relationships?

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Jane Doe
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/20/2006 7:16 PM (GMT -7)   
    I have CF and I just turned 30.  Unfortunatley I didn't have a significant other to share my birthday with.  Don't get me wrong,  I have amazing family and friends and I am very grateful for them.  However, I think most people would agree that the love you get from friends and family is not the same as the love of a partner.  This being said, does anyone else on here have problems meeting people?  It is so frustrating, not to mention hard on my little ego(!) when people ditch me because of my CF.  I also was wondering when you tell someone you meet that you have CF?  I've always been right up front with it,  but I'm, starting to wonder if this is a good idea.  (However,  even if I wanted to hold off telling them,  my heavy breathing would give it away!)  I am definitely not ashamed of my CF and I wouldn't want to date someone who was, but how do you get people to look past it long enough to see the person behind it?    
   about 3 years ago I met someone who I thought might be "the one".  He knew all about my CF and was cool with it (or so he told me.)  As soon as I got a cold (which we all know can end up with a hospital visit), he bailed on me.  In a nutshell he told me I was everything he  could want but he was too afraid of losing me and getting hurt.  Needless to say, it was quite a blow!  I was devastated. 
   Since then, I haven't had a relationship and the guys I have met, who may have had potential, were also scared away.  Am I alone with this problem?  Any suggestions or comments would be great.  Sometimes it gets very lonely... sad

Twinstride
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 318
   Posted 1/21/2006 7:09 PM (GMT -7)   
CHIN UP! Jane Doe,

I don't have CF or even a disease, and I feel lonely....because my twins have CF. It's hard for me to bear that my children will not live long, or that I may someday have to choose who will get a lung transplant or whatever the circumstances may be. When I am feeling down and at my worst, someone comes along to shake me back to reality.

Please, live for yourself right now, do what you want to do, and accomplish things in your life!. When you stop worrying, the golden key man will show up!.

Smile on the world before you sweetie, live like a golden queen....the next man may have a worse situation and they are smiling on everyone they meet!.

ANNNNNND......we are here for you!
Kathy, mom to identical twin boys with CF (9yrs), daughter 20, grandaughter 2 1/2, one on the way!
 
If there is a CURE for Cystic Fibrosis this very moment and this is "not soon enough"...you would hear this twins mom "Across America" "YESSSSSSSSSS"!!.
 
Moderator, Cystic Fibrosis.  "If there is questionable doubt, check it out"....with your healthcare provider!.  We are here to offer support, encouragement, and answer your questions as best we can.  Don't hesitate to step on in and enjoy!.


pahiatua
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 2/7/2007 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi,

If he really was the "one" he wouldn't have bailed. I'm only 14 and I have a bf who doesn't know, I will tell him when it's the "right" time. Some just don't understand what your going through. I am worried that when I do tell him that he might not like me or something but then he wouldn't be the nice guy I thought he was. Try getting to know them first and then telling them.........I don't know. Try doing what feels right.

 

 


Audz
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 2/8/2007 1:30 AM (GMT -7)   
When I had a bf last year, he knew before we were even going out and he was fine with it, but that was probably because he didn't know what it was. So I told him to look it up on the internet and he was still fine with it. In saying that, adolescent relationships [I'm 15] are quite different to those at an older age since things get a lot more serious. Someone who truely loves you won't care what illness you have, they would stick by you.

Lexymarie4
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/10/2007 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello, everyone. I am writing to explain my point on Cystic Fibrosis relantionships. Ok , let me first start by saying I am a 20 year old female and I have been with my fiance' now for 4 years and are recently planning our wedding for this year. We have been through so many struggles I can't even count, when we first met I lost my brother who was 26 to Cystic Fibrosis, it was the hardest thing for me. Then three years later I lost my mother and then again I thought the hardest thing I had went through. But that yet wasn't the hardest, we found news that I had been carring a child and I was 3 months when my mom passed away, but right after the funeral about three weeks we lost the baby. And it was the hardest of things to lose. It was something that was more about myself than anything, cause all I could think about was the fact that this man who loves me so much is seeing me struggle with this illiness for 3 years and the hardest of it all was losing our baby the Cystic Fibrosis was making it hard for us to conceive a child. But to myself I seen alot more low times then high ones and even today I sit and think how did I make it through this. Well the answer to my question was the love of my life, I couldn't of done it without him, he was the reason why I got up in the morning and the reason why today I just got to keep going. When we first met I did keep it from him , I was scared of what he had to say, scared that he would turn away. But he didn't and he is still here today. If you can't be honest with the person God created then he or she isn't worth trying for. A good person would say it's ok , we'll try again and this time we'll just try harder. I always think I am unique more like a guy than a lady at times. I always try to make jokes about my CF, I learn to live with it, if my friends or guys don't like me then push them away, why give up your time to make someone like you or love you, to me it's just not worth the aggrevation, right? If he can't see you for who you are then leave him , the struggles with CF are alot more harder to cope with then watching a guy or gal walk out the door. Email me if you have any questions, I wanted to explain my side Jane Doe, leave him alone if he can't except you or if your disease is to complicating for him. Thankx ya'll


Julie1
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/10/2007 8:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I hate to be the only person to have read an article about this man having CF and he had been in and out of the hospital for years and he said he is now thirty and I believe he said the average life span of a person with CF is 33 years of age. Anyway he said he stumbled upon something that has him bouncing off the walls as it is helping so much. Unfortunately these forums that are here to help do not want anyone to say anything for some strange reason or maybe it is the advertisers that help sponser their forums.
 
[Mod Note: Please read the forum rules regarding soliciting.]

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 2/12/2007 3:15:10 PM (GMT-7)


Awol
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 2/19/2007 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Bouncing off the walls, eh?? I am frightened when I sit in the doctors office and see about 3 or 4 pharmaceutical salespeople sitting there waiting to push their drugs. Im soo happy that I havent seen those in my current doctors office, it reassures me that he will give me what is best and not what he has been bribed to sell!!

As for the whole relationship thing (as if it were that uncomplicated), I'm 27 and just got married in may after being together for 4 years. I was upfront about my illness but I was doing so many destructive things (i.e., drinking til I blacked out, smoking) that he simply didnt get the gravity of the situation. And he didnt until I started losing weight and coughing hysterically every time I lit up a cigarette (it hurts to think about), it was really easy to quit because it was so painful. When he finally did understand it was too late because my irresistible charm had already pulled him in, so he chose to deal with it. Still its easy for him to live in denial because we still live a normal life and have fun hanging out with friends and stuff. The biggest problem is that I feel so guilty for marrying him knowing that I cant have kids and Im not going to be around for toooo much longer. I love him soo much that it hurts me to think about the pain he will go through at that time. I wish, at times, that I had just decided to go it alone but ultimately I know he wants to be there for me and that it will make things easier for me.

Im so lucky that no one in my life has ever backed out or acted strange because I have CF. I think I make it easy to forget (aside from the incessant coughing) that I have any problems because I never show my weakness... in which case, I also make it very easy for people to hate me rather than feel any pity. I really feel that it depends on whether or not you consciously decide how you want to be identified. I decided that I never wanted to be known as "the girl with CF", therefore its less of a reality in my life. In fact, this forum has caused a bit of anxiety because it makes it so much more real and Im not very comfortable with it, I think Im going to lay off a bit :)

I guess my point is, no one has the answers, all we have is something in common and an ability to relate how we deal with things. Sometimes, all we have is each other but there are billions of people in this world and I refuse to believe that there is even a faint possibility that at least a quarter of those people don't want to be there for someone who is amazing but perhaps is afflicted with a condition that causes inconvenience and shortens your life... there is more than just "someone" out there, there are LOTS of guys out there, just hang there and dont act desperate (thats what I tell my desperate guy friends, its generic :) Trrrrust me, you will find someone, that is a certainty.

perseverance
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/6/2007 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I am 16 with cystic fibrosis. I have a brother who is 4 years older, so it is always kind of hard looking forward to what is most likely to come for me. Knowing that every time he starts a new treatment or something along those lines, realizing that would be me soon. He has not have very good luck with relationships, and I have not either. But I will not lose hope. I believe there is some one out there for each and every one of us and it is simply a manner of finding them. These responses have given me hope to not give up, and definitely given me a new perspective on things.

Pigalit
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/10/2007 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
awol.just wondering why you say you cant have kids??dont feel guity about your love because he made a choice to be with you and he knows the risks.every relationship and life has risks but im sure he feels that his life is better with you in it.also who knows how long you are going to be around for??you could outlive him you know.you dont enter marriage thinking about death.its all about your lives together.do you think he feels guilt just incase he might die unexpectedly ??doubtful.why are you so afraid of being identified as being cf?it is part of who you are and you have to accept that.why must it be a bad thing?it probably makes you a stronger person.people with cancer usually face their illness head on and try to deal with it proactivly.you are lucky to be alive and to have found someone to share your life with.you are 27 thats a longlife if you compare it to life expectancy in the world today.i dont know what your stats are but think posetivly.you are lucky.dont be ashamed of who you are.
Claire

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