just let me vent ty

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jodyisme
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/3/2007 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
just need to vent...
 
cleaned blood off the toilet again, (my husband has crohns and is the one who wont comply with any drs.....or take his meds halfway right)
 
it is just so hard to handle somedays, to watch him do this to himself and not care, when i care so deeply.
 
i asked him, did i see blood on the toilet? (knowing i did but trying to not be accusing) he says yes. i said where was it from? he answered..."my ***" and wouldnt discuss it further.
 
it just hurts....i feel so helpless knowing i can do nothing to get him to care. he is now losing weight, noticeable, im sure we must be headed for something not good.
 
thanks guys. just needed to get it out. hugs to all........jody

Sugarmarie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1205
   Posted 11/3/2007 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
when was his last scope he needs his crohns checked especially for colon cancer.
Confucius say : He who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with stinky finger.

Words of wisdom: Never trust a fart

:) Sugarmarie A.K.A. Poopy Pants :)


Erik45
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 149
   Posted 11/3/2007 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
It sound like he's giving up which is not good all. This disease is hard to live with and i feel like giving up to sometimes but i try to stay strong for my wife and kids. You tell him to at lease try and take his meds and try to get well, giving up is not the answer. If his specialist isn't helping get a different one. I did and now i feel a lot better these days.
Crohns for 11 years
1 surgery so far
2 times in hospital for blockages
MEDS:
Remicade
Imuran
B12 Injections


Marie-Claire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 11/3/2007 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Jody,
It is really heartbreaking to watch someone you love so much give up on themselves and everything else. Would your husband consider seeing the dr. about an antidepressant. Long time chronic illness often leads to depression....Do you have children? Is there any support you can rally to either speak to him or support you through all this.
My prayers are with you .
Come vent to us all you want and as often as you need.
Mary
50 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.
 
 


teddybearweiser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3042
   Posted 11/4/2007 3:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jody, I agree with Mary, Please try to get your husband to the hospital. Especially with weight lose
and bleeding.
Hi, I am teddybearweiser, I am a male.
I was diagnosed with crohns disease when i was admitted to the hospital
in 1992, in Jan of 1993 I was back in the hospital for surgery for my crohns. I had part of my right colon resectioned with ilecolonstomy.
 My GI doctor has me on Asacol, Dicyclomine,Imuran,Celebrex and Remicade. B-12 injection once a month.
My Internest doctor has me on Lisnopril-HTCZ and Folic Acid. Diagnosed
with Osteoarthritis July 2007
 


mcleaver1969
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 267
   Posted 11/4/2007 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jody!
Sounds like your husband has gotten frustrated and resigned himself to living, in pain, with his CD. That's a sad state to be in, I feel so bad for both of you. Maybe you should remind him that untreated CD can lead to many, many complications and even (sorry) death. I read that people in third world countries who have no access to medical care become so ill from CD that they can die. I'm sorry to sound so morbid and I certainly don't want to scare you because thank goodness we don't have to live like that, we do have access to MD's and medical treatment. I hope that he starts taking his disease seriously, sees his Dr. regularly and takes his meds like he's supposed to. Just be supportive but concerned, as it seems you are being. Hang in there and take care of yourself too.
Marci, 38 years old, Rockledge, FL
Dx with Crohn's disease March 2006, currently on bi-weekly Humira, daily 6mg Entocort, daily 2-3x 5mg hydrocodone (for pain), and daily 75mg Effexor, plus 3x per day heavy iron supplements for anemia


jodyisme
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/4/2007 12:23 PM (GMT -7)   
thank yall for caring and really just listening. i just need to get it out sometimes, i get so frustrated and i dont understand him.
 
i guess i get scared for him and for me, if i can cope with this and whatever is coming.
 
his one and only scope was....several years ago. colon and stomach.  he has no dr now except a family dr who refills his meds when he needs them. he is taking (sporadically) the same ones for years now. entocort, pentasa, nexium, lexapro). the drs refuse to treat him unless its in a ER, because he wont comply with their rules. he was seeing his gastro until the dr saw he wouldnt comply and refused to see him until he will. my H has refused to have more scopes.
 
alcohol negates his antidepressants, and its obvious he is major depressed.
 
he wont go to the hosp or dr. cant make him. he just gets angry. last time he went he saw the PA, who said he needs another scope, and he refused it so the PA said ok, im done.
 
i have to accept i cant do a thing with him and its his choice. its just scary, ya know?
 
he can be the poster child for what happens when one doesnt comply with a dr, take meds as directed, and ignores having this awful disease.
 
i so appreciate being able to come here when i need to just get it out. i read here every day...btw..:)

gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 11/4/2007 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jody maybe his disease will get bad enough that it will hospitalize him and that might turn his thinking around. I don't know but I am sure that it is hard on you at times. I have heard men are stubborn at times when it comes to health. Maybe a change of meds might help him. A lot of people take B-12 that is important. Perhaps he is beyond the stage of helping himself. Has he other family he might listen to. Perhaps he fears cancer. I am glad you are able to get some good out of being here and you certainly are a part of our lives. lol gail

yogaprof
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1665
   Posted 11/4/2007 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I am taking a little bend here in the conversation, but you mentioned alcohol. do you suspect he is an alcoholic? you might consider al-anon, which is a 12-step progarm for family and friends of alcoholics. it pretty much saved and changed my life. if you find yourself taking care of someone more than you should I would look into it. take care, yp
48 y/o woman.  Diagnosed 4/06 after colonscopy, SBFT, CT-scan all showed crohns. 3 months later, after pred and remicade, all tests showed no crohns. In December had adhesions cut through a laparoscopy. Now just taking Glycolax, metamucil, and began Humira 9/07.


jodyisme
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/5/2007 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks ((guys)) and ((gals))
 
yes, he is a alcoholic and yes, im a al anon.
 
i asked him today, talked to him with our daughter (she is 30), he just said he didnt feel bad and dropped it. i said why did you go last time? he said he was "a bit crampy" i guess the going every 5 mins and blood then wasnt the point!
 
apparently he is in denial so much, and unless he feels "bad" he isnt going to do a thing. he doesnt understand by then its gonna be something major. like hemmorhage, obstruction, etc.
 
i thank you all for replying and listening...i guess i will wait, pray, and see what happens. my daughter thinks he has lost 20 lbs, if not more in the last 6 months or so. his feet swell and his belly is big, but the rest is kinda just wasting away.
 
gail, we have no other family. just our kids..and us...and ty, i imagine that is what will happen. something major bad to wake him up. i just hope i can handle it. (well, i have no choice so i will--with God;s help!)
 
no matter how hard this disease is, and how awful it affects all the people, yall here are so brave and courageous. i applaud you. i never thought my H would do this..........its still a shock.
 
hugs to all here, jody

Becoming undone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 11/5/2007 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Jody,
Cyber hugs to you. My DH has to put up with me and I lie and tell him I'm feeling better. I don't want to share my misery with him, though he can tell. I wish for anything that he nor you have to worry so much. I don't tell my DH when I'm bleeding either, 'cause I can't bear to see him worry...only one of us needs to. I understand there are many issues, but spouses deal with so much. No one asked my DH how he was doing all those times I was in the hospital or had surgery. (I did).
I'm glad you feel comfortable here. A lot of us do. Take care...

jodyisme
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/5/2007 6:34 PM (GMT -7)   
hugs to you also, becoming undone! ty!
 
this would be a very personal choice for you and your spouse or significant other. i could only give my view on what i want or need.
 
what im frustrated about, and i dont know if this applies to you or not...so please know im speaking for me and my situation only. :)
 
since my H retired, he has about fallen apart mentally. i thought it would help him physically, as he worked 12 hour shifts and a diff shift every week type job. he has just went to pieces, drinking constantly and not doing a thing to help himself with his crohns. not doing much at all, to be honest, but drink and sleep.
 
when i see blood, (on the wall today, yet! how did that happen?) and i know he not only is drinking way too much and not eating right, but not taking meds at all right, i know he is worsening. im frustrated because his denial or depression or both is causing him to play roulette with his life, right when it should be the best time of it.
 
it isnt i want to know all of his business, but this will end up becoming mine when he falls too ill to not be taken to a ER, and i see him almost trying to kill himself slowly.
 
i so wish you and all here the best, i dont post much at all because i feel i dont belong here since i dont have this awful disease. but i almost feel i know most of you and pray for the board every day.
 
if yours works for you, im glad. but dont let him feel left out. it isnt a burden, its what marriage is meant to be. sickness and health, all that? :) ...i know it must be hard to face all this. sometimes we as spouses need to help...tho, and usually we cant. i look at it as part of the bargain we struck way too many years ago :)...
 
hug****to you and your family...jody

Becoming undone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 11/5/2007 9:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Jody,
You belong here...please don't feel left out. I can see the concern in my husband's eye's...how devastating this disease is to him as well. Spouses and parents are there in the trenches with us. Comrades in arms if you will. I would not be as well off if not for my DH.

I can only imagine the pain you must go through daily (I get lectures from my husband if I do something slightly bad). I again, can only give cyber hugs and hope you and your DH get better. You are a woman of strength and courage. God bless you!

yogaprof
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1665
   Posted 11/5/2007 9:23 PM (GMT -7)   
yes, Jody, there is much support here for you and good to have you. glad you are in al-anon; I have used my 12-step tools more since I have been sick than I did when I was living with an active drinker.
I am so sorry you have to live like this. there are options for your DH and you know that; sorry he is chosing to destroy his life in several ways. hugs, yp
48 y/o woman.  Diagnosed 4/06 after colonscopy, SBFT, CT-scan all showed crohns. 3 months later, after pred and remicade, all tests showed no crohns. In December had adhesions cut through a laparoscopy. Now just taking Glycolax, metamucil, and began Humira 9/07.


jodyisme
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/6/2007 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you so much. i know there are no answers, and no way to get him to listen or care about himself. the hugs and ears you all gave were what i needed and i thank you for it and the kind words you sent. i will keep you informed if something else happens--i know it will but not when.
 
yeah, it is sad, isnt it? but i guess we all have choices, and this is his.
 
wishing you all a good day and week, and answers to this disease someday....jody

miraclesivseen
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 169
   Posted 11/6/2007 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
jody,
This is the place you need to be.....I found it alot easier to get through to my husband if I leave things for him to read.
I wa Dx'd with Crohns the year we were married, and then started having seizures. He is always so worried, and often drinks to overcome the depression he is feeling for me and y health issues...I am so worried how he is going to take the "NO HAIR" issue while I am doing chemo starting on the 17th,
But, everytime I find something or someones story on this site I print it out and put it in the bathroom where I know he will read it...It does halp sometimes...esp., when it is a positive story of recovery and living with illneses,
My heart goes out to you, I do belive it is just as hard to watch those you love suffer as it is to suffer yourself.

Good luck yo you and many prayers for you and your family.
THis is a awsome place to be for those with Crohns and those watching us suffer with this disease.

xoxoxox
Brain tumor 1981
Dx.Crohns disease 1996 no meds now due to breast canceer
bowel resecction 2001
Thyroid cancer 2001 tons of synthroid
breast cancer .....mastectomy 09-14-2007 waiting on chemo possibility
seizure disorder .....all my life. tegretol, keppra
LOTS OF LOVE & UNDERSTANDING
 
 
 
 
 
 


jodyisme
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/7/2007 10:41 AM (GMT -7)   
you seem like such a kind person, miracles. so many here do.
 
we or i have to watch not invading my H's space. not crossing what isnt my business into what should be his. its a fine line....
 
the last 2 days i have noticed he has slowed up on the drinking and is taking his meds. it wont last, and its a measure he thinks will work and stop his flare up..but its still positive. (i grab on all i can:) )
 
you will be in my prayers. as well as your H and family. you have so much to cope with....my heart goes out to you, also. it is hard to know what to do with the worry...its frustration for me. frustration i cant "fix" another. or make things easier for others. have to learn to take it one day at a time, and trust God.
 
writing this helps me do that. anytime i can listen or help you, just let me know. :)

gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 11/7/2007 12:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jody lots of us have ended in the hospital and it has done us alot of good. We have gotten threw whatever we had to to get some help. Your husband will probably get threw it too .lol gail

jodyisme
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/7/2007 10:54 PM (GMT -7)   
((gail))
 
good point. thanks. if that is what he needs to wake up, well, so be it. i have to trust God on this and be grateful i have this place when it all becomes overwhelming to me. :)
 
what will be, will be. but boy, to think someone is choosing this is hard to believe. choosing to not take meds, choosing to drink, whatever, in direct opposition to facts, i just shake my head at it. i would get tired of the pooping all the time, myself, if nothing else! and he poops..all the time. in every place we go also. how old that must get. i laughed at some of the stories yall post on here about underwear problems, driving, i go thru that with him so often. we need stock in mens undies.
 
my granddaughter has colon issues but hers a true milk protein allergy. her colon becomes paralized. others on here were talking about diarrhea with constipation and it made me think, she has done this a lot. only the watery can get thru while the main "part" is solidfying into concrete and backing up. been there, done that with her.
 
she had a colonoscopy at 2 yrs old...her biopsies showed eosophils..(sp) and inflammation.
 
amazing stuff, this body and colon thing! with her granpa having crohns tho, im sure she will need to be watched for it.
 
take care of yourself,. gail :) jody
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