the double edged sword of having crohn's

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malakai
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 12/11/2007 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
If you are going to date people.... when would be a good time to divulge that you have crohn's to a prospective mate?
 
I know it is a pain in the patoot to tell everyone else what is wrong with me but I think it's a bit trickier if you are going to date them.  If you tell them upfront, they might run or if you tell them too late, they'll say that you are not honest because you withheld info.  Are there any happy mediums?

Newbie - 35 yrs old Diagnosed: 08/03/07
Meds:
Asacol 3x day
Imuran 50MG 3 x day
Lamictal 125 MG/day for bioloar II


sr5599
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1202
   Posted 12/11/2007 11:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I tend to tell whoever asks, but when it comes to dating, I wait until I get to know the person well enough to think I'd actually like to be in a relationship, rather than dating... If that makes sense. And, I just explain that "morning can be hard on me" so I like my space. I don't get into urgency issues until there is some reason to think we'll sleep over night and linger in the morning.

malakai
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 12/11/2007 11:44 PM (GMT -7)   

thanks....  bad enough dating... now we gotta worry about that. 

cool.... can do....  =0)

 


Newbie - 35 yrs old Diagnosed: 08/03/07
Meds:
Asacol 3x day
Imuran 50MG 3 x day
Lamictal 125 MG/day for bioloar II


lady1012
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 304
   Posted 12/12/2007 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I started dating a guy in August, i never had a chance to tell him anything, my aunt told him first, and when i mntioned it to him he told me he already knew.....darn her anyway.........as it stands right now both him and his family have been so wonderfully understanding, i have been so blessed to find the fight man for me.......he loves both me and my kids and we are planning a future together..... its funny when he gets a stomach ache and the runs.......he looks at me and says.....gosh i can't beleive you live with this everyday....how do you do it...i love him so much
I'm cute. Let's put me in charge.(happy bunny)
 
 
 anemia, b12 deficiancy, and malobsorption, moderate joint pain,severe weight loss, gastritis
 omega 3, digestive enzyme, calcium, vit d, flax oil, aloe vera juice, 9mg of entecort
 diagnosed with a CT scan september of 2007.


belleenstein
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1010
   Posted 12/12/2007 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I would neither hide it nor broadcast it. If you date the guy, there will come a point when it is naturally appropriate to bring it into the conversation. That is when I would reveal -- with as little detail as possible -- that the reason for my behavior (whether it's food avoidance, going to the BM frequently, cancelling a date because of symptoms etc) was because I live with a chronic disease that affects my (XYZ) stamina, dietary habits, bowel habits, etc etc.

Then you can take your cues from him. As he wants to know more, feed him more info.

My advice -- just keep it natural. And remember, it's not always just about us. You never know what he may be dealing with too. Revealing your struggles with crohn's should happen in the same way that you would reveal any other intimate details of your life. It is part of what makes you who you are, but no more so than other challenges.
Belleenstein:

30+ years living with Crohn's.


pb4
Elite Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20576
   Posted 12/12/2007 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I struggle with keeping a secret...even my own LOL...I like to play around with people so I'd probably say things like, "have you ever heard of CD?" if the answer is "yes" I'd ask, "do you know someone with it or what?" and then procede with "what do you think of someone suffering with it?" if the answer was no then I'd explain what I knew about it and ask their opinon about it. Sorta feel people out that way you know, then if the person came right out and asked if I had it I would tell them yes.

You can always move into the topic slowly like just talking about health issues in general, like "my mom has diabetes and so does my brother, and my mom has UC" and see where it goes from their. (of course my mom and brother do so this is just an example) afterall I'm sure we all know someone that suffers with something.

:)
My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it!  LOL  :)


malakai
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 12/12/2007 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
you guys are da best! what would i do without this place?

yeah I have been wondering that stuff for a while but kindda avoided it because right now, I want to figure this stuff out and THEN maybe venture in dating land when I get my symptoms more under control and I can read my body more. tongue

1/2 of me doesn't want to bother after reading on here about how people bail on us when the going gets rough, and the other 1/2 of me hears about people like lady1012 where they knew about it and it didn't scare them away.... and then I get curious again.

have a great holiday season! tongue
Newbie - 35 yrs old Diagnosed: 08/03/07
Meds:
Asacol 3x day
Imuran 50MG 3 x day
Lamictal 125 MG/day for bioloar II


jdiane
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 1131
   Posted 12/12/2007 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I always told people on the first date. Let's see, I've gotten, "is that contagious" and "oh my god is it terminal", LOL. For the most part though in my past dating life, people knew what Crohn's was and were interested to know more.
 
 


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 12/12/2007 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Ive always ended up dating/marrying guys that were friends of mine so they knew before we dated. But when I meet random new people I tend to tell them fairly early in the friendship. It comes out during a normal question like "why cant you have alcohol" or why no dairy, or why all the pills or something like that. I feel so much better with them knowing and not thinking Im bulimic or something.
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 


belleenstein
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1010
   Posted 12/12/2007 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Malaki i will have been married 35 years on Jan. 12, 31 of them after a diagnosis of crohn's. He hasn't bailed on me yet and we've been through just about everything together, so don't give up on relationships. There are lots of people out there able to look beyond the crohn's. I'm the person my husband cherishes in part due to living with crohn's.
Belleenstein:

30+ years living with Crohn's.

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