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Potsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 291
   Posted 2/22/2010 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Do you ever lay in bed worrying about your loved one? I find that when my son is suffering, I lay in bed and worry, my eyes leaking. Does anybody else do this?

Lizard99
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 192
   Posted 2/22/2010 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I do sometimes. I take care of my grandmother and I worry terribly about her when she's having a problem. I worry about everything though. I'm sorry your son is going through a difficult time. It's a good thing he's got you by his side:) But I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, just a caring person.

vixen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 794
   Posted 2/22/2010 1:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh yes,
If I could have it instead of him, I would in a flash.
Initially I was relieved when we got the diagnosis but now,- he is still at school and I worry about what the future holds for him. Time will tell if he gets mild irritations with it or major flares but I worry about him finding work, trying to buy a home, getting adequate insurance for loss of earnings etc, the list goes on. He seems quite accepting of it all (at the moment) he has done a bit of research online and really the only thing that he 'appreciates' is that he may have a very slight increased risk of cancer. I really don't think he knows(or appreciates) what other impacts it could have on his life. I guess that is no bad thing really(why should he worry before he has too) It doesn't stop me worrying for him though.
My heart goes out to you ((((hugs)))

Potsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 291
   Posted 2/22/2010 1:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your replies. I mostly worry about who's going to take of him if something happens to myself and my husband. My son lives with us, so it's easy to take care of him(sorta), but both my hubby and I have health problems too. I have back problems and sciatica, so it gets to me sometimes. The last few weeks before his Remicade, he suffers and I have to serve his food to him. I literally have to wait on him hand and foot. I know I shouldn't worry about stuff like that, but I can't help myself. But, like I said, how's he going to take care of himself without me?

Djin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 265
   Posted 2/22/2010 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey dear moms... (lot of caring moms in this forum! Where are the daddies? What a shame...)

I know it's difficult, but usually its more difficult to you (emotionally) than to your son. When I get sick (I got CD when I was 18, now I'm 35), I'm glad I AM THE SICK ONE. They suffer so much... and it make me suffer thinking about their suffering about my suffering (Am I cristal clear? :)). When I had my sugeries, it was worse. They are calm, but I could feel it. They suffer calmly...

When the sick one don't crack emotionally, all the suffering (ok... not the hardest cases) is often bearble. But the suffering in the other are very different. When my sister got her dx (CD two years ago, was 30, ok not a kid), I was very sad about it (by the way, she is doing pretty well).

I feel a solid spiritual background (and a good doc) helped me hugely. But I still fear for my daughters, I don't know how I would react, just expressing some thoughts as a son, not as a dad.

I would like to add that, when I was 18, I understood nothing about what that disease would bring. AND I was HAPPY about it. Only D and some disconfort... nothing to worry at all. It's NOT a bad thing.
 
-------------------------------------------
Diagnosed in nov/94 - Started with Prednisone, followed by Pentasa, entocort, flagyl, Imuran, Cipro, etc.
Blockage - First Surgery 2001 (no ressection)
Severe bleedind - 2003 - Stopped by 60mg of Prednisone
Stricture leading to a ressection in Dec/2008 - Second Surgery
Now on Remicade + 100 mg Imuran + Iron (sort of remission, not sure at all)
 


vixen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 794
   Posted 2/22/2010 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
My son is planning on going to university next year which means he will not be living at home
and will no doubt have a new consultant. He will have to rely on himself to remember to take his medication, arrange repeat prescriptions and eat(he gets waitress service too when he bad)! I'm gonna go out of my mind worrying about him-especially if he goes somewhere quite a distance away(in that I can't get to him quickly if he needs help)

Djin- 'Daddy' works overseas and worries himself sick that he can't be here-even if he was though, what could he actually do.

Thanks for your thoughts too. I guess everyone suffers, albeit in different ways


 

Post Edited (vixen) : 2/22/2010 2:01:29 PM (GMT-7)


Potsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 291
   Posted 2/22/2010 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Djin, daddy works all day and is exhausted when he comes home. Plus, he's a bigger worrywart then me. Ha!

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/22/2010 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Vixen,
Make sure he goes to the dorms where they have alot of help and hopefully gets a caring RA/CA. Some universities have a food delivery service for the handicap. about the meds, there are generally university health services and he can get the meds mailed to him.
I do want to assure you that there are two mods on this forum that have lost their support systems and have been managing.
Take care,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


vixen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 794
   Posted 2/22/2010 2:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Navy, I am still going to worry though. I guess that I worry because he doesn't see this disease as a problem as in if he doesn't feel like eating he doesn't eat(nevermind that he NEEDS to eat), if he forgets his tablets-oh well there is always the next dose etc etc. This next year I am going to have to take a step back and let him get on with it (in prep for moving away)but at the same time be there to give him a nudge when he needs it.
 
He also doesn't see himself as being handicapped/disabled and would rather struggle than ask for help. I guess I would feel happier if I knew that he could at least ask for help when he needs it.

PV
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 1177
   Posted 2/22/2010 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not a mom, but a wife whose husband has Crohn's disease. It's a different kind of worry, but worry nonetheless. I worry about whether my husband is going to continue working, whether we're going to be able to take our next vacation, whether he's going to need surgery in the future, whether he's going to have to deal with an ostomy, whether he's going to get cancer . . . you name it.

I was a complete mess when my husband was first diagnosed, so much so, that when my hubby was in the hospital, I couldn't face coming home to sleep at home. And I had so much separation anxiety, I pretty much lived in the hospital. And I had so much anxiety about the whole thing, I ruined all my days even after he started feeling better. I've been struggling to find the right balance of Carpe Diem - where I can shelve the what ifs for when they actually happen, but worry about tactically getting myself ready for if they do happen (financially and emotionally).

I think you just do your best, hope for the best, and try to worry about it as little as possible. Hard to do, but absolutely what we need to do in order to move on and live our lives. My husband says my worry and anxiety is worse than his pain and suffering, and maybe it's true. I just know that neither of us has is even remotely happy when he's sick, and I hope and pray every day that the good days continue and to give us the strength to face the bad ones and conquer them.

You're not alone in your worry, we all live with it. Try to focus on the immediate . . . the what ifs just have to be shelved and put away.

PV
Husband with Crohn's
Diagnosed March 2003 Ulcerative Proctitis
Diagnosed March 2008 Crohn's & C-diff, hospitalized 45 days
Crohn's in Remission since June 2008
C-diff recurrence Sep 2009
Reactive Arthritis Nov 2009
Currently c-diff free
Stomach Flu Feb 2010
Canasa (1gm), Lialda (4.8 gms), Remicade (6 weeks), Pred (5mg every other day)
Hoping to stop pred, and move remi back to every 8 weeks soon
Currently In Remission


Djin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 265
   Posted 2/22/2010 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Potsie and Vixen,

I'm happy you have caring (worryng... aff!) husbands!

It's just curious that only moms and wives post here for their loved ones. Guys, like me, post for "thenselves". But, for example, I know my dad loves me deeply, but can't imagine him posting here... but my mom would, if she mastered the language (she don't).

A toast for moms and wives! cool

my mom and my wife are both steady companions. I owe them a lot.
 
-------------------------------------------
Diagnosed in nov/94 - Started with Prednisone, followed by Pentasa, entocort, flagyl, Imuran, Cipro, etc.
Blockage - First Surgery 2001 (no ressection)
Severe bleedind - 2003 - Stopped by 60mg of Prednisone
Stricture leading to a ressection in Dec/2008 - Second Surgery
Now on Remicade + 100 mg Imuran + Iron (sort of remission, not sure at all)
 


vixen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 794
   Posted 2/23/2010 1:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Djin,

I can't answer for other dads but in my husband's case he just wouldn't think of using the internet for research, help, etc for anything barring help when the computer is playing upwink I don't know why that is-it is just him and I also guess that generally the dads are the ones that work full time and don't necessarily have to deal with any (or is it many) isues that crop up.

I guess men aren't so open with expressing their feelings (to strangers)I also think maybe that they would rather not know the full implications, in this case of crohns, either, unless they have the physical condition themselves. 

or perhaps on a lighter note.....................they know that the women are going to do it anyway smilewinkgrin !!!

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