Such a bad day. Just need someone to "listen"...

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FitzyK23
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Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 11/19/2007 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
You should all feel flattered.  My husband has been trying to cheer me up tonight and I said "I just need to go talk to my online friends."  *sigh*  Well here's the story.  First, this year of law school has been tough because I have kind of fallen out of touch with the people I thought were my friends.  I kind of feel like I'm going it alone there now and I miss having someone to laugh with or crab to when the going gets tough.  Don't know why I'm not in their circle anymore but its just like high school again and I am too old to put up with that crap.  Thats just a little background as to why I don't feel like I have anyone to explain this to.
 
So, my crohns has been doing great lately but this morning it was rearing its ugly head.  I was running a little late for classes so instead of making my usual bathroom stop I held it till I got to school.  I don't know if it is possible but I swear it made it worse.  I pooped for what felt like forever.  I felt like my rectum was inflamed and I just couldn't stop pushing.  I thought an intestine was going to come out.  Finally I went to class.  It is my trial practice class so there is tons of public speaking which I really don't mind.  It is the fact that the class is at 8:00am that I mind.  Today we were in a smaller seminar style room so it was really obvious if I got up.  I really don't care too much what people think of me but it just adds insult to injury at times.  I kept feeling like I had to go again and thought it was a false alarm.  Ive suspected I might have a fistula for some time and the doc says I don't.  I kept feeling a pressure in my vagina and I was so distracted thinking maybe I had a fistula.  So I go to the bathroom again and it is the same as the first time.  Go go go go go.  And this time, I had a lovely streak on my underwear from the last time.  Love it.  Wipes don't always get it all I guess.  So I'm in there a good 10 minutes and go back to class.  My Prof must have noticed how icky I felt because he skipped over me for the oral exercise.  Thank you very much.  Then it was time for round 3.  Same as above.  In total I missed about 25 minutes from class.  My prof is great and so are my classmates but it still upsets me at times.  I was also in a lot of pain and just wanted to go home but I really couldn't miss my tax class at 10:40 and I had to work afterwards.
 
So then I went to a meeting about picking classes for next semester.  The classes that are offered suck and I really wish I had done an externship instead.  In order to take what I want and still have a job I am going to be in the city from 8 am till 8pm about 4 nights a week.  I have a 45 minute commute each way.  My house is on the market but the market also sucks.  I really don't want night classes but at least I will get more of my homework done at school in the time between classes and maybe get to spend more time with my hubby when I get home.
 
So then I go to work.  I have been working for this law firm since before law school and thought I had a guaranteed job there after school.  I love everyone there, it is low key and small but good money and interesting work.  Anyway, the lawyer who I am closest to starts asking me if I am applying for clerkships after school.  That is where you work as a judges slave for a year.  I told him I had no interest in doing that, and I wanted to start my career instead.  He seemed really disapointed and thought that everyone should do a clerkship, you learn a lot blah blah blah.  Well I'm not totally comfortable having to sit in a court room everyday and having to explain crohns to a new person etc etc.  Then another lawyer comes in and is like "oh you should totally do a clerkship.  I so regret not doing one."  Then she starts, what do you want to do when you graduate?  Well I say trying not to get upset, I wanted to work here.  They basically kept talking as if that was an option but still telling me I should do all this other stuff in my life first.  I'm sure you all understand that once we find a comfort zone it is hard to leave it.  She is telling me I should go work for a DA's office somewhere in a big city.  Then they were asking me if I wanted to move out of Maine, and when Im going to want to start a family.  Im not sure if I want to have kids and if they do my husband will be the stay at home.  But this was all not stuff I felt like thinking about today.  So I start to explain that I do have to somewhat limit my job options to those I can do comfortably with crohns aka have bathroom access.  I tried to explain how I missed 25 minutes of class this morning and got all choked up.  I was so embarrassed.  My husband said I had nothing to be ashamed of. Its normal to cry when you are talking about a life long chronic illness that may effect your career.  But at work, with the lawyers, is NOT where I want to cry.  So here is the kicker!!! She wants to know my rank in school and I say Im number 31 in my class (of about 95).  She's like, yeah thats good but can you get in the top 20?  You should work really hard because if you get in the top 20 you have it made.  UM WHAT?? I'm working as hard as I can.  I thought my 3.2 average was great.  But I guess its not good enough.  I know law schools are insane and law firms only like the cream of the crop but I really don't know what more I can do to do "better."  So it seems like yeah I could have a job there but that they all think I should do more to get more experience so I can "get a job anywhere" in the future.  And to do that I need to be in the top 20.  Especially because I come from a "bad law school."  Now granted I know our curriculum sucks.  We have a small dingy building.  It is a state school and my tuition is cheap.  But, most of the lawyers in my state graduated from there.  I wouldn't say it is a bad school. GRRRRrrrrr.
 
Now, I come home upset and spent.  Im trying to vent to my husband and Im feeling down because I have no friends to talk to.  I go online and I have an email from my best guy friend from high school.  He is getting married in the middle of March and Im kind of upset with him.  He was a bridesmaid in my wedding and mad he wasnt the maid of honor but he hasn't asked me to be anybody or anything in his wedding.  He knew his wedding would be in the middle of my semester and that I would have to fly to go to it but he never asked me if it would work for me, just booked it.  I know that sounds selfish but when I got married I made sure my VIPS could be there.  We picked our day so my husbands friend would be home from Iraq.  Mine just doesn't seem to care if I'm there or not.  So Im going to Singapore and Phuket the week before and am going to be exhausted and broke but I am still going to fly out there for just the weekend and see him get married.  My husband isnt going to go because we cant afford tickets for both of us.  With the crohns I get so stressed going to weddings and flying and staying somewhere new etc.  He KNOWS this.  So a good friend from college helped me find a cheap flight into Baltimore instead of DC.  The wedding is in Arlington VA.  That friend offered to pick me up at the airport, let me stay with him, and drive me to the wedding etc.  So I asked the groom, since my husband cant go and I cant afford a hotel or a rental, do you mind if my college friend steps in for my husband and goes to the wedding with me.  That way I will have a ride and a place to stay.  He wrote back that he is going to have to say no, that he can give me a discount code for a car rental company, or he can see if he has another friend driving that way I can ride with.  He will also see if I can stay for free or cheap w/ another friend of his.  Well first of all, I am married.  I don't want to stay in a hotel with some random dude.  Second, I HAVE CROHNS.  I dont want to meet some stranger and then have them drive me through DC traffic and stay at their house.  Why cant he understand that????? My husband says I have to tell him that I am upset and explain why because guys are dumb and don't always know when they hurt girls.  But the way I see it is this is his wedding.  And if he wants it that way why am I going to argue.  But I can't not go because I already booked my ticket.  But I am just so mad at him and so hurt for not seeming to care at all about me in this whole process.  And HE is in his first year of law school so he knows how tough it is.
 
I'm just going to sleep on it and see how I feel and talk to him later if I think it is necessary.  He has been so slow at answering my emails I really don't think he cares.  Right now the only people I think care are you guys, my husband, my dog and cat, and parents, and inlaws.  OK I guess thats a lot of people that care about me but it would really be nice if some friends did.
 
sad   sad sad sad sad sad sad
Thanks for reading this.
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 11/19/2007 7:19 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((((((((((((Fitzy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I will write more when I am finished with my paper, but thinking about you dear.
Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 11/19/2007 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Navy!! So impressed with your response time. I came on to add "one more thing" and was shocked to see a response already. You must be a fast reader because I wrote a novel.

So Im also super afraid of flying which complicates the travel for Christmas break and Singapore and the DC wedding even more. I took a fear of flying course online and plan on getting medication from my doctor. I have flown a ton despite my fear and always get my crohns flaring. So I decided its not worth it and I need to medicate away that fear. Well I posted about it on a fear of flying message board and I was told that I need to confront my fear and not just zonk myself on meds. YAR. I specifically made an appointment to see my doctor and get the right prescription so I will still have my wits but be less scared AND Im going to insist on trying it ahead of time to make sure I don't have an adverse reaction. I don't think I'm being irresponsible for falling back on medication. Isn't that what it is there for???????

PS: The best part of my day today was finding clean under wear in my purse.  The grossest part was transporting the streaked underwear back home to be washed.  They were just way too cute for the trash. 


26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 

Post Edited (FitzyK23) : 11/19/2007 7:33:41 PM (GMT-7)


Sarita
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2486
   Posted 11/19/2007 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Dang, Fitz...you are awesome!  So hardcore.  Seriously, you inspire me.  I also have more to say about this whole thing.  Will do so in a few hours.  But in the meantime...I also once "rescued" a pair of undies from the trashcan at a restaurant because they were too cute to be thrown away. 
Oh, our lives!!!  You crack me up.  Hang in there chica.
Co-moderator - IBS Forum


inflamed
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1340
   Posted 11/19/2007 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fitzy. Sorry about your day. Combining law school and real life can really do that to you, even without this disease.

If I were you, I wouldn't read anything into the comments from your coworkers. They are trying to live vicariously through you. I'm sure you know the statistics about lawyer satisfaction after graduation. Most are unhappy in their jobs and many wish they never went to law school. I think your coworkers were looking at you and trying to give the advice that they think would have made their lives better. 3.2 is a good GPA. With the work experience you have and that GPA you'll be in great shape when you gradute.

I totally feel you on the night classes thing. I had a long train commute that was made longer when I missed the rush hour trains. Like you said, though, you can get a lot done in the middle of the day between classes, you may end up seeing your husband more.

Hope you figure something out for that wedding too.

hj :-)
Currently in remission!


Zazucat
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 177
   Posted 11/19/2007 10:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't have any advice but I really hope things look up soon, I know how frustrating people and school and work can be, not to mention feeling like crap. Hugs to you.
 


HabsHockeyFan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 3130
   Posted 11/20/2007 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Fitzy...I just wanted you to know I'm listening.  Keep coming here and I am sure your husband will understand the need for this perspective group. 

Don't let people talk you out of the meds if you need them for flying.  I think those meds are less severe than if you end up in a flare and need more CD meds!  You sound like you are being cautious.

about the friends being MIA...I found it goes in cycles.  Don't write them off yet.  I have a friend with whom I did not speak for years...then we ended chatting again and things are even better.  I know you want their support, but maybe being "on your own" through things will be good too.  You may end up developing new friends you would have missed if you were with the other friends.

 

Stay strong...you are going through a time in life when things change a lot.  I'll be here to listen when you want


Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions, B12 weekly, Pentasa [until I surrender to the bigger meds]
I'm riding on the escalator of life....


Sarita
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2486
   Posted 11/20/2007 7:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy, the fact that you are still able to weather the ups-and-downs of law school despite having a crappy disease and who knows what else on top of it - it's phenomenal.  You just read my thread about the gunners at my med school for whom anything less than a 3.5 GPA is just abhorrent.  Well, those people get to go home and just...study.  They don't worry about getting up to use the bathroom 29384 times during the course of a study session, let alone a presentation or a big exam.  They don't get up in the morning wondering if they might feel like crapola that day.  They don't carry two pairs of underwear "just in case!" And so you have to take those stupid comments people make and just release them.
 
One thing I thought about doing (as I used to tell the kids I worked with in social services): if someone says something to you or about you that isn't true, or anything that you can look critically at and decide this is not a constructive comment, write it down on a piece of paper and look at it and then rip it up.  Let it go.  That sort of physical reaction can be as "freeing" as giving that person a sockful of diarrhea (just in your mind; not quite as satisfying, but sometimes a functional alternative)!
 
I know how hard it is to be going through all of this.  Stand up for yourself, be real to yourself, and be real to others.  You are here to teach them about real life.  Don't let petty comments get in the way of that.  Rage against the machine, girl!
 
And as far as that loopy friend of yours - people get nutty when they're about to get married.  It's amazing people come to any weddings at all, given how nutty their friends become in the weeks before the wedding.  You again have to be the bigger person here and just put on that smile and acquiesce to whatever crazy rules are laid down.  Later, after all the hubbub dies down, is when you can write a letter expressing yourself (gently) and maybe then he will have the time to really think about it without getting defensive.
 
Vent away whenever you need to, chica...
Co-moderator - IBS Forum


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 11/20/2007 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks guys!!!
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 


Matthew
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 3932
   Posted 11/20/2007 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
No advise. No long speeches. No speculation. Just a..

<<<<HUGE HUG>>>>

Keep on keeping on.

Matthew

ski bum
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 451
   Posted 11/20/2007 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow Fitzy - you had a triple whammy yesterday - school, personal and work with your CD lumped on top of it all. Sounds like a horrible day. I hope today is better. Personally, I wouldn't go to the wedding. Too much of a PITA. I'm turning 50 soon, and my mantra is, life is too short to be stressed out doing what I don't want to do. Unless of course, you really want to go - that's a whole different situation. One question for you - you best "guy" friend was a bridesmaid in your wedding and he was upset he wasn't your maid of honor??? Guys can be bridesmaids?
CD dx'd Aug 05. Initially on Pentasa, then Imuran 125 mg. Started Humira (very reluctantly) on 10/24/07. Currently on Humira, Imuran and Entorcort. Hope to dc Imuran and Entorcort within one month of starting Humira.


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 11/20/2007 5:31 PM (GMT -7)   
hahahaha well I had a guy bridesmaid. In my book there is no rule of who can do what. He just walked at the end of the girls in a tux w/ a different color cumberbund and bow tie. His matched the female bridesmaids dresses. He sat on "my side" and gave the toast at the reception. I loved it because while all the girls were busy primping themselves he was able to help me w/ anything I needed etc. He was ready in 5 minutes. He would have been a groomsman but my husband already had more guys than I had bridesmaids. It just worked out better that way. Nobody was offended and people seemed to like it. And as far as the wedding, I have to go b/c I already bought my plane ticket. I don't want to be out of the money. But I have a couple other options besides his that I am working on and I do plan on telling him more clearly why his options won't work soon.
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 11/20/2007 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
you absolutely have the right to not share a room with a bed with any man  ...period ...tell him to come to my Women's Studies Gender Violence class we will fix him...LOL
plus this is a safety and a health issue
see about student discounts?


Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 11/21/2007 6:56:32 AM (GMT-7)


paintedsongs
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 207
   Posted 11/20/2007 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow.. You have alot going on..I am relating to you in multiple ways and can relate to how difficult it is to have Crohnn's, work full time, go to school, have time for a hubby, a dog, 2 cats, parents, inlaws, and try and squeeze in some time for friends. First off, your in law school. Wow. Be so proud of yourself that you made it to law school period.  We know that dealing with Crohns is very difficult and the fact that you are doing great in school and working with this disease is already a huge accomplishment. Im sure your coworkers are giving you advice from their personal experiences. Focus on just getting to the end of the law school tunnel.  With your experience and law degree you will have so many oppourtunities open for you.
That friend and wedding thing.. love that he was in the wedding party.. love the non traditional ! I agree he is probably cloudy b/c of the wedding stuff, dealing with a stressed out fiance and etc. but certainly you need to keep yourself as the main priority and tell him if you need your friend to come or what you need in order to come and come comfortably. If he is a true friend and he knows your hx he may just need a reminder. I have found that this disease has shown me clearly who are my friends and who are not. I relaize my fam is #1 and will be there through everything. Good luck with everything.. it will work out I am sure. I need this online community also alot lately ! take Care
28 Year old Female. Dx with Crohns 2005. Currently take Imuran 50 mg.
Dx with Pyoderma Gangrenos (PG) Nov '07, currently on Prednisone 60mg for PG ...  :(


huckleberry
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 317
   Posted 11/20/2007 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Big hug to you.

No advice ... just hope things seem better in the morning!
Official dx September 2007.
Medications: 6 mp, Pentasa, Prednisone (tapering), Prilosec, Synthroid.
Supplements: probiotics, calcium, vitamin C, vitamin E and a multi-vitamin.
History of hypothyroid (dx 2004), and gall bladder surgery (1997).
44 years old; single mom to three wonderful kids, ages 9 to 15.


Marie-Claire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 11/21/2007 12:35 AM (GMT -7)   
No advice either...just tons of admiration for your courage and determination to keep going. You'll get there, Thoughts and prayers hon!
Mary
50 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.
 
 


peggy113
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1998
   Posted 11/21/2007 12:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm not in your shoes, so no advice.... but I do want to give you a huge pat on the back for your accomplishments and endeavors!!! WOW!! I work at a University here in IN and know a bit about students trying to juggle work, school, husbands, children. Then add CD! Another WOW for you. Hang in there. You will work things out.
Peggy
      
Diagnosed with CD in 1979, many resections and meds
Perm Ileostomy July 1984 at Cleveland Clinic
Disease free since surgery 
 


randynoguts
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 6049
   Posted 11/21/2007 3:28 AM (GMT -7)   
fitzy. are trying to get on jerry springer? "i was a male bridesmaid" hey non refundable tickets can be refunded! you get a drs note not to travel and bingo. either a refund or a voucher to use later. were both you and your husband invited? if so i would expect to be able to bring 2 people. is this a cost thing for him. did he invite you hoping or knowing you could not come from such a distance ( its been known to happen). are you really that close anymore ? if you do go be sure to eat and rink 2 peoples worth of stuff so he has no cost savings, and get doggy bags!
randynoguts 



     http://www.geocities.com/randynogutsweb/


gachrons
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4527
   Posted 11/21/2007 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Just keep thinking of a plan that will work for you I guess .As far as work after shool I guess one thing at a time and maybe that will lessen the stress .Sometimes a person gets overwhelmed by taking on too much in our minds so try not to let things get to you. Will be waiting to hear how things turn out for .lol gail

rootsmith
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 598
   Posted 11/21/2007 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree, "nonrefundable" isn't necessarily set in stone. I have never tried the doctor's note, that usually works for most things. However my husband had a change of plans once and he got a voucher. I think there was a $100 penalty fee but he was willing to pay that. (it was a ticket to the West coast so perhaps the price of the ticket made the penalty fee higher, I don't know) I know you want to go but seriously, making a trip so soon after returning from the other side of the world (how many time zones?) is really, really questionnable. He'll know you wanted to go if you made the reservations but then had second thoughts.

I just recently read a wedding announcement in the newspaper where they had 2 male bridesmaids and a "male of honor" and two "groomswomen" in the groom's group.
10 years, many tests, 3 gi doctors, Pentasa 1000mg 3x day
diovan, simvastatin and now trying good ol' zoloft


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 11/21/2007 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I love the whole idea of bridesmen and groomswomen (or is it bridesgentlemen and groomsladies) and best persons!


Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 11/21/2007 8:18:36 AM (GMT-7)


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 11/21/2007 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   
The doctors note concept is interesting. I had a really bad sinus infection once and was told not to fly and the airline not only wouldn't exchange my ticket but in order to get home I would have to pay a $200 change fee plus the difference in the two tickets. And buying a *new* ticket at the last minute would have been over $500. I chose to fly anyway because I couldn't afford the change. Part of the problem was that I had booked through an online travel site as well. I was getting penalties from the discount site and the airline. This time around I do have travel insurance so if I have to cancel for medical reasons I will get my money back. But, I am still working on going. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve.
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 

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