ok need to vent a bit...is this a guy thing?

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MMMNAVY
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   Posted 3/9/2010 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   
So my little brother asks me if it is ok if he and his fiancee go to return a coat (more then a half hour away one way from the hospital) during my endoscopy and colonscopy, and of course I am like are you kidding me?  The whole reason I ask you (as my next of kin) is to be there in case the oh shoot situation happens.  I have a really not ok feeling about this scope, because the ct scan was not completed due to the fact I could only keep 1 1/2 bottles of the contrast down, after trying 6-7 bottles. 
 
I know I am the amazing amazon woman normally, and he knows that I have been thru much worse on my own when I was in the military, but the military doctors usually take better care of you then the VA doctors do, because the military knows they are your support system.  The VA assumes that you have a family to do that.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

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Zanne
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   Posted 3/9/2010 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Ya, its a guy thing. My husband who is really a saint in most things would pull that without thinking, just because like you I am usually very independent when it comes to all things Crohn's or medical for that matter. It would never occur to him that I would want/need him there, until I actually TELL him. So just suck it up and TELL him. I'm sure that he just thought he could run out get an errand done and you wouldn't miss him, but if he knows that you would like his support I'm sure he will be more than happy to stay and give you whatever you need.

Couldn't the fiancee go by herself? Are they joined at the hip?
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


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Nanners
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   Posted 3/9/2010 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
No I am not thinking so much this is a guy thing, more a insensitive fiancee of his, who wants to take care of "other things" than her guy's sick sister. Maybe you need to speak up to your brother and let him know that you are really concerned with the results of these tests and that you would like someone (him) to be there to hear what the doctor says as you will be out of it due to the drugs. Docs usually come in so briefly to update the family, that its important he be there at that time, so you can catch the doc and hear what they say. Good luck and BIG HUGS to you!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

DarrylP
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Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 3/9/2010 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
MMMNAVY said...
So my little brother asks me if it is ok if he and his fiancee go to return a coat (more then a half hour away one way from the hospital) during my endoscopy and colonscopy, and of course I am like are you kidding me?  The whole reason I ask you (as my next of kin) is to be there in case the oh shoot situation happens.  I have a really not ok feeling about this scope, because the ct scan was not completed due to the fact I could only keep 1 1/2 bottles of the contrast down, after trying 6-7 bottles. 
 
I know I am the amazing amazon woman normally, and he knows that I have been thru much worse on my own when I was in the military, but the military doctors usually take better care of you then the VA doctors do, because the military knows they are your support system.  The VA assumes that you have a family to do that.

I dont think think its a guy thing, i have slept in a chair overnight for half a week when my ex was in the hospital with a severe kidney infection, for something that only takes an hour i would definitly stick around, especially for a family member, maybe as Nanners said just a pushy fiancee who doesnt want to have to wait around with your brother?
 
I will say though i probably cant associate with your situation as i usually ask people to go about their day when i get my scopes done, i generally dont any of my family or gf around becuase i know i will be in a pissy mood.
 


MMMNAVY
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   Posted 3/9/2010 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Unfortunately his 22 year old university student finacee does not drive much and does not own a car (her father was very against women driving/ going to college/ etc. so he did not help her out). She just got her learners permit last July, and I get how this has handicapped her. But she is also usually much more sensitive to helping me out, and I am just PO'ed that either one of them would be so stupid.
They know I would never leave them when they are in the OR/recovery, and I would probably be checking on them alot after they got out of the hospital. They want to travel two hours away the next day.
I forgot to mention I am paying for his plane ticket here, and the rental car for the four days he is here.
Granted he is taking one day off of work for me, and flying here so I do give him credit for that.


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


ivy6
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   Posted 3/9/2010 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Navy, as you know, I am seeing a psychologist this year, and she has told me that sometimes we overestimate just how sensitive and perceptive other people can be, especially if we are fairly sensitive and perceptive ourselves. She said that sometimes we really do need to tell people explicitly what we want and why, because they're too dense to work it out for themselves.

ie - "I am feeling vulnerable and am worried about this procedure. I need you to be here in case anything goes wrong; please don't go anywhere..."


Navy, could you explain to me why you are so worried this time? I didn't quite understand what you said above.

A huge hug,

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


MMMNAVY
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   Posted 3/9/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Ivy,
I am particularly concerned because what they could see on the ct scan was an area of abnormality in the jujenum that was not there before, and it looks like this was what was making me void the Volumen (this is a brand name of some weird barium) contrast. I was trying to keep 3 bottles down and could only do half of that.
I was really upset with him, because I ask him specifically to be there in case the oh shoot situation happens, and he is my next of kin.
The problem is even with good scopes, I have never not needed to be back in the hospital within a week after a scope. It just makes me bleed alot. He knows this.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


MMMNAVY
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   Posted 3/9/2010 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone! I appreciate the support.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


ivy6
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Date Joined Sep 2005
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   Posted 3/9/2010 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
(((Navy)))

If you've told him that you need to be on hand in case the unthinkable happens and he is leaving the hospital anyway, then I think you have every right to be upset with him... and upset generally. I wish you had more, and better support there.

It does sound as if this is a very real concern for you: what exactly is it that you'd want from your brother if things went wrong? Would you want him there for support and company, or are you relying on him to make essential medical decisions for you?

If you need him for the latter, then perhaps it would be a good idea to think and write down now, today, what you want to happen should things go horrendously wrong, and make sure you leave a copy with the hospital's social worker. That way you can have better assurance that your wishes may be respected should you be unable to communicate yourself.

I really am sad that you are in this situation, and send you lots of sympathetic and supportive thoughts myself.

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


nawlinscate
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   Posted 3/9/2010 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah, you're just gonna have to tell him directly why you'd like him there.

When I had my first procedures, my husband told me he'd drop me off--and he asked me to give his work phone number to my nurse, so that she could call him when I was in recovery, at which time he'd come and pick me up.

After he had a few procedures of his own, during which I was adamant that I wouldn't leave, in case any kind of emergency situation developed, he came around. Now, even if I tell him it's ok if he leaves, he stays throughout.

Men often just don't get it. Be upfront about your reasons for wanting him to stay--and let's hope that he understands (as most men should and will).

Good luck!

MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 3/9/2010 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I want him to be there in case the unthinkable happens and I have told him that.  I think it is a good idea to just go ahead and sign the consent form. 


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


ivy6
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   Posted 3/9/2010 4:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Will he have a mobile phone with him, at least?
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

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MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 3/9/2010 4:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah, but he is bad about answering it. (forgets to turn it on, etc.)
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


gypsyfp
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 336
   Posted 3/9/2010 5:15 PM (GMT -7)   
They asked me if I wanted my brother in the room with me, pre colonscopy, and I said sure, hoping that seeing me in that situation would get him to take this all more seriously.
Nope.
Still getting the butt jokes.
I swear, if I thought he was using butt jokes to cope with this, then ok. I'd deal with it. But at this point it still seems like he thinks of me and my Crohn's disease as fodder for his jokes.
I don't see it as a man thing, but a healthy people thing!
Don't say stupid man, but stupid healthy people!
Don't they know how to empathize???
Diagnosed with typical Crohn's at 16.
Got lucky with Asacol for a year, then even luckier with ten years of relative remission.
Now abscesses and fistulas are having an "atypical" Crohn's party around my junk.
My HMO refused the Remicade and now I could be going on Lialda or sulfa? blah


Julia Hill
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   Posted 3/9/2010 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Navy,

Sometimes I think that until others have been there and done that they just don't get it. Plus they are young, and I think that to plays a role. I would just lay it all out for them so they have a better understanding of what your thoughts and needs are and what is required of them.

I hope your test goes well, please keep us posted.

Julia

What A Life
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   Posted 3/9/2010 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I normally just have my friends/family drop me off and pick me back up later... Only on the "really sick" occasions (like when I was first being diagnosed) did anybody ever stick around. I think you may be reading into it a bit much!

MMMNAVY
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   Posted 3/9/2010 6:07 PM (GMT -7)   
This is being done in the OR, because I have a tendency to hemorage and there is such an abnormality.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


jesse's_girl
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   Posted 3/9/2010 6:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I do not think that you are asking for anything out of the ordinary. If you feel that having him there will ease some of your anxiety then that should be reason enough, lowering your stress level has got to be good for all of us. I hope all goes well during and after your procedure.
Diagnosed Endometriosis 1998, Crohns 2008
Drugs: Pentasa, Entocort, B inj


randynoguts
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   Posted 3/9/2010 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
ask him if its ok if while hes on the way to the airport after ,if it would be ok for you to cancel his ticket? ;0)... i know at my VA here all they care about is a ride home. they will not even check you in if a driver is not there. after that they can go do whatever till your done.. i understand your nerves on this. maybe call and see the schedule set up. between check in and procedure . if as i suspect, it may be an hour or more between. so maybe he could be back before theactual start? not saying hes right, just mediating..
randynoguts 



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Crohnie4Life
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Date Joined Jan 2010
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   Posted 3/9/2010 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think it's a guy thing. It may be a killing time thing, but not a guy thing.

ivy6
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Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 3/9/2010 9:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Navy, would it be ok with you if we talked a little more about your concerns?

What are the complications you are worrying about? Are you afraid you may die during this procedure, or that you may need emergency surgery? I'm not quite clear.

Either way, it sounds to me as if you really are very concerned, and need a lot of tlc from us (and others in your real life) here and now, not just on the day of the scope.

I.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


Sniper
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   Posted 3/9/2010 9:40 PM (GMT -7)   
BiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiG HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG ((((((((((((((((((((MMMNavy )))))))))))))))))))))))))). and you can take it with you too....
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


Grandpato2
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   Posted 3/9/2010 11:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think it's a guy thing either it's just an immature guy thing!Hoping all goes well Navy
Male, 54 years old with Crohn's since 15 years old, diagnosed at age 46. Terminal ileum resected 2002. 5 months of remission. Crohn's has now been active since early 2003. Had a gall bladder removed Nov. of 2009. Currently on Remicade every 8 weeks, Nexium, Iron, B-12 injection every 4 weeks,5-asa Asacol, Morphine Sulfate as needed for pain. Cymbalta for long term pain control. 5-asa Salofalk, Entecort, Imuran and Prednisone in the past.


Nanners
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Date Joined Apr 2005
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   Posted 3/10/2010 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Ivy I think she has explained herself pretty well. She has problems with bleeding and her Crohns right now is out of control and pretty unmanageable and after other recent tests is showing up in a new area and causing vomiting. She is actually a surgical candidate but can't get the stupid VA to take care of her properly. She just wants someone to be there with her just in case there should be some complication.

Navy, I am sorry you are going thru this. I really do think its the dumb fiancee in my opinion, especially after you explained how she was treated by her Dad. I do think you need to speak up though and tell him your fears, so maybe he can understand a little better. Big Hugs to you!


Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

FunGuy
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Date Joined Oct 2009
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   Posted 3/10/2010 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't read the whole thread but here is my thought:
 
Many folks sometimes shut down the seriousness of a situation in order to maintain control of their feelings.  I was at the hospital with a close friend when they came in and told him he was going to die and I just continued to talk to him like normal because I did not know what to do and did not want to explode into emotion.
 
Tell them directly what you need and then if they don't make the proper choices you will have seen their true colors.  I think they will step up.  Most folks do these tests like nothing.  It is different for us when we are flaring.  Tell them directly.
 
Good luck with the scope.  I hope this one will go better than the others.
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