Thank Goodness for supportive loving Partner/spouse

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Doc2007
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 294
   Posted 12/31/2009 6:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to ask you all how do you show your gratitude to your significant other when they are so understanding, patient, supportive just over all great toward you and your disease.

My partner is the person who got me to accept that I have a disease and that I will gave to adjust my life. He wakes up everyday and offers me breakfast, he never pressures me about anything when I am sick. I just have gotten so much love from him I dont know how to ever thank him.

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/1/2010 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
You know Doc2007 I have the most wonderful spouse myself. I don't know how I could ever thank him for all he does for me, I just make sure to let him know that I love him and appreciate him as much as I can. I try when feeling well enough to do little things for him too.

You are so right that a supportive spouse makes all the difference in the world. I am glad that you too have someone who makes everything good in your world.

Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 1/1/2010 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I am not married, but have extremely supportive parents. I let them know all the time how much I appreciate them and all they do for me when I need them. I try to repay the little things I can do as often as I can (i.e. picking up things at the store when I'm there, taking them meds or meals when they're sick). I basically look for things I would appreciate and do them when I see that they're needed. The things I can help with are small, but I think they're some of the things you remember the most.
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05, Bilateral pulmonary emboli 10/09
Currently on Humira, Omeprazole, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12, Coumadin


festeris101
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 115
   Posted 1/1/2010 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
This may sound strange but I live with my EX-wife and she is incredibly patient and understanding with my conditions. She goes with me to most of my appointments and infusions too. We are best of friends even though we couldn't make it work in a relationship.
35 mg Fosamax - weekly
15 mg Prednisone - daily
250 mg - Imuran - daily
20 mg - Prilosec - daily
First Remicade infusion - 10/14/09 - Hoping & praying for it to work...
Second Remicade infusion - 10/27/09 - working like a charm!


Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 1/1/2010 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Many years ago, my MIL spent Christmas day telling me that I had ruined her son. She had "given" me a person who could fend for himself and I treated him too well and now he was spoiled. (She lectured me while I did all the cooking and setting up for Christmas dinner and she didn't even offer to help.) I simply told her that it worked both ways. He spoiled me in many ways too. He has never complained when I ask him to drive me to the ER in the middle of the night or keep him awake because I am sick. He never once complained that I couldn't work fulltime because then I would not be able to be the mother I wanted to be to our kids and the wife I wanted to be even though it meant lean years and him working harder. It must be working for us because we are going on 25 years of marriage and happier than ever. I think it is just like in any other relationship that really works, each partner has to give a little in order to get a whole lot. We just know as CDers what our limitations are whereas most people don't have that spelled out for them quite so clearly.

I'm sure in all of the supportive relationships here, each of the Crohnies give something back, even if they are completely unaware of what it is.
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....


LMills
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 1/1/2010 6:13 PM (GMT -7)   
My fiance works a full time job, and goes in overtime when he's been approved for it just to help make ends meet. He drives me to my appointments, picks up my prescriptions when I'm not able, helps me with groceries, and cooks for me when I just don't have the strength. He's been a constant source of positivity on the days where I feel so worthless I simply want to give up on life. I truly feel that I would be dead without him.

How do I "make it up" to someone like this? I really feel as if I never could, but I make every effort to let him know how grateful I am, how much I love and adore him. I may not have the strength to leave my apartment for longer than two hours (if I'm lucky), but as long as I'm here near a restroom and a bed to rest on every so often, then I make sure our living area is clean, that he has a meal to fill him, and someone always eagerly awaiting his return home. He has his favorite dinners and desserts so I get these on the table for him whenever I can. I spend time doing the things that he wants to do even if I don't necessarily like it because I feel the need to make him happy when he's spent so much time doing things he doesn't want to in order to make sure I'm simply okay.

Even so, I don't always get some of the basics done like dishes or laundry, and he's constantly helping with those when I simply cannot do them. We both work hard enough to make it a happy and egalitarian (for lack of a better word) relationship. We both pull our own weight according to our abilities, but what he gives is something I've never seen in anyone aside from my mother. He really is a saint to me :)

Truth be told, I've never felt so loved, and I've never loved so much.

Apologies if that's sappy, but I cannot speak highly enough of him. He has his flaws, and of course he makes me angry just like any person will in any human relationship. But the good far outweighs the bad. Letting him go would be the stupidest decision I could ever make.
Diagnosed with Crohn's in May of 2008.
Currently taking for Crohn's: Pentasa, omeprazole, Loestrin birth control, and Align probiotics.
Also taking Elmiron and RE Methylphen for Interstitial Cystitis.
bonniegriffith.blogspot.com/
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."

Post Edited (LMills) : 1/1/2010 6:17:35 PM (GMT-7)


Doc2007
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 294
   Posted 1/2/2010 12:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Lmils i am in the same situation. And I have a four year old daughter that he considers his own and completly takes the load when I am down. I to have never felt so loved and suported on all my life! This last flare has been rough and he hasnt complained once, today we went to see Avatar and he wanted to leave early to walk around the mall... Well i just didnt have the energy so when he kept rushing me to get dressed i snapped at him that i didnt have the energy to walk around he simply smiled and said thats okay babe u should told me. We had a great day and went on and he just made sure i was alright and comfy all day.

LMills
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 1/2/2010 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Doc, I'm really glad to know you have someone like that! I've always found it amazing and wonderful that there are men out there who truly do accept a woman's children in spite of the fact that they are not her own. My stepad did that with my siblings and I, and I cannot tell you how grateful I am as the child. I imagine both you and my mother really needed someone like that...

And yes!! It's nice to have someone who doesn't guilt you into walking around when you simply can't. It's so difficult, and I've had friends who simply stop talking to me because they can't handle someone who gets tired like this. But the men we know? Absolutely wonderful :) I really am glad to read these posts. I feel very sad sometimes because of the horrible way autoimmune patients are treated by potential significant others, and sickness is the only cause. I can understand someone's trepidation at becoming involved with someone who will be ill for the rest of their lives, but they will never understand the beauty that comes from enduring such hardship. It's something rare which few normal people possess it seems like...I don't say that with arrogance either since I know I'm much lower on the chain than many people concerning admirable attributes gained from adversity, but I can still tell the difference between myself and those who seem not to have an ounce of selflessness. Thank goodness for wonderful partners!
Diagnosed with Crohn's in May of 2008.
Currently taking for Crohn's: Pentasa, omeprazole, Loestrin birth control, and Align probiotics.
Also taking Elmiron and RE Methylphen for Interstitial Cystitis.
bonniegriffith.blogspot.com/
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/2/2010 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
LMills I feel much like you. I could not ever imagine life without my spouse. He does everything around the house, and never complains about it. Yes he can be stubborn at times, but he also is the most loving person in the world. As my husband once told me and just about caused my heart to burst with happiness, he told me "Wifey I think we one the lottery". Here he has a wife that is sick alot and he still feels like he won the lottery? God do I love this man:)

I hope others who feel like they will never find someone because of your Crohns, I am here to tell you that there are good people out there, just be patient your knight or princess is out there somewhere.

Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

LMills
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 1/2/2010 4:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Ohhh, and Nanners, correct me if I'm wrong but he makes you delicious Mexican cuisine! I do miss that...He sounds like a sweetheart :)
Diagnosed with Crohn's in May of 2008.
Currently taking for Crohn's: Pentasa, omeprazole, Loestrin birth control, and Align probiotics.
Also taking Elmiron and RE Methylphen for Interstitial Cystitis.
I do keep a blog of my experiences and mishaps with these diseases. See profile :)
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."


pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 1/2/2010 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Back almost 19 yrs ago when I first got sick, my hubby struggled with it (me having CD), we were very young, early 20's with a brand new baby (she was a yr and a half old when I got sick) so it was alot to deal with for us both, but time has gone on and here we still are, we've basically been together since 1982, married since 1989 so he knows me inside and out...although we're in our early 40's we still eel young at heart even with CD being a big factor in our lives...we deal with it moment to moment and of course he's totally understanding...he's not perfect either of course and that's why he doesn't veiw my CD as being a hassle, he says it is what it is, in sickeness and in health. We manage around my crohn's and so far it's working as well as it can, even with intimacy issues he's totally understanding and supportive...he's the jealous type and it's so odd to me that he worries that I'll find better and leave him...silly guy, it amazes me he veiws it that way, I feel like a freak with those anal skin tags, furthest thing from my mind anyways (CD or not) is "looking" for someone else...why bother, if it aint broke there's nothing to fix...last thing I'd ever want to worry about is finding someone to be with.

:)
bee propolis caps 500mg one cap twice/day
omegas 369 caps one cap twice/day
probiotics 10 billion cfu once/day
vitamins C-calcium ascorbate (easy on the gut) and vitamin A each once/day
Prodiem fibre supplement one cap before bed
I've also altered my diet (no junky stuff at all, processed, fast-foods, refined sugars, ect) and exercise regularly.
I went from 30+ bloody BM's/day with lots of lower back pain to an average of 5/day no bleeding no back pain and completely formed stools, still have severe urgency issues.
~~~~~~~~My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)~~~~~~~~


lenagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 1/2/2010 9:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know what I would do without my partner of 3 years. It was only about 4 months into our relationship when I got sick, but he stuck with me and he's been there for me ever since. We've been living together for the past 2 years and I've been flaring for more of that time than not. He brings me gatorade and tea in bed when I'm feeling bad, drives me to the hospital and stays with me in the ER when i'm feeling really bad, takes me to countless doctors appointments, and stays in with me watching movies while all our friends are out at parties or bars. All of this despite the fact that we're both in college and it means he doesn't get to lead anything like the life of a normal 22 year old college student. I was in the hospital repeatedly for obstructions this fall and even though he had school work and is trying to write his senior thesis he was there every single day that I was, and came to all of my appointments once I was released. He's so great about it too, and always tells me that I shouldn't feel like a burden. He says that this is just what people do for the people that they love. He really is an amazing person and I don't know many other 22 year old guys who would do what he's done.

There's really nothing I can do to make it even, because I know he's sacrificed so much to be with me. I just try to make sure he knows how much I appreciate him by telling him how grateful I am and how much I love him, by giving him lots of hugs and kisses all the time, by cooking for him when I'm feeling up to it. This fall he had mono and it luckily came during a period when I was healthy, so I took extra good care of him, made homemade soup, brought him everything he needed so he didn't have to get out of bed, etc. I just try to do what ever little things I can to make him always feel loved and so he knows that I'm never taking him for granted.
21 years old, diagnosed with CD at 18
*emergency resection of ileum 12/21/09 after repeated obstructions*

Azathioprine 125 mg, 1st Remicade Infusion 12/17/09 (still waiting for 2nd)
Finally tapering off Pred (down to 10 mg)


Doc2007
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 294
   Posted 1/2/2010 10:59 PM (GMT -7)   
It is so cool to hear these stories of love amd support! With so much bad stuff on the news and in the papers, its cool to realize that love is all around us. Especially when it comes to partners of people with chronic illness that stand by their side and hold them up. My partner and I can not get married because it isnt legal but We truly dont need a paper to validate the relationship we have, Im so grateful that I am one of the lucky ones! I hit the lottery!

sgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 417
   Posted 1/4/2010 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   
my hubby is truly a wonderful man. He's been with me every step of the way. through the passing of our first daughter just over a year ago, to being diagnosed with UC a month after, being so sick sometimes i could barely go to the bathroom, the birth of our 2nd daughter a few months ago, taking care of her at night because it hurts for me to get up, and now he's been with me through my first week of being dx with Crohn's Colitis. He's even being understanding with not being too intimate lately. He is amazing. Even though I do get grumpy with him frequently, he is trying. I love him so much! I will try to help him out when needed or not. I try to keep a clean house, have dinner ready, and laundry done, but even if it doesn't get done he understands.
Diagnosed with UC in February 2009.
Diagnosed with Crohn's Colitis December 2009.
Flaring since October 2008

Medication: tapering off Prednisone (5mg), Pentasa 6x daily, Imuran 100 mg, hydrocortisone enema nightly, multivitamin. Probiotics through yogurt.


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 1/4/2010 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   
It is truely lovely that you all have such supportive S.O.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


JavaJay
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 452
   Posted 1/4/2010 1:05 PM (GMT -7)   
My wife has been there through out our relationship and I love her for that.  I was Dx'ed when I was 15 and met her in College.  She has seen me at my best..no meds and flares, to total meltdown and never getting off the toilet.  She is always there to comfort me and help me when needed.  She has even decided to learn more about the disease, coming with me to symposiums.  She never ran away when I had an "accident" but instead will bring me a change of clothes. 
If we are out and I don't feel well, she will let us go home.  She is ever so patient with me and never demands anything.  I can't ever imagine finding anyone else like her..but of course reading all these posts there are a lot like her.  That is a good thing.  I wish more people were loving, caring and knowledgable. 
36 yr old Male with Crohn's Disease since '88 - No Surgery yet
 
Been on almost every type of drug with bad results
Remicade since Nov 2009
Prilosec 20.6mg - 2x a day
Multivitamin daily


AzJohnny
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 1/4/2010 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
My wife of 32 wonderful years had no idea what she was saying when she said "for better or worse", but she found out.

How do I thank her? In every way I can, every time I can, and I hope I don't miss any opportunities.
AzJohnny


I feel a whole lot more the way I do now than I did a little while ago.
Crohn's Dx April 2006. Pentasa and Entocort EC


aronk
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 229
   Posted 1/5/2010 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Your posts bring tears to my eyes!!!  It's awesome that you have such a strong support system..  My Ex currently lives with me and my daughters also, but he doesn't "get it" at all!  My family is just as confused by this disease as he is and they don't even try to get it... I'm not complaining about my life, since I know others have it far worse.  It gives me hope that someday I will find that unconditional love and support that you all have!!!

 

Angela


sickandlucky
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 253
   Posted 1/5/2010 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I am very very thankful too for my boyfriend. We've been together since I was 15, which was before I got sick (at 18) and now I'm almost 20 and he has been with me in sickness and in health and always makes me feel better and reminds me how lucky I am. I feel bad because I don't have too many other friends so he's the one who has to deal with all my emotions from the DD! But he takes it all very well and makes me feel special, and beautiful even when I feel really gross. He's also stuck with me through my intimacy issues that come with having this disease as a youngish girl (I DON'T FEEL SEXY!) and I know that has to be hard... I try to make sure he knows how much I appreciate and love him but I don't know how I ever could!

I loved reading all your stories... we are so lucky
female 19, diagnosed crohns december 2008
entocort/pentasa previously, now prednisone & imuran, probiotics, calcium w/d, digestive enzymes & prenatal multivitamin

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