here.............. have a giggle at these.

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gemini kiwi
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1136
   Posted 5/13/2009 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   

Actual entries in an Mpumalanga hospital register:-

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 Kg weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She al so appears to be depressed.

9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 5/13/2009 10:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks! Too funny!

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1220
   Posted 5/14/2009 5:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Diagnosed with Crohn's in early 2007.  Several peri-rectal abscesses and two fistulae with setons.  Allergic to Remicade and Humira.  Currently on 6MP, and vitamins D and B-12.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 357
   Posted 5/14/2009 8:29 AM (GMT -6)   
32 year old female... diagnosed with Crohn's at age 16, then with proctitis in 2005... right hemi-coloctomy April 2001 (removed 12 inches)... currently taking 100mg 6MP, Canasa, acidolpholus, Protonix, B12 injections once a month, 20mg Prednisone, Bentyl and Percoset as needed... just started Remicade

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/14/2009 8:37 AM (GMT -6)   
I thought that was hilarious. I love the rectal exam revealed a normal sized thyroid!!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1642
   Posted 5/14/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Very funny. Also kind of scary how messed up our charts can be from bad grammer and spelling!!


Karen (Karendee)

Diagnosed w/ Crohn’s Disease  March 2007 Started Humira June 2008 (have been on other cd meds)

Diagnosed w/  Fibromyalgia May 2007 on Soma and Lyrica



Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 5/14/2009 9:26 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm pretty sure that's my chart.
Crohns 30 years. Ileostomy for 15 years. Symptom free for 14 years until 8 months ago. Now on Remicade, B-12 injections and iron. Feeling much better!
God Bless. Tony

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