I know that sounds melodramatic as hell, but I truly am just sick of living. I've been diagnosed with Crohn's since around 1989 and have had two bowel resections (1992 and 2002). With each passing year it becomes progressively worse. I have severe joint pain that for a couple of years was well-controlled by Remicade; then I developed a resistance to it and now on Humira injections twice a month. The Humira has worked well until just recently, and now I'm in agony again with joint pain.
A couple of years ago I started to develop back trouble. Had an MRI done and I have a pinched nerve and two bulging discs (L4/L5). I have been on pain meds, had three months of physical therapy, and now they want to put in a pain pump which scares the crap out of me. I am seeing a chiropractor who has given me more relief than anything.
It's just been one of the weekends where I wish I wouldnt wake up - simple as that. I am so very tired of this disease and the havoc it wreaks on my body. My sweet children see my cry, as well as my very supportive husband, and I try to hold back the tears, but it just won't stay bottled up. I am bipolar and on lithium on top of the other stuff-I take so many antidepressents I rattle). I just don't, for the life of me, understand why things have to be this way. I know that it could always be worse and I have many blessings in my life to be thankful for, but I get so caught up in the bull*** it's hard to remember.
I am 43 years old and have to be functional to take care of my children and to work. I am just at my WIT'S END. I guess I just needed to type it out. Thanks for "listening." If anyone has experience with pain pumps for joint pain/back issues, please let me know.
*Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are not permitted.*
Post Edited By Moderator (Nanners) : 9/7/2009 6:46:14 PM (GMT-6)