Emotional numbing?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Valerie3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 529
   Posted 3/15/2009 8:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone - I was just wondering if anyone else here has ever experienced any sort of emotional "numbing"? Lately, it just seems like I'm unable to have any kind of emotion, good or bad, towards anything... It's been going on for a while but it seems like it's getting worse. It has been interfering with my personal life and I'm not sure why I am feeling this way (or not feeling anything, heh). Is this some kind of depression or is it caused by anxiety or what? I'm not really sure how to go back to my normal self!

mtgman
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1289
   Posted 3/15/2009 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   
sounds like depression to me...and trust me, I know how you feel. The past 6 months have been hell. I feel like i've been trapped in the house, can't do things with my daughter, am short tempered with my wife, hate work, don't go out with friends, have lost 30 lbs...can go on and on...
i'm just trying to be a trooper and get through it. i know when i turn the corner and start feeling better physically the mental part will fall into place...although i should be working on that NOW.
Do you have someone to talk to?
I've been thinking about trying to find a profesisonal to go talk with to see if that helps...

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 3/15/2009 10:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, Valerie, I have felt that way too. I was "stuck" like that for somewhere between twelve and eighteen months and am only just starting to be able to feel again.

I believe I have been depressed, but switching off was also my only way of coping with some very traumatic things that were happening in our family at the time.

You said that you were anxious, so maybe you are switching off too. Or it could easily be depression. I really do think it would be a good idea to talk to your doctors and see what they think.

How are things otherwise? Are you having difficulty sleeping, waking early, that sort of thing? Or have you suddenly lost or gained a lot of weight? Do you have hobbies or activities that you still enjoy, or do you feel apathetic about them too?

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


Valerie3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 529
   Posted 3/15/2009 10:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I have completely stopped going out - I just can't get the motivation to go see friends. I don't have trouble sleeping, but instead it seems like I'm sleeping 24/7. I'm starting to improve like that, but I can sleep for literally 16-18 hours a day and still not have the drive to go and do anything. I lost about 25 lbs during this whole time that this has been going on (it seems like I've been getting gradually worse throughout this flare I've been in since November). I just have TOTAL apathy. I feel like I know what I should be feeling, and I can rationalize which emotions I should have, but even if I fake it, I can't genuinely feel anything.

I'll give a couple of examples...

My boyfriend and I recently broke up over this (he felt like I don't care about him because I've stopped showing him any affection), and he has been with me since the beginning of this illness. I can't cry over it, but I know that I want him back and that he is really someone who I can picture myself having a future with. We talked about it today and he is still trying to be supportive of me, but he just really wants me to get out of this rut. He said he still loves me and will support me no matter what, so I'm not sure if we're going to get back together or not. I really hope so.

Even at work, I have worked really hard for a promotion, but it has been postponed due to my illness. My salary would be basically doubling on top of it, which is a really big deal for me. I've racked up a substantial amount of debt due to this illness (I can't drag myself out of bed to go to work half the time), so it would be great to have the money to actually pay it off. Anyway, the point is that my new position is *finally* being approved this week, and I have a meeting with the HR manager to do some aptitude tests and have a meeting to discuss things on the 30th. I know that I should be happy, but I just feel totally indifferent to this. It is a huge turning point in my life, and I just feel...nothing. It sucks!

I am a lot more peaceful than usual, which I guess is nice, but at the same time, I kind of miss how edgy I used to be, and how I used to be the girl who was always laughing and smiling, and was social. I don't know if I ever really felt anxious, but I was the type of person where people will look at me and think I must be because of how I'm always "going". I used to never give myself a break, always had something going on!

I am definitely going to talk to my doctor about it, it just feels like it's getting progressively worse rather than better.

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 3/15/2009 11:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, it does sound as if you are being profoundly affected by this. I'm glad you're going to see a doctor. Will you tell us what happens?

Hang in there,

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 3/16/2009 4:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Val I too went about a year of not being my happy self and loosing alot of weight and dealing with pain and hospital trips, certainly alot to cope with not to mention surgery and wrapping my mind around all the crohn's info that I had to learn... that being said I did get out of it by learning to laugh again ... sometimes it was some of the meds like pred. that sent my mind on a roller coaster... it sounds to me that you have been on a bit of a ride yourself with health issues.. and perhaps now you are ready to get on with things and just knowing that you haven't been yourself can lead to motivation... you have what sounds like a good opportunity coming up and I am hoping the joy of life starts filtering back in..best wishes with your promotion and your boyfriend sounds like a good guy....keep in touch and let us know how your doing... lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,hemmies,and still alive.lol gail


Kittikatt
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 3/16/2009 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm right there with you...I'm a journal writer and for quite some time I just haven't been able to write anything worthy. My days are NUMBING - you used the perfect word. I'm void of thoughts, ideas, excitement about life.

I know this is the first time I've really hit a depression state with this illness. I've never asked, "Why me, God?" because I've just always stayed so positive about my Crohn's...but just within the past few months I've started crying a lot for different reasons...whereas before I never seemed to cry about anything.

Now I'm a big ball of void/nothingness with spells of anxiety-cries. I don't want to take ANOTHER medication to try and fix the depression, though...because like gman said, if the physical part of this illness would heal, I know my emotional part would, too. When I feel good, everyone around me knows it. When I don't, everyone around me knows it. I'm a funny, fun, outgoing, goofy gal...but when I'm sick, I might as well be a statue and that makes me sad. My friends can't be themselves around me because I'm not myself around me. It sucks. I just want to be back to being ME.

Hang in there, Val...maybe this will soon get better for ALL of us.
Diagnosed in October, 2004 at age 32.
37/F/SC
Current Rx's: Colazal (generic), Omeprazole, Ferrous Sulfate, Librax, One-A-Day multivitamin, Probiotic, Omega-3 Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Vitamin A, Calcium-Magnesium-Zinc, Cranberry pills
Secondary conditions: mouth ulcers, joint pain, swelling ankles, extreme fatigue
Previous/occasional Rx's: 20mg Prednisone taper, Flagyl, Levaquin
No surgeries to date


snohare
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2088
   Posted 3/17/2009 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah Yep, that's "flattening of affect" in shrink speak, Val. (Goes with emotional lability - no emotion, then sudden unwarranted mood swings.) Together with all the fatigue and changes in attitude, I'd say you were a shoe-in for a diagnosis of depression. It comes to some degree with most people who are in a flare, but you know when you are losing weight and nutrients the way you obviously have been....given that half your body's neurotransmitters are in your gut, and are so intimately linked with Vitamin B12 deficiency and the likes, it is not so surprising that you are suffering this way.
My policy in the past has been to take antidepressants. Different ones worked with differing levels of efficiency. I no longer think of depression as an on/off thing; I think more of behaviours (sleep, irritability, concentration, energy) in different scenarios, and is modification to that behaviour being altered due to depression or antidepressants.
What I found was that both ticked certain boxes at certain dosages, and a good antidepressant (as Prozac was for me) left most of the behaviours pretty well as they should be, or if anything improved. (I'm more assertive after having been on Prozac - definitely the medication.) Depression ends up ticking pretty well all the boxes if left untreated, and that is a process I'd say you are well along on. Finding the right antidepressant really was a huge improvement for me, and even helped to calm my gut, so here's hoping it can make the same difference for you. The side effects tick boxes too though, that's the fly in the ointment.
These days, I take B12 supplements, which definitely help my fatigue, plus Vitamin B5 which is supposed to help "nourish" my adrenal glands. Don't know about that, but I certainly feel less jittery and stressed-out with the old overwhelemed "running up a hill" feeling even when sitting down.
nono Some of what this disease does is bad (most of it) but some of it can be good too. I for one have learned to take a step back emotionally from things - bad in relationships ( eyes whatever they are, I've forgotten ) but it can be a really big advantage at work, particularly when everyone else is getting wound up and losing their cool. That is something I learned as adaptive behaviour from being stressed out over being chronically ill; I would guess you are doing the same thing, like most folk I suppose. But when it gets to being totally indifferent - yep, that's an urgent problem.
Keep us posted how you are getting on, this is a leaky boat where daft though it sounds, it helps to know there are other passengers... wink It's good to talk, ain't it folks ! yeah

Valerie3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 529
   Posted 3/17/2009 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the replies everyone! It's good to know that there's other people going through or that have gone through similar situations. It's really the first time in my life that I've felt this way, so it's nice to know that other people have gone through similar situations and came out of it OK. I think I would drive myself crazy if I couldn't post here though, honestly, since I've been diagnosed (even though it hasn't been long!), coming here has given me a lot of comfort and reassurance, and really given me something to look forward to.

That pretty much perfectly describes how I feel (the bit about no emotion, the sudden mood swings). Funny thing is though, my B12 has always been normal! My iron is really low, though. I just had my blood tested again though, so who knows, maybe it is low now. I hate the idea of going on antidepressants, but I'm really starting to think I need them. It's hard to believe that I'm depressed because I don't FEEL sad really, well I do at times, but in general I just feel nothing, so it's weird! I'm going to talk to my doctor when I see her next week, I just always have a hard time bringing stuff like this up to people.

Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 3/17/2009 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Glad your going to talk to your doctor. Thats the right thing to do. Lots of good things are still around the corner for you in life and I am hoping you get to feeling better soon. Perhaps you needed to slow down just a bit so you could tend to your bodies needs . Once your body feels better everything may look brighter. Keep us up to date on things.
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


LMills
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 3/17/2009 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Valerie...I'm worried about you...I felt like this for years and resorted to some pretty nasty acts of self-mutilation to try and feel something. I just hope it's not so extreme that you try something dangerous to 'help' yourself, but I do have a lot more faith in you than I do in myself so...I'm glad that you're still able to talk to your ex and that you guys can work things out in a civil manner.
This does sound like depression though. Have you considered seeing someone about it? I know I will be soon and am hoping to try anti-anxiety medication as needed to help things.
I wish I could help you more..I know what you mean about not wanting to do ANYTHING except sleep. Horrible feeling...please let us know how you're doing and if you're getting any better.
20 years old, Diagnosed with moderate to severe Crohn's and Colitis in May of 2008.
Currently taking:
Prednisone 10 mg, pentasa 2 pills 4x a day, bentyl as needed, omeprazole in the morning, prenatal multivitamin, humira every other week, and Align probiotics given to me by my GI.
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy most likely the result of severe Crohn's inflammation in July of 2008.
Diet almost completely without refined sugars, wheat, flour, gluten, high lactose dairy, and/or junk food in general.
Learning how to live again.
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 3/17/2009 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi You had mentioned your iron is low I think but not sure that B-12 also helps the total blood perhaps you could try some with your Dr. 's OK ...just wanted to say that first getting the nutrients is a good place to start for everything that is going on with crohn's patients.. glad your feeling ready to start taking this on and hope your overall health improves soon... lol gail
Hallarious woman over 50 ,CD ,IBS 27 years--resection,fistula's,obstructions,hemmies,and still alive.lol gail

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, December 05, 2016 1:33 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,866 posts in 301,064 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151217 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, antknight.
230 Guest(s), 3 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Nick_69, YiyiBoo, docktahkay


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer