The inflammation is right down today and I am functioning without the help of a steroid – I know it seems stupid from the outside in but I would be so miserable if I had to go into hospital right now when I’ve only just started this position. Call me stubborn but I am not willing to give up a normal life…. I will see my gastro as soon as I can and get a referral to a colorectal surgeon. But I cannot give up on my hopes of a career – leaving this job to go into hospital would make me lose all sense of purpose and I cannot function without that. I can’t just pick up and leave and pack a bag and say ‘they can just deal with it (at work)’ because that’s not the kind of person I am. I will try my hardest and just keep hoping that these antibiotics will momentarily give me some quality of life back – and then I will see my GI and take time off work to see a surgeon – not to go and lie in a hospital bed for a week waiting for surgery like last time. I know they would be understanding but I don’t want anyone’s sympathy – I just want a normal life like most 23 year olds.
I know this is very difficult to understand but I cannot just pick up and leave at this moment. Maybe my priorities are not right but I am doing what I feel will make me less stressed – because picking up and leaving this position (which had hundred and hundred of applicants and they chose me after careful consideration) would leave me stressed and depressed – I honestly think I would have a break down if I had to go into hospital right now. I mean even if I’d been in the position for a month, they would at least have the chance to get to know me. The inflammation is down today so if I went into hospital they would be asking why – I think what I really need to do is see a surgeon about a long-term solution to this problem.
Ivy – I’m sure you’re right with the hospital situation – if I ever need to run to the ER again I will try the PA – I’ve heard it’s very good. The QE2 was good too, but I don’t know much about these things so any medical treatment to me is a blessing!
I know I am so stubborn – but I am very independent – I live alone and away from my family and struggled through university being poor and being diagnosed with crohn’s – and I am never one to ‘give up’ easily – hospital for me is always a last resort – I just hope I can see a colo rectal surgeon asap.