Darling I can completely understand you being scared about going back to the doctor - - any doctor, let alone one who is going to have to poke around your butt. Its a horrible situation to be in. I think if you say something general like ‘I have had a traumatic experience at a doctor’s and so I am quite afraid’ and ask them to talk you through what they are doing etc, it might make it a bit easier? It must be very difficult but I think it is very important that you get it sorted because I learnt the hard way that these things don’t resolve themselves….i put it off again and again until it went black and I could not ignore it anymore because of the pain.
Maybe if you see a colo-rectal surgeon you will feel more at ease? I know mine had a great way of making me feel comfortable and not silly at all (after all, all they ever look at is bums!)
Is there somebody close to you that you could take along for moral support?
Yes sometimes having someone present at examinations like that can make things worse (that’s my experience anyway) – I would always go alone into examinations like that to lessen my embarrassment, but everyone is different.
I know the feeling – that horrible let-down feeling of telling yourself ‘things will get better from here’ and then finding out that they are getting worse again. I My abscess also started healing for a week or two and then got ‘clogged’ again – and it sounds like a similar thing is happening in your situation. I remember bursting into tears and just ‘losing it’ when I found out I’d have to have a second surgery for it – I just wanted it to be over and done with and I was sick and tired of the pain and not being able to sit properly, and sitting in a dang hot water tub every morning and night. But at least you have recognised nice and early that things aren’t right, and you can go about getting it sorted. It is such a hard thing to go through, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy…… I hope you are doing ok, and staying strong, or breaking down if you need to, just make yourself number one in life right now, because you need it …. If you ever need someone to talk to (I’m not sure where you live) we could always chat over the phone, if you would like. Just know that I’m here for you however I can be and I understand how much it sucks, but you will get there, the frustrating and most difficult part is happening right now, so things will get better, slowly but surely.