep going. Sometimes you just need to be in a funk and get it out of your symptoms. And venting here gets it out of your head. I'm glad you're already in a better mood. I agree with you though, that people with CD and anxiety/depression are the most compassionate people.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12


Kittikatt
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 3/5/2009 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
My heart goes out to you as I've felt the same way for the past 2 weeks.  I've missed a week of work.  I'd go into work then I'd get nauseated, or have sick BM's or just start crying because my overall body felt so weak from lack of sleep and lack of nourishment and so on and so on...I just couldn't stay in the office anymore. 
 
I've been MASSIVELY fatigued.  My gut is worse than normal thanks to Iron pills.  I just found out I have gall stones (out comes the gall bladder next month) so the meds they've got me on to keep THAT pain at bay is making me nauseous...Catch-22.  I feel like I'm going to float away every time I take my meds during the day.
 
Yesterday I was feeling "ok"...enough to sit down and talk with my boss.  3 hours later I was rushing out the door to go home because I felt so bad...hence, the unpredictability you spoke about.  It's SO frustrating.
 
I'm tired of being tired EVERY SINGLE DAY.  If my upper abdomen isn't hurting from the gall stones, my bowels are in overdrive.  If my bowels are REALLY making me sick, I'm vomiting, too.  If my bowels are doing OK for the moment, I'm so tired I can barely keep my head up.
 
I'm usually very positive about my illness...but when it doesn't let up on me for weeks on end and it takes so much time to find out what's going on (like the gall stones...I've had the pain since August but it took til February for a doctor to say, "Hmmm...let's get you a GB ultrasound.")...well, it's just FRUSTRATING and UPSETTING.  I get to the point sometimes where I just cry because I'm just tired or achy or a bit of depression.
 
But it WILL let up.  I know it will...for me, for you, for everyone.  Sometimes when you go for so long withOUT feeling good, it's hard to see that there will ever be a day when you feel good again...and it's hard to remember the last time you DID feel good.  But keep the faith...this TOO shall pass.
 
Don't you just love this board???  Even when you JUST want to vent, there are people right there with you who REALLY get it (unlike most of our non-Crohnie family & friends).  There are people who understand exactly what you're going through.
 
HANG IN THERE!!!!  Tomorrow may be a really GOOD day. :-)
Diagnosed in October, 2004 at age 32.
37/F/SC
Current Rx's: Colazal (generic), Omeprazole, Ferrous Sulfate, Librax, One-A-Day multivitamin, Probiotic, Omega-3 Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Vitamin A, Calcium-Magnesium-Zinc, Cranberry pills
Secondary conditions: mouth ulcers, joint pain, swelling ankles, extreme fatigue
Previous/occasional Rx's: 20mg Prednisone taper, Flagyl, Levaquin
No surgeries to date


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 3/5/2009 6:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Julie just wanted to let you know I have been there and am glad it didn't last forever I have issues that I deal with on a day to day thing but I know your tears will be turned into smiles and pray it will be soon.. lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,hemmies,and still alive.lol gail


daisyrambler
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 126
   Posted 3/5/2009 11:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to add (just like everyone else) that you are not alone !! I know i just said the same thing you did the other day ... I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED ... It sucks !! i am just get over the pred blues and pains ... and now my tummy is not feeling that well .... sooooo .... i guess its humira for me .... :(

o and i wanted to add that not only do we share this DD we share the same name :)

good luck and God bless
Julie !!
> 27 year old female < 
 > Diagonsed with Crohns disease in 2000 <
 > In 2009 I was told my Crohns is Crohn's Colitis ~ they said it was in my rectum, colon and all through my small intestine <
 
 > Medication - pentasa(4000mg), imuran(100mg), prednisone(40mg 30mg 20mg 10mg 5mg), singulair, vitamin C, vitamin E, calcium+D, multivitamin, b-12, iron, and fish oil <
 
> I thank the Lord every day for my amazing husband and wonderful family <


Julie1014
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1245
   Posted 3/6/2009 3:31 AM (GMT -7)   
All I can say is thank you all for the replies! I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I hope you all have a blessed day!! Julie
Diagnosed with Crohn's March 2006, Fibromyalgia November 2008
Asacol 3 times a day, Remicade 10mg/kg every 4 weeks, Prednisone 10 mg, Miralax,  Prevacid 30mg, Vit B12, Vitamin D, Slow-FE (Iron), Hydrocortisone enemas
Imuran stopped 9/8/08 (possible Pancreatitis)
Paxil 40mg daily (for Panic disorder)
Xanax .5mg as needed (for anxiety attacks)
 
 
 
 
 


HabsHockeyFan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 3130
   Posted 3/6/2009 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Julie...I had a tough day yesterday too. I am hoping you are feeling better by now...not just your guts, but also in your gut! Vent anytime....I never spoke about my CD feelings/frustrations until I met my husband. Dx'd in 1990 and did not meet him until 2001. Those first 11 years would have been so much easier if I had vented then. Come to us anytime.....it's always good to share!
Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions, B12 weekly, Pentasa [until I surrender to the bigger meds]
I'm riding on the escalator of life....


Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 3/6/2009 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Julie1014, your not alone because I'm right beside you, its like we have to walk around with a smile and our insides are screaming at us. I've had to quit my job because of the crohns. I was missing to much work. But I'm older I think than you so, I can live with what my husband brings in.I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for him. Here we all understand where you are, they always say walk a mile I think we all have been there. I love this site because of that. your not alone.


Dawn turn yeah
49 Female
Dx June 07 Crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08 on 1 shot a week, vit-B 12 shots , crestor,off crestor,now pravastatin,off humira, pristiq, abilify,
Dx Bipolar May 08


Becoming undone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 3/6/2009 3:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Yuppers...had a day just like you did last week. Jonesing for my Cimzia as it was due that day, fever was up, tears were non stop, and mood was so down. It was so hard to see the positive...sometimes it just gets overwhelming...and I think it happens for a lot of people, no matter how long they have had their disease.(Ne Ne, I have been out of work for 2 years and don't want to file for SSDI, because I WANT to work...and my DH too has to work hard...too hard at times, and has been my life and soul saver)

But today...the birds are singing, the flowers and out and smell so sweet. The sun is warm and caresses my skin. The gentle breeze quietly sings in my windchimes. and I am glad and delighted to be alive and able to experience with all my senses.

I am never sure how I will deal with tomorrow or even an hour for now...but I will deal with tomorrow, tomorrow...
"The earth laughs in flowers"


malakai
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 3/6/2009 10:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hang in there Julie....  Virtual hug...  I've been feeling the same way too for the past month.  It's comforting to know there are such great people on here.  And I also feel you on the friends and family thing.  One of my friends this week was talking to me and basically told me that I was being negative and they understand that I have a Crohn's issue but that I focus on it too much.  I've been in a flare since Feb 4th.  Of COURSE one is going to focus on it.  and I've also been on pred since then so now it is affecting my mood and making me really grouchy. 
 
Tomorrow will be a new day. 
 
Cheers
 
-Jessica
 
 
Newbie - 37 yrs old Diagnosed: 08/03/07
Meds:
Asacol 2x day
Imuran 50MG 2 x day
Lamictal 200 MG/day for bioloar II
flared 02/04/2009 - on evil pred.  finally at 20mg and going down!


catpower
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 192
   Posted 3/6/2009 10:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Julie, I am right there with you! You took the words out of my mouth. I hope things start to improve for you. ((hugs))
Diagnosed with Crohn's Disease; Meds: Entocort & Asacol; female in late 20s.


Julie1014
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1245
   Posted 3/7/2009 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I hate it when someone says "you focus on it too much." That drives me crazy! How can you not focus on it when you can't get off of the toilet or are curled up in pain??!! Believe me, I'd much rather think about something else than pain and bowel movements, lol! Blessings, Julie
Diagnosed with Crohn's March 2006, Fibromyalgia November 2008
Asacol 3 times a day, Remicade 10mg/kg every 4 weeks, Prednisone 10 mg, Miralax,  Prevacid 30mg, Vit B12, Vitamin D, Slow-FE (Iron), Hydrocortisone enemas
Imuran stopped 9/8/08 (possible Pancreatitis)
Paxil 40mg daily (for Panic disorder)
Xanax .5mg as needed (for anxiety attacks)
 
 
 
 
 


pillpopper
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 209
   Posted 3/7/2009 6:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, you guy,s are the best,
So supportive,so right on...
diagnosed 1981
remission until 2006
Remacade,resection
B-12,Pentasa,Loperamide,
Entocort, 6mp,Hydrochlorothiazide
Remission since surgery
and 8-week Remacade.
d since 1981(enjoy the look
on Dr's faces)


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/7/2009 11:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I know what you mean, Julie.... It's like you wanna tell 'em... "Hey, come here for a sec... Closer... closer.... *Mega punch in the stomach* There. Try not to focus on that, okay?"

//^_^\\'
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 3/7/2009 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Celey you're great! For the most part my husband is wonderful BUT... I just had to do 2 different antibiotics. One for bronchitis and one for a UTI (both in the same week!). I knew they were both going to set my CD off and he gave me grief,sort of, for taking them. What was I suppose to do? Let the bronchitis turn into pneumonia and the UTI turn into a bladder infection? So now I'm miserable from the flare they set off, but I feel like I can't complain because it's like, "well I told you so". He's actually being pretty good, but I can tell that he has that what did you expect attitude, or maybe I'm just imagining it.
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....

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