I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…
I have a serious problem of this sort of nature too. I have yet to actually admit it to anyone, but sometimes I eat foods that I know are the worst for me (like sugar-free lollies) and I know they are going to flare up my stricture. A few weeks back I ate the wrong thing (and lots of it) and by the time I was walking home from work I was doubled over in pain from my stricture, waves of pain and my stomach was so bloated I could barely move. It was excruciating, I couldn’t even speak the pain was so bad. And all the while I was aware I had done this to myself. I don’t know if it is self-punishment or what. When I was first diagnosed (5 years ago) I refused to adjust my diet, and in many ways it was true that no matter what I ate I would bleed and be sick.
I frighten myself with this. I just know that one day my bowel will completely obstruct and I will have my worst nightmare (surgery) to face. Why do I do this? Does anyone else suffer with this unexplained self-punishment? Everyone around me is telling me I need to look after myself and I know that I need to – but I go through periods of being extremely good (sticking to my SCD, eating and making my own probiotic yoghurt, refusing anything that is not SCD legal) – to these binge phases, which make me so sick.