Marriage and CF

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kkrx
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/13/2005 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
To Whoever May Understand My Situation,
 
I am 23 years old and recently engaged to be married to my fiancee, he has CF....Everything is great except the lack of support from my family, especially my mom....If anyone has any suggestions for us, I would really appreciate it...Thanks
 
Kim :-)

JessicaLynn1980
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/17/2005 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
hey there, I am also engaged, im 24 and i have cf. i learned a long time ago you have to follow your heart. When I turned 20 i met a wonderful man who had just turned 28. We dated for a while but it didn;t take me long to figure out he was the man I wanted to be with forever, but, I felt I loved him too much to put him through loving someone with cf. So i broke up with him and I was extremly depressed. It was my sister who looked me straight in the face and asked me what I was doing. So i went to him told him why, i did the things I did and told him how things could end and told him it was his decision. Well we know have been living together for 3 years, we even went through the loss of my sister together and now we are expecting our first child. It
has been rough at times, expecially when my sister died. We were all living together at the time and we were all very close. I think it really hit him what a reality CF is but he made the decision to follow his heart and we are where we want to be in life. I feel sometimes his mom wants more for him in his life, u know not having to deal with cf, but he says his life is with me through it all , so my advise. Listen to your heart, your bF is not just a man with cf, he's a man that loves you and he's the man you love.   jess 

Junesibe
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/17/2005 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Jessica or anyone willing to respond - I am 29 years old and also have CF. My husband and I have been trying for about a year to have a baby.  I realized that you mentioned you are having your first child. How long did it take for you to achieve this miracle.  Can you please give me some advice. Thanks Liz
 

JessicaLynn1980
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/17/2005 6:14 PM (GMT -7)   
hello, yes i am 6 months pregnant,and everything is going well. To be honest with you, it was not planned. We always talked about having children but we were going to wait a few more years. We did talk to my dr's when we realize we were going to get married because we knew it was something we both wanted, and they all agreed that it might just take a little bit longer than normal, due to the thick mucus than sometimes lines the uterus. So, I best advise, keep it up, promp your feet up and have fun with it. good luck jess

Junesibe
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/17/2005 7:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I wish you both the best of luck, good health and happiness. Take Care, Liz

valc
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/27/2005 12:10 AM (GMT -7)   
hi there jessica. 
you mentioned that you broke up with your boyfriend because you were afriad to make him go through the pain of you having CF. Im involved with someone.. for about 2 years now. He was born with CF and is turning 22 next week. We are like boyfriend and girlfriend, but he will not make it officical. He told me once that the next girl he gets with, he wants to marry her. We are everything a couple is, but just with out the title. I know that he loves me and i totally love him. Hes my everything. I feel he thinks the same as you said. How he is afriad to have me hurt.  He's told me that he wants to find the right girl and i feel he thinks he doesnt want to "waste time". I go to every doctors appointment with him, i prepare and clean his treatments. im there for him 100%, most definetly when it comes to his CF. I just confused and a lot of times hurt becuase i dont know or understand fully why he wont commit to me. I know a lot of it has to do with his cf. He has never personally told me that he has Cf either. i know it must be extremly difficult to discuss. I was just wondering if you have or had to same emotional issues. At first he would push me aways and sometimes hes still does. if you can help me to understand the fears or thoughts someone with cf might have. it would be so great.
 
thank you.
valerie

JessicaLynn1980
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/29/2005 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   
hey there, well honestly from the people Ive known with cf if youve been with someone for two years you are doing good. I think when there isa cloud hanging over your head like cf you feel a time clicking like everything youve ever wanted to get done has to get done now. I don't know if that makes since but it sometimes can send you into a tell spin of pushing everyone away. My sister died last year ans she was my best friend actually her boyfriend that she had at the time has resently moved in with us and become part of our family. I know she tried to push him away too. I know it really sucks when you love somebody and you are getting pushed away. Just be patient. I know my Boyfriend said it has taken alot of patients to be with me. But now i feel secure in knowing that he just wants one more day and if he gets two hes happy. I just gave birth to our daughter, she is only 3 weeks old. I actually feel like Im more than a cf person now. Good luck wb

Katie S
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/19/2005 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   
What an emotional issue this is for me. I am 28 (almost 29) and I have C.F. I have been married for eight years and we have three children. Three little miracles that give me the strength to keep fighting and to live. Our first child was concieved on our honeymoon. We knew that the chances of us having a child was low so we were not going to do anything to interfear with having one. All the doctors freeked out and did so many tests on me. I felt like a guinea pig. No one around here had heard of someone with C.F. getting pregnant and giving birth to it. My son was born one month early but the pregnancy went better then perfect. My second child was born almost two years after him. Her pregnancy went perfect as well. My littlest just turned three and her pregnacy wasn't as perfect. There was nothing wrong with her but I got sick and my lungs crashed when I was about six months along. I had home I.V. treatment and I was on oxygen. I was sick through most of the rest of the pregnancy. When I gave birth to her I was just so tired. I labored for almost 24 hours and by the time it came to push I thought I would collaps. Strong stonach muscles from all that coughing pushed her out no problem.

When I was engaged to be married my mother in law begged my then future husband not to marry me. She didn't want him to suffer when I died. He didn't care and he didn't listen. He loved me and wanted to be there with me, through everything even my death if it came to that. We both know that we don't have forever. We spend as much time together as we can. We listen more, we love more, we appreciate each other more because we don't have any time to waist. We are not going to stop living just because someone says I am going to die. Anyone can walk out there door and get hit by a car and die at any moment. There are no garaties for anyone. C.F. is hard but at least we know in what direction it is going. We just take it one day at a time, together.

Kelli1977
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/2/2005 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi JessicaLynn,
I have a question for you. Did you and your boyfriend do any genetic counseling, what I'm asking is, do you think your child will have CF?
And what is your FEV1? My dr's advise me at this point not to get pregnant (I've never had any kids). I'm 28 and my FEV1 is in the high 50's.
Thanks and good luck with your pregnancy!!!
Enjoy your little miracle.
Kelli
 
oh. And do you know the sex? What names do you have picked out?

Twinstride
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 318
   Posted 11/4/2005 7:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kelli,

Since your FEV1 is in the 50's, do you have to be on oxygen? Just wondering here.
Kathy, mom to identical twin boys with CF (9yrs), daughter 20, grandaughter 2 1/2, one on the way!
 
If there is a CURE for Cystic Fibrosis this very moment and this is "not soon enough"...you would hear this twins mom "Across America" "YESSSSSSSSSS"!!.
 
Moderator, Cystic Fibrosis.  "If there is questionable doubt, check it out"....with your healthcare provider!.  We are here to offer support, encouragement, and answer your questions as best we can.  Don't hesitate to step on in and enjoy!.


Perl
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted Today 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   

dear kkrx,  I am a 37 y.o. woman w/ CF. I think it is important for you to inform yourself as much as possible about the hardships of the disease. Not only for your fiance, but for you as well. I think this could greatly alleviate a lot of anxiety and/or surprises you might have. It would also show your parents that you are responsible & thoughtful about this decision. Also, I believe we love who we love for certain reasons. Everyone has something to offer, no matter how high maintenance they  may be. I know I go through times of feeling guilty for putting my boyfriend through this lifestyle, but I also know that I have qualities that bring him a lot of joy. Maybe you could point out to your parents the wonderful qualities of your fiance.

Also, are your parents only concerned because of his health or are there other reasons (your young age, does he treat you well...). Obviously, your parents want the best for you. If you believe this man is the best for you, perhaps you could help them understand why. Ultimately, it is your decision & only you can know if the decision is right for you.
 
hope this helps,
perl

JayJay
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/15/2005 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Kim,

I agree with Katie, you only live once. I have been married for almost 7 years with my husband. When we started dating he kind of already knew that I had something just didn't know what. When I told him he didn't even bat an eye he loved me and that was all that mattered. I feel that it should not matter if someone has a illness as long as you love them. Think of it this way would you rather be with someone else that don't have a illness but you might not truly love them with all your heart or would you rather be with that person that make you days be fill with love even if you only have them for a little way. I think that true love the love that make you want to live another day- that is the love that truly matters no matter how long you have it because even if that person dies you will still have that love in your heart.
Katie how high are you FEV1s just wondering because my when I feel good are in the high 50s and I dont have to have oxgen. We have been trying to have a child but not having any luck.
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