Family who just doesn't get it rant!

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Zanne
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 4/11/2010 10:29 AM (GMT -7)   
My in laws 50th anniversary is this week and to celebrate it they wanted to recreate a family portrait that we had done about 18 years ago. Well of course as all things involving family, it has blown up into this huge thing. We found out last night that instead of being in the photographers studio mid way between everyone's house, like the original, mid day, my FIL and SIL decided to change it and make it at the beach near her house, 2 hours from us, at 8:30AM. Aside from the fact that this is New England and beaches at flipping freezing this time of year, it means we have to get up at 4 in the morning in order to get to her house for the photo shoot. There are no port o potties on the beach this time of year and we all know what mornings are like for us CDers. It would cost us over $1000 to stay over night because we would need 2 hotel rooms and there is a 2 night minimum stay (Newport, RI, resort town). Plus we all have to dress alike, so I have to buy new clothes for my kids and me that we will never wear again. Luckily, my husband said no way to the time, so now its suppose to be late afternoon, but I am still so mad I could spit nails (thank you prednisone), I'm sure it will show in the pictures. Do they not realize after 30 years of knowing me that this is an issue? My SIL says, well my house is only 10 minutes away. Hello, I need a bathroom in 10 seconds, not 10 minutes! Maybe talking to us would have been nice before they went and changed everything and signed contracts. Oh and originally we were going out for a nice family dinner after the portrait sitting, now we MAY have pizza on the beach, if we can fit it in. So on top of it all, we have to fend for ourselves on the 2 hour drive home.

I flipping hate family!
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/11/2010 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
OH i hear your rant n raise ya one
Never does a morning go by that my brother or daughter want me up n moving ready to go on a dime by 8 830
Really
WELL IF THEY REALLY tried to understand my dd n use some empathy not sympathy they would realize it by now i cannot just jump out of bed shake head n go
my bottom does not allow me that courtesy
n i tell they r lucky im not on pred.....lol

or when you are curled up in ball in flare pain everywhere n they wake you up from your 10 minute nap to ask if you want Chinese food
why not ask me if i want a bleeding bag o peanuts while yer at it
geeshhhhhhhhh
like family dont ya get it
cant ya see the fear in eyes i wont make toilet
believe me im not into run baby run to btrm each morning cuz i like it
like dang
CANT YA SMELL THAT SMELL
oh Zanne you got me going here lol
huggs
lyn
..Co Moderator for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic......Alzheimers

DX..Crohns,,,A/P...Fibro...Seizures..Neuropathy...Pyoderma Gangrenosum..Deaf

I Refuse To Give Up....Others Are Worse Off Than I Am

Donate to WWW.HealingWell.com
MEDS..Lyrica..Dilatin...Pentasa...Folic acid....Ativan..,Diazapam prn..Trazadone at HS..T 4s PRN

NEVER GIVEN UP NOR IN


Tink42
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 4/11/2010 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
I hear ya on that, i was just at my youngest daughters Baby Shower last night that My son in laws mom held at her house, When arriving, Instead of seeing people do the normal baby shower things, it was an ALL out bash!! Pizza and Alcohol was all that was there, My daughter didn't even know anyone else except me, her sister and her hubby, All the guests was the MIL's friends, And I hadn't ate because my daughter told me that her MIL knew what I could eat and couldn't eat, Well needless to say, i went hungry, then used the excuse my other grandbaby was sick so I left early. I felt bad, My daughter was upset at the whole thing as well. It amazes me how people just only think about themselves and not others around them.
After all, it was supposed to be my babys, baby shower, Not a drunkin bash.
42 yr Female
Dx'd with Crohn's 03/31/10, Fibromyalgia 97, Allergies since birth, Anxiety 06, Depression 97, IBS 00,
Endometriosis 01,Anemia since teen years, Osteoarthritis 00, Diverticulosis 07.
Just started Prednisone 20mg, Imuran 50mg x2


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/11/2010 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, they so do not "get it." Some day they might appreciate what it is to be chronically ill. Oh and don't you just love being in the car and trying to digest food? Yes it would have been real nice for them to have called you and asked. Did they change for some reason? Pooping in their car usually helps them be more considerate. :) Not that I am suggesting that you take a break every ten minutes to poop. Man I am so mean. Would violating the contracts be cheaper then doing what you are right now? (I know probably not.)

But anyways I am sorry you have to put up with this crap.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


jeanneac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 1812
   Posted 4/11/2010 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes I wish I were like my hubby and could just cut a nasty one at will, if you know what I mean. You could pass gas around familyor anyone else you are mad at, just to get them back. Ha! Ha!
diagnosed 1/09 with colitis location: sigmoid colon with some diverticular disease as well
IBS, asthma/allergies, prediabetes, high BP, fibromyalgia, GERD
low thyroid
claritin, singulair, diovan, progesterone, VSL#3 probiotic, Vit. D, colazal
pexeva, rolaids, pepsid (as needed)
Blood test positive for Crohn's via prometheus ibd serology panel


pimfram
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 506
   Posted 4/11/2010 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I'd photoshop myself into the picture, if I were you.
Diagnosed with CD July 2007
Currently on Remicade, Imuran, probiotics, folic acid, multivitamin.
Resection December 2009

Amor fati - Nietzsche


Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 4/11/2010 12:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I wish I could photo shop myself in (they are photo shopping in one branch of the family who lives in Europe). It all started out as a really nice thing. The original picture had been my idea as a present for my husbands grandparents 75th anniversary and it was a huge hit. I think that is one of the reasons I am so upset by this. Because everyone was happy at the last one and it went off without a hitch and now because FIL and SIL are in charge its gone to hell in a handbasket. I know I'm a control freak, but there is a reason. Things come out well when I do them because I plan things down to the last detail, like WHERE THE BATHROOMS ARE, and if there is food, and how are people going to get there, oh maybe its stupid, but when people come to events I've planned they have fun, are fed and go home happy not stressed.
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/12/2010 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
((((ZANNE)))) I don't think family will ever get a clue. No matter how many years they have watched you being sick, they will just never get it. Big hugs to you!!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Becoming undone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 4/12/2010 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Yeah I hear you...My MIL always replies that as long as I can sit up, I can come over...She doesn't realize that the bathroom is only steps away from the living room, meaning you can hear EVERYTHING! I'm a shy pooper anyway, and it's hard for people to understand, that using someone else's bathroom for urinating is nowhere near the same for the other...Not to mention when you just feel horrible and don't want to go anywhere.

Zanne, I do not think you are a control freak...you just know your limits, and it seems that your FIL and SIL do not, nor care and/or comprehend what you go through...I hope it goes well for you...
"The earth laughs in flowers"


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/12/2010 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   
YA know after being on life support this time last yr losing all memory even of cait..but have it back everything fell on her
my brother said move to where they live as her education is extremely important to her n me
well lo n behold we are here and i sit alone while she is away at school i really think n feel like a burden n i say something and its no your not but its not in what they do its what they dont follow thru with or say
brother is male reg nurse yet i swear he has NO clue what cd is all about and what it does to our lives
if you remember the sores i was getting n the vancomycin iv for them well that has led to me being totally deaf
that makes this dd even more lonely and yet they still dont get it

arrrggggghhhh it is so bleeding frustrating
i hear ya

lyn
..Co Moderator for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic......Alzheimers

DX..Crohns,,,A/P...Fibro...Seizures..Neuropathy...Pyoderma Gangrenosum..Deaf

I Refuse To Give Up....Others Are Worse Off Than I Am

Donate to WWW.HealingWell.com
MEDS..Lyrica..Dilatin...Pentasa...Folic acid....Ativan..,Diazapam prn..Trazadone at HS..T 4s PRN

NEVER GIVEN UP NOR IN


HabsHockeyFan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 3130
   Posted 4/12/2010 10:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Zanne...I completely understand and I think that if you need to be late, you be late. They will have to accomodate you with photoshop or something if you can not be there. I can't believe SIL did not even offer to let you stay at her house for the 2 hour drive inconvenience. if speaking up will help...I vote you make a statement. If not....do what you need to do about time and bathroom convenience...personally I would tell her they have to hire a port a potty for the area where the shoot is.

In laws really can stink. My dear MIL thinks she has a worse dsiease than mine now...she has diverticulitis because she eats garbage food only and never goes to the bathroom. I had to sit across from her on Easter and waitch her cram her face so much she always had a golfball sized lump out of her cheek. And then she said....ohhhhhh this week has been so tough. Can you tell me if I am allowed to eat this...you would know since we have the same thing only mine is worse.
Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions, B12 weekly, Pentasa [until I surrender to the bigger meds]
I'm riding on the escalator of life....


Roni
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 2480
   Posted 4/12/2010 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Becoming undone said...
Yeah I hear you...My MIL always replies that as long as I can sit up, I can come over...She doesn't realize that the bathroom is only steps away from the living room, meaning you can hear EVERYTHING! I'm a shy pooper anyway, and it's hard for people to understand, that using someone else's bathroom for urinating is nowhere near the same for the other...Not to mention when you just feel horrible and don't want to go anywhere.


I hate it when ppl can hear me. I had my hubby install LOUD bathroom fans.

If there is no fan, I run the tap water full blast. I used to flush while pooping, but it sprays up at my butt. That's just nasty. LOL.

Grandpato2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 681
   Posted 4/12/2010 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Zanne, simple solution, tell them the situation is not favourable to you coming and they'll have to photoshop your family in.
Male, 54 years old with Crohn's since 15 years old, diagnosed at age 46. Terminal ileum resected 2002. 5 months of remission. Crohn's has now been active since early 2003. Had a gall bladder removed Nov. of 2009. Currently on Remicade every 8 weeks, Nexium, Iron, B-12 injection every 4 weeks,5-asa Asacol, Morphine Sulfate as needed for pain. Cymbalta for long term pain control. 5-asa Salofalk, Entecort, Imuran and Prednisone in the past.


Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 4/13/2010 5:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the support guys. Sometimes I feel like I am being a ***** or a baby, so its nice to know that I'm really just trying to stand up for myself and try to make them be reasonable given my circumstance.

Oh and Habs, my FIL said we could all stay at my SIL (she didn't offer though). BUT she has no door frames on her bathrooms. She has doors, but no frames (they are still building the house). So there is a 1 inch gap all the way around the door. I don't think so. Beside the fact that she has one spare room and there would have been 3 families needing space.
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....


Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 4/13/2010 5:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm all in favor of the photoshop deal. My highschool year book has a blank spot where my pic should be . It say ,,not available. I think it is my best picture ever.I would have been just as happy had they put a picture of a chimp in the spot because,,,I hates picturessssss!!! I have learned to open my mouth when family or friends dont get my illness and the once upon a time when I would have bent over backwords to accommodate is,,,,sooooooooo over..
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.


HabsHockeyFan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 3130
   Posted 4/13/2010 6:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Well that house is definitely out! I would still push that you can not make this arrangement due to your chronic illness. And then end the conversation. If they don't understand that one simple statement, it is not worth fighting more.
Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions, B12 weekly, Pentasa [until I surrender to the bigger meds]
I'm riding on the escalator of life....


Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 4/13/2010 7:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I would love to just boycott the whole thing, but I won't do that to my husband. He has been the one person who has stood by me through this long journey of CD and if I boycotted it would cause a rift between him and his family. I will put on my big girl panties and deal. I am just always floored when people who have literally seen me at my worst still can not understand that 3 hours on a beach with no facilities might be an issue and that maybe they should have consulted us.

But on the plus side, I think my husband has been working some magic on his father and he may be reconsidering his plan temporarily. April in New England in Short Sleeves not a good idea. We might need parkas, so hope for the best. They will reconsider because they might be cold, but not because I might crap my pants. Its nice to know where I stand, but I do have my husband to thank for knowing how to work them.
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....

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