undermining our own happinenss.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 1/4/2008 12:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I had read a post and responded recently to somebody that said that when they were happy they would feel like a dark cloud come over and then felt guilty.  I know I have had that same feeling.
 
Have others gone through this?
 
I think that it happens because at some point in our lives we weren't allowed to be happy.  Or maybe we had to try to control the environment around us.
 
If anybody has any comments to this or ways to over come it please share.
 
Hugs,
 
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/5/2008 5:26 AM (GMT -7)   
I have felt like that many times.
I really think it is because we feel that we do not deserve to be happy...that is one of the main things that pull us deeper into the depression I think.

And it does come down to our environment too...I firmly believe that we have to be in a healthy environment in order to get better.

Easier said than done...I had to move 2 hours away from my past to start getting better...very drastic change.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 1/5/2008 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Quite a few years ago, I had to seperate myself from my family to start healing.  It was hard, but I had to do that for my own health.  The stress that was there was starting to affect me physically.  My immune system went whacko and I ended up with thype II diabetes. 
 
Later in life it was my marraige, don't get me wrong, I loved my husband at that time.  He ended up dieing of lung cancer.  Then I started a new life and tried to open a business.  I ended up with fibromyalgia sneaking up on me.  That was totally like the last straw.  But I am happy to say I am doing better now.  I go very slow, one day at a time,(which I needed to do any way) and things are finally starting to fall in place for me. 
 
So you are right, the environment plays a huge part with depression.  And I still have those feelings that want to undermine my happiness, but a lot less.  I think it takes time to be able to trust again.  It is so complex.
 
Thanks for the reply,
 
hugs
 
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Floppington
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 1/5/2008 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I do think that feeling like you need to control your environment can lead to more feelings of unhappiness. And you might be right, Karen, that it could be that depression may sometimes stem from a time in our lives when we weren't allowed to be happy.....it makes me wonder if that "dark cloud" that comes up when someone DOES feel happy might have to do with being worried that the happiness is going to be suddenly snatched away. With depression your mood can shift so suddenly, you almost expect any happiness you find to evapourate within seconds.
I wonder to what extent the cycle of depression becomes a learned pattern of behaviour? You start feeling good, but somewhere in the back of your mind you almost expect bad feelings to come back, so you are already anticipating them before they start. And by you I don't mean YOU, or anyone personally....just the general "you".

-Flop

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 1/5/2008 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you are onto something Floppington. I do get scared that something is going to snatch away the good feelings and it will be scary or something. I can remember things happening like that when I was little. And I do think it is a learned emotion from the past. At least in my case.

Speaking of grandmothers Michelle, my grandmother adopted me when I was little. I remember them more than anything. Life was safe at that time. I think that is the only reason that I am not completely bonkers.

I can say that with practice of relaxation and medications I have learned to stay in the happiness parts for longer periods of time and when the dark cloud does come in I am learning to make it go away. I still have that cautiosness going on, but not nearly as bad as it was. So I think we can learn to be happy just like we were conditioned to be frightened, or sad.

I hope you guys have a wonderful relaxing evening.

hugs,

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Floppington
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 1/5/2008 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I struggle often with feelings of guilt whenever I do things to make myself happy, because it seems selfish. Even though I know I need to take care of myself, I still get uncomfortable if I think I "should" be doing something else, or feel like I should be taking care of other people. I think it's like Shy said - we can feel like we don't deserve to be happy.
I hope to start learning how to stay in those happy times longer.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 1/5/2008 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I actually use to feel guilty when I did help others, because of how good I felt when I did so. Now if that wasn't messed up.

hugs,

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Floppington
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 1/5/2008 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think that's messed up, I think it's just a good example of how we can twist things around in our heads so that even things that are good can take on a negative spin. Hopefully you are now able to know that when you help someone it IS a good thing, and that it's okay to feel good about it!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 1/6/2008 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi you guys,

Thanks for the replys. I am doing a lot better with allowing myself to be happy. I still get thoughts that something bad might happen, but that gets me to appreciate every minute of happiness. And life in general.

Yeah my grandma was tough, she worked hard all her life and was wise. I will always remember her. I miss my grandfather, he died when I was only 9. That was where my life got screwed up by my mother. She was very mentally ill and very manipulative. But those days are gone now. I can live my life without thinking about her. I try to tell myself that it was the disease, and not her.

Have a wonderful day,

hugs,

Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, December 06, 2016 7:26 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,453 posts in 301,123 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151261 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Tickled6.
302 Guest(s), 13 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
don826, JayMot, Bucko, dolly23, getting by, Stanislav, w0hll, pmm73, rockyfords, TiredOfIssues, sharron19, straydog, LanieG


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer