Sorry to post again so soon.

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Jordan9999
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 12/30/2007 5:06 AM (GMT -7)   

I’m sorry to post again so soon. I just feel like there isn’t anywhere else I can go at the moment.

 

Since my sister left things have spiralled out of control. I thought surely they’d get better, since she is one of my family who have enjoyed “Jordan bashing” as it as been labelled (substituting my real name) in the past – but having her not here has just resulted in things getting worse. My family life is now spiralling insanely out of control. The friend that I would normally turn to for a distraction or a place to go is gone to Europe for a month. My other friends are all busy working. I’m working as well, but they are taking forever to train me and so I don’t have many shifts.

 

I’ve been trying to stay out of the house even just for walks but my mother has been calling me obsessively demanding to know where I am and with who and telling me I have to come home.

 

I’m supporting two friends who have depression and neither of them realise that I have been diagnosed with it, GAD and panic attacks. My GAD has been getting worse and I’m really starting to struggle to hold it together for the first time since I found out one of my best friends had passed away earlier this year.

 

I’ve been to a psychologist before, but only because it was free since I cannot afford it professionally and it didn’t work at all. I know she was probably just ‘not the right one for me’ but now I’m not in a position to get free counselling. Really, what I need is to get out of home.  The problem is I can’t do that. I have barely any income, my bank account is almost empty, and I can’t afford not to have financial support for University which is an opportunity that I have worked for and don’t want to lose.

 

I don’t qualify for any scholarships and I can’t bring things out into the ‘open’ because my brother, the only decent family member I have, has no idea about what goes on at home, and I don’t want to lose him. I love him so much, and I know it seems strange that someone I care about so much would not give me his support if he realised what goes on, but he has a very strong sense of family loyalty and I am only one quarter of his family.

 

I don’t know what I expect from this. I’m just mental and physically exhausted. I just can’t handle it all anymore and I feel like I just need to get away from everything. I feel trapped, essentially.

 

Thank you for letting me rant, I think it helped a little.

 

Jordan


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/30/2007 6:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jordan

I am glad that you are talking about what is going on. That is a very important part of healing.

Do you have any state run hospitals in your area? They have financial programs that will help you if you have no insurance. Then you would be able to see a doctor and get some help with meds if needed.

I am sorry that you are going through all of this. Please use this board for whenever you feel like you need to vent. You will be amazed on how much we all understand.


Stay strong and keep us updated.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 12/30/2007 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jordan,

Shy is right, there are programs out there to help if you can't financially afford it. Get ahold of your local mental health clinic and see what they offer. Sometimes you might have a small co-pay. But that usually isn't too much. Hopefully you will get a good therapist this time. Sometimes it takes a while just like sometimes it takes a while to get the right meds.

I wish you luck,
hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 1/1/2008 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Jordan.

Just a quick thought for you.  The others are right, you could call around and ask about sliding scale fees.  However, you mentioned your University.  Are you currently a student there?  I believe that most colleges/universities have counselors there.  And depending upon the school you are at they may or may not have someone on staff that could prescribe as well.  Either way, you should at least look into the counseling part.  And I'm sure that whoever is there could at least provide helpful information on where you could go to see a doctor for medication or lower cost medication.

Also, I know that you mentioned that you don't have many shifts yet at work.  Until your hours build up, is there somewhere you could go (depdending upon your health) for a few extra hours a week to volunteer and keep you out of your stressful home environment?  Or perhaps you could even spend more time at your local library either doing homework and picking out interesting book(s) to read.  This way you could be more relaxed and take care of yourself physically as well.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Cass


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 1/2/2008 1:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Jordan,

Just checking in to see how your doing... I too picked up on the university thing. I am a student at university (in the UK) and there are loads of financial and mental health services offered free to students in order to help them through life. It might be worth talking to them and seeing what is available

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


Jordan9999
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/17/2008 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys
 
Thanks for all your support and advice. It's not going unheeded - it's just difficult to reply right now. I don't know why, it just is. Just checking in to let you know I'm still here and it's nice to know you care.
 
Best Wishes,
 
Jordan

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/17/2008 5:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Jordan

Thank you for checking in. I hope that you are able to talk to us later on,but we understand what you are going through.

Stay strong

(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 1/18/2008 2:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks so much for taking the time and effort to check in with us. We really appreciate it. We become like a little family here and when someone has a problem and then we dont here from them, its difficult for us not to worry! Im glad your ok though. Hope to hear from you soon!

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


Jordan9999
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/22/2008 3:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey guys,

 

Well I recently got accepted into a really good Uni. Great right? Hmm...well I did the usual 'it's fantastic, I'm stoked' thing but frankly I didn't feel anything. I went there on Monday for some intro lectures and still nothing. No excitement, no happiness. I feel detached from EVERYTHING. It's scaring the crap out of me and frankly I feel like I'm missing out on these awesome life experiences that everyone loves at the moment.

 

I feel very alone since one friend I accidentally told about my depression and anxiety while drunk has left to go around Aus with very little contact with me, and the other who I decided to tell went away for a month – and she’s due back any day – but now I’ve chickened out.

 

I’m really sick of this…REALLY sick of it. I’m sure all you guys are too.

 

Sorry to rant again,

 

Jordan

 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/22/2008 5:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jordan

Congrats on getting in! That is a huge accomplishment.

But,I understand what you mean about not feeling anything. I was without a job for 2 years,and when I finally found one I too felt nothing. It was weird.

It will hit you when you least expect it..give it some time.

As for your friends,well that seems to happen alot. If someone does not have depression then they have no idea how to deal with it... so they break contact and move on.
Just remember that if that person ever needs you,you knowing how it feels to be down and out will probably be there for them.

Stay strong and good luck at school.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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