crohns is nasty and a relationship seems so far away. Help any ideas?

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joy47
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 2/17/2010 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank everyone for your input. I'm generally upbeat most of the time but when I,m put on predisone it really messes me up. I know everytime I feel like putting forward and effort on meeting someone the panic sets in. I know god will take care of his own. But man its hard just to get over my own insecurities. Exspecially when that pre-annul fistula decides to visit. The funny thing is you could not tell I have crohn's one step away from a feeding tube. And for the person who is funny about being intimate with a fistula its all about planning unless its gonna be a unforgiving awhile longer. Again thanks to everyone who replied I dont feel so alone. I have good friends but they can never really understand where I m coming from.

Post Edited (joy47) : 2/17/2010 7:16:07 PM (GMT-7)


Kittikatt
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 2/17/2010 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   

Wish I had some ideas for you...AND me.  I'm at a loss.  Have been for years. 

Just yesterday I was listening to a syndicated radio show. The male DJ's were talking about how they just don't want to think about girls doing anything in the bathroom except for fixing their hair & putting on their makeup.  "Gas?!  Girls don't have gas and don't do THAT kind of stuff EVER and that's that!"  Funny for radio but still hard to hear for the single gal with Crohn's.blush


Diagnosed in October, 2004 at age 32 (misdiagnosed with IBS in 2002)
38/F/SC
Current Rx's: Colazal (generic), Omeprazole (PRN), Librax, One-A-Day multivitamin, Probiotic, Omega-3 Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Cranberry pills; Slow Fe (PRN) 
Secondary conditions: swelling ankles, extreme fatigue, mouth ulcers, joint pain
Previous/occasional Rx's: Prednisone, Flagyl, Levaquin, Xifaxan, Carafate
4/7/09: Gall bladder removal laproscopic surgery (gall stones)


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/17/2010 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
You are not alone! Me three!
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
But don't give up on EVER finding love. I have been blessed with the most amazing husband in the world. There is a person out there who will love you and love you even with Crohns. Hugs!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

MAG102886
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 674
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Ditto to what Nanners said. Don't EVER give up on love. I have found the most amazing man in the world, I even met him when I was on Pred and had the biggest moon face ever, had an abdominal fistula, and facial hair *gasp*! I never thought at my age that I would find a man that was mature enough to be able to handle and deal with my disease, but my boyfriend has been wonderful!
Dianogsed with Crohns: At 16 years old. 23 years old now.
Surgeries:3 Bowel Resections, Gallbladder Removed, 3 Abscess Cleanings, Fistula Repair
Current Meds: Methorexate, Vitamin B12 (injections), Nexium.
Next Surgery: None.
 

80sChick
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1054
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Even if there is someone out there, feeling well enough to "court" them (am I from 1910?) is a huge issue.

This is the bane of my existence. I've tried my hardest to tell myself that I will be ok alone. This is one of the few things in my life that I feel like just can't be helped--if you want a new job, you can get training and apply for one. If you don't like where you're living, you can move. If you don't like your clothes, you can buy new ones. But if you want a husband, there isn't much you can do...if you can't find someone, you can't find someone. If I had found someone before I got sick I wouldn't worry about them leaving, but no one wants to enter into a relationship knowing how sick I am, and I don't want to put that on someone either.
28 Year old Female
Diagnosed with Crohn's Colitis March 2000
Recent possible diagnosis of IBS-D
 
Tried Meds: Asacol, Remicade, 6mp, Humira, Xifaxan, Apriso, Rowasa Enemas.
 
Currently on: 25mg Prednisone (Tapering SLOWLY from 60), 100mg Imuran, Psyllium Seed Powder, VSL #3 DS, Colocort Enemas, Prenatal Vitamin, Vitamin B 12 Complex, Vitamin D/Calcium, Flomax (for urinary retention). 


Ashworthml
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 222
   Posted 2/17/2010 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with nanners, don't give up!! After I split up with my husband, I never thought I would end up in a relationship due to Crohns and being ill, but my now fiance accepted it from the beginning and has always said the illness doesn't change the person inside! He always help me through when I'm not feeling too grand and supports me in how ever he can.
Keep your chin up and eventually there will be some one out there that understand and accepts you for who you are and not for any illness ;)
Michelle 40 years old
Diagnosed with CD 2004 (undiagnosed correctly +- 3 years, wrongly diagnosed with IBS)
Bowel resection 2005
medication: pentasa 500mg , Co-codomol 500mg/32mg codeine
loperamide 2mg (prn - take as many as 10-20 a day)
calcium tablets, multivitamin tablets, Omega 3
Ferrous sulphate(anaemia)
levothyroxine (thyroid)
questran light (3 sachets/day), 3 monthly B12 Injections


gypsyfp
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 336
   Posted 2/17/2010 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I've never been interested in sex. I'm 27 and I've been told I'm very attractive, but I never gave a crap, so I never did any horizontal mambo.
But I've had a perianal abscess/fistula since September and now I feel like having sex or not having sex is out of my hands. Because, really, how can anyone get it on with a lump (which may or may not be draining) near their junk? Who would want to explain that to a perspective partner?
Thank god I am allergic to cats or else I would be a crazy cat lady by now!
Diagnosed with typical Crohn's at 16.
Got lucky with Asacol for a year, then even luckier with ten years of relative remission.
Now abscesses and fistulas are having an "atypical" Crohn's party around my junk.
My HMO refused the Remicade and now I could be going on Lialda or sulfa? blah


BellsforHer
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/17/2010 1:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm going to repeat what is said above--don't give up. My boyfriend is very supportive. We've been dating 1yr 8 mos and I've been flaring at different levels the whole time. There are men and women out there who can and will love you no matter what ;-)
35 year old Female

Entocort EC 9mg per day and Remicade

Tried Remicade 2 yrs ago for about a year and a half and loved it, got off it due to costs, tried Humira and it just didn't work for me so now back on Remicade.


~Trying to avoid surgery as long as possible~


Valerie3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 529
   Posted 2/17/2010 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't give up. I think attitude plays a major part, if you have a good outlook, you'll have an easier time finding a relationship, especially with a disease like this. You don't have to let it get in the way of your relationships. When I first got sick, I was in a relationship (actually just beginning one). After that, we broke up and I went out with a few guys, all who knew about my condition, none cared. I've been with my new boyfriend for almost 5 months now and even though he gets grossed out more easily than the other guys I've been with, he is still very accepting and is as understanding/compassionate towards me as I could expect. I've honestly never met a guy who cared about my disease, and I'm 21, so you'd expect most guys my age to care a bit more. Sure, it sucks, but I like to think that my other qualities more than make up for it, and you should think the same!

lilcrohnieUK
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 414
   Posted 2/17/2010 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I was always told you got to be able to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. As previously said attitude accounts for a lot. My dating history is pretty disastrous but Crohn's was only the issue once (that was when I was 15 - go figure, immature boys!) I've found people willing to accept it, with relationships theres always going to be good and bad not just health wise, I think it helps sort the wheat from the chaff early on if someone wasn't cool with Crohn's. Yes being with someone with Crohn's will no doubt be hard at times but there are people who can deal with it - they're the keepers! I don't let Crohn's be the only definition of who I am, to me its a characteristic - some people are brunette some people are blonde, some have an illness such as Crohn's some don't. Get yourself into a good place mentally, it sounds like a cliche but its when you stop looking that you will find someone.

 
 


gypsyfp
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 336
   Posted 2/17/2010 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Good to know that my messed up brain is rooster blocking me and not my Crohn's!
I always knew that.
But having an abscess/fistula near your junk is still a pretty awesome justification as to why I'm not getting frisky. It's a little TMI for some people, but they would understand and sympathize with that more than they would a mental disease.
Diagnosed with typical Crohn's at 16.
Got lucky with Asacol for a year, then even luckier with ten years of relative remission.
Now abscesses and fistulas are having an "atypical" Crohn's party around my junk.
My HMO refused the Remicade and now I could be going on Lialda or sulfa? blah


NiceCupOfTea
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 8581
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I've got more prospect of landing on Pluto than I do of having a relationship in the next five years. But I don't put it down to my Crohn's or my looks (as insecure as I am about them). I put it down to other things such as shyness, not knowing what to say to people, fear of intimacy (both physical and mental) and various other issues.

If you really want a relationship, then don't let Crohn's deter you from looking. As others have said already, it won't matter to a man who's right for you.

medchrt1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 517
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:22 PM (GMT -7)   
i like your smiley :)

80sChick
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1054
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I've never NOT been looking...which is why I've never found anyone, I guess. But I don't know how not to look. I feel like the whole point of living is finding someone who makes you happy. Why is it so easy for some people? It's so frustrating!!
28 Year old Female
Diagnosed with Crohn's Colitis March 2000
Recent possible diagnosis of IBS-D
 
Tried Meds: Asacol, Remicade, 6mp, Humira, Xifaxan, Apriso, Rowasa Enemas.
 
Currently on: 25mg Prednisone (Tapering SLOWLY from 60), 100mg Imuran, Psyllium Seed Powder, VSL #3 DS, Colocort Enemas, Prenatal Vitamin, Vitamin B 12 Complex, Vitamin D/Calcium, Flomax (for urinary retention). 


Djin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 265
   Posted 2/18/2010 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow...
 
Once in my life, when I was a lonely guy, very shy and craving for a date, I would love to find a lonely Crohnie girl to love. If the relationship would grow or not... who knows. I was jealous of those good looking "bad boys" who dated a lot.
 
I'm sure that there are plenty of these guys - lonely brand - out there.
 
Insteresting thing... the ones who found a mate say to raise your head. The lonely ones are more discouraged. But how two lonely reclusive persons find each other? confused
 
Good luck! (is it luck? I don't really believe it)
 
Brazilian sick fellow...
Diagnosed in nov/94 - Started with Prednisone, followed by Pentasa and Imuran
Blockage - First Surgery 2001 (no ressection)
Severe bleedind - 2003 - Stopped by 60mg of Prednisone
Stricture leading to a ressection in Dec/2008 - Second Surgery
Now on Remicade + 100 mg Imuran + Iron
 


ZenaWP
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 884
   Posted 2/18/2010 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   

I almost replied yesterday, but no one had responded yet and I wanted to see what others said first.  I was having problems before meeting my husband but wasn't diagnosed until after we'd been married for about 3 years (took me 8 years for a dx).  He is very good about it, for the most part, especially since he has a bad back and we are both "handicapped."  Makes him more understanding. 

But, I read somewhere once what % of people get divorced after getting the Crohn's dx (don't remember what % - it's been several years) and I remember telling him how horrible it was that their spouses would leave them due to Crohn's.  Then, when I was in my biggest flare, wouldn't eat and weighed 120 lbs (I'm 5'11), he was so scared and so stressed that he told me he could now understand why the statistics were what they were...he said it was so hard to see me like that.  But, that was 5 years ago and we are still together and plan on being forever.  So, you just have to wait to find the right person.  Finding one with their own health problems make them a lot more understanding.  =) 


Crohn's Disease, Acid Reflux/Gastritis, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Endometriosis, Arthritis, Depression/Anxiety.  Too many meds to list them all.  =) 


sr5599
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1202
   Posted 2/18/2010 10:20 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm there too. Struggling with self-esteem and trying desperately to remind myself that I am *more* than Crohn's. I struggle with when to tell (I know we've hit that subject several times...)... But I feel like I mis-represent to not tell about these things. My therapist says NO. You tell when you're getting ready to have sex. But, like others, I feel very self-conscious about the fistula. For me it's hard to feel sexy with that thing. However, I think if I met someone and got really close to them and it was a matter of expressing love instead of a physical act, that would be easier in all aspects.

So, I just started to date. I met one guy I liked and he seemed fine with the Crohn's (I told the first date because he told me he'd had a blood clot). Then a family emergency happened and he's re-locating. Who knows if it would have gone anywhere, but he didn't give much thought to it when I said I had Crohn's. Of course, I didn't give details!

It's scary waters for me, dating with Crohn's... Trying to keep my own esteem up because I believe that people see what you reflect. So if I can be happy and comfortable with it, someone else is more likely to feel secure with it. It's just that it is hard sometimes.
1 fistula, crohn's colitis, limited to large intestine
Compounded budesonide 3mg/daily, Cimzia, MTX . Dx Osteoporosis 10/08 started Forteo 1/27/09


joy47
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 2/18/2010 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Djin said...
Wow...


Once in my life, when I was a lonely guy, very shy and craving for a date, I would love to find a lonely Crohnie girl to love. If the relationship would grow or not... who knows. I was jealous of those good looking "bad boys" who dated a lot.



I'm sure that there are plenty of these guys - lonely brand - out there.



Insteresting thing... the ones who found a mate say to raise your head. The lonely ones are more discouraged. But how two lonely reclusive persons find each other? confused



Good luck! (is it luck? I don't really believe it)

joy47
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 2/19/2010 5:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Kittkatt, You know I think Iheard that radio show and boy are you right. Hope your doing okay.
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