holiday confession - I got it wrong

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uklass
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 7/4/2009 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
hi everyone. I've just been on holiday to a Greek island for a week. Bliss? no - not really, and I need to admit somewhere that it probably wasn't the greatest decision I've made and this is the only place I can do it without getting the 'I told you so' treatment or that I can admit it at all.
 
I'm about to go to a family gathering where I know I will be told I look great (I tan beautifully) and will be expected to say I had a fantastic time. In reality I spent most of the week on my own and in various levels of pain and anxiety - I don't have a problem about my own company but my 'normal' holiday would involve meeting lots of different people, exploring, eating, drinking etc. I knew it would be different and really did lower my expectations but instead I felt so anxious about what to eat, had very uncomfortable 4 hour plane rides, thought I'd got an obstruction at one point, my scar was hurting a lot, I couldn't even lie on my front to sunbathe or read, was worried about swimming in the sea, and I didn't want to get into difficult conversations about CD when I know no-one wants to hear it on holiday. It felt a very lonely place to be. at times. I think I'm supposed to be in remission and my hospital doctor  said 'get your life back to normal - don't be paranoid' so I thought this would be the indicator of 'normal'. 4 months after major surgery (full incision and resection) probably is too soon for this sort of trip but who could tell me different? I'm so sick of everyone saying 'lead a normal life' or 'do what feels right for you' - i would have probably felt better not going away for the week than I do now. I know all my friends, family and work colleagues just want me to say I'm fine BUT I'M NOT!!!
 
Gonna go now and put on my happy face so that I don't ruin my niece's birthday bash. I wonder what food there'll be..............?

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 7/4/2009 8:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Uklass, it is very normal to develop anxiety related to your Crohns. I found because I hadn't travelled since my resections that when the first time came, I literally was consumed with anxiety. Now with the help of an occasional Xanax I am now able to travel with less anxiety. Don't beat yourself up, it happens to all of us. Big Hugs!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed for my anxiety.  Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 7/4/2009 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Honey, BRAVO for you, for having the guts(!) to at least try. We all want to be "normal."
I might say something to the extent of "it was the vacation one expect 4 months post op."
For me it at least takes a year for me to recover to the non-guarding stage from major surgery, but bravo for you for at least TRYING!


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 7/4/2009 10:16:47 AM (GMT-6)


Homeboy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 637
   Posted 7/4/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Navy.

Pat yourself on the back for at least trying.

smilewinkgrin
CD dx @ 13 (1987)
Prednisone 20mg every other day
Phenergen PRN
Zantac 150 - Twice Day
Pain Meds
Vitamins


ozonehole
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 559
   Posted 7/4/2009 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
"Experience" is what people call their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde

But like everyone else, I salute you for at least trying. You'll know better next time how far you can safely push yourself.

best regards,
Robert
Crohn's since 1988
3 resections


Wolfie40
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 947
   Posted 7/4/2009 5:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad you tried.
Diagnosed with Crohns in 2001
First and hopefully last Ileocecectomy 2/18/2009

Medications: Asacol, Precription Folic Acid, Multivitamin, 1000mg Calcium, Vitamin D, Probiotics, Protonix,  Monthly B-12 injections.

Living a Great life with my Wife and my two Chocolate Labs
Hunter & Hailey.
I love them dearly.


CrohnieToo
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 9448
   Posted 7/4/2009 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I"m sorry. But I don't understand. You've had a resection. You're in remission. You've got a new lease on life!! Who knows how long your remission will last. Mine lasted 20 years!!! Life's too short. Enjoy it while you can! Make hay whilst the sun shines! Enjoy life to the fullest.
Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 7/5/2009 6:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I think the problem is it might have been too early post op. She was in too much pain to be "normal." 
 
I wish it could be just a normal jump right back into "normal" life, but sometimes it is small steps. 
 
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 7/5/2009 7:16:49 AM (GMT-6)


uklass
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 7/5/2009 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
yes - either too early post op or too high expectations. I'm also glad I tried and I know you appreciate the effort it takes to do that; thanks for your reassurances on this that I wasn't stupid to do it. I'm in such a state emotionally at the moment that I don't know what to do or feel. Everyone wants to hear that I am well and 'back to normal' but I just don't feel it. My 7 year old nephew asked me last night if I was better now and can we go back to the adventure playground that we had a fun time at (the day before I was taken by ambulance to hospital and was probably very seriously ill whilst I was out with him). It nearly broke my heart to not have an answer for him - I'm the 'outdoor auntie' and it's hard to not know whether I can do the same things as before: has the elastic stretched too far?I don't want to take pills for anxiety or for the pain if I can avoid it but I'll have to find a way through this - it's just not like me to be so emotional and I know it would freak a lot of people out (family and work colleagues) if they knew how bad I'd got at times
 
thanks for reading and understanding: it feels good to at least write it down 
 
Penny x

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 7/5/2009 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie,
Be gentle with yourself, you are feeling your way thru this. You will find your way it just takes time, because I think it is like finding your way blind folded, you might need to feel out the step, before you commit to it. Actually being more emotional post op is normal, because it is a brings a new set of circumstances and adaptations. Like I am concerned (but excited) that if and when I ever get to feeling better to do what you have done.
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


skibaboo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 7/5/2009 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Penny, I'm in Yorkshire too!

I empathise with you're situation. In 1997 I had my ileostomy and total proctocolectomy. 3 months after I went on a 2 week holiday to Fuertaventura. I was really really looking forward to it, I never felt nervous about anything, I felt well, no problems. Then 3 days before we were leaving I was hit with an sense of extreme dread. I'd never experienced anything like it. I cried like a baby at the airport.

Physically I was fine. I swam, played tennis and ate anything but I was still counting the days until I came home. I think emotionally it was way too soon for me. I'd just lost my nanna too.

I have a lot of problems with anxiety since on and off, and It's all down to 25 years of Crohn's. Don't be too hard on yourself. You went, you didn't have the best of times but you've been through a lot, give yourself some time to heal, physically and mentally. And if you need to talk here is the place. No subject is taboo. It REALLY helps to talk to someone who understands.
 
Gill x


"Wherever you may be let your wind go free, church or chapel, let it rattle."


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 7/5/2009 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel you! I ended up going to therapy at one point and the hardest part for me was realizing that I did so many things that I was supposed to enjoy just waiting for them to be over. I was constantly waiting for the pain and the urgency and the need to go now. Finally I realized that I had to come to terms with the fact that maybe I'd poop my pants someday but I wasn't just going to spend my life at home waiting for it to happen. That said, I still feel panicky, even when feeling well, when I realize I have no easy bathroom access. Just this weekend I was walking in the city w/ my husband and we ended up in the financial district where everything was closed for the holiday. I got all sweaty and my heart was racing just thinking about the fact that I was at least a 10 minute walk from any bathroom. I hear you loud and clear.
27 Year old married female law student (last year!!). Diagnosed w/ CD 4 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD. I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid. For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn. I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13. I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium. Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I take xanax prn for situational anxiety (aka no easy bathroom access). 


littlemissmuffet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 269
   Posted 7/6/2009 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you did really well to get out there and give it a go. Dont be too hard on yourself. Having crohns is I think a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I know where you are coming from. I spend most of time in the airport on the loo, insist on an aisle seat on the plane so I can get out to the loo. And then I dread breaking wind in case it smells. Then on holiday I am constantly looking for the loo and then worry baout the state of it when I get there.

I was proud of myself this year when I went on my first holiday excursion since been diagnosed. This might not seem like a big deal to anyone else but those with crohns will understand. I usually wont go out of the hotel complex.

And Greece - well I wont go there - cant cope with the don not flush the loo paper restrictions. That would be too awful for me.

Uk lass - did you go with friends or a partner? I imagine it is harder with friends. I am lucky in that my partner understands because he has UC.
Diagnosed 2005.
 
Current medication  -  infliximab infusions, ranitidine, ferrous sulphate, Vitamin B12 injections, asacol


uklass
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 7/6/2009 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
hi all. I'm feeling better than I did - thanks for letting me get it out there. I've read other posts about reactions from family and friends and how disappointing it can be.
 
I've gone back to work today and yes, I got the 'you look great' (because of my tan) and 'did you have a fab holiday and how drunk did you get?'. I decided to tell a version of the truth because it makes me feel resentful covering up how I am feeling - I think this is sometimes why we get ill. I don't think some of those people will be asking again but it was lovely to get appropriate responses from a few people. Family still can't cope with it all and I'm avoiding speaking to friends too much until I've got good stuff to counterbalance it. Heaven knows what they'd be like if I had the ongoing awful situations that many of you have to deal with every day!!
 
Littlemissmuffett - I went by myself; I decided a few years ago that I would rather holiday by myself and be free to explore & do what I want. I was going to go with my sister this time but she couldn't get time off work so I was stubborn (or naive) and booked it anyway. Don't know if having someone there would have helped though - I think I would worry about ruining their holiday and bottle it up even more.
 
Can't win eh?? anyway thanks again - hopefully sometime soon I'll post saying I'm pain and anxiety free.  xx
 
 
diagnosed aged 31 in 1996 - emergency surgery (right hemicolectomy). Thought I'd only get 'it' once and have lived in relatively blissful ignorance, apart from a couple of hospital stays for obstructions (scar tissue), until March 09....major surgery, 2 resections, fistula and now only 195cm small bowel left. Not on any meds at present except B12 injections but know there will be some. Just getting used to my 'new' body and it's limitations........
 
Penny x


littlemissmuffet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 269
   Posted 7/7/2009 1:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Penny

I have previously been on solos holidays (admittadly before I had crohns)> But the set up with those is that you can join in with the others as little or as much as you like. And because your not actually with them you dont have to feel as if you are ruining their holiday. If you want to go to bed at 9pm etc then you are free to do so and have no one to answer to. But also if you fell ok you have people to socialise with. If I was ever single again (hopefully not) then I would definaltely consider it
Diagnosed 2005.
 
Current medication  -  infliximab infusions, ranitidine, ferrous sulphate, Vitamin B12 injections, asacol


CrohnieToo
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 9448
   Posted 7/7/2009 4:52 AM (GMT -7)   
UKLass, I admire you for going on that Greek holiday by yourself. That is the way I would want to go too (or w/an independent, like-minded friend). But I do NOT understand and am concerned that you are still in pain 4 months after surgery!! Tired yet, yes, even weak. But pain? THAT I don't understand and THAT is what concerns me.
Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

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