I remember years ago someone saying to me "god you've lost loads of weight how have you done that" I told them i had crohn's to which they replied " oh i need to have that to get this weight off" i was fuming and told her if you knew what it involved you would rather stay fat and happy she soon backed down people like that really wind me up
tiamarie: I'm curious if the people who are saying this silly stuff to you KNOW you have Crohn's. If they do, they are IDIOTS. If they don't, you shouldn't fault them...they're just paying you a compliment! However, having said that, I DO know how you feel... I've had people say the same thing who did NOT know I have Crohn's but because I know I have it and know what I went through to lose the weight, I get defensive...I can't help it!
Funny, too...I was just talking about this issue with one of my friends in the office today. I was diagnosed 5 years ago and decided to only tell a handful of people about it - my boss and a few girlfriends in my office. I asked them all to keep my Crohn's Disease to themselves because I work in a building with 100 people, most of which are gossipy women who don't NEED to know my health problems. Plus, I don't want to be known as the "sickly office girl" even though I'm not oblivious to the fact that I do look terribly ill when I'm in a flare.
I went from 170lbs last January to 130lbs by March. 40lbs off just like that. I flared for 8-months. Low iron, too, so although I TRIED not to look sick at work, no amount of makeup was working. I couldn't walk up straight from the lethargy, I was skinny and white as a ghost.
In the past 4 months, I've dropped another 10lbs down to 120lbs (thank you, VOMICATION) and recently had my gall bladder removed. I'm ACUTELY AWARE that the people in my building (even the ones who don't know me) KNOW something is wrong with me. MANY people have asked my close friends in the office if I'm sick or if I'm okay...and my friends usually just respond with a "yes, she's fine" or a "well, she hasn't been feeling too good" or whatever but they never mention my Crohn's.
But today I'm starting to wonder if I should give up on keeping the secret. Over the past year, I've had people come up and say, "Wow! You look great! You've lost so much weight!" and I just say "thanks". But I had ONE woman (every office has at least one like her) who came straight up to me and said, "Ewww...you've lost a ton of weight! You look awful." She said it while crinkling her nose up like something stunk. So I said, "Yes, I have lost weight. Thank you for noticing. I understand how jealous you must be about that...you know, with you not being able to lose all that weight on you, particularly at your age and all...now go away and bother someone else." Yeah, yeah...that was tacky of me (to say the least) and not one of my better verbal moments but that woman truly is the devil's spawn...
Maybe I SHOULD just TELL people in my office I have Crohn's. Get it out there. No more questions or wondering or curiosity floating around. I don't care who outside of my office environment knows about my Crohn's, it's just been my office that I've wanted to keep it a secret in. If I tell within the office though, it would at least stop all the inquisitions on my friends and me. I feel bad I put that burden on my friends to keep a health secret. I know people are curious as to why I've lost so much weight and continue to lose weight. And on top of that, I model part-time just for fun so I'm SURE people who DON'T know me (I'm an advocate for teen and adult health and personal development) think I'm bulemic or anorexic. I'd rather THOSE people know I have Crohn's!
So I'm considering allowing my friends to spread the word about my Crohn's the next time someone asks about me...because my Crohn's still isn't under control and I know I'll be out sick - again - at some point in time. But it does just get frustrating when people make uneducated, ill-thought-out comments and I guess THAT is why I don't want people to know. Because if they DO know and STILL make STUPID comments, I'm not going to be able to handle that well! BUT if people know at least there wouldn't be any more, "WOW! You've lost so much weight! You look GREAT!" when I'm standing there feeling like crap.
I can't help but wonder how many times I've told someone they looked great b/c they'd lost weight when really they'd been sick...
And weight gain...geez! I've had that, too...that's how I got to 170lbs from 140lbs. No one bothered to ask what was wrong with me then! BUT I guess they didn't because I felt good! I was in remission! I smiled and had a healthy color and did fun stuff around the office so at the WORST people thought I was just over-eating!!
It seems like us crohnies are often upset by what others say in relation to our weight. I would say just see it as jealousy – most people (even slim people) are looking to lose a few pounds, so really, they are just jealous (even though they don’t realise that our weight loss is a result of our suffering). If you try and look at it as flattery, it makes it a lot easier.
Personally, I wouldn’t spend my energy getting antsy at people who have no idea what you’re going through. See them as children – how are they to know any better? So what if people think you’re skinny – let them think what they want I say!
Post Edited (J-) : 6/23/2009 9:58:50 AM (GMT-6)