I don't know what to do

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gdmard
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/27/2007 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
.

Post Edited (gdmard) : 4/18/2008 11:10:21 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 12/27/2007 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi gmard,

And welcome to the forum. It sounds like you need to take an objective look at your relationship with your exwife. It is sad when somebody manipulates their partner that way. My late husband use to do that to me and believe me it took years to see it for what it was. Basically it is their own insecurities that cause them to behave in that manner. But unfortunately you are the one who gets hurt. If you could see it that way, you would realize that none of it was your fault. I know that it hurts but we grow from it. And there are no guilt trips because we know we did the best we could in the relationship. The sad part though is we then put up barriors for fear of someone else doing the same thing to us.

Try to see it for what it was, manipulation on her part. Not all people are like that. Don't let yourself feel small for letting her do that to you. Just realize you aren't that type of person and feel good about yourself for that.

Also remember the holidays take a toll on us without us even realizing it. That could be the reason you have been struggling so. But they are almost over and we can get back to our regular lives.

Just keep in mind you are a good person, and you aren't to blame here. Also we are all here for you. So keep posting, we will help you in any way that we can.

Hugs,

getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/28/2007 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Gdmard

Welcome to the forum,I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.

Oh wow...I see myself in your post so much.

I was married for 13 years to a mental and physical abusive man. I finally got smart and walked out on him and filed for divorce.
Basically the abuse did not stop until about 6 months ago. That was after being divorced for 5 years!

I finally told him not to call me anymore,and that if he made any type of negative contact with me that I was going to file a no contact order against him.
I did move to a different town too..but that was pretty extreme.

Do you have children with her? Is there anyway that you can ask a family member to take messages for you?
You need to figure out a way to stop all negative contact with this woman.

Please tell us a little more of your story so we can help.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 12/28/2007 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gdmard,

It obvious that you really care about her a lot even though she has hurt you. I get mixed messages from your posts. Even though she has hurt you, you still miss her dearly.

I would try to take things one day at a time. You can always refuse her calls, but for some reason I don't think that is what you really want.

I know how hard it is when you care about somebody who is mentally abusive to you. But sometimes you have to seperate yourself from the situation so you can recognize the manipulation. Then it is up to you whether you want to continue dealing with it.

If it is that you are just lonely, that will change in time. You may not be ready for another relationship yet. You say that you can't trust people now. When you are ready, you will know. And I am sure things will work themselves out.

Take your time and go slow, no matter which way you decide to go. Do you go to any type of therapy? That always helps when you have recently been through a rough relationship. From what I read, she is still hurting you. You have to decide which is more important to you. Either continue the long distance relationship and risk the continuation of the emotional abuse. Or work on getting yourself stronger. The choice is yours to make.

You sound like a really nice person and I hate to see you continue to go through this, but only you can stop it.

I wish you the best with this situation. Keep us posted and let us know what you decide to do. There are a lot of other good people in the world and I know you will meet somebody when the time is right for you.

hugs,

getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/29/2007 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   
gdmard

I really think that it is time to get yourself to a doctor ASAP.
Then have them refer you to a counselor that way you can get some help.

In the mean time you are going to have to stop accepting her calls,and emails.
How are you going to get better if you keep letting her bring you down?

Please call the doctor today.
We will be here for you as much as we can,but you need face to face help.

Stay strong and keep us posted.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/29/2007 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   

I agree with Shy. I think you ought to see a doctor sooner rather than later. Hopefully they can get things stabalized before things get too far out of hand.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/31/2007 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
gd

Tell us what your goals are and how you plan on starting a new life...then we can support you with those decisions.
You know what needs to be done,and remember that you deserve to be happy..not being brought down everytime you turn around.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 12/31/2007 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy is right, we will be here to help you obtain your goals. It all takes time. You have been conditioned through the repetition of being treated badly. After a while, you think that you deserve that but you don't. And it may take a while to get use to the new you. But we will help you anyway that we can to get there.

I hope that you made that doctors appointment. I think that therapy will be good for you. It sounds like this has brought you to a state of depression, which is normal with all that you have been through. But have faith in yourself. And remember that we are here for you.

hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 1/1/2008 7:26 AM (GMT -7)   
i know how you feel. i just want to be able to not think about him once in a day. not wonder if i just came up with the write words to win him back, or to make me let go completely, and move on. I wish sometimes that my mr right would come by and save me from myself and my thoughts. it's not going to happen that way. i have to move on, but i guess not until i am ready to. now the question is when will that be?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 1/1/2008 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that you both are in the process of moving on just by coming on the forum. You both have admitted you want to change the way that you feel and the way that you see things. I really believe you both are off to a good start. Keep on posting, we are here for both of you.

Hope this new year brings you comfort.

hugs,

getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 1/7/2008 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   

It is never too late to start a new life of to change the one that we have now. Do you know what you want to change to? Sometimes we know that we want to change but we dont know what we do want and that can make it more difficult. Try sitting down and making a list of things you want to change and then decide how you are going to do it.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/7/2008 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Gd

Darren is right it is never to late to start again.

You can only take it one day at a time though,and you have to make a reasonable goal..say in 2 years I will have changed alot in my life.

Things usually can't be done as fast as we would like.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 1/7/2008 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gmard,

What you need to realize is that you have started a new life. Just by posting here. It gets a little overwhelming at times but just pace yourself through it. As said to you by Darren and Shy, it is never too late to start over. Change is inevitable (sp), it will always be a constant. I don't handle change very well at times, but it can be done. So don't be afraid. Just go with the flow of things and before you know it you will have succeeded.

Are you still getting her phonecalls? One day you will be able to take what she says with a grain of salt. Let it roll off your back so to speak. Or are you still taking it to heart? I wish you could understand that she doesn't define who you are and you don't need the abuse. But either way that you decide to go, we will still be here. But please give yourself some credit and a pat on the back once in a while. You are a good person and deserve the best.

Hugs,

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13468
   Posted 1/11/2008 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Why is she continually wanting to hurt you? You must put a stop to it. You are a fine wonderful human being and deserve to be treated as one. You have been beaten down so bad you really need help in getting your life turned back around. No person should ever be allowed to destroy another human being. It sure does not say much for your exwife to continue doing this to you. You deserve much more. Everyone here is behind you and will be here for you. But you are the only one that can make this stop. I assume you are divorced, so she does not need to hear your voice or are you using her as an excuse as to not let go? By all means get some professional help, you would be surprised how much it can help. Good luck, Susie

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