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andorable
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 981
   Posted 8/14/2009 7:18 AM (GMT -7)   
So yesterday my boyfriend of 2 years dumped me because he has met someone else and wants to persue a relationship with her, it tore my heart out. I had my ileostomy in march then had proctocolectomy 2 weeks ago i went to docs today for more pain relief and i broke down big time this has just highlighted how low im feeling about going through all these changes in such a short time and i thought i was doing fine emotionally but im not. I dont feel worthy of anyone right now and cant stop crying and in serious pain ohhh and have bad infection so on antibiotics as well as endone and patches. Please can someone kick me to snap me out of this. I am going to see a counsellor as soon as i am recovered from this post op stuff but for the moment i feel like im dying inside.  What is wrong with me? Im a blubbering heap. Sorry just needed to write this down to get it off my chest cause i hate to burden anyone with it. someone shoot me and put me out of my misery

pimfram
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 506
   Posted 8/14/2009 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard enough to manage when you're feeling crappy from CD, but having a breakup at the same time...I can't even imagine. I guess the best advice I can gave you is to seek counseling (as you mentioned).

Best of luck, you'll get through this rough patch :-)
Diagnosed with CD July 2007
Currently on Remicade, Imuran, probiotics, folic acid, multivitamin.


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/14/2009 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I for one refuse to kick you when you are down, but I will definetly wrap you up in some (((GIANT CYBER HUGS))). Not only did you have that life changing surgery, and now your guy breaks up with you, its no wonder you are a "blubbering heap", I would be too. I am glad to hear that you are planning on seeing a councelor, as I really feel they can help. I am so sorry you are hurting so much, but do lean on us during these tough times, as I think we are the folks who can most understand all the things this dd can cost us. Sending healing prayers your way.

Big Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed for my anxiety.  Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

omigrandma
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 57
   Posted 8/14/2009 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
My heart is breaking for you. When you are healthy and strong it takes all the strength and energy to cope with a serious breakup; but when you are so incapacitated I really can't imagine how you can do this. I have gone through breakups as we all have in life and have helped my children deal with them also. That is probably little comfort to you right now. Just dig down as deep as you can go and hang on to that tiny string in there somewhere. Prayer always helps me feel better so I hope it helps you if you believe in it. I will pray for you and maybe soon when you are feeling better and stronger you can practice some Yoga which also helps me. I so help you get through this with your counselor and your own strength. Good luck.

pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 8/14/2009 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) I'm glad you're going for counselling and just know that as sucky as your situation is right now, man are you ever gonna be amazingly strong after going through this awful experiance....and boy that's sure some bad karma on your x-bf, breaking up is bad enough but to do it when you're going through what you are going through with your disease, that's just bad...life has a funny way of making things right. You are most definitely entitled to feel the way you do right now and just know that thoughts are with you and you will get through this (one day it won't matter cuz you'll be feeling great health wise and you'll probably find someone that is deserving of you).

:)
My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)


Valerie3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 529
   Posted 8/14/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Ouch, that's awful :( I can imagine you don't feel too great because the thought of dating post-op seems intimidating. I haven't been through it myself, but if he left you for another girl in a time like that, I think it's better that you found out that he's such a jerk now rather than later down the line. You are worthy, it seems like he's the one who isn't. You will find someone more loyal and who will support you through the good times and bad, I think that right now you just need to focus on yourself and healing, because what happened with him isn't your fault at all. Hope you feel better :(

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 8/14/2009 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
*hug*

Andorable, this is not your fault.

I think significant others need to be more aware of their timing when they break off a relationship. Dumping you just after ostomy surgery is not going to help your self-esteem AT ALL. I'm really, really sorry this has happened to you.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


LMills
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 8/14/2009 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel sick just reading this...I'm so, so sorry that you're going through this. I know it's such a terrible feeling, and you literally DO feel like you're dying inside.
Please know we're all here for you and sending love your way. Keep your chin up..like Ivy said, this isn't your fault at all.
20 years old, Diagnosed with moderate to severe Crohn's and Colitis in May of 2008.
Currently taking: Prednisone 5 mg, pentasa 2 pills 4x a day, omeprazole in the morning, and a women's multivitamin. I'm also trying a B vitamin complex, but it doesn't seem to be working so I'm considering the shots.
Diet almost completely without refined sugars, wheat, flour, gluten, high lactose dairy, and/or junk food in general.
bonniegriffith.blogspot.com/
Learning how to live again.
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."


Irishmom4
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 457
   Posted 8/14/2009 8:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Sending ((((HUGS)))) and prayers your way.

Elizabeth
Dx'd with Crohns 1984 and polycystic kidney disease in 1996
Bowel Resection surgery 2006, Now on Asacol, folic acid, and Enalapril,
 


Julia Hill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 543
   Posted 8/15/2009 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,

(((hugs))) For every door that closes, another one opens. Please concentrate on getting well.

Julia

littlemissmuffet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 269
   Posted 8/15/2009 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope you are feeling better soon (((big hugs))).

Its awful to be kicked when you are down. I will tell you my story which I hope will give you some comfort.

Seven years ago I had cervical cancer and was very low (and that was before I knew about crohns !) I was with a man who I thought was the love of my life. I was in my thirtys and believed that I had met the man who was what I had always waited for. However, just when I needed him the most he badly let me down. He didnt give me the support or love that I needed at the most difficult time of my life. The happy part is that I had my surgery and made a full recovery. This was with the loving support of family and friends. "The love of my life" was no where to be seen. He came crawling back once I was well, but by then it was too late for me. He had shown his true colours.

The outcome was that I spent some time on my own, but eventually met the wonderful man who I am with now and have been for over 4 years. He has fully supported me and more throughout all the problems with my crohns, I wouldnt be where I am today without his help.

So Andorable please do not think that you are not worthy of anyone, you so are worthy. There will be someone out there who is far more worthy of you than the one that let you down. I wish I could fast forward to that part for you.

Concentrate on getting yourself better, you are the important one here. If your boyfriend lets you down now then at least you know now, before it is too late and you are further down the line. He really isnt worth it
Diagnosed 2005.  41 year old female living in UK
 
Current medication  -  infliximab infusions, ranitidine, ferrous sulphate, Vitamin B12 injections.


Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 8/15/2009 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Sounds to me like your boyfriend was a total jack***. Hope you see that it was not you but him that has something wrong . You are just ill, he is,, SICK .Hope you get control of your emotions and feel better soon. Big hug to you...
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


SydneyJo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1354
   Posted 8/15/2009 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
(((Andorable)))
What a horrible time to let you down like that. You have been through so much and been very brave, you will get through this and be an even stronger person.
Prayers and thoughts are with you.
Jo

andorable
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 981
   Posted 8/15/2009 8:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank u all so very much your kind words have helped get me through. As each day passes I feel that little bit stronger. One thing that makes me happy is the woman my b/f left me for has said she is not interested in any relationship with him, I couldnt contain my laughter, it serves him right. But he need not bother thinking my door is open for him because after what he has done to me it will be permanently closed. To top things off for me I was in serious pain last night and I think I may have developed a hernia, the pain was coming in waves and whenever I moved certain ways it just caught me and buckled me over and I believe its a common problem with ileostomy's. I do have to go back to the doc on tuesday so I will ask him what he thinks. I hope its not as I really dont need anything else on top of this. Thanks again u are all wonderful people xo

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/16/2009 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Haha to your ex boyfriend!!! Isn't that great karma for him?? He thought things were so great and the grass was greener, but his butt just got ran over by the lawnmower:) Stay strong andorable!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed for my anxiety.  Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Valerie3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 529
   Posted 8/16/2009 9:47 AM (GMT -7)   
That's funny.. Sounds like the other woman has some common sense, why would you date a guy who has already proven himself to be a jerk? Serves him right....

SydneyJo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1354
   Posted 8/16/2009 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL - as we say in Australia 'sucked in' to him, couldn't happen to a nicer fella lol.
Hope you get relief from this hernia too Andorable, let us know how you go.
Jo

*Phoebe*
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 769
   Posted 8/16/2009 5:15 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Andorable, I just read your story and I just wanted to send you a HUUUUUUGE hug - just remember that him doing this to you has nothing to do with your operation and EVERYTHING to do with the person that he is - a major jerk by the sounds of it.

 

I must admit I was tickled pink to hear that the ‘other woman’ has no intention of pursuing a relationship with him.

 

This is such bad timing for you but as the other say – at least you found out about his character now and not in ten years time! Glad to hear you’re getting stronger every day….. That’s the way.

 

Let us know how you are going; we are all here for you!

 

Lots of love

 

xxxxx


Temptress
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/8/2012 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
This thread is pretty old so I'm not sure if you'll read it. Really really hope everything worked out for you in the end, please let us know?

I'm new to this forum but have been reading it for a number of months. I don't actually have Crohns but I came to this forum because my then boyfriend does have it and quite severely I think. Just wanted to tell you it can happen the other way round too! I met him last summer just as he was starting chemotherapy for his Crohns. He didn't tell me about it until October which is fair enough as we were still getting to know each other. Anyway to cut a long story short, he had chemo for just less than a year, had an operation for hernias and then also suffered over 2 months of cluster headaches, also called suicide headaches. I stuck by him keeping him company when he wanted, space when he wanted and being very accepting of the lack of intimacy (toned down for younger readers!) between us. When he was on the mend I asked how he felt about me as it wasn't always clear. Bolt out of the blue, he said he wasn't looking for a relationship. Although heartbroken I accepted that as I was still more concerned about his needs than my own. Two months on and I've found him on a dating website. I feel so hurt, he's in remission and doesn't want/need me and is actively looking for someone else!

Can anyone put a positive spin on this as I really can't. Seriously I loved this guy more than anything, still do (although some hate mixed in there too now!)

Just goes to show it can happen the other way round. Hope it gives some of you with Crohns hope that there are people out there that will adore you and really want to stick by you.

WingZero
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 604
   Posted 7/8/2012 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry about everything that's happened. I hope things get better for you! *hugs*
Remicade
Prednisone as needed
Colocort as needed

Currently on a low-residue, low-fiber diet. Tried SCD, gluten free, in the past with no real improvement.

nawlinscate
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 656
   Posted 7/8/2012 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Me, too! Sending huge cyberhugs your way. It makes sense that you've been feeling miserable, physically and emotionally--who wouldn't? Either one of the things that you've been hit with would have been enough, by itself, to justify feeling crummy. Get whatever help you need. You'll come out of this stronger, even though you have to wade through hell to get there. Love from all of us.
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