Gastroenterology Jokes

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GDen
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 703
   Posted 1/17/2010 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   
A good gastroenterologist has their head up your butt rather than their own.

###

A man went to the doctor and complained that he had the most terrible constipation.

The doctor examined him and then gave him a prescription for some tablets to be taken last thing at night.

2 weeks later the patient returned for a check-up and the doctor asked him how his constipation was.

The doctor was rather surprised when the man gloomily answered that the pills worked fine and that he went every morning at 7.30.

"So why the long face?" asked the doctor.

"Because I don't get up until 8 o'clock!!!" replied the patient.

###

Who's the Boss?

When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the butthole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the butthole became mad and closed up.

After a few days...

The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the butthole boss.

This proved that you don't have to be a brain to be boss...

Just a butthole.

###

A man went to the doctor complaining that every time he spoke, he farted.

"You must (FFFaaaart....) help me, Doc. Its extremely (whwhwhiiiiffffle...) embarrassing. The only (Phhheeeeeeooooowwww....) saving grace is that the farts don't (sssssphphrrrrrroophphphphphph....) smell."

"Hmm!" said the doctor, "I'll have to send you to a specialist."

"Will that be a gastro-enterologist (Faaaaaaart) or a surgeon?" said the patient.

"Neither," said the doctor. "I'm sending you to an Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist. If you think those farts don't smell, then you've got something wrong with your nose ! !"

###

This guy went to the doctor and said to him "Doctor....I don't know
what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word
HONDA".

"That's interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you
think you could fart for me?" says the doctor. The guy says "Sure."
And sure enough, the doctor hears "HONDA".

After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy, the
doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach
specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say
"HONDA." It is a completely out of this world medical condition.

Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man
to a dentist.

After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up
the guys mouth and examining it.

The dentist says "A-haa!!!!....I have solved the problem."

The patient says "What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc".....The
dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."

The guy says "Yeah....so....What has that got to do with my farts?"

The dentist replies, "Cant you see??..... Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA"

###

KNOW OF ANY OTHERS??
Cimzia, Asacol


GDen
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 703
   Posted 1/17/2010 9:22 PM (GMT -7)   
A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey . . ."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must aquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Are we there yet?
Cimzia, Asacol


hld4good
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 193
   Posted 1/17/2010 9:45 PM (GMT -7)   
No, I can't add any jokes, but you made me laugh out loud. My gastro used to call the colonoscopy camera butt-cam and hiney cam.
58 years old;
Crohn's since age 21
3 bowel resections, 1980,88,95
1 fistula repair, 2005
probiotic
digestive enzymes
L-glutamine powder 3 times a day
sublingual B-12 and B complex
2 T. cod liver oil
2 tsp. tart cherry juice concentrate
Multiple vitamin, 2,500mg vit. C, 1,000mg calcium mag.

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