Marriage and CF

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kkrx
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/13/2005 9:30 PM (GMT -7)   
To Whoever May Understand My Situation,
 
I am 23 years old and recently engaged to be married to my fiancee, he has CF....Everything is great except the lack of support from my family, especially my mom....If anyone has any suggestions for us, I would really appreciate it...Thanks
 
Kim :-)

MargaretW
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/2/2005 9:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
My husband of 2 years has cf. Luckily, my family has been extremely supportive and love my husband for who he is. We were also much older when we got married (in our early 30's) and we both had solid careers. So I can't offer you much support on what to do about your mother except to seek professional counseling. I think I read in some of your other posts that one of your mom's concerns is about your giving up having a family. When I decided to marry my husband, I did it with the full understanding that we may never have kids. This is an extremely difficult situation for me since I love children, but I couldn't give up my husband for children I may never have had anyways. I recently began seeing a counselor again because I thought I was ok with not having kids and with dealing with my husband's sickness (he recently listed for a transplant), but realized that I wasn't, so I can't encourage you enough to seek professional counseling. Marrying a man with cf is huge, but my husband is the most wonderful person in the world and I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else, but because he has cf life is not always easy - it has many ups and downs, many hospitalization and it is very scary watching him struggle to breathe. I don't mean to scare you, if you are sure this is what is right with you, trust your heart. My oldest sister lost her husband after only a few years of marriage and he was healthy. You can never predict when someone is going to die, but with cf it's a reality you face every day.
I can understand your mom's concern, I couldn't imagine finding someone I loved was in love with someone whose average life expetancy is only 33. My own sister cried when she found out.

Hope this helps - I can't stress enough that you should seek professional help.

ps my husband just walked in and said to tell your fiancee to take care of himself and don't do the stupid thing he did when he was 23!

Maya G
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 8/22/2005 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Kim,

I just "happened" across this posting. My "boyfriend-soon-to-be-fiance" does not suffer from cf, but has been dealing with some medical issues as of late. Thank god everything is OK :)

However, I also had some serious lack-of-support issues coming from my dad and his side of the family. Mom has been very supportive. His side of the family said... "Don't leave someone when he is sick, but as soon as he is better, you should get out." This is a very difficult decision when you love someone, and very hard to hear from the people you love.

The point is, you are who you are, and your mom is who she is. If she is open to counseling, I say go for it. Unfortunately, though, you have to make the tough decisions about your life, whether mom likes it or not. It isn't easy, so I sympathize with you on that, but it is what it is.

Good luck! I wish you and your boyfriend lots of happiness :)

kkrx
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 8/24/2005 9:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone,
 
Does anyone out there have any info about men with cf being able to have biological children...I know 98% of them are sterile, but I know of some procedures such as MESA (microscopic epididymal sperm aspiration) with in vitro fertilization....if anyone has any info/personal experience with this, i'd appreciate hearing from you...my fiancee (male who has cf) and i want to have biological children...any info would be greatly appreciated..thanks...
 
Kim :-)

Maya G
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 8/25/2005 8:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kim,

I don't know this procedure, but my father is an OBGYN and works in an infertility clinic. All I know is, if the statistic is that 98% of men with CF are sterile is correct, I wouldnt hold too much optimism that you will be able to have biological children. That may be hard to accept, but the numbers are there.

This doesn't mean that adopted children can't be a wonderful experience. My boyfriend "soon-to-be-fiance" doesn't have CF, and we want to have one biological child, but also want to adopt one child. Think about what a beautiful thing that is, to bring strength and happiness into a life of an abandoned child.

You are in a tough situation, I understand this. Your strong optimism is very admirable, I just hope you are being realistic with yourself about what you are dealing with.

Maya

valc
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/26/2005 10:59 PM (GMT -7)   
hi everyone
It feels so great to know that there are woman out there who have the same concerns and questions as i do about CF. My boyfriend of two years was born with CF. He talks about marriage and having kids but in the back of my mind i know there is that 98% chance there will be no biological children. He never talks about not being able to have children, or CF all together. I feel he thinks that it will scare me away. I know all about Cf, i prepare all his treatments for him. im at every doctors appointment will him and when he hospitalized im always there. Its very difficult to see the person that you love go through such a painful disease. Ive been wanting to talk to other woman who are with a CF partner. My boyfriend seems like hes in a rush to do things in life, but then at the same time afraid. He never personally told me that he has CF, his family told me. I cant imagine how it can be to tell someone what you have. I scare myself sometimes when i think about the disease, and i cry. I was just wondering how long it took your partners to tell you everything about CF. and if you have any advice for me about how to live with someone with CF

thank you
valerie
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