I too have interesting mood swings. I normally was a pretty happy go lucky gal myself. I am bipolar II which means I am more happy and energetic like a duracell bunny on crack than depressed. So my mental med actually make me chill out and mellow. I'm almost tempted to lessen the dose to see if it can keep me chipperer but don't need to break something else on my bod.
When I was on the pred I was RUTHLESS and went on the leave me the heck alone because I have nothing nice to say to anyone and I don't want to say something that I can't take back rampage. My psychiatrist also said that if I ever get put on that stuff again (I didn't tell him until 2 months after the fact cause I didn't know) that I need to take additional meds to counteract those effects cause it makes bipolar/depressed people go off the deep end. oops. good to know....
Now that I am off of the pred I think my mood swings are basically rage; they come at really random times mainly when someone compliments my weightloss or comments on my energy level ie why I am not more socialable like "before", I look "OK" therefore I'm "cured", and I just want to blow this thing out of proportion for attention cause it's in my head (yes I have been told that before, and if I wasn't over the age of 18, I would have gone ghetto fabulous on them but I don't want to go to jail). I think it might be the chronic pain factor too. long term never ending pain/tiredness/food deprived factor=super bit#$. Who knows.
someone complimented me last night at a party for losing weight... (irritating subject to begin with) and then when I only grabbed maybe 3/4 cup of food they were like: "is THAT all you're eating? why aren't you eating more?" and I immediately was very sarcastic, hateful, glared at her, and replied: "That's what an intestine disease does to you--you want it cause I'd rather have my 30 pounds and my old life back--what is it with this society that skinny people are revered? What was I before... chopped liver?" It flows out so fast....boom...I can't control it and then I feel like an ass afterwards--EVERYTIME it happens. It seems to happen a lot at social gatherings when I bump into people that don't know what's going on with me, so now I try to avoid them.
I DO cry because I "miss" the old me. It was especially hard when I was sick with a fricking cold for 20 days on top of the crohn's last month. I was so antisocial that people were walking up to me at work telling me to "smile" (wrong thing to say). Now give me something to smile about
and maybe I will. Otherwise, shut up, get out my face and leave me alone. =0| Can't a person just show their emotions for a couple of days?..... geez Again irritation.... why is this society so uncomfortable seeing people not smiling? I am not going to "pretend" that I feel good just to make YOU feel more comfortable. I pretend enough already. If you feel uncomfortable seeing me suffer, deal and look the other way. Note: I wasn't rude to people or patients, I just didn't socialize and kept to myself.
You all would crack up because I started buying, checking out books from the library trying to get a zen moment and find the old me......."chronically happy, joyful illness inspite of chronic illness..." (haven't read is on floor), "just fine unmasking concealed chronic illness and pain" (excellent book)... "mind over mood" (really stupid book), "how to live in the world and still be happy." (LOL actually a good book.. still reading), I even bought this cool book called "wreck this journal" where it tells you what to do with it ie burn pages in it, collect fruit stickers on one of the pages, poke holes on one of the pages, take a shower with it, throw it off a high area, tie a string around it and then swing above your head like a cowboy or walk it like a dog, tear a page out-put in pocket-wash and then put page back in journal.... it's very therapeutic actually... I LOVE that book the best...I laughed so hard when I was at the bookstore, I almost forgot why I went there....LOL....
In a sick and twisted way it's nice to hear that you guys experience it too. We will get through this.... I'm glad that we can talk about
our issues so freely on this forum. Makes it so it doesn't seem like I'm losing it by myself...still sucks tho.
Newbie - 35 yrs old Diagnosed: 08/03/07
Asacol 3x day
Imuran 50MG 3 x day
Lamictal 125 MG/day for bioloar II
Post Edited (malakai) : 11/12/2007 4:22:24 AM (GMT-7)