The place I work makes me sick, literally (work with kids). Every month, I come down with something (usually strep). All my doctors agree that I need a new occupation. But, like 11% of america knows, getting a job is close to impossible. I've applied to hundred of jobs this year. I have this side thing I could do, but I get no insurance from it. I could go on cobra, but then I wouldn't have enough money to pay my mortgage or pay bills. If I were to marry my boyfriend, I could get on his insurance, but I'd hate him to feel guilted into it. Then, I realized this morning, that my current deductible is 25% of my yearly income. If I got on his insurance, that would double! How are people supposed to meet that?
I'm feeling crushed. I know there are positive things I should be thankful for but it seems like they too are part of the vicious cycle. I feel hopeless. Survival of the fittest obviously does not include me. Maybe it'd be better if I go.
And then I see a little girl on TV who has Lupis and wants the world to know that everything will be ok, and you can work through your problems.
so then I just feel guilty. guilty and hopeless.