I'm so overwhelmed I could cry

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pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 8/4/2010 10:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope everyone has been doing well?
 
I wish I could say the same for myself...as many of you know, with my mom passing away only a few months ago (end of march), one of my sisters was named executrix, well, because of another (insane) sister, the executrix has renounced, no one else willing to step in and take over because of insane sister (her behaviour is disgusting) and oddly enough I'm the only one the insane sister gets half-assed along with...she has no clue how nuts she drives me for the most part....so of course I have volunteered to step in and take executrix sisters place (becomming administrator) or risk all of us losing what mom has sacrificed to leave for us.... to top it off the timing couldn't be worse...
 
We just sold our house (quicker than I thought it would sell, gorgeous house that basically sold itself and I'm gonna miss it dearly) to move back to the city (hubby fell asleep on the highway drive home one night cuz he commutes to the city to work) and hit a sign on the highway so with that and now my son driving I figured I'd sacrifice my beautiful home in our great small town and move back to the city to save my sanity from worrying about both hubby and son driving in and out of town to the city.
 
We haven't had luck finding a new home to purchase back in the city so now we have to rent (been 18 yrs since we've rented) and it sucks, prices are high for what we're getting which doesn't come close to the beautiful house we just sold (which sucks cuz now I have to take over mom's estate and wait to get paid back all that money I'll have to spend out of pocket to keep things out of arrears) and although we have a moving truck booked for the 28th of this month (since possession of our sold home is sept 3) we don't have a guaranteed place to rent yet...
 
I'm so in limbo with all this crap, I cannot believe my family would put me in this position (I'm the only one everyone else agreed to for taking on mom's estate), I'm TOTALLY FREAKED OUT about having to rent and not even having a confirmed place to rent yet and in the process of carrying out mom's estate, still having to find time to find a house to buy and all.
 
My god, when it rains it pours and it's pouring cats and dogs right now....I sure hope everything goes smooth and quickly...I've hardly had time to eat so pooping less but I'm so scared the stress will attack my CD and/or my IBS as well, no time to exercise and it's killing me, especially mentally/emotionally...
 
I'm sooooooooo overwhelmed and scared of EVERYTHING right now and just needed to vent...sorry it was long and boring but I'm hoping it will help.
 
I hope you are all hanging in and doing well...I know we all have "everyday" issues to deal with ontop of our disease, I just feel so alone right now (even though hubby is being very supportive) it's a natural for me to take on the burden of worrying and always thinking the worst will happen.
 
Wish me lots and lots of extra luck please, be well and take care.
bee propolis caps 500mg one cap twice/day
omegas 369 caps one cap twice/day
probiotics 10 billion cfu once/day
vitamins C-calcium ascorbate (easy on the gut) and vitamin A each once/day
Prodiem fibre supplement one cap before bed
I've also altered my diet (no junky stuff at all, processed, fast-foods, refined sugars, ect) and exercise regularly.
I went from 30+ bloody BM's/day with lots of lower back pain to an average of 5/day no bleeding no back pain and completely formed stools, still have severe urgency issues.
~~~~~~~~My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)~~~~~~~~

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 8/4/2010 11:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry, pb. No words of advice: just so sorry you're going through all this.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~

ATHENSGIRL2
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 8/5/2010 12:22 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear pb4,

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it is really a very difficult time in your life.  Like you said everybody has everyday problems, but again for each and every one of us our problems are sometimes too much, and thinking that other people have problems too doesn't really help.  For the last 5 months I have been under a lot of stress due to financial problems, the result was I was in the hospital twice in these five months, and my doctor told me these two serious flares were definately caused by stress, for the simple reason that when you stress your immune system shuts down, and inflammation starts building up.... 

It's a vicious cycle.  What I try to tell myself is to "take it day by day".  Each day the sun comes up, is a new day, and you never know what will bring, but you have to hope it will bring only good things.

Wishing you all the best, and praying that this difficult time in your life will pass soon, and when you look back, it will only be a bad memory.

Hugs from hot Athens, cool

Christina


randynoguts
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 6049
   Posted 8/5/2010 3:51 AM (GMT -7)   
hire a lawyer to be executor
randynoguts 



     http://www.geocities.com/randynogutsweb/

Sniper
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 6518
   Posted 8/5/2010 5:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry all this is going on in your life, all I can say is set priorities and take one step at a time . Dont try to do it all at once. Randy has a good idea too.
If we would read the secret history of our enemies,we would find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

ZenaWP
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 884
   Posted 8/5/2010 5:18 AM (GMT -7)   
pb4, I pray that everything will go smoothly in the house transition.  We were recently in a similar situation...house we made an offer on fell through and we'd already sold our house and couldn't get out of it.  With my health problems, we didn't want to buy just any house...wanted the right one.  Also didn't want to rent and have to move more times than necessary.  We ended up living in my brother-in-law's basement (with 4 kids and 3 other adults in the house).  Luckily, we found another house and only had to live in the basement for a month.  Moving twice (into storage and then into our new house) was very difficult physically and I am still flaring from it (moved into our house 4 months ago), but things ended up working out.  It is hard to see now, but things will work out and this will all just be a memory in a few months.  Best of luck to you.   

Crohn's Disease with Arthritis, Non-Erosive Reflux Disease, Gastritis, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Endometriosis, Depression/Anxiety 

NiceCupOfTea
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 8545
   Posted 8/5/2010 5:26 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry, pb.

I personally doubt that Crohn's is caused by stress and I think it is a bit dodgy to feed people that line and make them worry even more. My Crohn's started at one of the few relatively optimistic times of my life, so whatever the trigger was for its appearance, it wasn't stress or depression. With the best will in the world, bodies go wrong. You can live the most exemplary, holistic lifestyle and still fall prey to a serious illness. Alternatively, you can go through psychiatric crisis after crisis and yet remain in decent physical health.

That said, I hope things pick up for you soon. And I would second Randy's suggestion, if it's affordable.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/5/2010 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((((((((((((pb4))))))))))))))))))))),
I am sorry you are going thru such stuff. I have to admit in retrospect I would have appreciated having (an unbias) someone outside the family deal with spliting up our parents stuff. It just would made things less tension filled.

I hope you find somewhere that you like to live.
Take Care,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/5/2010 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   
PB4 I am so sorry you are going thru all this right now. I am just so glad that everything was all agreed to before my Mom even passed, when it comes to money family tend to go all crazy all of a sudden. I respectfully disagree with NCOT that stress doesn't affect Crohns, I know from experience in my 35 years with this darn disease, it can upset the applecart and quickly. Experienced one too many times. I pray that all falls into place for you and peace returns to your life soon. Hugs!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease 
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/5/2010 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh my
i am truly sorry all this is going on within your life
I ALSO have to agree that cd is made worse by anxiety/ stress
i know from experience as does Nanners
i am too stressed with issues and i dont eat cept for can of soup n crackers a day..
not sleeping n constantly crying about everything
i so wish this wasnt going on for you hun
you dont need this truly
blessings n know yr family here DO CARE
huggles
lyn
CO MOD FOR CROHNS..A/P...ALZHEIMERS

DX..PYODERMA GANGRENOSUM/ CROHNS..FIBRO

SEIZURES,,NEUROPATHY..DEAF
MEDS..LYRICA..VALPROIC ACID..DIAZEPAM..ATIVAN
DILANTIN..PENTASA
LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 8/5/2010 1:49:58 PM (GMT-6)


flowery
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 440
   Posted 8/5/2010 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
So sorry your going through family crap and Crohns issues at the same time! I agree with Randy and Sniper...get a lawyer!
I can relate somewhat with the family issues. My parents both passed away within 2 years of each other and my father remarried inbetween. After he passed the whole estate issue was a mess. My father was Manager of Reasearch and Development of a major Pharmacutical Company. We lost everything not to mention family heirlooms. On top of this, I have a brother who has MS and I was the only one left to see after his care. I still do. It is messy. He has been mentally off his whole life also. Put that on top of my family, two children and a disease... etc etc...it's to much! I had a nervous breakdown at 33. Had to learn to put my life back together again one brick at a time!!!! I'm telling you....it was really hard..harder than Crohns by far.
Step back and take care of yourself. You have to. I see you have kept an account of everything that has gone wrong...I urge you to start making a list of good things that have gone right. It will become a good shot in the arm when you do! Let all the past go. So, you sold your house. Sucks! I know. Most Americans have lost every piece of equity they have made in their house. Many Many people are going through the worst housing situations of their lives. The middle class working generation has bubbled and we are all starting over. We can't take anything with us when we go....just our memories and soul, I believe.
I will keep you in my prayers friend.
Heather
Flowery
 "Get busy living or get busy dying"
Dx in 2005 with Crohns after a Hysterectomy. Re-section in 2006...came apart so got to do it again! Frequent Kidney stones and Shingles... a new present as of 08-09 Diabetes Type 2. Total of 12 surgerys.
Imran, Asacol, Colestid, Bentyl, Lamotil, Paxil, Nexium, Probiodicts, Vit D, Folic Acid, Lots of Potassium, Fish Oil, up to 6 Immodium a day. Oh, and one Giant Pill holder!
 
 
               
                        

dunny2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3200
   Posted 8/5/2010 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Pb sorry you're going through this. A lawyer sounds good, but wouldn't that be expensive, just a thought...
Vicky

Too many years with CD
Two bowel resections, several obstructions.
Fibromyalgia and recently diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis and lupus.
B12 Shots bi-weekly

Laughter is the brush that sweeps the cobwebs from our hearts...

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/5/2010 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Dunny, usually estate lawyers take about 10-15% of the estate, but sometimes it is better then having to deal with any other legal/emotional reprocussions.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


GDen
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 703
   Posted 8/5/2010 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Lawyers are extremely expensive. But if they don't work hourly and the estate isn't much... Hmm, they probably wouldn't be interested...
Cimzia, Asacol

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/5/2010 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, but if it saves you from needing a criminal lawyer, or from getting sued yourself...well worth it in my opinion.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


dunny2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3200
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
You make a good point Navy, but I wonder if pb is a that point. I was wondering if there is a chance of a family
chat, perhaps without (insane) sister being physically present. Could I also ask you pb, are you the eldest? I
thought it usually fell to the oldest to be the executor!!
Vicky

Too many years with CD
Two bowel resections, several obstructions.
Fibromyalgia and recently diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis and lupus.
B12 Shots bi-weekly

Laughter is the brush that sweeps the cobwebs from our hearts...

GDen
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 703
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
MMMNAVY said...
Yes, but if it saves you from needing a criminal lawyer, or from getting sued yourself...well worth it in my opinion.

Extremely unlikely when handling an estate, unless one of course acts criminally.
Cimzia, Asacol

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
dunny,
 
To answer your questions re the eldest - not so depending on whether there is a will or living trust in place.  My hubby is the oldest of 4 and his youngest brother and sister are the trustees of my in-laws Living Trust.
An executor is the person designated in the will of a deceased person to carry out the provisions of the will. An administrator is the person appointed by a probate court to perform the identical functions if the will does not name any executors or if those who were named executors are not capable of performing the function.
 
 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
GDen I work in the financial system and let me tell you when it comes to money, nothing is impossible. I have seen some crazy stuff.
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease 
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

GDen
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 703
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I didn't say it was impossible rather extremely unlikely. If an executor isn't doing their job the next step is usually to bump the estate from informal to formal where a judge oversees it. Somebody who wants to sue criminally first needs to find a lawyer who think they have a case, then a judge who won't throw it out. The vast majority of estates are easy to handle and a lawyer is pretty much a waste of money.
Cimzia, Asacol

pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for your well wishes and hugs as well as advice...

Yes, an estate lawyer is involved, they basically have to be because the estate having to go to probate and the lawyer covers my butt so long as I take her advice on how to handle each process, so for that reason alone a lawyer is needed for my own protection....I will be using the same lawyer my executrix sister chose since switching lawyers at this point would put even more financial strain on the estate. It's not even a huge estate (not a million or more) but in order for us to get what our mom wanted us to have, one of us has to execute it and since no one else was willing, they pretty much forced it upon me...funny thing is all but one of them really need the money. There's 6 of us all together.

My mom initially chose one of my sister to be executrix, she's not the eldest but was one of mom's favorites, probelm is she lives in another province and that makes it more costly and difficult to execute the will. She tried very hard but thanks to the insane sister we have, the executrix renounced because she was physically feeling the negative effects of trying to execute the will...she's lost a ton of weight and sleep all because of insane sister.

I've warned everyone that since they know my current situation (including my health issues) that I will give it a go but if I find it too overwhelming I too wil renounce.

You're all right, I have to take it one step at a time, problem with me is I like to know exactly how things will go from start to finish before I start something (impossible for the most part I know, but that's just how I am). I think it has to do with a "control" thing, I don't want to set myself up for something that I hae no idea where it will end or not knowing if it will end well or not (kinda my personal issue) but I guess I'll have to let go of thinking like that in order to get throug it....

Ironically, I'll be doing all the leg work, but the lawyer will end up making a good chunk of change riding my coat-tails simply based on "her" legal advice...what a sick world we live in.

Thanks again all, hope you're all well!
bee propolis caps 500mg one cap twice/day
omegas 369 caps one cap twice/day
probiotics 10 billion cfu once/day
vitamins C-calcium ascorbate (easy on the gut) and vitamin A each once/day
Prodiem fibre supplement one cap before bed
I've also altered my diet (no junky stuff at all, processed, fast-foods, refined sugars, ect) and exercise regularly.
I went from 30+ bloody BM's/day with lots of lower back pain to an average of 5/day no bleeding no back pain and completely formed stools, still have severe urgency issues.
~~~~~~~~My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it! LOL :)~~~~~~~~

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Gden, about a month before you joined the executor of my mothers will (aka brother), committed assult against me, because I was upset that things where leaving my parents house without mutual agreement (weapons registered in my name had disappeared, for example the beretta that my dad give me for my birthday...gone, since I live on campus I cannot firearms where I live). We actually usually get along (not great, but not bad before this), but this is the first time in adult life that I have had to deal with a family member who had commited a crime against me. It was mostly about stuff that happen before I was the age of 10, but it is amazing the level of nuts it can get, add in an already strained relationship, it can be a reciepe for disaster.
 
Good luck pb4, and my thoughts are with you.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


GDen
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 703
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
pb4 said...
Ironically, I'll be doing all the leg work, but the lawyer will end up making a good chunk of change riding my coat-tails simply based on "her" legal advice...what a sick world we live in.

Sooo true! BTW, how are executors compensated where you are? A percentage of the estate?
Cimzia, Asacol

Zanne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3763
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I have had to deal with moving into temporary housing and storing all my stuff, twice, not fun. And I have had to deal with taking over power of attorney for an incapacitated relative and making all life and death decisions when my father backed out, also not fun (but not quite the same as executing a will). I can tell you that stress will absolutely play a role in CD. You need to take care of yourself and worry about your own health first, then take care of what is best for your immediate family, before you worry about the rest of your family. You are of no use to anyone if you are in the hospital!

I hope you can find something suitable for housing soon and that the will is settled soon too so that peace can be restored to your life!
Suzanne

CD 20 years officially, 30 unofficially. 3 resections '93, '95 '97
Managing with strict low residue diet, keeping symptoms to a minimum. All test show small amount of ulceration, still have occasional blockages. But still have a great time with my 2 daughters and husband!


Prednisone, 6MP,Prevacid, B12 shots, Bentyl, Xifaxan.....

dunny2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3200
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Pb, you seem to have your bases covered, all I can do is wish you all the luck in the world. Try and keep your
chin up honey, we here for you, at any time. God bless.

Skitt, you live and learn :-)
Vicky

Too many years with CD
Two bowel resections, several obstructions.
Fibromyalgia and recently diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis and lupus.
B12 Shots bi-weekly

Laughter is the brush that sweeps the cobwebs from our hearts...
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