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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 321
   Posted 10/12/2009 3:46 AM (GMT -6)   
I hate to come here and be depressing but I've just been really bummed lately. On one hand I've never been happier because I started my internship this year and I love it. I'm a social work major and I'm getting to really make an impact on people's lives. It's so weird to me that I tell people I've never been happier (and mean it) but at the same time I've been so depressed. It has been a challenging year for me dealing with the CD and other stuff.

I've never really been alone before, I've always had a boyfriend until recently. For the last year I kind of leeched on to my boyfriend of 4 years even though it was an unhealthy relationship and was basically over. He would sometimes refer to me as a barnacle and I guess he wasn't far from the truth. I really relied solely on him for support and understanding, he was my person. I even moved across the country to be with him and now he's moved out of state and I'm still here. I keep telling myself that this is a good thing and I need to learn to be alone but I'm really lonely. I just want someone I can talk to or lay with at the end of the day. I was afraid to get close to anyone because of the CD anyway but now I have a fistula that won't heal and that makes me even more shy and embarrassed.

We've tried Remicade (though probably not long enough) and now Cimzia and nothing has worked to heal the fistula. It is kind of hard to deal with knowing that there aren't a lot of options to fix it. I kept telling myself that I would put myself back out there and be open to new relationships once the fistula healed but now...who knows if that will even happen. I have major trust issues and then when you add all of the embarrassing things that go along with Crohn's and fistulas I just feel like giving up. I don't want to be alone forever but I don't know what to do.
"Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity" ~ Horace Mann

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 455
   Posted 10/12/2009 4:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Yeah I am kinda the same way.I have had opportunities come to me without even trying to meet people and I just don't feel putting in the work/effort again. I suppose with all the people I am meeting that have digestive issues or know someone that does, you might just find someone like yourself to kill the embarrassment lol. It sucks but oh well. Have a good night.
SCD since 01, remission since 01, occasional random junk food breaks :)
No meds ever.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 414
   Posted 10/12/2009 5:26 AM (GMT -6)   

I completely understand the loneliness thing, at uni I fell a year behind and because I was poorly i didn't go out and meet mor epeople so now everyone I got to know when I was healthy and a year ahead have moved on and I know very few people now. My relationship of nearly 3 years ended a couple of months ago and its been really hard. I'm fortunate my disease is remissive but mornings are an issue so that means no sleepovers tongue Crohn's isn't really the sexiest disease!

Like you I keep assuring myself that its good for my independence and just realised that none of what I've said is particularly helpful, just wanted you to know I completely understand, you will eventually find someone new who will understand, in the meantime focus on keeping busy and through that you'll end up meeting new people and who knows where that could eventually lead?


Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 269
   Posted 10/12/2009 11:12 AM (GMT -6)   
My partner has UC so I am lucky that he completely understands. I dont worry about the wind, the bloating, the toilet noises, because he has periods when he has all this too. He has even seen me with poop all over my naked bum. I didnt know of course and we laugh about it now. I didnt have my crohns diagnosed when I met him, but I knew he had UC. I spent the first 4 months of my relationship with him whilst he was in a flare. It never put me off him, I just accepted it.

But I do understand, I would certainly be shy with a new man, I would be worried it would put him off. But there are good men out there (I have one of them). If a man is worth his salt he will accept you as you are, and love you more because of it. The right one will be worth waiting for. It took me 4 years of dating after my divorce before I met Mr Right


Diagnosed 2005.  41 year old female living in UK
Current medication  -  infliximab infusions, ranitidine, ferrous sulphate, Vitamin B12 injections.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 321
   Posted 10/12/2009 11:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks guys :)
"Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity" ~ Horace Mann

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/12/2009 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Miss Cris-

Where do you live? I help run a support group in Chicago and the CCFA has groups all over the US. I haven't missed a meeting in over 1 1/2 years. The people in my group have really been an inspiration to me and others too. Its great to interact with those who are going through or have gone through the various stages of IBD. Our meeting aren't depressing at all rahter it allows us to discuss problems and find solutions. And we all share the same twisted potty humor that only an IBD patient would understand.

Crohn's disease, currently no medications, 2 surgeries, ostomy since 2004

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 10/12/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -6)   
My heart goes out to you. Guess it's a time you can learn to like being with yourself. Develop the great person you are and the day will come.
This heights by great men reached and kept, were not obtained by sudden flight, but they while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.
H.W. Longfellow
Thyroid cancer removed 1988
Stomach problems finally figured out 2001 Crohn's/Colitus
Tried every drug without much success
Colon/rectal cancer removed Aug 2009

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 703
   Posted 10/12/2009 7:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Get a pet?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 10/12/2009 9:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Speaking as a fairly attractive woman (although fat, which is a MAJOR problem on the dating scene) I have been alone for a couple years now, and yeah it sucks.  But sometimes I would rather be alone then with a man who is not compassionate and caring, and fact that is a pretty major requirement.

Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 506
   Posted 10/12/2009 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I guess I'm the same way. I end up missing a lot of social situations because I don't feel well enough to go out. Granted, before I had CD I wasn't exactly a fending off girls with a stick, but I was definitely in a better situation. I find it easiest to just realize that I'm not some huge loser with no hopes of ever getting in a relationship, just that it isn't the proper time to do so.
Diagnosed with CD July 2007
Currently on Remicade, Imuran, probiotics, folic acid, multivitamin.

Amor fati - Nietzsche

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 221
   Posted 10/12/2009 9:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I know how you feel. I am lonely as well. I was never the most outgoing person and had never had a boyfriend. Then when I was 19 I was diagnosed with CD. Two years later I still have never had a boyfriend and my one time I almost did I ruined it with my trust issues and my embarrassment. Now I also have also had a colonoscopy so I have even more issues than I did before. I am afraid to befriend people because I don't want to tell them and I have lost touch with friends from high school because of this.

The one person I do talk to is my mom. I tell her everything that I am feeling and even though she has no idea what I am going through she is a good listener. She doesn't always want to say what I want to hear when I am in the dumps but I do know what she says is the right thing. I have also begun to see a councilor they are also good to talk to. But they don't make up for the fact that I don't have any friends and I don't have a boyfriend.

Anyways I just wanted to say that I know what you mean when you say you are lonely. I can only hope that one day hopefully soon I will not be so lonely anymore. I keep wishing on my star in hopes that one day it will become true.
Diagnosed with Crohns Oct. '07.  Have had 9 abcess/ fistula surgeries.  Colostomy 20 March 2009.
Current Meds:
Imuran 200 mg                            Omeprazole 20mg                     Vitamin D 2000 i.u.          Remicade 10mg x8wks
Synthroid 112mg                          Lexapro 20mg                           Tylenol  50mg
Birth Control                                 Calcium  500mg                         Morphine 40mg
Sucralfate 1gm x4                         Multi Vit                                     Cyclizine   50mg

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 421
   Posted 10/12/2009 10:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Isn't it sad that with everything this disease takes from us, it takes or social lives as well? When I met my husband I was 28 and old enough I suppose to say "I poop, ALOT" and tell him over the course of our courtship all the wonderful little things Crohn's does to us. All of our friends know about my problems and they are the very first ones to point out the washrooms when we go out somewhere. I know it's hard to open up to people and god knows it's even tougher to get intimate with someone but I think we need to start trusting people with our stories. It's truly the only way we will never be alone.
RX Crohn's 1999, over 30 surgeries, 3 strokes, still kickin!!
"The most unfortunate thing that happens to a person who fears failure is that he limits himself by becoming afraid to try anything new."

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 321
   Posted 10/16/2009 12:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks guys, I have been busy this week and haven't had a chance to pop back on. I've really thought about support groups in the last few months because I just get so frustrated and down about this DD and don't often have people to talk to about it. My boyfriend was the only person other than my mom that I was able to share all of my secret crohnie stuff with. Even right now I am having to figure out how I will get back and forth from the hospital for my upcoming colonoscopy since I don't trust some of my newer friends with that kind of stuff. I have tried to look online before but wasn't able to find any support groups in Greensboro, NC. I will check with the CCFA and see if I can find one.

Haha I actually have pets and they do help a lot but sometimes you just need to feel close to another human being you know? Plus they are cats so they don't like it when I force them to lay with me lol.

I've been dealing with it a little better this week. I don't feel like I want to jump into a relationship with anyone and I'm glad for the break for awhile. I just need to find a cuddle buddy :)

I hate that so many of us end up feeling alone. I didn't expect so many people to respond or relate. I hope everyone is hanging in there.
love love
"Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity" ~ Horace Mann

Elite Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20552
   Posted 10/16/2009 1:19 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry that you feel lonely and the fact that your relationship with your BF was unhealthy anyways probably wasn't good for your health either.

The right person will come along, many of us have great partners, some from before we even got sick (like myself) and of course some that have found great partners even while takes a strong loving and unselfish person to get involved with someone that has poor health, but there are plenty of people out there like that so when the time is right, you'll find Mr.Right. In the mean time you now have a great time to get to know yourself even better (what you're like when not in a relationship) sometimes being in a relationship changes the people, we lose who we are, especially if we're with the wrong person, with the right person we tend to be ourselves and healthier mentally/emotionally which is always bonus for those of us dealing with a chronic disease.

Enjoy this time (being out of a relationship) that you have cuz I'm sure before you know it you'll be back in one and it will be fun and exciting.



bee propolis caps 500mg one cap twice/day
omegas 369 caps one cap twice/day
probiotics 10 billion cfu once/day
vitamins C-calcium ascorbate (easy on the gut) and vitamin A each once/day
Prodiem fibre supplement one cap before bed
I've also altered my diet (no junky stuff at all, processed, fast-foods, refined sugars, ect) and exercise regularly.
I went from 30+ bloody BM's/day with lots of lower back pain to an average of 5/day no bleeding no back pain and completely formed stools, still have severe urgency issues.
~~~~~~~~My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)~~~~~~~~

Post Edited (pb4) : 10/16/2009 12:23:00 AM (GMT-6)

Gary The Pilot
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 10/16/2009 1:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there miss cris. I just got diagnosed with this. Our disease is not one easily understandable by others. It's torturous to begin with.. then, "everybody" knows somebody with Crohn's and they're just fine. We're all waaay misunderstood. Our sickness does create stress for those relationships in out life. Unfortunately, not everybody is as supportive as we need them to be. Including my wife. She kinda walked from me right in the middle of all this. It hurts man. Luckily, I have a 7 year old daughter who stands by her dad. My sole purpose in life right now is to raise her. Without her to love, I'd be lost. So I feel your pain. I'm a 6'4 230lb (Was 255 a month ago) guy. I drive a big truck that makes lots of noise. I love guns and blowing stuff up. Some refer to me as "A guy not to mess with". That facade aside.. and my pride aside.. I actually though about seeking out a support group. You need it. You're unique. Who knows, maybe your prince charming may be waiting there for you. Also, don't discount the idea of God. He's real. He gave me my daughter through a miraculous adoption. There's a lot of good men at the right church!

On a lighter note. Get rid of the cats. Get a dog turn

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 351
   Posted 10/16/2009 2:32 PM (GMT -6)   

MissCris I feel your pain. This DD has it's side effects that reach far and wide and overflow into out social lives, relationships, etc. I know that I am self conscious most of the time what with my weight fluctuating when having flares. I would love to have a girlfriend but feel it's enough to just attend to myself sometimes. Try not to feel lonely.....the irony is in having this problem, you are not alone. Ok the attempt at humor failed. I hope you feel better.

*******Marlowe I am interested in hearing about the support group in the Chicago area. It looks like there is no PM feature in this forum so I have to respond here***** If you could let me know how to attend these support groups or how to get in touch with you that would be great.




Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/20/2009 1:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi John,

I am sorry for the delay. I had a fundraiser on Saturday and I had to create the slide show in 3 days because someone didn't do there job and it fell on me! Yikes. Had a really good support group on Saturday. The topic revolved around roadblocks due to Crohn's or ulcerative colitis. Below is the link for the support group schedule. Give Erica a call or email her contact information is on the below webpage she also has Crohn's and is very open. She can tell you of groups in the suburbs if those are closer and an upcoming patient education event with Dr. Hanauer on January 20th and there is also a CCFA patient education event sometime in March I think it's the 12th that's really good.
Crohn's disease, currently no medications, 2 surgeries, ostomy since 2004

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 351
   Posted 10/29/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Marlowe-

I just wanted to thank you for getting in touch with Erica. She emailed me and informed me of the next group meeting. I told her I would be attending and I look forward to getting together with other Crohnies.

Thanks for your help.



New Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 11/2/2009 1:34 AM (GMT -6)   
I understand your pain. Since being diagnosed 2 years ago I've had issues opening up to people. I've always been in a relationship since sophomore year of high school and never had any issues opening up to people because I never felt I had anything to be embarrassed about. Over the past couple years I've had issues opening up to people because my girlfriend at the time turned her back on me when I was diagnosed and at my worst. Since then I've had my opportunities but still find it hard to get close enough to someone to see if they'll accept me for who i am. I find it even harder being a senior in college now and trying to fit in with friends they way I used to. I'm beginning to learn that I can't socialize the way that everyone else does and it's hard to accept and hard to do without anyone really questioning me. It's just a lot of extra stress to pile on to graduating in the spring and searching for a job. That's why I've come back to this forum after a long time without posting. I'm starting to feel the original stress, depression, and lonely feelings that I had 2 years ago.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 494
   Posted 11/2/2009 12:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I just got married at 40! Although since the wedding and wedding planning STRESS, I have gotten sicker since we got back from the honeymoon....don't give up! There are people out there who are understanding. I hate telling my now husband that I once again don't feel well, he's getting so used to hearing it though...I feel bad to always be getting sick, so I just get sick and try to go on with my day! But there are nice guys out there, took me a long time to find one, but I did and I waited for the right man and had the most beautiful wedding day ever!
Diagnosed Crohns 1/06
CD of Terminal Ileum
Taking Pentasa. Adverse reactions to Remicade. Also take Forteo Injections, Actonel, Calcium and Vitamin D, B12 injections.

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