sexuality............i am struggling to accept my sexuality....please help chat and support needed

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nice guy
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/29/2007 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Please help....I am a male aged 21 and i am struggling to come to terms with my sexuality......and about coming out to my family......i really feel that coming out and being open and honest will help....but I am scared of the reaction

Post Edited (nice guy) : 12/31/2007 7:31:42 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 12/29/2007 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
What scares you about their reaction? What do you think they will do?
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


nice guy
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/29/2007 4:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Getting by

Thanks a million for taking the time to reply to my post.....I really appreciate it :-)

My family are old fashioned. I am anticipating a Neagitive reaction as in the past, watching TV for example, they have displayed strong anti gay opinions. I feel they would disown me and not speak to me again. This feeling causes me pain and fear, i feel so alone. Sometimes i feel my life is not worth living.

I can not be myself and it causes me great pain and distress

Nice Guy

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 12/29/2007 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Which is the worse, having them disown you or not telling them yet? If I were you I would think about it and figure how would you feel if they were to be negative about it. Would it be worth telling them now, or do you think you should wait until you feel stronger. Sometimes it just isn't the right time. Is it really that important to tell them now?

You have your whole life ahead of you. It isn't like you are living a lie, you are just waiting for a more appropriate time to tell them. Sometimes it is worth keeping some things a little more suttle. Just because it is your private life, you may just want to give it time so that you are emotionally stronger. Your sexuality is only a part of who you are, you are still the same person.

I hope you can understand what I am trying to say.

getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 12/29/2007 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello nice guy

I know just what you mean. I am sorry you are having trouble. I myself have been struggling lately. BTW, I am a female 16 y/o. You have to tell your family. I am sure you are a great guy, and if they cant look past your sexuality they dont deserve to know you. I am sure they love you very much. It will be shocking and scary for them at first, but hopefully, they will come around. I would hate for them to miss out on your life just because your gay. But, you have to be ready when you do tell them.

Why is it you want to tell them right now? If you waited for a while them you could get up the courage. We will all be here for you and support you. But, you never know what your family will say unless you tell them. I know my family would freak if I told them I was gay. Half would not like talking to me, and half would not care. I think people are becoming more and more accepting of it.

I hope your family accepts you for who you are. I am sure you are a great guy. And you are strong. You have to tell them sometime, but only when you are sure you are ready. If you ever want to talk, I am here for you, as we all are. My email and aim is on my profile if you want to talk. I will do my best.

Take Care of Yourself


Dx: Tendonitis(L knee 02'), Chondromalacia Patella(R knee 02'), Fibromyalgia (07'), Plantar Fascitis(L foot Nov.04' erased with surgery July 05')
Not Dx: Depression, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Social Phobia, Mild OCD

Meds tried: all the OTC stuff, Mobic, and Lyrica.
"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"If I talk and laugh too loud...its because I am trying to forget that I am sad."
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


spaceytracey72
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 12/30/2007 12:57 AM (GMT -7)   
My niece told all of us a few years ago. At first, the reaction was a little harsh, but then everyone got used to it and now her partner is part of the family. My family is a very religious one, (my mom especially) but she realized that you can disagree with someone's lifestyle (for lack of a better word) but still love that person completely.
You need to make sure you are emotionally ready to handle any reaction you may get, and hopefully you will have prepared for the worst, and it won't be as bad as you thought. Or maybe time will smooth things over. Either way, you can't hide who you are.
Be sure you fully accept your sexuality yourself so that you can defend it if you need to. Maybe in the meantime, there is a trusted person you can share with so you aren't going it alone. Dealing with things alone makes it so much harder! We are here for you. Please let us know how you progress. HUGS!

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 12/30/2007 1:26 AM (GMT -7)   

Ok nice guy,

I wanted to see a friends reaction just by say 'Im gay'. She started freaking out. I have been struggling trying to figure things out. I just wanted to see her reaction and then tell her I was kidding. Even though, its all I can think about. But, I couldnt find myself to do that, because I didnt feel like I was really joking with her. I went to the defense. It was strange because I have been struggling and then I felt like I was being me for once. I have never told anyone before. I have never been positive, and I still am not, but I have always felt like I were.

Anyways, I tried explaining of course. For a while now, I have been neutral. Not liking either girls or boys! Its not clever, it was because I was afraid to choose sides. But, my friend(who is a strong Christian) told me that she didnt approve, but she would still be my friend and be there for me. I am a Christian also, but I dont understand the whole concept of my I cant me myself. I just figure it cant be wrong just because I love someone. But, I understand from the Christian standpoint, as I am one. Thats why I have been so scared. Everyone I know goes to church and have strong beliefs. But, I cant hide who I am or my feelings. I cant help the way I feel.

My friend was trying to get me to 'think' or 'feel' the way I should. she didnt understand that it isnt something that I control. It was hard explaining, but I asked her a lot of questions about it. It helped because now my head isnt so tangling. I am pretty sure I have chosen my side, but I am so scared of it. She stands beside her beliefs and I respect that. She said she would still be my friend. So, I dont see how it would bother me!

My parents...thats a different story! They arent strong in beliefs, but they would never believe me. They would be shocked and refuse to believe. My brothers and sisters might not care so much. My aunts and uncles are strong in beliefs and they would freak. I have a cousin and he is gay. No one ever talks about him or mentions it, like it is a huge shameful secret. He is never at family events or nothing. I have only seen him once. So, I know they wouldnt take it good.

But, I am still struggling. I am neutral hanging to one side, the side I feel is me, but everyone is holding me back. I know I shouldnt care what others think. This is new to me even though I have had the feelings all my life. I have always been afraid to face them, but I cant hold them in forever!

nice guy, you said you were struggling to come to terms, make sure you are sure before coming out to anyone. I told my friend what I thought, at least if I do come out it wont be a shock to her! But, I told her I would be sure before I told anyone. Please, make sure that you are sure and that you are strong enough to take there reastion. They get angry or something. And you may have to defend yourself so make sure you know what you can say.

I hope they can look past it and not be angry, upset, or disappointed. When you do tell them, please let us know what happens? I hope all goes well! I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this! Keep posting!

Take Care of Yourself!


Dx: Tendonitis(L knee 02'), Chondromalacia Patella(R knee 02'), Fibromyalgia (07'), Plantar Fascitis(L foot Nov.04' erased with surgery July 05')
Not Dx: Depression, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Social Phobia, Mild OCD

Meds tried: all the OTC stuff, Mobic, and Lyrica.
"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"If I talk and laugh too loud...its because I am trying to forget that I am sad."
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Gillcom
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 272
   Posted 12/30/2007 3:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nice Guy,

I think you should tell your parents, you could be amazed at how they react but on the other hand it might go ther way, but as you say you are expecting that. I was married for 9 years to a wonderful man and i have 2 gorgeous sons with him, but in March this year he "Came Out", i was devasted and he left, i seen doctors, health visitors and councellors and i am much stronger now. It is a big blow for the ones you love the most but please don't keep secrets. I now have a very special friend in my life ( my husand), we are very close and he is still that same man i met 10 years ago, he is still a devoted dad to our 2 sons and he is soo much still part of our life, along with his new partner. In fact we all had a lovely christmas meal together at their house during the week. So although you are struggling so much now like my husband must have been too, it does get easier, please keep in touch and please be youself, that is the most important thing, Gillian x
Ileostomy - Feb 05, Hernia on site.
Fluoxetine - 20mg March 05 - july 06
Citalipram - 20mg July 06 - upped to 40mg now.


Jordan9999
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 12/30/2007 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Nice Guy,
 
I was wondering whether or not you had told some of your friends about your sexuality? I went to a high school where there were quite a few people who were gay, bisexual or ***s. My experience is that they had a tendency to 'test the waters' by telling a close friend before revealing it to a family member. Is there a close friend who you believe will take the news well? If so, perhaps you should tell them and then you would have support for when you do tell your family in case they react badly.
 
As as already been stated, they may react badly at first but come to terms with it. I do think you should tell them, as it's who you are and that is never something to be ashamed of.
 
My hopes and care go with you,
 
Jordan

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/30/2007 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Nice Guy
Welcome to the forum,I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.

You have been given some great advice here..and I think Jordan has a great idea..talking to a close friend first to kinda feel the waters before you go to your family.

Then what about finding a friend or family member that you know you can trust and that will accept you,and then having them with you when you make the decision to go to your family? That way you are not doing it alone,and a support system is a great thing to have.

I myself do not understand why people are so freaked out by someone's sexuality...but that is just me..I know this world does not have that line of thinking.

We will be here for you whenever you need us,as much as we can.

Stay strong and keep us posted.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 12/30/2007 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
If you tell the people that you really care about and that really care about and love you, then they should care about you enough to accept who you are. I have a friend(girl) who came out and everyone was a little shocked at first, but after a short amount of time everyone accepted it. i cant personally relate to this, but just by knowing people with the experience has opened my eyes. My older male cousin is 22 and is gay, my family still loves him the same and we never even really talk about it. Im sure you're scared but just think of it as a challenge;a fear to overcome or something to accomplish by letting everyone know your true feelings. hope this helped...

Gillcom
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 272
   Posted 12/31/2007 3:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nice Guy,

I was just wondering how you were doing, havent heard from you, i hope everything is ok, take care, Gillian x
Ileostomy - Feb 05, Hernia on site.
Fluoxetine - 20mg March 05 - july 06
Citalipram - 20mg July 06 - upped to 40mg now.


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 1/1/2008 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey nice guy,

I was just checking in and wondering how you were doing? I hope everything is going good. Hope you had a great New Years!

Take Care
Dx: Tendonitis(L knee 02'), Chondromalacia Patella(R knee 02'), Fibromyalgia (07'), Plantar Fascitis(L foot Nov.04' erased with surgery July 05')
Not Dx: Depression, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Social Phobia, Mild OCD

Meds tried: all the OTC stuff, Mobic, and Lyrica.
"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"If I talk and laugh too loud...its because I am trying to forget that I am sad."
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."

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