date Saturday, do I tell?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 192
   Posted 12/30/2009 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
So, I need some advice from the people who understand. So, I have a date on Saturday for breakfast at bob evans. I can't do eggs, meat, gluten, bore. So I was just going to order a fruit plate. Now, I don't want to look anorexic, should I tell him that I have chrones disease? I have no experience with this. I haven't really dated since I was diagnosed about 4 years ago. I've just been embarrassed but don't want this to run my life anymore. So, do you think I should tell? Any words of wisdom/experiences would be appreciated.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 529
   Posted 12/30/2009 4:29 PM (GMT -6)   
I've always had good experiences telling guys about my disease, I just wouldn't go too much into detail about it. Try to also sound optimistic about it, I think attitude is everything.

Rider Fan
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1445
   Posted 12/30/2009 5:04 PM (GMT -6)   
hmmm...I don't think you look anorexic by eating fruit for breakfast. If it's your first date I see no need to say anything.
33 y/o male. Dx'ed in 1999. No surgeries.

Current meds: Humira 2/27/09. Proferrin iron pills.

Tried SCD, didn't work, now avoiding gluten and dairy.

Go Saskatchewan Roughriders!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 674
   Posted 12/30/2009 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I would just order the fruit like it's no  big deal, if he says anything about it just be like "oh I have some stomach troubles, so I like to watch what I eat". Although I told my boyfriend every little detail about my Crohns before we even met!! we met online, I don't suggest throwing yourself out there like that, especially on a first date.  If things progress and a second date is set, then I would go on and mention Crohns. You're Crohns does not describe you, but at the same time you don't want to lead him blind.

Dianogsed with Crohns: At 16 years old. 23 years old now.
Surgeries:3 Bowel Resections, Gallbladder Removed, 3 Abscess Cleanings, Fistula Repair
Current Meds: Methorexate, Vitamin B12 (injections), Nexium.
Next Surgery: None.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 506
   Posted 12/30/2009 5:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I wouldn't say much, if anything, about it unless it comes up. Then I'd just give him the gist of what it does to you and leave it at that. I don't think coming out and saying everything point-blank is necessary.
Diagnosed with CD July 2007
Currently on Remicade, Imuran, probiotics, folic acid, multivitamin.
Resection December 2009

Amor fati - Nietzsche

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 1184
   Posted 12/30/2009 5:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Don't say anything, it is a private matter until the person is "close enough"to be deserving of knowing. If they keep on asking why you don't eat certain food just say you have allergies.

Diagnosis Oct 07: Mild Crohn's Colitis. By the grace of God currently in remission. Current Medication: 1000mg Pentasa Tablets x 2 a day. VSL#3. Manuka Honey.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 947
   Posted 12/30/2009 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm with Londonred on this one.
Diagnosed with Crohns in 2001
First and hopefully last Ileocecectomy 2/18/2009

Medications: Asacol, Precription Folic Acid, Multivitamin, 1000mg Calcium, Vitamin D, Probiotics, Pepcid Complete, Questran,  Monthly B-12 injections.

Living a Great life with my Wife and my two Chocolate Labs
Hunter & Hailey.
I love them dearly.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 253
   Posted 12/30/2009 7:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree that if it doesn't really come up it's okay not to disclose on a first date... fruit is a perfectly acceptable thing to order anytime! Good luck and I hope it's a success! :)
female 19, diagnosed crohns december 2008
entocort/pentasa previously, now prednisone & imuran, probiotics, calcium w/d, digestive enzymes & prenatal multivitamin

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 12/30/2009 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Londred as well, but I would just say you have a sensitive stomach rather than allergies. You don't want to outright lie, but it's important not to be too forthright either. Honestly, when people ask me in a normal situation then I just tell them I have Crohn's, and that it can make things very difficult sometimes, but also that things are pretty normal when it's under control. People need to understand that things can be quite normal when it's under control (or close to it), and that it doesn't automatically render you an invalid unable to reenter the social world.
Diagnosed with Crohn's in May of 2008.
Currently taking for Crohn's: Pentasa, omeprazole, Loestrin birth control, and Align probiotics.
Also taking Elmiron and RE Methylphen for Interstitial Cystitis.
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 1177
   Posted 12/30/2009 11:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I'd go with the sensitive stomach . . . so many people have functional bowel disorders like IBS, that usually it's not a big deal. I would wait until things start to progress before going into further details. But if it does come up, and he asks why you have a sensitive stomach, just tell him you have crohn's, and that sometimes that means you have to eat carefully.

And yes, your attitude is a big part of how your date with accept your illness. If you are all gloom and doom about it, then, it's going to scare your date away. Keep it light and positive, and remember, a restaurant is just a setting to get to know the other person - so the food is more like a prop, the main reason is to chat and get to know each other better.

I hope you have an enjoyable date! I'm excited for you. :-D

Husband with Crohn's
Diagnosed March 2003 Ulcerative Proctitis
Diagnosed March 2008 Crohn's & C-diff, hospitalized 45 days
Canasa, Lialda, Remicade, VSL#3, Florastor
In Remission since June 2008
Stopped vancomycin for c-diff Jan 1 2009
C-diff free, until Sep 2, 2009
Fighting c-diff, I guess for life

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1070
   Posted 12/30/2009 11:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Keep it to yourself on the first date.

Elite Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20553
   Posted 12/31/2009 12:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Maybe the second or third date if it goes that far...I just wouldn't wait too long cuz in my opinion when you wait too long then it really looks like you're trying to hide it all together and I know if I didn't have IBD but was dating someone that does then I'd want to know the sooner the better, not cuz it would change my opinion of them (although for some people it does, but those people aren't worth the time) just because I would tell a person I was dating as soon as I felt it was the right time and if you knew me then you'd know that I'd make the right time be as early in the dating stage as possible cuz that's just how I am and would expect the same from anyone else. Infact, I personally would likely mention it by the second date for sure, then I know whether or not if I'm wasting time with someone that has issues with me having crohn's.

bee propolis caps 500mg one cap twice/day
omegas 369 caps one cap twice/day
probiotics 10 billion cfu once/day
vitamins C-calcium ascorbate (easy on the gut) and vitamin A each once/day
Prodiem fibre supplement one cap before bed
I've also altered my diet (no junky stuff at all, processed, fast-foods, refined sugars, ect) and exercise regularly.
I went from 30+ bloody BM's/day with lots of lower back pain to an average of 5/day no bleeding no back pain and completely formed stools, still have severe urgency issues.
~~~~~~~~My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)~~~~~~~~

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 12/31/2009 12:21 AM (GMT -6)   
No problem with ordering just fruit, plenty of people eat healthy all the time! He will just think that you are a good eater! If it comes up in conversation you can mention the disease, but I mean come on....what first date comes to that conversation?? If diseases come up in a casual first date breakfast I don't think the relationship is going to move into the right direction! Just be yourself, be proud as a fellow Crohnie!! GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DATE!!!! What a great way to start off 2010!!
29 year old husband and father of 2, Diagnosed with Crohns and resection surgery in Jan '09 (same ER trip), currently not winning the battle with pain, taking: 6mpPentasa, Prednisone and every vitamin possible! 

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/31/2009 9:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I think I would wait at least until the 2nd or 3rd date.

On another note, can you eat fruit at restaraunts? Everytime I eat fruit out, I get instanteous diarrhea from it. I know they say they don't put anything on it, but it gets me everytime. I can eat fruit at home, but for some unknown reason, eating out kills me. Good luck!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*
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