Crohn's is a very individual disease. Coffee and artificial sweeteners are both not recommended for us, as they can both increase d, but some can get away with it. I would try cutting it out for a couple of days and see what happens. A food journal is very helpful. It can help you figure out which foods are triggers and which are your safe foods.
I know what you mean about keeping up with all the pills. I take pills four times a day. To make my life easier I just take them at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime. And I have a list that I keep by my pills with what I'm supposed to take each time. I pretty much know which ones I'm supposed to take when now, but it makes me feel more secure to have it right there.
I know it's embarrassing, but please know that we've all been there with the accidents (see the "never trust a fart" thread). I leak a little bit sometimes, and I've found that wearing a pantyliner all the time saves my underwear.
You mentioned urgency issues. Is it like dry heaves at the other end? If so, a sitz bath might help. Soaking in warm water- with or without epsom salt- can ease irritation and can help relax muscles that might be spasming.
I briefly considered gastric bypass about a year before I was diagnosed, and have been very grateful that I didn't go for it. I can't imagine what kind of complications it must bring to Crohn's. Good luck to you.