Alone, even when you're not.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 3/12/2010 12:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Here's a question: is it better to deal with your Crohn's all alone or alone and with someone. I've been with the same guy for 6 years, and for almost 5 years now I've been dealing with a flare. I've been to doctor's appointments alone, I've tried new diets all on my own, I've tried to lower my stress levels with no help.

My husband now wants a baby and I'm doing everything I can to get well enough to safely carry to term. But I'm so tired of going it alone. I work, I cook, I clean, I entertain. I'm tired. My Mom has offered to help out, but I'm married now, shouldn't my husband be the one doing that? All I ask is for support and if I don't get it at home then what am I doing?

I'm sorry, my posts are always complaints aren't they? But honestly, things are going much better than they were a year ago. Maybe in getting better a fog is lifting and I can see things much more clearly now.

Thanks for listening...

Becoming undone
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 3/12/2010 1:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Nah, I don't think you are complaining. This is what we come here we don't feel so to the help is hard to ask others for help, but JMHO, we do need to lean on others sometimes...and just speaking for myself, my father was only too happy to help, he just wanted/needed to be asked.

As to husband, just a thought, but some people deal with things differently...I know from my own experience, my husband is tired when he comes home, he can't always be there for all my appts cuz he's the one working right now and has the insurance. It may be that he too is overwhelmed and needs some help...have you talked to your husband? Heck, even just show him this post...just to get the discussion going.

And don't ever feel bad for coming here, because many of us are here for the same reasons that you are. So that for just a little while, we do not feel alone.
"The earth laughs in flowers"

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 222
   Posted 3/12/2010 3:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Not to scare you but that's exactly how my ex husband was,He didn't help me do anything.I still worked,cooked,cleaned,entertained,did all the washing and basically everything.The only time He would go with me to anything medical was when He had to take me to the ER because I couldn't get there myself,due to being in agony and throwing up everywhere.I think you should talk to him about it, you need the support of your husband and if He wants a child as well it will put more pressure and stress on you.
I think there are a lot of times that you probably need help to do things ,especially if you are flaring and another little person to look after,you will need help.
I was in a slightly different situation as I already had 3 children, the eldest was old enough to help me at the time I was really bad,and she was very good and the other 2 would help me where they could.But they watched their father do absolutely nothing and I think they also lost respect for him, as they could see how much stress and pain etc I was under.
Please speak to him before it gets too bad, I think me doing things 'alone' was partly what caused our break up in marriage,as eventually I came to resent him.
I know you said your mother said she would help too, I would except her help but also get your husband involved too,although he might not be able to make all your doctors appointments,maybe he could go to the important ones, not that there not all important,but if their are any decision making appointments, ask him if he would go with you as you think it important for him to know what's going on,maybe then he might open his eyes and see the struggle you are going through.
Good luck and hope it all turns out well for you!
Michelle 40 years old
Diagnosed with CD 2004 (undiagnosed correctly +- 3 years, wrongly diagnosed with IBS)
Bowel resection 2005
medication: pentasa 500mg , Co-codomol 500mg/32mg codeine
loperamide 2mg (prn - take as many as 10-20 a day)
calcium tablets, multivitamin tablets, Omega 3
Ferrous sulphate(anaemia)
levothyroxine (thyroid)
questran light (3 sachets/day), 3 monthly B12 Injections

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 794
   Posted 3/12/2010 3:52 AM (GMT -6)   

Surely if you are alone with someone then you are alone!

As you both work then it is only fair that your husband helps out at home (irrespective of whether you have Crohns or not-and doubly so because of the flair)

If your husband wants a baby (you don't express how you feel about having one ?!) then he is going to have to appreciate that he is going to have to up his game a bit, you are putting in  a huge amount of effort for something that he wants-what's he doing to contribute(barring the obvious smilewinkgrin )?

I really would seriously consider if you want to start a family because tbh you don't sound sure that you actually want to stay in a relationship with him.
Fully appreciate that some men are not so hot on emotional support so I think mum would be a good person to turn to for that.
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